Archive for January, 2010

29
Jan
10

Conversation With Beelzebub

A few weeks back I got up on my high horse and pranced around the place (one of my favourite pastimes) because the Chairlady of our Body Corporate is Satan.

 

 

You can read all about it in this post right here, but basically Beelzebub and her Minions Of Darkness were pissing on my battery because they issued this snotty letter telling us we weren’t allowed to use the pool in the complex without filling in this whole roster thing because someone kept pulling the creepy out the pool and leaving it in the sun to shrivel up and die.

28
Jan
10

The Parlotones Irritate The Living Shit Out Of Me

There are very few SA bands that I actually like, in fact I could probably count them all on one hand and most of them don’t play anymore.

Anyone remember Squeal? Early Nude Girls (before Carstens became a jerk)? Boo? Sugardrive? I used to dig those bands, they had a great sound and put out a good couple of albums that were pretty decent.

 

 

I find the bands playing these days largely uninspiring with a few exceptions, one of which is Lark – Inge Beckman is the kind of girl you wouldn’t look twice at walking down a street (well, depending on what she was wearing) but on stage she’s all kinds of sexy.

27
Jan
10

Californication And My Thoughts On Love

I don’t know how many of you out there watch Californication, but it’s one of my favourite TV series and has been since I watched the first episode.

 

 

I was instantly hooked because as a writer I identified with the main character Hank Moody (David Duchovny), and couldn’t help but like him because he destroys the stereotype many people have of writers as secluded introverts who sit diligently in their pyjamas every morning with a steaming cup of coffee, lovingly coaxing words out of their laptops while small birds tweet outside.

26
Jan
10

It’s raining planes

The world we live in is one crazy place, that’s for damn sure. I walk into the office this morning and read on the front page of The Star that yet another plane has crashed, this time in Beirut. Authorities are saying the plane exploded after take off because of adverse weather conditions, which boggled my mind completely.

How exactly does a plane EXPLODE because of bad weather? Was it struck by the mother of all hail stones, which in turn ignited the fuselage and turned what was once a plane into a blazing ball of fire?

 

 

25
Jan
10

Existor: A Whole Other Level Of Reality TV

So I’ve got this idea for a killer reality TV series, I’ve had it for awhile actually and I’m gonna lay it on you, but please promise me you won’t steal it, I like you and wouldn’t want to have to track you down and feed you to the pigs.

 

 

Everyone has watched the mother of all reality shows, Survivor, at some stage or another. It was the original reality show (except maybe Big Brother? Not too sure…) and people lapped that shit up because it exploited our twin desires to indulge our voyeuristic tendencies and fantasize about what it would be like to be ‘stranded’ on a tropical island with a bunch of complete strangers.

24
Jan
10

This post could have been about any number of things

This post has been written and rewritten more times than you’ll ever know. This post could have been about any number of things, at first it was about my dreams when I was a teenager, here’s an excerpt from that post:

I dreamed I was a rockstar for a few years. It was a good dream when I think back on it, a dream you have when you’re just out of school and you think you know how bad it gets, but you don’t know how bad it gets, you’re just a kid, invincible and naive.

23
Jan
10

Where is the sun?

Is it just me, or did Joburg not used to be an altogether sunnier fucking place than it has been over the last few years?

I don’t remember summers being like this when I was a kid. I remember sweltering hot days and brief afternoon cloud bursts that started at 4 and were done by 5, leaving clear skies in their wake and that fresh feeling that comes after summer rain.

For the last two weeks all it’s done here is rain and I’ve had just about enough of it. I mean, for fucks sake, PLEASE can we have some sunshine? I think I’m getting some kind of seasonal cabin fever here, another week of this grey, rainy shit and I’ll be smashing through the doors with an axe screaming ‘Here’s Johnny!’.

22
Jan
10

The Most Hungover I’ve Ever Been At Work

It’s Friday guys, hell yeah! Hands up who’s hungover from smashing tequilas into their face last night! C’mon, be honest – you at the back there, what’s your name? Eh? Dave? Fuck dude, you look like something I watched come out of a stray dog’s backside once, what the fuck are you doing at work?!

 

 

Fridays when I’m hungover at work always remind me of the infamous Friday-that-shall-not-be-named a few years back when I dragged my sorry ass to work, praying with all the strength left in me that my hangover would just cut the fucking foreplay and kill me already.

21
Jan
10

The One Thing I Feel Is Missing From The Interweb

I’ve been using the interweb since the day it was first launched way back in 2007, and as such, I consider myself one of the leading experts on anything to do with the literally hundreds of things you can do on the interweb.

 

 

Don’t believe me? Fine. Here’s a list of all the things I’ve mastered on the interweb so far:

  • Gmail – remembering my password and login name, sending, receiving and forwarding electronic mails and spotting scam emails in a second, Fishers beware!
20
Jan
10

The Young Bull and the Old Bull

There was a day, a sunny and cloudless day, a day completely different from today (which is rainy, dark and shit) and this day was perfect for day dreaming and long, lazy naps in the sun. I know that you know exactly the kind of day I’m talking about and that you can picture this cloudless and perfect sunny day in your mind if you close your eyes.

On this day, two bulls stood on a grassy hill in a meadow unlike any meadow you’ve ever seen before. This meadow was fresh and green and sprinkled as far as the eye could see with every-coloured flowers and four leaf clovers and a big ol’ weeping willow at the far edge of the meadow, growing happily alongside a river that flowed clear and bright.