I finally Know What’s Missing From My Life

I’ll admit to sometimes feeling a little unfulfilled in my life, there’s no shame in that. I think it’s only human nature to feel like there’s something missing from your life from time to time, even if you’re loaded to the gills with money, have the funnest job in the world, date five supermodels and have a mansion on every continent with another few stashed away on tropical islands just for good measure.

But how awesome is it when you finally figure it all out, that thing that was missing from your life, and can actually put a plan in place to get that thing, whatever it may be.

What’s missing from my life is a GIANT FUCKING SWORD THAT WILL CUT THROUGH ANYTHING and I’m pretty confident that, after watching this clip, you’ll agree (sorry the quality is total crap, I tried to embed directly from the Tosh.0 site but it didn’t work).



What really sold me on this weapon of mass destruction was the part where he slices through the watercooler. As one of only two men in an office of about 27 women it has become my duty to change the watercooler which I was totally fine with for the first few months.

But goddamn! girls drink a lot of water! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Have you never heard of the health benefits of coffee, soft drinks or alcohol stashed conveniently under your desk?! Why all the water all the time? I change that water cooler once a day, EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

How rad would it be if I just marched into the office one day with that bad boy strapped across my back, calmly explained that from this minute onward there would be no more watercooler in the office and then spun around and chopped that fucker clean in half.

That’s some ninja shit right there. I’m pretty sure no one in the office would mess with me ever again and I’d get an instant promotion on the spot.

Provided the handle stayed on that is…


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