Tell The Tiger (Episode 8)

Um, yeah.

Unsurprisingly, after the abortion of a reply that was my last ‘Tell The Tiger’, the ol’ gmail address (tellthetiger@gmail.com) has been a little quiet.

Look, in my defence I wrote that last one after participating in a ‘Mass Streak’ right by the Green Point stadium with a bunch of total strangers, which I was understandably nervous about being a part of because a) it was fucking cold and b) the last time I streaked in public was, well, never.



So I might have been a little under the influence, christ, I’m only human.

Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that this week I’m sober as a judge and ready to make one lucky reader’s life better in every single, imaginable way. This one’s a bit of a longie, but totally worth the read because it’s about DAGGA!

In 3…



Hey ST,

After reading yourpost you wrote awhile ago about a ‘friend’ of yours who made his own mescaline and tripped out for 18 hours or something and just the general tone of your blog, I thought maybe you could help me with this problem I’ve having with my GF about the wacky baccy.

IVe been a huge fan of Mary Jane for aobut five or six years now, since I was in matric at highschool and up until recently, I’ve smoked everyday. I don’t think of it as a big deal really, other people come home and drink half a bottle of wine at night, but no one judges them. I just like smoking a joint after work, is that so bad? It helps me relax and destress after a long day. It’s not like I’m sneaking off in my lunch break and hitting bongs in my car or anything, I did that once and got so paranoid back in the office I had to fake a really bad headache and go home, not cool.

But anyway, my new girlfriend has never touched drugs of any shape, size or form in her entire life and all her friends are exactly the same. Personally, I didn’t think people like that actually existed anymore, but maybe that’s just me. So anyway, she kinda made me promise not so smoke anymore when we got together and I thought why not? She’s hot, I can do this!

In total, I think I lasted about a month. Life just became really boring. Is this what it’s like to walk around normal all the time? Fuck! How do people handle this! Then we went to a good mate’s party and there was a bong going around, so I took a hit when she wasn’t lookingand I’ve been smoking everyday since.

The GF hasbust me twice and both times weve had huge fights about it. Thing is though, the rest of the time I’ve gotten away with it just fine, which totally fucks up her argument of ‘Weed makes you a different person’ but how do I tell her that? How do I make her see that what i do is totally harmless and I have it totally under control?

Basically, how do I get back to smoking a joint after work everyday and on weekends without completely freaking her out?



Ahh yes. The age-old conundrum of changing who you are to better suit your woman’s whims. We’ve all been there, but all I can say is J-dogg, my man, you fucked this one up royally right from day one.

“She kinda made me promise not so smoke anymore when we got together”? What the hell does that mean? How does a person “kinda” make you promise something?

“Umm J-dogg, please could you not smoke weed anymore, but if you want to that’s ok too,” is that what she said to you homeboy? Huh? Sounds like a buncha jibba-jabba jive talk to me shorty and I ain’t havin’ none ‘o that!

Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of The Wire recently… um, interspliced with reruns of the A-Team…



Your HUGE fuck-up here is you set the wrong expectations at the beginning of your relationship – schoolboy error my man, but forgivable because she is hot. Men often say and do fucktarded things because of hot chicks, I think I read somewhere that it’s in our DNA or something.

I guess in your defence, maybe you honestly thought you could kick the mahanga-janga and figured it was worth a shot, fair enough. But never smoking again means NEVER. SMOKING. AGAIN. Not when you’re bored, not when you’re pulling a sickie at work, not when you buy your next X-Box game and kick back for an intense 10-hour gaming marathon, and sure as fuck not when you’re next hanging out with your buddies and one of them whips out a bucket and says, “Hey, let’s smoke three of these, take a hit of acid and go watch ‘Dawn Of The Dead’”.



Actually, as a general principle no one should do that. Hiding under a cinema seat, mumbling to no one and trying to chew your fingers off is no way to spend a Saturday morning. Or so I’m told…

If you really love this girl and want to make something out of what you have together, try and see if you can work out some kind of compromise like limiting your smoking to one day a week, I think that’s reasonable.

But then you gotta stick by that. Fuck up once, she’ll forgive you. Fuck up twice, things are gonna get rocky. Fuck up three times and it’s toast. If she takes you back after that, things will never be the same and like the little girl in the opening scene of Dawn Of The Dead your love will become a zombie.

Not dead, not alive, just flopping around uselessly, hungry for braaaiiiinnnssss.

That’s my take on things my man, but I’m more than happy to open the floor to my panel of trusted experts, many of whom I’m sure have had hands-on experience with this ‘wacky baccy’ you speak of.

Me, I tried the stuff at a party once, but I never inhaled 😉


5 Responses to “Tell The Tiger (Episode 8)”

  1. 2 guitar Jon
    June 18, 2010 at 8:51 am

    Hey J-dogg,

    Whatever you do, be truthful to yourself.
    Hot chicks come and go, but you’re the one living your life, for the rest of your life.
    Take some time to think about all the things you do, and how they make you feel.
    Are they really making your life better? Or are you creating a comfortable thought pattern.

    You mentioned that life gets boring when you don’t smoke?
    I would think really carefully about that one. If your life is boring when you are sober, then your life might actually be boring. Think about it.
    Why on Earth would anyone NEED a mind altering substance to better their current mental situation?
    And yes, it does alter you mind. If you do ANYTHING every day, it will have a bigger impact than you think.

    The way i see it:
    If you aren’t comfortable and happy with yourself, it might be a reason why pot is affecting your life (and it obviously is affecting it, RE the girlfriend issue)
    And secondly, you are NEVER in control.
    That second part is just my opinion, and i’ll get off my high horse just now, but here’s some food for thought:

    It’s not the nature of you, but the nature of the drug.

    Try being sober and happy about your decision. Try enjoying the fact that you have got your shit together. Try being the most powerful person you can be.
    Because trust me, when you do all that, you become so powerful that Hot Chicks are only the beginning.

    Good Luck.

  2. 3 Seer0wer
    June 18, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Doooooooood…. High for a night, slow for a week… Not that I can judge, but I do speak from experience.

    My two cents: Either break it off with her or get her to accept you as the smoker you are. This is one of those situations where a compromise is bound to turn into a royal fuck-up.

  3. 4 jonno
    June 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Quit being a faggot. What man hides his shit from a woman? Unless of course your fetish is midget porn, in which case it’s totally acceptable to be a little shy. I digress … here’s the deal, grow a pair. Tell her you like being a space monkey and you going to stay a space monkey. If she doesn’t like it, the door is open for her to find another guy. On the same note, you can find yourself a fellow potty head with a nice ass or whatever it is you fancy. So stop being a faggot space monkey!!

  4. 5 Mike
    June 21, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Here is what I would do. Stop smoking and start dealing. When she complains about you dealing, say that she forced your hand. That you have a huge surplus of weed left over and have no choice but to sell it to recoup costs.
    She will then beg you to start smoking again.
    (recommended study material: Scarface and Half-baked (Thurgood faced similar problems)

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