Archive for October, 2012


SlickTiger And The Terror Island #5GumExperience

2012-10-27-132Shit guys. I don’t even know where to start with this one. I think I’ve thought up about a hundred different ways I could slice this post, but it would all be lies I tell you. Shame-faced lies.

Which is probably the route I should take here because if blogging has taught me anything, it’s to never, EVER abuse the freebies you get by being too honest (Synergy review, I’m looking at you…).

But unfortunately in this case I don’t really have any other option. I love you 5Gum, I think you guys host killer events and look forward to all your parties and telling everyone I know about them, but yeah. I botched Saturday’s party completely so please forgive me for what I’m about to write…

It all started at about 2.30 in the afternoon last Saturday. The sun was shining, the weather was sweet and J-Rab and I were hitting up a good buddy’s 30th birthday party.



Soon after arriving, I realised that I was the biggest ou at the party by a country mile which is a very bad thing because without the threat of someone bigger than me putting me back in my place if I get a little rowdy, well, I get a little rowdy.

So I began putting the double whiskies away like nobody’s business and administering life to the party like some kind of human defibrillator.

Sure, I might have been a little douchey, but at this stage I was still on the level so a great time was had by all until we had to duck out at 6pm to start getting ready for Terror Island.

The tickets we had said dress Halloweeny and the party was called Terror Island, so naturally my drunk-ass brain put two and two together and was like “PIRATE!”



But my brain was like: “No… That’s not Halloweeny enough…”

Which of course lead to: “GHOST PIRATE!” and me spending the next hour in the bathroom with these Bostick face-paints we had leftover from the Soccer World Cup, trying to do my make-up like some sad, sorry, drunken clown getting ready for a 6 year-old’s birthday party.

J-Rab came in half-way in to find out what the hell was taking me so long with the white stick of face-paint and as I turned to show her the killer job I was doing of turning myself into Carolyn Manson (Marilyn’s lesser-known cousin), what was left of the white stick of face-paint fell out of its lipstick-like holder and plopped into the loo.

In a flash I was elbows-deep in that basterd to save the white face-paint (don’t worry, J-Rab and I are meticulous flushers so there was nothing dodgey in there) which I did and um… dried it off and um… why am I telling you guys this?!?!



Anyway, we got our shit together and cabbed it to Grand Central for the big party only to realise that maybe 20% of the people at the party actually made an effort to dress up.

Not that I gave two shits at that point. I was a GHOST PIRATE MUTHUFUKKAH! Shiver me muthufukkin’ TIMBERS, BITCHES YEAH!

That’s the closest approximation I can give to what my internal dialogue sounded like at that point. It was 7.30.

We were eventually shown the way to go to the #5GumExperience which involved walking past a gigantic taxi rank on our left ripe with the smell of old urine.

It added perfectly to the terror J-Rab was feeling at this point and rightly so. Her knight in shining armour had been replaced by the village drunk who would have been as effective as a balloon sword in a knife fight if any shit went down.

Luckily none did though and the evening started off really well as J-Rab and I befriended all the crazy party people who had also gone all out to dress up in the Halloween theme.

Which resulted in the following pictures:





By my estimate we probably jammed with the people in the pictures above for about two hours, after which point I headed to VIP to say WAZZUP to THE MAEN!

At this stage, I think I’d drunk about three quarters of a bottle of whisky over a 7-hour period. I was gone daddy gone. Then this picture happened, apparently:



After that we headed to the main stage where someone was playing.

I got down on the dancefloor (READ: flailed my limbs around like a frog in a blender) until I had cleared a sizeable circle around me, then I schloomfed off with J-Rab to get some food, then I ate that food in a terrifying massacre of melted cheese and salami and then I felt like a nap so we went home.

It was hands down the worst attempt at rocking out at a gig since I went to watch Saron Gas when I was 17 and had five tequilas and about 10 Redds (Redds! Hahahaha!) before we’d even arrived.

Twenty minutes after we arrived I proceeded to smash my head against a low concrete ceiling on the upstairs balcony at The Doors in Edenvale which scrambled my brains so badly I staggered inside, puked on the actual bar, was promptly thrown the fuck out and had to be driven back home with all my buddies because we’d shared a car to get there.

Fun times.



To the organisers of the Terror Island in CT, I am truly, deeply sorry. It’s not my style to be the guy so blitzed he can’t remember if he had a killer time or not and you have my word if you guys throw another one, I’ll at least show up sober like a normal human and actually write a decent event review.

At this point, I’d be hugely grateful to anyone, anyone at all, who can jump onto the comments section below and tell me how Terror Island actually was.

There’s a lesson to be learned here kids. NEVER put on face-paint that’s been in the loo. It instantly becomes toxic I tells ya!

Face –> palm.



The Tiger Hits Up The Windows 8 Launch – Gets Treated Like Royalty

WP_000199One thing is for sure when it comes to a company like Microsoft, they spare no expense when launching a new operating system.

Last week Thursday I was flown up to Jozi, put up in the Hyatt Hotel in Rosebank and transferred to the venue for the launch, a studio in downtown Jozi where free food and drinks flowed in abundance.

From the minute I stepped foot into Cape Town International until I returned exactly 20 hours later, the logistics of my trip happened like clockwork, which I know from organising similar events is no small feat.

However, it’s a fine line between communicating all the features of an OS like Windows 8 in a fun, interactive way that illustrates the actual benefit the product will have in people’s lives and dragging the formalities on for so long that your audience mentally checks out.

And that is really my only gripe about the entire evening, the formalities went on for a very, very long time and at times I could feel the audience zoning out a bit. A steady supply of alcohol would have solved this problem.



Kingsley Holgate was the master of ceremonies and I must say, the guy is a born entertainer and story-teller and made a great MC considering the whole evening was African-themed from the animal-skin-wearing jembe drummers at the entrance to the gigantic baobab tree under which all the speakers addressed the audience.

So no issues there, Kingsley was awesome and after the formalities had ended I went and chatted with the guy for about half an hour and found him to be a genuinely fascinating, humble and approachable person.

Check out this pic of your Tiger pal and ol’ K-Hol as I like to call him:



Kingsley was joined onstage by Lebo Mashile, who regaled us with her poetry and co-hosted the event. From what I could tell, she basically memorised her entire speech which, considering the formalities lasted for about an hour and a half, was no small feat.

Kingsley and Lebo went through the ritual of bestowing “African totems” upon the various speakers, inviting them on stage and interrogating them about how Windows 8 has changed their lives.

I kept waiting for the moment when “Circle Of Life” would come blasting over the AV as Kingsley held Windows 8 aloft on a fibre-glass replica of Pride Rock, but sadly it never came.

Instead the following SA celebs came up one-by-one (the word in brackets is their totem):

  • Chad Le Clos, Olympic swimmer and gold medallist (dung beetle. Hahahaha!)
  • Sibusiso Vilane, mountain climber (leopard. Legit)
  • Reuben Riffel, celebrity chef (elephant. Because, you know, elephants are the Master Chefs of the animal kingdom)
  • Fee Halstead, ceramic artist (sunbird. Also legit)
  • Gregg Marinovich, photographer (fish eagle. “Look. Dad. A. Fish. Eagle.” “Where. Son? I. can’t. see. it.”)
  • Ridwan Mia, plastic surgeon (umm… shit… I think I’d blacked out by this point…)
  • Dance You’re On Fire, SA band (same…)

It was a a cool idea for the launch – actually demonstrate in a real-world situation how these SA celebs use Windows 8 and what value it brings to their lives.

Chad and Gregg were my favourites because they came across as 100% genuine and got lots of laughs from the crowd. Especially Chad who showed us his contact list on Windows 8 with hilarious entries like “Brony Hot”.



As for the operating system itself, Windows 8 is nothing short of a complete re-invention of Windows and from a multi-media / social perspective it looks like a massive improvement on Windows 7.

The interface is built using a series of customisable tiles, much like the current batch of Windows Phones.

Everything is streamlined to be neat and is intuitively organised so that all your content is easily accessible and shareable.



It’s also built to work across a variety of different mediums including phones, tablets, desktops and laptops. In fact, all the speakers at the launch demoed Windows 8 on their respective tablets with mixed results.

It very quickly became apparent that some speakers had more experience using the OS than others, one of whom (who shall remain nameless) was unable to get past the password screen and unlock his device. Awkies.



From my experience using the Nokia Lumia 900, I think Windows 8 is going to be a game-changer for Microsoft and I can’t wait to get stuck into the copy of the OS I got at the launch so I can write a more in-depth review.

Once the formalities were over, Dance You’re On Fire stepped up to rock out and played an amazingly tight set despite the fact that frontman Tom Manners was singing with a fractured rib after a nasty fall he took a few weeks back when he was cycling.

After that I went to chat with The Chad and also found him to be a very cool, very friendly guy. He was more than happy to pose for pics and chat with the guests at the launch and I enjoyed getting to know the ou. He’s a stand-up guy, no doubt about that.



So there you have it. All-in-all I had a flippin’ radass time at the Windows 8 launch and I think the OS itself is going to make huge waves around the world.

What’s also cool is that if you bought a Windows 7 PC between June 2nd 2012 and January 31st 2013 you can download Windows 8 Pro for an estimated retail price of R130.00 (exchange rate dependent) with the Windows Upgrade Offer, available at

So jump on that party people and let’s Windows 8 the shit out of shit!



Escape Monday: Let’s Get High

4-10bWhat better way to escape the drudgery of another Monday than getting good and high, right? I mean hell, it’s the only real alternative to having to deal with another kak Monday.

So sit back, relax and dig these pics taken above the clouds from various very, very high places all over the world courtesy of this weirdly named site.

Oh what? You thought I meant “high” in the figurative sense? Shit dude, go for it man. I mean, officially I don’t advocate that kind of stuffs here on TFW because my mom reads these posts (hi mom!) but yeah. Blaze on Puff The Magic Dragon! Let the good times roll!













Hope you dug getting high with your Tiger pal Winking smile

Shine on you crazy diamonds and let’s show this muthufukkin’ day who’s boss!



SlickTiger Finds The Weirdest Gangnam Mashup EVER

GangnamWTFIf you thought last week’s Gangnam Busters mashup was weird just wait until you get a load of what the Russians came up with.

The video you’re about to see is definitely not the weirdest video I’ve ever put on this site (that one is here) but it gets the job done, no doubt about that.

Apparently it’s a mashup of Gangnam Style and a Michel Teló (anybody?) song. My favourite bits are the guy dancing with the bottles of booze, the ghost-like old dude jamming with his awesome beard and the dinosaur with the accordion. Holy crap that sentence was awesome…



And if that didn’t get a chuckle out of you, there’s always INTERNETDOG:



And this:



Have a killer Thursday Winking smile



Win Tickets To The Next #5GumExperience – Terror Island

5GumAnyone who was lucky enough to attend the last #5GumExperience when Two Door Cinema Club played at an old cement factory in Cape Town will know how flippin’ epic these experiences are.

I mean, shit man! You can’t buy tickets to the #5GumExperiences, you can only win them. THAT’S how exclusive these shindigs are, no lies.

So yeah, if you want tickets you got two options. Hit this link before midnight tonight and enter the official 5Gum Terror Island competition for tickets to watch two of the biggest names in electro music, A-Trak and Hudson Mohawke, live in CT. OR you could just enter the competition right here on this motherflippin’ site!

That’s right. I’m giving away a double ticket to catch these guys live when Terror Island hits Cape Town this Saturday. So listen close. Here’s the dealy-o.

All you have to do is send me a pic via email ( or Twitter (@slicktiger with the hashtag #5GumExperience) of a pack of 5Gum that depicts Terror Island like the one below and the best one gets the tickets.



Entries for the competition close at 12 midnight tomorrow (Thursday 25 October) so you’ve got two days to nail this one and the #5GumExperience of a lifetime could be all yours.

To give you a taste of what it’s gonna be like, here’s Hudson Mohawke with “Thunder Bay”.



Rockin. And here’s A-Trak with Mark Foster and Kimbra (the girl that sings with Gotye on “Somebody That I Used To Know”) with “Warrior”, a decidedly more badass video that features two of my favourite things: Mexican-styled wrestlers moering each other and Mexican-styled wrestlers moering each other.



So there you have it folks. Send those pics asap and I’ll announce the winner first thing on Friday morning.




Brooke Candy – I Blame Die Antwoord

2012_08_25_Show Biz BallSo there’s a new slutbag on the block and she goes by the name of Brooke Candy. This “rapper” used to be a stripper and the main message behind her first single “Das Me” is “being called a slut is a compliment”.

The video for “Das Me” plays out like a garish nightmare of freakishly long fingernails, pink braids and outfits most people wouldn’t be seen dead in.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for edgy, controversial artists but I have a serious problem with being shocking just for the sake of it and the general lack of intelligence artists like Brooke Candy seem to possess.

Just watch the video and you’ll see what I mean.



If that isn’t an argument for why strippers should stay on the pole and as far away from careers in music as possible, I don’t know what is.

It’s just so rough. What is sexy about that video? She’s fucking terrifying! I wouldn’t want to be within 50 metres of someone like that never mind in bed with her. Sies man!

The easiest way to gain fame and notoriety is to shock people.

Just look at Die Antwoord. They have that shit down.



But again, I have a serious issue with this video because a) As is the case with Brooke Candy, the song itself it shit and b) They are so obviously trying to stir shit for the sake of getting some attention that it comes across as just plain desperate.

Sad truth is that we will see millions more artists like this in the future and the message behind their music and their videos is only going to get more banal over time so I guess we better get used to it.

Well done mankind. You never cease to amaze us all.



Escape Monday: The Art Of Jeremy Geddes

Gedde8I’m not artist and you could probably fill ten libraries with all the stuff I don’t know about art, but I know what I like and why I like it.

I stumbled on Jeremy Geddes when looking for some cool images to help you escape Monday and was instantly fascinated by his work. It would be awesome to see these paintings in real life, I don’t think these images do them any justice.

These oil paintings are part of a series called “Exhale” and feature people in suspended animation in urban scenes that are being destroyed. The overall effect is pretty powerful – some almost look like freeze frames of bomb blasts made all the more real by Geddes’ meticulous attention to detail.

Check it:









When I’m rich and famous one day, I’ll have art like this on my walls.

And yes, you can come visit for some fine single malt and a stroll through my hedge maze Winking smile



Escape Monday: The Most Badass GoPro Pics Ever Taken

gopro3It’s crazy how much more incredibly badass GoPro cameras have made extreme sports. The ability to attach those suckers to pretty much anything means as an audience, we can be right there in the moment.

So instead of slouching at your desk, sipping your coffee in a typical “fuck my life” Monday slump, why not lose yourself for a minute in these awesome GoPro pics.

Full credit once again to My Modern Met for these other level sheeit pics. Hit that link to get the low-down behind these pics. Or just scroll down and be lazy, I’m totally fine with that.























Intense hey?

The sky-diving team upside down is definitely my favourite.

More Escape Monday goodness to follow at 13.00.

Later party people Winking smile



To J-Rab On Our Five Year Anniversary

IMG_2267Ain’t it funny babe? The way every time I write one of these I make all these promises of how stinking rich I’ll be one day and how much I’ll spoil you on our anniversary and then the next one rolls around and I’m still pretty much broke?

Thank Christ you’re not with me for the money. It’s always been a source of great happiness for me that you’re not one of those girls.

The ones obsessed with material bullshit. Obsessed with shopping and girly pop music and puke-worthy rom coms and things that are pink.

It’s always been a great source of happiness for me that above everything, you are real.

You have the courage to speak your mind and are incapable of lying or putting on false airs for the sake of impressing people too shallow-minded to accept others for who they really are.

That takes real guts. I’m sorry I don’t give you more credit for just being you, in this photo-shopped world of glossy fabrication, that’s a rare quality.

So here we are, five years down the road, living in our little flat in Vredehoek with a stray cat you brought home that has since become a part of our family of two, and no shit, I couldn’t be happier.

What a rare thing to find in this life. True happiness, the kind that flows effortlessly and in abundance and fills your life with purpose and a sense that this crazy fucked-up world ain’t so bad after all.

When I walk into a room I stand that much taller and prouder because I know that no matter what the people there may or may not think about me, I must be worth a damn because you love me.

You’ll never know the calm strength that gives me.

Before you I was a piece of loose shrapnel, bouncing off the walls, tearing everything around me to pieces, getting slowly crushed by my own vices and full of so much rage babe, so much unfocussed anger and hate at the world for all the times it chewed me up and spat me out.

I was a time-bomb. Dramatic as it sounds. I was a statistic waiting to happen.

After that first weekend we spent together all those years ago, I went around to Peggles’ place and the change I’d undergone after just two days with you was written all over me.

He could see it, plain as day, the inferno had died down, the churning maelstrom inside had finally grown still.

Sure, that age-old rage still wells up in me sometimes, that powerfully destructive energy I’ve fought to control my whole life, but one look, one touch from you and it subsides.

Thank you babe, for dating a fucking maniac like me. The world needs to know how brave you are because there isn’t a woman I know who would have toughed out the hard times with me like you have.

You might have the nickname Jessica Rabbit, but deep inside you’re a lioness. The Tiger and the Lion. When we have kids they’ll be Ligers.

I know we came close this year to ending it all and we went through some dark and heavy times, but we made it through all that shit and I swear, we’re stronger for it.

I know this because despite everything we’ve been through, I’m still the happiest man alive to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and wake up next to you every morning.

This is the real deal babe. The giant L-word people search their whole lives for and in some cases, never find.

But I know I’ve found it with you. You’re my companion, my lover, my strength and my sunshine.

You’re my perfect piece of DNA, caught in the flashing rain.

I love you Jess, happy anniversary.





The Nandos #25Reasons Ads

Nandos25reasonsMy interwebs friends recently sent me the links to all the Nandos #25reasons ads so I thought I’d slap them up on the site to see what you guys think.

Because Nandos is celebrating its 25th birthday, they are calling on all South Africans to give them 25 reasons why we love South Africa.

I think it’s a cool idea, especially because of the fact that Nandos used Pinterest to get people to pin their 25 reasons (I’d be interested to find out how that worked, first local brand I know of who’s tried to use Pinterest for a comp), but I’m just not too sure about the ads themselves.

Maybe I’m being hyper-critical because of the high standard of advertising Nandos usually delivers, but for me, these ads feel like they’re missing the mark.

Here’s the first one, “Nando’s Athletes”:



Nice stunts. But I dunno, I think car guards are a little over-used when it comes to comedic subject matter in this country.

Then there’s this one:



Huh. Forgive my whiteness but I have no idea what just happened in that ad.

Why are those brightly-clothed homeys throwing their stuff in the big fire? Why do they all get scared and drive off when the taxi seat gets thrown in the mix?


This one is pretty straight-forward though:



Ah yes. Good old Nkalakatha. The closest us white saffas ever came to liking kwaito. I have never seen a black person dance to this song. The song starts and Caucasians swarm the dancefloor like white on rice.

This ad nails it when it comes to how white people react to this song though, but it just made me wish a gigantic Monty Python foot would come out of the ceiling and squash her.

Moving on, here’s the most recent one:



You think they’re arriving in Europe, but they’re actually arriving on Cape Town because everyone’s always going on about how first world Cape Town is.

I feel a punch-line eel coming on.



Am I being a gigantic asshole here? I dunno, I’ve just come to expect unbelievably awesome ads from Nandos so like I said in the beginning, maybe my expectations are too high.

Anyone care to step in and defend these ads?

I swear I won’t edit your comments to make them agree with me Winking smile