Archive for April, 2012


The Avengers Movie Better Make Me Kak With Joy

201203231226395261919.pngHas there ever, EVER been a more highly anticipated movie than the Avengers?

I mean besides the trailers, teasers and general hype, there have also been no less than six movies produced in the build-up to this undeniably brobdingnagian (yes, that’s an actual word, look it up) cinematic event.

To put it bluntly, if watching this movie doesn’t make me actually see God himself, if it doesn’t send me into violent paroxysms of sheer joy while choirs of angels descend to sing the end credits, I am going to track down Joss Whedon and co. and kick them so hard in the balls, their grandchildren will walk funny.



Problem is, it’s highly unlikely that the movie is going to live up to people’s expectations given how much it’s been hyped up over the last SEVEN YEARS since Marvel Studios received the original grant to produce the movie back in 2005.

Sure, it took awhile for the rumour mill to start churning, but I can remember hearing about The Avengers well before the first Iron Man movie came out in 2008.

And now here it is, and SA fanboys the country over are literally having romance explosions in their pants because for some bizarre reason, it’s opening here TODAY a week before it opens in the States.

So to celebrate, here’s a trailer I’m pretty sure you won’t have seen for this explosion-packed action-fest, just to make sure you will have already seen ALL the good parts before you actually watch it.



Not sure if I’ll be posting tomorrow boys and girls with it being a public holiday and all, but stop by anyway and maybe I’ll surprise y’all.



Steri Delivers Gigantic Crate Of Awesome

Steri_drop1Dedicated readers of this site will know that Steri and Slicky-T go waaaaaaayyyy back to a time before this blog (or ANY blogs for that matter) even existed.

Back then, I used to be able to gulp down an ice cold strawberry Steri in record time, a feat which won me the coveted title of “Champion Strawberry Steri Speed Drinker, Gauteng Region”.

People speculated that I did it for the fame, the glory. They said I was just showing off, but the cold, hard truth was that I did it because I was trying to raise awareness for a vital cause – there isn’t enough Steri in a stumpie, there never has been… until now.

A gigantic crate was delivered to your Tiger pal this morning, and when I opened it up, a heavenly light shone forth, reflected in a million tiny mirrors from the disco ball that hung from the inside of the crate.



Steri Stumpie had done the impossible – the had delivered an entire launch party in a crate, complete with a red velvet rope, a hostess and a milk bar where they were serving (sit down for this next bit) 1 LITRE STERI STUMPIE!

It seems all my campaigning has finally paid off! As of today, the 1 Litre Steri will officially become a part of our lives so that no more will we klap a stumpie and wish we had more.

Keep it in your fridge even! Top up on delicious ice cold Steri whenever the urge strikes you. Take it to the beach! Throw a few in a cooler box and impress friends and relatives! Take it on a hike! Nothing better than an ice cold Steri after a hard day’s climb, your muscles will love the protein!



Sky’s the limit here people! Hell, you could even fill a bathtub with the stuff and have a Steri bath! Who hasn’t ever dreamed of doing that?!

Well done Steri and everyone involved. Both the Gigantic Crate Of Awesome and the new 1 litre Steris are a stroke of pure genius.

Keep on keepin’ on 😉



Santam’s response to Nandos – It’s AWN!

SantamvsNandosWattup party people! Your Tiger pal is back in the country yo so y’all can sleep safe at night knowing I’m back for your daily dose of awesome, punctuated with cringe-worthy gangsta rap lingo, word.

While I was gone, Nandos had a cheeky little jibe at the latest Santam ad featuring Ben Kingsley that’s been getting a lot of attention.

Santam have now officially replied to Nandos by challenging them to deliver chicken to a children’s home! Hahahaha! Priceless! Check out all the videos below and join me in sitting back to watch this saga unfurl (*grabs popcorn).

Here’s the original Santam ad that’s been doing the rounds:



Which prompted Nandos to respond with the following:



But Santam weren’t going to take that shizz lying down yo!

They replied with this ad:



Awesome that ol’ Sir Kingsley was on hand to nail that one so quickly.

Or wait, am I missing something…?

Either way, I can’t wait to see what Nandos’ reply is going to be.

It’s AWN!



Tiger Bites: vol.3 (Alabama Shakes)

Infinity-Blade-AToday’s Tiger Bites is going to be super short, sweet and to the point because I’m actually writing this in the past (it’s Wednesday) while I’m still at my sister’s place in Holland and I got gaming to do.

My youngest nephew and I have become hopelessly obsessed with Infinity Blade and have decided we won’t sleep safe until we have the BEST OF EVERYTHING IN THE GAME.

We need to get about 3.5 million gold pieces to do this, we have 2.2 currently and considering you get about 5 thousand every time you kill someone, we got a LOONNGG way to go.

So here’s a band that will become cool in about 3 months once the radio stations get a hold of them. They call themselves the Alabama Shakes and their first album just dropped the other day.

Song’s called “Hold On”, which is appropriate because it’ll be the future when you guys read this, Friday to be exact, so the weekend will be just around the corner.




Have killer weekend party people, I’m back in SA on Monday, I’ll probably be completely poked from the 24 hour trip back (via Doha, where we sit from 12 till 6am, BLEAUGH!) so my next post will probably be Tuesday.

Until then Knipogende emoticon



If You Took Acid Every Day, This Is What You’d See

lsd_papertripI gotta thank my main man Action for this video. Actually, I’m not sure if “thank” is quite the word I’m looking for, but yeah. This is the weird shit he sends me.

What you’re about to see is a bizarre amalgamation of orchestral music, psychedelic lights, patterns and stars and a woman in a leotard with the creepiest fucking look on her face I’ve ever seen.

I can’t tell if this is a music video or just a nightmarish collection of images thrown together for the sake of it, but one thing’s for sure, whoever made this needs to seriously cut their LSD intake down to maybe one tab a month instead of one tab a day.

Yeah. That bad.



God. That dancing.

I feel ill…



Dieting Reaches A Whole New, Utterly Retarded Level

1-ke-dietIt seems the more we “advance” as a species, the better marketers, advertisers and the media get at dialing our insecurities up to the point where we will buy anything to make other people love us.

We’re force-fed the idea that if we’re too fat, too thin, too ugly, have bad skin, have hair that isn’t shiny, strong and UV resistant, have bad teeth, drive the wrong car, etc. society will never accept us.

Don’t, whatever anyone says, ever just be yourself. Rather spend your life chasing an unobtainable ideal, a photoshopped billboard-ready version of reality that you’ll sink millions into trying to achieve. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that they force this bullshit on us or the fact that we lap it up so readily.

The weight-loss industry is at the forefront of this kind of thinking and to a certain extent it’s justified because of the health benefits of keeping your weight down. But it gets taken to ugly extremes in instances like the video I’m about to show you.

The latest craze in weight-loss in the States is something they call “The K-E Diet”, which involves inserting a rubber tube through your nose and into your stomach. You are then “fed” a high protein and high fat liquid diet for 10 days during which time you can lose as much as 20 pounds (9kgs).

I’ll let the video below explain the rest:



Here’s a breakdown of the not-so-subtle manipulation that’s going on in this video:

  • Open on a beach shot, immediately conjuring mental images of bronzed beauties sculpted to perfection and triggering our “must-get-thin-for-the-beach” reflex.
  • Introduce Doctor Dickhead. See all those qualifications behind him? Yeah, they’re probably all bullshit, they’re just trying to make us think he’s legit.
  • “This program has been used in Europe for over 100 000 times”? That’s right, go right ahead and butcher the Kings English, atta boy. I know village drunks who are more articulate.
  • He promises to go on the diet himself so we can see the results, which we never see.
  • “It’s imperative that you lose weight at all costs” – even if it results in the unfortunate side-effect of DEATH

There is one, and only one instance where I’d let someone thread a rubber tube through my nose and into my stomach and that’s if I was dying.

If you want to lose 20 pounds so desperately how about hitting the gym and cutting down on the chocolates and cheeseburgers?



Because I can pretty much guarantee you this – the people who choose to go on this “diet” will put those 20 pounds back on in the 10 days after the tube comes out.

If you let insecurity and desperation rule over level-headedness and the willpower we have inside us all to change, you will never be content.



Okes Who Like To Klap It #13: Bromance Charnas

alex-romanoff-bromanceHazit ma charnas!

So I was surfing Vleisboek the other day for buff pics of okes I know who klap MMA  when I suddenly found a lekker video that says everything I was trying to say about how without your charnas, you are NOTHING in life.

You’ll NEVER have a oke to spot you for 120kilo benchpress, you’ll NEVER have a charna to help you spray tan that place where your arms can’t reach behind your back and you’ll NEVER have a boychay to tell you, “It’s ok boet, it’s perfectly normal, don’t stress my charna.  It will go back to it’s normal size one day, I promise.”

These ous in this video are flippin’ TIGHT! These ous would MOER ANYONE who messed with their boychays! These ous wouldn’t even THINK TWICE about helping one of their mates who had klapped too many brandy and cokes to undress and get into bed, even if it meant sharing and being the BIG SPOON!

Watch this video and take notes okes. There WILL be a quiz after the end.



You check that lekker *5 at the end there? Ja. I INVENTED that shit, BEST way to show a oke he’s your mate.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go find a boychay to watch these episodes of Grey’s Atonomy I just downloaded.

Flip I love that show…



The Fine Art Of Radass Nicknames

Captain and SlickI mentioned in yesterday’s post that I’m staying at my sister’s place in Holland right now which, on any given day, is a total maelstrom of chaos, energy and good times.

My sister has four kids, a son who’ll be 15 this year, a daughter who’s 13 and a twin boy and girl who are 8. They’re good kids, all of them, but the older two and I have spent the most time together.

The oldest son was understandably a bit bummed yesterday to read that the best nickname I could come up with for him was “Nephew No.1”, so we put our heads together to come up with something better.

Problem is, you can’t force a nickname y’know? It’s something that evolves naturally over time, you can’t just hit some random “Pimp name generator” (although it is fun) and take whatever comes up.

We wracked our brains. We consulted the Marvel universe, Dragon Ball Z character lists (we shared a love of that show for a good few years), we looked up famous people with his name, we looked up lists of big cats (and found some pretty weird shit, see below) and did everything short of performing a séance to find a nickname.



But nothing stuck. I went to bed last night with my head buzzing with ridiculous names, it reminded me of the 3 weeks I spent back in varsity trying to come up with a name for my band – SlickTiger And The Shitkickers. The band consisted of one member (me) until I reformed as The Hangovers with my main man Mr D and played two of the most epic gigs of my life, one of which involved smashing a guitar onstage (for realz).

Something from that name must have stuck because when I woke up this morning, this nickname came to me immediately in a “Hulk SMASH!” moment of total clarity and unwavering conviction.



Sure, it’s stolen shamelessly from The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys, a movie that means nothing to either of us, but who gives a rat’s ass?

Captain Asskicker is a nickname that ticks the two most important boxes when it comes to nicknames – 1. It’s instantly memorable and 2. It’s badass.

Also, it does have some significance because I’ve watched The Captain wrack up more kills in a five minute game of Black Ops than I think I’ve managed in the last three days so there can be no doubt that the kid knows how to kick some ass.


And welcome to the site Knipogende emoticon



The Tiger Hits Up Holland, Relaxes To The MAX

tulipssThat’s right bitches! Your Tiger pal is in Holland, relaxing to the maximum at his sister’s place in Bergen, 40 mins outside Amsterdam where it’s a balmy 6 degrees at present.

I know what you’re all thinking right now and I’m just gonna stop you dead in your tracks and say no. I’m not planning on visiting any coffee shops during my stay.

This isn’t my first time in Holland, I’ve done this twice before and both times I did the touristy let’s-see-how-many-different-strains-of-marijuana-we-can-smoke thing and holy balls, it did not end well.

I’m older now, more mature and to be perfectly frank, not keen to spend the better part of a day hiding under the table in a random coffee shop because the parries has eroded my self-confidence to the point where even the simple act of standing up and leaving the room fills me with mortal terror.



So I’m taking it super easy breezy. As you read this I want you to picture me in my PJs with a hot cuppa java, sitting in my nephew’s room literally surrounded by screens (5 to be exact) and about to engage in a serious Black Ops marathon.

I need to brush up on that shit yo. My nephews (who are 8 and 14) and I have been playing on the Playstation Network, which has been pretty humiliating to say the least.

My average game goes as follows:

Slick’s Interior Monologue (SIM): BOOM! Game on, bitches! Ok… KILL THESE GUYS! Oh wait, they’re on my team… They look like they know shit, I’m going to follow th-


SIM: Woah, what the fuck?! Who did that?! Oh wait, back in the game, bit-


SIM: Come the fuck on! Ok, enough fucking around, next asshole I see gets a lead salad in his FACE! I’m just gonna run up these stairs and do a little camping… this shit’s foolproof… come to papa… any minute now… THERE! THAT GUY! DIE MOTHE-




SIM: Ok, this is getting a little-


Slick to Nephew 1: Who are these people, man?! They’re handing our ASSES to us!

Nephew 1: I know, I’ve only got 5 kills so far.

Slick: What?! How is that humanly poss-

Nephew 1: Six kills. Haha! Caught a guy camping, what a jerk.

Slick: Yeah… I hate it when they do tha-


Slick: OH COME ON! I WASN’T EVEN WATCHING THAT TIME! I’m done man. I’m out. These guys are pros. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re actually seen action in real life.

Nephew 1: I doubt it. A few are playing with headphones and I’m pretty sure the person who just killed you is either a girl or a kid who’s voice hasn’t broken yet.

Slick: FML.



So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to immerse myself in a whole lot of (hopefully) killing for the rest of today, so yeah.

Have fun at work Knipogende emoticon



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part XI)

Burrito Bison1It has been a long-ass time since I posted an epic work time-waster because awhile back I saw that Mr Dan Nash also posts time wasters so I felt bad copying the dude.

But then I got over that because the way I see it, the more time we can get you to waste at work the better. We’re taking the power back people, KAPOW!

So I jumped on Kongregate to see what rad stuffs they got there and came across a game I know you guys are gonna go apeshit for. Sit tight people, unemployment is just a click away…

The game’s called Burrito Bison Revenge and it definitely gets the Tiger Stamp Of Badassery because FLIP BOET! The oke in it is MASSIVE AND RIPPED CHARNA!



The game is pretty simple, you catapult your underpant-clad buff bison-headed wrestler off the ropes of a wrestling ring to send him sailing through the air and then perform a series of “rocket slams” to squash jelly gummy bears who are fleeing from you in terror.

You earn cash dollar every time you squish gummy bears which you can use to unlock different gummy bears and upgrade your speed, strength and general bounciness.

The look and feel of the game are both awesome and the faster and bouncier your buff charna gets and the more rad gummies you unlock, the better the game gets.



Kongregate only choose the most killer games for their site and Burrito Bison Revenge is a fine example of that.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: I’m keeping this one strictly to post 5.30pm office time so I’ve sunk about 2hrs into it so far, but reckon I’ve got at least another 2 or 3 before I unlock everything.
FINAL VERDICT: Sick graphics, fun, easy gameplay, a flippin’ BUFF CHARNA in kief underpant who MOERS the KAK out of ous, what more could you possible want in a game?