Archive for March, 2010

31
Mar
10

Album Review: Deftones – Diamond Eyes

Something about cars always unnerved me, from as far back as I can remember, but it wasn’t until I wrote my first car off that I truly understood why.

Blink, just once, let your concentration lapse for the briefest moment at the wrong time and the resulting bang you hear on collision will be etched into your mind so deep that thinking back on it will give you the shivers.

If you’re lucky.

Chi Cheng was driving back home from his brother’s memorial service on November 4th 2008 when he was involved in a car accident that would have killed him if it weren’t for the three off-duty paramedics that happened to stop at the scene of the crash moments after it happened.

30
Mar
10

SlickTiger Industries © Presents…

It’s been a long time in the making, but I’m finally ready to announce something pretty mindblowing that is going to feature right here, on this, the MOST ill-conceived site on the interwebs EVER.

The idea came to me in a rare moment of clarity while I was washing the dishes last night and the second it struck me, my jaw went completely slack, like a punch-drunk fighter taking a haymaker right in the FACE.

 

 

I immediately told the idea to J-Rab and she got that look on her face that is a perfect mixture of bewilderment and mild panic, which is how I knew I had NAILED IT.

29
Mar
10

The Nuns Of The Antarctic

When I was younger, I fancied myself quite the budding poet and used to scribble out random and garbled verses that were mostly really shit, but hey, at least they rhymed.

In highshool I got published in a collection of poetry compiled by the poetry institute of Africa called ‘Shadows and Silhouettes’ which got me pretty excited until the thing finally arrived and I realised they’d pretty much published EVERY SINGLE POEM THEY GOT SENT.

To get published I think you just had to bang a out a verse or two and be in highschool, that was about it.

26
Mar
10

‘Fuck The Whole World And What Everybody’s Saying Hey’ Friday

Guys, the end of this week nailed me in the butt (and no Jono, I didn’t enjoy it).

Long and the short of it is that the laptop melted the fuck down and flat out refused to connect me to any network of any description and hence, no blog posts could be written.

There are news reports of entire nations coming to a complete standstill because I wasn’t posting. Empires rose and fell, LAVA consumed ENTIRE CONTINENTS! HURRICANES! Devastated the countryside! And people the world over…were sad 🙁

 

 

But it’s all good now guys, we’re back on track and all indications point to the weekend being filled with awesome, rad times.

24
Mar
10

Album Review: Gorillaz – Plastic Beach

The new Gorillaz album is definitely their worst offering to date. Don’t believe what all the music critics out there would have you believe, they’re full of shit and so is this album.

 

 

This album will confuse you. You’ll think it’s interesting and cute at first, but after a few listens you’ll concede that like toilet spray, all the aural bells and whistles that saturate this album are nothing more than a thin disguise to try and hide the fact that this album stinks.

23
Mar
10

Short Story: Smooth Baby

He couldn’t wait to go home. In all seven years of being alive, he couldn’t remember ever being so excited before.

His heart hammered relentlessly inside his tiny chest and his mouth felt cotton-dry as he fidgeted and squirmed in his chair, bursting for a pee and not paying one scrap of attention to anything going on around him.

In his mind, all there was, was THE TOY.

He’d first seen THE TOY in a flea market when his mom was shopping for some black dog to grill for supper. Amongst the chaos and the noise and the thick clouds of oily smoke that mingled and moved like dragons through the narrow, dirty alleyways, he’d spotted it.

22
Mar
10

View from a porch

On this porch you can sit in the scorching midday sun and enjoy a beer so cold the sides of the bottle are frosted while you sit in the shade and watch distant cars glide by on the mountainside.

It’s peaceful here, you can sit with strangers and not feel that compulsive need that overrides all common sense to fill perfectly good silence with meaningless garble.

A warm breeze sweeps lazily through the leaves of the trees to the left of the porch, but when it moves through the bushes in front of us, the leaves flash silver as their undersides catch the sun.

19
Mar
10

Holy Taco Friday

You guys are fucking cool.

You are my invisible friends, and you are fucking cool. No, no, don’t downplay it, be PROUD of that shit. If I say you’re fucking cool, then it’s gospel truth. Hallelujah brothers and sisters!

Let’s sing kumbaya.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I don’t have too much so say on this beautiful Friday in Cape Town. Truth be told I’m counting the minutes until the long weekend lands.

What are your plans? I’m going to Pringle Bay to get sunburn! And drunk! It’s going to be flippin sweet 😉

18
Mar
10

How To Deal With A Dick Cupcake – a Lesson For Guys

Sometimes in life, you come back from a meeting, everything is cool, everything is going well, you’re having a great day and you get to your desk and next thing you know BAM! dick cupcake.

 

 

The thing about dick cupcakes is you never know when they’re going to sneak up on you and, even worse than that, you never know how to handle them.

I surprised myself today by handling what could have been a really embarrassing, awkward situation really well by doing the following two crucial things:

1) Remaining cool
2) Sticking by the ‘MAN CODE’

17
Mar
10

Album Review: Johnny Cash – Ain’t No Grave

I say ‘Johnny Cash’ and you say ‘Joaquin Phoenix’. I say ‘brilliant and deeply troubled country musician who struggled his whole life with alcohol, drugs and his relationship with God’ and you say ‘a feel-good Hollywood love-story that ends when guy marries girl and they live happily ever after.’

 

 

Walk The Line ended just before Johnny Cashes life actually got interesting and way too much emphasis was placed on his relationship with June Carter, which was basically the focal point of the entire movie and the reason why there has to be a Walk The Line II: Cash Comes Back which I will of course write and direct.