Okes Who Like To Klap It #20: Brett van Rooyen

Brett's HeadI tell you, time flys hey okes? Jus-laaik, I can remember back in 2010 when I first wrote the “SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet” and ous were like, “Boedie, you have written the gym BIBLE charna!”

One of those ous was a lekker charna of mine Brett van Rooyen who wrote to me and was like, “Slick, I’m a lank skinny oke what can’t pull lekker cherries. Please help me boet, I wanna be exactly like YOU!”

So of course being the good oke that I am I was like, “Brett my boedie, don’t SQUEEZE A SALTIE, lemme come pick you up, I’ll take you vest shopping, then we can grab schweet spray tans, smash lekker dangerous anabolic steroids into our butts and KLAP SOME GYM, BOET!”

It weren’t easy in the beginning, I’m not gonna lie. I mean, Brett was big into his cardio as the picture of him below shows:



In the beginning he was like, “Slick, I’ll NEVER be like you, all MASSIVE AND RIPPED in the interwebs, writing like a proper gym boychay and making ous lag, you are the ORIGINAL interwebs CHARNA! No oke can EVER beat that!”

But I chooned ol’ Brett straight, I was like, “Brett boedie, one thing you must unnerstand about the interwebs is that you can flippin go NUTS stealing another oke’s shit, copying EVERYTHING that another oke does and getting lank famous for it. Stealing other oke’s kak is what the interwebs was INVENTED FOR boet, are you dof or something?!”

And so with my help and enough roids to kill a elephant, Brett started KLAPPING IT on a whole other level and three years later, THIS is how FLIPPIN’ TIT the ou looks:



The next thing Brett knew, he was banging TWO BLONDE BELTERS at the same time, every night! He was my greatest cre-hation and jassie the ou made me proud.

I’ve never knowed a oke to take so many shots in the bum, I mean JUS-LAAIK! Just when I used to think “One more shot and this oke’s arse will be so sore he won’t be able to walk straight” Brett would be like, “C’mon Slicky! Another shot boet! I scheme I can handle it charna!”

After that, there was only one thing to do to be completely like me and that was write like a doos on the interwebs. At first Brett was like, “Slick, I really wanna write for that kak funny site ‘Hayibo’ boet, do you scheme they’ll schmaak me?”

But I was like, “Brett ma charn, a oke like you is too good for a kak site like that. Have you heard of The Gatsby? It’s exactly like Hayibo boedie only with a different name, you’ll fit in there lank well hey?”



And Brett, that flippin BOYCHAY, we went for his dream to be exactly like his hero Slicky-T and jassie did he KLAP THE SHIT out of that dream or what?! I mean hell, reading that ous BUFF movie reviews you could almost swear it was ol Slicky-T his self writing them.

Read this first one the ous done for a movie about miserable lesbians or some kak like that, it’s on ANOTHER LEVEL!

The oke has come so far from that moff cardio kid I met back in 2010.

Brett you legend, keep KLAPPING IT BOEDIE, I’m so proud of you charn.


2 Responses to “Okes Who Like To Klap It #20: Brett van Rooyen”

  1. 1 Civilian
    February 1, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Imitation has no shame I guess.

  2. February 1, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    “I’ve never knowed a oke to take so many shots in the bum” bwahahahaha.

    When I read that movie review I thought maybe they had asked you to write it but you like weren’t that keen and so just did it on your tablet computer device while dropping a bodger ey.

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