Archive for July, 2010

26
Jul
10

USOMFA Tour Chapter 1: The Phenomenal Pilot

I tell ya, the tour kicked off on Thursday night to a fucking killer start. It was like something out of a movie, a whole host of shit going all wrong and fucked up, one thing after the next.

Craziest part was the accident that one of our crew members had a few hours before our plane was scheduled to take off. J-Rab heard it was one of our pilots – the poor guy got into a car accident and couldn’t fly.

So they had to get an emergency pilot to take the guy’s place which delayed our flight by 2 hours.

22
Jul
10

A Vision Of USOMFA

William Blake. Now there was a crazy fucking cat. The dude used to sit naked in his garden with his wife (also naked) and re-enact scenes from his favourite plays. He also used to experience intense visions in which demons spoke to him and in one famous incident, gave him a guided tour of the afterlife.

 

 

Me, I get visions too, but they’re usually after I’ve drunk the house dry and I have to resort to straining meths through bread to get a few more kicks before the police come.

21
Jul
10

Album Review: Stone Temple Pilots

I used to like this band. Back in the 90s they had some pretty killer songs and their debut album Core (1992) was definitely one of the better albums to come out of the grunge era.

 

 

Their second and third albums were also ok, but by the time albums four and five rolled around it was pretty obvious to their rapidly diminishing fan base that whatever magic these grunge / alternative / arena rockers had back in the early 90s was pretty much dead and bloated.*

So why, I ask you, why in God’s name would you want to come back, nine years later and record another album?

20
Jul
10

Vote Slick

Any day now nominations for the SA Blog Awards 2010 will be officially opened which means over the next few weeks you can pretty much bet your ass you’ll be bombarded with posts on all your favourite blogs begging you shamelessly to vote for them in this year’s Awards.

Question you gotta ask yourself when you’re voting for all those other pricks though is “If I had to get into a barfight with 10 angry, roid-fuelled Lebanese bouncers, would this blogger have my back?”

 

 

19
Jul
10

Monday Morning Kicks

Danny de Vito always kinda creeped me out because what the hell is he? He’s not a dwarf and he’s not a midget, he’s just a really short guy who I can’t look at without picturing the Penguin from Batman.

He’s a great actor though, I decided this on Friday night when J-Rab, Jennyjenjen (previously known as Jenni-fuh) and me invited ourselves around to Barbarian’s place after a few drinks at Trenchtown and spent the whole night watching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

 

 

15
Jul
10

SlickTiger Industries Presents: USOMFA Tour ‘10

Guys, some pretty earth-shattering news. Please sit down for this.

In exactly one week’s time, I’m climbing into the belly of a giant steel bird and heading for the United States Of Muthu Fukkin’ America (USOMFA) for the first time in my 26 years of being alive.

I know, crazy hey? They actually gave me a Visa, and not just any Visa, a TEN YEAR Visa motherbitches!

Even more hectic than that is the fact that after nearly 3 years of dating, I’m finally going to meet J-Rab’s parents and twin brothers. We’ll be staying with them over in the USOMFA for a full two weeks – sound like the plotline for a slapstick block-buster comedy starring Ben Stiller and Robert De Nero? You bet your ass!

14
Jul
10

Album Review: The Black Keys – Brothers

I can’t tell you how badly I’ve been itching over the past two months to write this review. Usually if an album’s older than a month I won’t touch it because this is the internet goddamnit! If you miss something by even a week, it’s dead and buried.

I’m making an exception in this case though for one simple reason: this is an album that will go down as one of rock music’s finest and as such, it doesn’t matter if I post this review now or two years from now, this album is timeless and will sound just as good then as it does now.

 

 

13
Jul
10

The Tiger’s Top 3 Swearers Of All Time

Swearing is something nobody stops to think about because all of us do it all the fucking time. There was a time when slipping the odd ‘fuck’ into everyday conversation was like flashing your willy at your girlfriend’s parents or flashing your vagina at err, well, anyone really.

I trawled the internet for information about swearing to back my theory up about how nobody gives a fuck about it anymore and after countless hours of searching, found the following useful infographic:

 

 

12
Jul
10

Afrikaans Porn – TRANSLATED!

Last week Monday, I shocked and enthralled the Afrikaans world with my epic short story entiteld: Afrikaans Porn. Seconds after posting it, a whole flood of people retweeted the piece, both of them commenting on how I’d reached a whole other level of blogging excellence by catering specifically for the Afrikaans market in such a thoughtful way.

 

 

What was even more amazing than the piece itself was the Google Chrome translation of it, which my main man Civilian sent through to me on the weekend.

Prepare yourself for the awesomeness of this post. Actually no, fuck that. Nothing can prepare you for the awesomeness I’m about to blow your mind away with.

11
Jul
10

Song For Sunday

Doing weekends right is an art that can take a lifetime to perfect.

Me, I’m still learning. Some weekends I spend partying my ass off and living to regret it when I’m suddenly back chained to my desk on a Monday, blinking red-eyed and unshaven in the artificial light and wondering how the fuck I got there.

 

 

Other weekends I chill to the max (read: do absolutely fuck all) and arrive on Monday feeling somehow cheated and like I’ve wasted my time in the worst possible way.