Them's Fightin' Words

I must be honest, if there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do in life, that’s drink half a bottle of rubbing alcohol, smoke a bulb of tik, drop three or four valium and perform open-heart surgery on someone.

Now, thanks to the game “Surgeon Simulator” you can do just that! Sure, the game starts after your character has already taken everything listed above but yeah, good luck controlling that fucker in any way.

I’ve given this game at least four or five tries with almost every one either ending in uncontrollable laughter or the kind of frustration and hopeless despair that leads people to take industrial strength prescription tranquilisers.

Here’s a screengrab from the game so you can see what we’re dealing with here:

The control system is the most revolutionary in any game I’ve ever played in that the keys “a”, “w”, “e” and “r” represent the surgeon’s fingers with spacebar being used to control the thumb.

The mouse controls the hand’s movement so that you can carefully position it to knock everything over, leave dangerous surgical instruments in the patient’s chest cavity and remove vital organs with the accuracy and precision of one of those claws that you use to pick up fluffy toys at the arcade at Gold Reef City.

If you can actually complete this game, then you are a true champion amongst men and can safely count yourself within the top 1% of gamers the world over.

CLICK THIS LINK TO PLAY THE GAME. DO IT NOW!

TOTAL TIME WASTED: A good 40mins, but I keep coming back for some unknown reason…
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: 80% on the first go, 70% on the second, 50% the time after and about –50% the time after that.
FINAL VERDICT: Kids, drugs are harmful and not to be used without strict adult supervision or in conjunction with open-heart surgery EVER.

-ST