Tell The Tiger (Episode 2)

I love meeting people who tell you how ‘crazy’ they are. ‘I’m crazy dude!’ they all say, ‘I’m the craziest fucker you’ll ever MEET!’ which can be loosely translated as, ‘Am a pretty average guy, really nothing that special about me or my life. Thanks for listening.’

Truth is, the really crazy fuckers out there, or the people who have crazy shit going down in their lives keep that shit on the down lizzo, which is why I started Tell The Tiger, because I feel an affinity for these people and honestly want to help them.



Also the shit they send through makes my life plain as dry toast in comparison 😉

Take this email I got on Tuesday for example:


Hi Tellthetiger,

Im not sure why im sending you this when I havent even told my friends about it so please dont mention my name anywhere, but ive been dating this girl for about four months now, shes the best looking girl Ive ever dated (shes done some modelling for magazines etc), perfect and also an amazing personality, my dream girl until a few weeks back we were taking a shower together and she asked me the most fucked up thing, to pee on her in the shower!

I laughed and thought she was joking (she’s got a bit of a crazy sense of humour) and tried to ignor what she was asking me, but she kept asking, saying it would be ‘naughty’ and it didn’t matter anyway because we were in the shower and why didnt I just try it?

So I did it and she loved it, it was bizarre. We both kind of laughed about it and I didn’t really think anything of it, but then she asked me to do it again, twice in the next week or so, she said it really turned her on, but the most fucked up thing is we came back from a night out last week and she asked me to do it again, this time when we were in bed together!

My friends warned me that she was a little ‘weird’ but seriously, yellow fountains? What the hell, I don’t know what to do! I refused to do it and she immediately got really embarrassed and it was really awkward and she left and we haven’t slept together since because I don’t know if shes going to ask me again, what if she breaks up with me because I wont do it? I love this girl, what should I do?


Peed Off

Ok, first off, I think the preferred term for this kind of behaviour is ‘golden shower’ not ‘yellow fountain’ so yeah, that might turn up more results in Google searches should you want to seek professional help, which I would definitely recommend if this advice gets you nowhere.



There is no easy way of diffusing a situation like this. It’s not normal behaviour for your girlfriend to want you to pee on her and it’s highly likely that the need she’s feeling to submit herself to acts of degradation like that was caused by some kind of trauma suffered at a young age.

If what she’s making you do is freaking you out too much you need to tell her that and explain that while you love her, what she’s asking you to do doesn’t feel right and you would rather not do it. If the issue comes up again, try to figure out what it is about golden showers that turns her on so much and try to get her to open up about previous boyfriends and if she’s tried this on them and how they reacted and in that way try to drill down to what the root cause of this is.

Of course, there is a chance that she just likes it because it feels ‘naughty’ but there are a million other ways to practise naughtiness in the bedroom that don’t involved relieving your bladder on your loved one, maybe try some of those options instead.

Any way you look at it, there’s no way you’re ever going to be able to just brush this one under the carpet, confront it head-on, be honest and patient with her and whatever you do, approach this with as much tact as possible and if she threatens to break up with you if you won’t do it, then as hard as it might be, break up with her. The minute any relationship degrades into ultimatums like that, you step into the territory of emotional blackmail and in my experience things very seldom get better after that point.

Either way, let us know what happens dude, and if anyone else wants to offer solutions, I think our buddy here could use them!



Remember, if you have difficulties with life in any way, size, shape or form, you too can Tell The Tiger by simply mailing him on tellthetiger@gmail.com and he will do his level best to address your troubles or your money back!

5 Responses to “Tell The Tiger (Episode 2)”

  1. 1 Jonno
    April 9, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Before I can offer any help I need to see this model quality.

  2. 2 PGGLS
    April 9, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Just put down some rubber sheets and go for it!!!!! Soundy kinky to me!!!!!! As long as she doesn’t ask you to shit on her, I reckon it still falls within the realm of naughty sex – dude, dont shun kinkyness, soon you’ll be with someone who only likes missionary, once a month – dude, let the yellow river flow my man!!!!!!!

  3. 3 Thomas
    April 9, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Thinking about it; the number of ex-girlfriends I would love to pee on is quite something. I did have an ex wet my bed. Watching her ashamed face as she washed my sheets, was really one of those ‘tell the grandkids’ kind of moments.

    Think of it this way, when you break up (you probably will) you will always have this great pub talk to fall back on. Not only that but if you are anything like me and have defcon 5 style break-ups, this will be the line that seals victory everytime.

    Honest questions, for kak talks sake:

    Does she get turned on more or less if you eat asparagus?

    If you peed in a water gun and chased her, would that work?

    Does her mood change after you use the bathroom?

    I’m sure I can think of more, but I wouldnt want to worry you further.

    • April 10, 2010 at 9:18 am

      Hahahahaah! Priceless! I’m sorry Peed Off if you’re reading this and it bums you out, but Thomas, my man, you fucking NAILED it dude! Funniest comment I’ve read on the site in a good while – genius I tell you, sheer genius.

      Peed off, care to respond?


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