15
May
12

Retarded Family Invites Apex Predator Into Home

C19AF8A2F4825A69DC504852CD8Human beings are by far the dumbest creatures on this planet. We think we’re so much better than the rest of creation because we’ve learned to harness it, but what are we doing with all that godly power?

Destroying everything we see. Pulling the rug out from under our own feet, burning through the planet’s natural resources faster than you can blink an eye.

We think we are somehow above it all, like we somehow know and have always known best. We do not learn from our past mistakes. Case in point, Brakpan residents Michael and Jacqui Jamieson, who have adopted a “pet” Bengal tiger.

They call the tiger “Enzo” after carmaker Enzo Ferrari (classy) and from what I can tell they’ve had it since last year August when the tiger was a cub.

Now Enzo is weighing in at about 50kg, which is about a quarter of what his full adult weight will be, you can see from the pictures below that he’s already looking pretty goddamn huge, but this is nothing compared to what ol’ Enzo will look like when he reaches maturity.

 

 

And yeah, I’m sure the Jamiesons (who have no less than 12 dogs and 6 cats) are kind, loving, caring foster parents to Enzo and give him all the love and attention he could ever wish for, but I can guarantee you that no matter how well they try to raise and domesticate this tiger, it will not end well.

J-Rab has worked with a whole range of big cats from lions to pumas to cheetahs to leopards and of course, tigers and while she formed the closest, most intimate bond with the tigers she worked with and loved them to pieces, she always had a healthy respect form them.

The reason why is simple. Tigers are vastly intelligent creatures. They have the smarts of humans combined with the instincts of an apex predator, backed by over 200kgs of bone and muscle. Throw in 5 inch (12cm!) canines and claws that could tear your entire face off with a casual swipe and you’re basically living with death incarnate.

 

 

One day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but one day that tiger’s going to wake up in a shitty mood and when “dad” starts on his, “off the couch kitty!” bullshit, ol’ Enzo’s genetic legacy as the fiercest apex predator on the planet is going to kick in and IF the Jamiesons survive that day, every one after it will never be the same.

A very dark, very sick part of me says “fuck it”. Let ‘em keep the tiger. It’ll be the first fair fight between man and tiger to happen in a very long time, let’s see who comes out tops…

But of course, it’s never fair is it?

If the tiger so much as lays a claw on either of those people, it’ll be deemed a danger to society and put down within a week.

And trust me, it WILL lay a claw on these people. Here are some videos that prove that fact:

 

 

Here’s one of the tiger riding around in Michael’s Lamborghini. Responsible.

 

 

Am I being a jerk here? Am I out of line in calling these people retarded for taking a highly endangered and dangerous animal as a pet?

I just think it’s selfish, stupid and wrong.

Tigers are magnificent, powerful creatures not fucking house cats.

-ST


4 Responses to “Retarded Family Invites Apex Predator Into Home”


  1. 1 Stephen
    May 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

    I say we encourage them to put sharks in their pool and stand back and watch the action unfold.

    • May 15, 2012 at 11:22 am

      Amen, brother! They can raise them from when they’re cute little baby sharks, get them all domesticated and stuff.
      Hell, why not throw in a black mamba or two to spice things up a little while they’re at it?
      -ST

  2. 4 Seerower
    May 16, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Tigers are called the last maneaters for good reason:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHfSTt1tcj0

    I will look out for the Jamiesons in the next Darwin Awards.


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