Archive for March, 2013



15
Mar
13

Friday LOLZ – Glozell Is A Retard

CinamonSo many retarded people in the world, all of them clambering shamelessly for a voice on the internet so they can get their 15 minutes of fame while the rest of us watch in mute horror.

A prime example of what I’m talking about is GloZell who, besides the fact that she has the worst name I think I’ve ever heard, is also a total fucking retard in every way.

I’m a little late to the party with this one so you might have seen these videos already a long time ago, but if you haven’t, you’re about to watch the dumbest fucking human I’ve seen in a good long time eat things that would make a goat puke.

To start things off, here’s her infamous “Cinnamon Challenge” that did the rounds a few months ago.

Check it:

 

 

I know right? How can anyone possibly be so fucking stupid. Sure, she might just be faking that she’s that dumb and doing it for the attention but still, doesn’t that make her pretty dumb regardless?

While you ponder that little gem of wisdom from your Tiger pal, gave a look at this next one – there aren’t actually words to describe how fucking awesome it is so I’m not even going to try.

 

 

It’s like she’s fucking possessed! The power of Christ compels you! Hahaha, what a fucking retard.

Aaaaaanyway, as a bonus video, check out this guy and his awesome homemade sparkler:

 

 

Classic. Pretty sure I’ve seen Wylie Coyote do that EXACT same thing about 100 times.

That’s alls I gots today party people. Have a killer weekend – if you’re in Cape Town, curl up and get some DVDs or something tonight cause this rain looks like it’s here to stay.

Adios!

-ST

14
Mar
13

Vice Magazine Gets Its Own HBO Show

nettie-r-harris-x-ryan-mcginley-vice-magazineIt’s no secret that Vice Magazine is basically one of the last bastions of awesome, gonzo-styled journalism left on the face of the planet.

I mean holy shit, did you guys watch the video of the Vice journalist who takes acid and goes to the dog show? Or what about the piece recently published by a Vice journalist who visited the Playboy mansion?

Well now HBO is giving Vice their own show in which founder Shane Smith and a group of his top correspondents travel the world to visit the scariest and most absurd cultures and situations they can find. Pretty fucking sick, ne?

Check it:

 

 

The show premiers on 5th April and you bet your ass I’ll be getting my filthy little mitts on it to let you guys know what it’s like.

Have a killer Thursday. Nearly there Party People.

Nearly there…

-ST

13
Mar
13

Album Review: Beast – Smoke, Swig, Swear

399565_255570204554672_322631886_nThe Down Lizzo:

On a nameless, murky night at Carfax In Joburg I stood utterly transfixed watching Inge Beckmann strut like Marla Singer on acid onstage with the other members of Lark.

It was like she was conjuring the elements, whipping them up into a maelstrom of human limbs thrashing in syncopated unison. It was a wonder to behold.

After she’d finished performing I ran into her in the crowd and drunkenly confessed that she was the sexiest woman I’d ever seen play live. So when I heard she’d formed Beast with the legendary Louis Nel and Rian Zitsmann from Taxi Violence and Sasha Righini from The Plastics, I had to get my hands on their album.

 

 

It wasn’t easy. As badass as the name “Beast” is, there are at least another two bands that share the same name (one being a Korean boy band. Siff). All I was able to find was the video for “Fill The Hole” a track in which Beckman’s singing takes on an almost cat-like wail that had me wondering whether she’d taken things a little far with her new band.

Then via a lucky coincidence I tracked Beast down on Twitter and downloaded their full debut Smoke Swig Swear and, one listen in, I was nodding my head, utterly transfixed and grinning from ear to ear.

 

Sick Tracks:

Jesus, where to begin? The eight tracks on Smoke Swig Swear are packed with a ton of thumping, seething, meaty hooks and “fuck yeah!” moments that tease like a stripper and kick like a mule.

It’s not often I lump this kind of praise on an album, but I’d almost say that every track on Smoke Swig Swear will melt your fucking face off.

First off, this is a band of only bass guitars which Nel and Zitsmann wield like twin sledgehammers, lending the album this deliciously dark tone throughout that crawls under your skin and makes a home for itself.

Add Righini’s dextrous, awe-inspiring work behind the kit you have a band that is basically ALL rhythm section. These guys play so tight you’d need a crowbar to separate their beats and riffs from one another. It’s filthy, mutant blues laced with everything that was cool about rock music in the 90s.

 

 

The album opens with “Fill The Hole”, the album’s most abrasive track by far. It’s a baptism by fire, it’s the band dialing shit up to 11, breaking you in hard and fast as Beckmann wails “Draw a hand / Draw the dead / Draw a heart / Draw a head / Lift the hand / Raise the dead / Eat her heart / Roll her head”.

“Airport Deport Abort” is sheer songwriting genius. With a bassline reminiscent of Bjork’s seminal “Army Of Me”, this track lurches with thinly disguised malice – it’s complex, expertly arranged and custom built to prove beyond doubt that this band is not here to fuck around.

“Walls” starts out pensive and quickly builds to a frenzied climax as Beckmann sings “I’m in the well / I’m in the black garden / Rolling down a hill / Pulling gunk out of your mouth again”.

 

 

I could go on – I could wax lyrical about the soaring chorous of “The Grape”, the beautiful slow-build of “Man In Between”, the undeniable, bluesy rock ‘n roll badassery of “Smoke Swig Swear”, but this review would run on for days.

And then, after everything that is Smoke Swig Swear, the sheer agony and ecstasy of this undeniably powerful album, the band drops “Hand Of God” that lands with atom-bomb force as Beckmann sings “And all the idols will topple over / And the fair maidens will be reformed / And all the men will know their worth / When the earth implodes”.

Should You Give A Shit?

Fuck me, have you been reading this review?!?!

Get this album. Stab it directly into your heart like an adrenaline-filled syringe and sit tight as shit gets interesting.

Then, when you’re done falling sickly in love with this album, go out and watch them play live. Get the fuck off the 5FM bandwagon and wonder off the beaten path for a change.

Get their album. Unleash the Beast. Thank me later Winking smile

Here’s “The Grape” to give you guys a taste:

 

 

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST

12
Mar
13

Ultimate Wake Up Prank Compilation

Water PrankTrying to fit in the correspondence course I’m currently doing on top of blogging and a full time job is proving trickier than I’d first anticipated, no doubt about that.

I’m finding myself having to wake up at all kinds of ungodly hours to fit it all in which is why I can sympathise with the people in the video you’re about to see who are being cruelly wrenched from sleep.

It takes a really sadistic person to wake someone up like this. Sleep is without a doubt one of the best parts of being human so even though I died laughing at some of these pranks, deep inside felt sorry for these people, especially the rat trap guy.

Check it:

 

 

How’s the dad with the creepy mask and the chainsaw!? Way to traumatise your kids for the rest of their lives there dude.

Have a killer Tuesday Party People. This will all be over before you know it Winking smile

-ST

11
Mar
13

Escape Monday: Stunning Close-Up Pics Of Elements

element-tanaka-telluriumAhh, Monday. Just like that the whole cycle starts up again and you’re back where you started, the weekend just a lingering memory of those precious two days in which you could do any damn thing you pleased.

I spent mine back in The Big Smoke for a wedding. It was a pretty intense trip both in its brevity and in the general insanity that transpired, but more about that in the posts to follow.

In the meantime I found some pretty intense photos of various elements from the periodic table snapped by Japanese chemist and photographer R Tanaka that are pretty mesmerising to say the least.

Check it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gonna be an intense week for posting this week Party People, got some pretty killer content lined up so don’t be a stranger.

Until then Winking smile

-ST

08
Mar
13

Other Level Friday LOLZ

tumblr_mitevdEbCn1qj26eao1_500It’s a rainy-ass day in Cape Town, what I like to call a classic GTFH day (gothefuckhome). I swear I’d actually pay my company R500 to let me just go home and go back to bed. Five hundred big ones. Done deal.

But sadly that’s not gonna happen. Instead I’ll get through today as best I can and try to duck out at 4. Hopefully by then it’s still all rainy and overcast and I can nail a flippin awesome afternoon nap.

Meanwhile, life carries on, but to make it a little more bearable for you badass mofos I’ve thrown together yet another random collection of Friday LOLZ that I think you’ll enjoy.

Starting with this spoof intro for Walking Dead from 1995:

 

 

And if that weren’t awesome enough, here’s Breaking Bad 1995 style:

 

 

Ahh 1995… you kill me every time…

In other news:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a killer weekend party people!

Be rad Winking smile

-ST

07
Mar
13

Sick Customer Service Award: SKULLCANDY

skullcandy_wallpaper4-613648Fucking South Africa, y’know?! I mean, I love this country to pieces but our customer service is seriously up to shit most of the time – it’s like some companies don’t want your business at all.

They rope you in as clients or customers and then act like they’re the ones doing you a favour. But this is not Hello Peter, this is SlickTiger bitches, so instead of complaining I’m gonna do the exact opposite.

Starting now, every time I receive excellent customer service and get treated like a flippin’ CHAMPION, I’m going to sing that company’s praises on the site so you guys don’t have to waste your time with shitheads who don’t deserve your business.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post the first recipients of the Sick Customer Service Award (SCSA so it’s more official-sounding) is Skullcandy which is handled locally by Luksbrands.

The story goes like this: As part of the 5Gum Experience with 2Door Cinema Club last year, the badasses at Retroviral dropped off some Skullcandy “Agent” headphones for your Tiger pal which I then proceeded to use basically everyday to escape to my happy place.

 

 

After extensive use, agitated by the fact that I took the phones travelling all over the world (England, Holland, Thailand, Durban, you name it) the sound in the left headphone started conking out.

I wrote to Skullcandy to find out if they could do anything to help a Tiger out and that’s how I met Janis.

Janis is such a badass she got back to me within an hour, asking for my cell number so we could sort everything out as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Within a day my old faulty headphones had been collected and a week after that the following arrived in the post, no questions asked:

 

 

Thanks to Luksbrands and the experience I had with them, I’ll probably use Skullcandy headphones for the rest of my life.

Janis stayed in email contact with me throughout the entire process, was friendly, responsive and went completely out of her way to help a Tiger out.

So to Luksbrands, Skullcandy and Janis – congratulations! It is with great satisfaction that I present you the first official SCSA on my site.

 

 

Other brands out there listen up: if you want to impress the shit out of your customers, call Janis and start taking notes.

Simple as that Winking smile

And with that, I’m outta here to blast the new Beast album into my brain as I slide into music-induced bliss.

Later Party People,

-ST

06
Mar
13

I Need Police

SA POLICE ARE FERAL PIC DEC 2011 SA INSTITUTE RACE RELATIONS THE BROKEN BLUE LINE FEB2011 REPORT[8]Following the overwhelmingly positive response I got from everyone for yesterday’s post I have now started in earnest to write my first novel by sketching it out according to the classic three act structure.

What has very quickly become apparent though is that for me to be able to tell the story I want to tell, I’ll need to conduct a number of interviews with the Po-Po.

So this is me asking you guys if anyone out there, anyone at all, knows anyone working in the SAP in Cape Town who wouldn’t mind letting me pick their brain for an hour or so to gather some info for the novel I’m writing.

It’s going to be a harrowing tale though, I can tell you guys that much. Just sketching the story out and reading it in the wee hours this morning gave me chills.

At the same time I felt really excited though. I’m going to see this fucker through right the way to the end and drag this story kicking and screaming out of my mind and onto paper.

 

 

And when it’s in bookstore all over the country and selling millions of copies you guys can say, “Ja flip hey boet? I’ve knowed SlickTiger ever since way back when he was writing DOFF KAK about klapping gym and banging BELTERS!”

Hahaha! Here’s hopin!

But yeah, in all seriousness, hit me up on tellthetiger@gmail.com if you have any info on the Po-Po.

Thanking you in advance,

-ST

05
Mar
13

Being Brave

Savage-Jungle-by-CrynnI daydream a lot, it’s a habit I picked up at a young age because I grew up without brothers and sisters so I’d often just burrow deep inside my head and stay there for a long-ass time.

It’s still one of my all-time favourite places, as self indulgent as I know that sounds. Over the years, a hundred thousand different things have taken root in there.

It’s become this swampy, jungly place – all overgrown and soupy with humidity and mist. I stalk through it silently, the mossy ground squelching under my paws, wandering through mires of memories and mangrove forests of dreams.

It was here that I stumbled on the memory of my New Year’s post, any of you guys read that one?

I re-read it a few minutes ago because it was a classic SlickTiger post – simple, straight-forward and nothing to write home about at face value, but given the right key, the right sentence, it suddenly takes on an entirely different meaning.

See, when I wrote that post on Dec 31st 2012, I already knew I was going to be a dad.

So all that waffle about the SlickTiger mantra for 2013 being “Be Brave” wasn’t really me trying to convince you guys to be brave, it was me trying to convince myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to be a dad, in fact the thought of having a child with J-Rab fills me with indescribable awe. My daughter is growing inside the woman I love! How crazy is that?!

But there’s another part of me that’s started taking stock of my life, weighing up all my achievements and failures in a desperate attempt to figure out what it really is I want to do with my life and that’s scary.

I always thought that when it came time to have kids I’d be financially secure. I’d have money saved in the bank and I’d be ready to give that kid the very best of everything, because that’s what my parents did for me.

The sad truth though is that we aren’t financially ready to have a kid. It kills me, but there it is.

Everyone (including myself) has said that it will be ok, things will work themselves out, J-Rab and I will figure out a way to make ends meet and I’m sure we will but sometimes, at moments like these when it’s 1am and thoughts about the future are running riot in my head, clouds of doubt cast ink-black shadows in the jungles of my mind and the way forward becomes impossible to see.

My entire life, I’ve wanted to be a writer. I’ve wanted to publish award-winning fiction and make millions, so I took a brave step a few weeks back and enrolled on a 10-week GetSmarter Creative Writing course even though there’s no way in hell I can afford it.

The course started yesterday and I eagerly read through all the material they sent us, watched the videos and jumped on the forums to take part in the discussion topics.

My goal is to have a finished manuscript ready before the birth of my daughter. I have five months to make this happen.

After that, my daydream camera lens gets the Vaseline treatment and the world takes on this soft, warm tone as I hold my daughter for the first time, as I get a phonecall shortly thereafter from a publisher saying they love my book and want to put it in bookstores all over the country, as I tour the length and breadth of SA, signing books and doing interviews while money keeps rolling in and I eventually settle down to work on my second and then third and then fourth novels.

J-Rab becomes an award-winning designer and photographer, I marry her, we move into our first house together and when our daughter is a little older we try for a boy and have one.

We look after our little family and give them everything they could ever need and more. Some of my books get optioned as movies, I start writing screenplays, I make a living out of telling the world the stories I keep locked in my ghostly heart.

I’m a great dad and an attentive husband. My kids grow up strong and learn to always do the right thing, no matter how hard that is sometimes.

J-Rab and I leave a mark on this world. We look back fondly on the time we spent living in our ropey flat in Vredehoek, the transitional years before we hit the big-time.

We grow old together, our kids have kids, we look back on our lives without regret or spite or anger and we continue to touch the lives of those around us until we finally, gracefully, leave this world for the next.

The credits roll…

I want that story to be mine.

I will sweat blood to make it happen.

I will throw myself with reckless abandon against the wall that the world has built between me and my dreams until it collapses.

In 2013 everything changes.

All I have to be, is brave Winking smile

-ST

04
Mar
13

Escape Monday: Pics From The “Best Of Russia 2012” Competition

tower-perspective_2494677kRussians are a weird bunch at the best of times. The only first-hand experience I’ve had of them was when J-Rab and I were in Thailand on an island tour with about 30 of them in a speedboat with us.

The trip lasted a good 10 hours and during the course of it we saw some of Thailand’s most beautiful islands, but do you think these flippin’ Ruskies cracked one goddamn smile at any point during the trip?!

It was like we were stuck on a boat with a buncha miserable shop mannequins. That’s what made the photos I’m about to show you all the more remarkable. The depth of emotion they capture and communicate is truly amazing.

They’re from the annual “Best Of Russia” photo competition, which is open to amateurs and professionals alike. The only proviso is that the photos have to be from 2012.

Check it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And my favourite of the whole bunch (because I’m having a daughter, and when she grows up, I want her to be a little badass like this):

 

 

Hope you liked those pics, if you want to check out more, hit this link.

Later Partytjie Mense!

-ST