Archive for April, 2013



17
Apr
13

The Angriest Guitar Player IN THE WORLD

Angry Guitar ManHow did I miss this?! Did you guys catch this video back in 2011? The angriest guitar player in the world? I didn’t! And I feel cheated that no one shared this with me back when it was first uploaded.

If you’ve never seen the angriest guitar player in the world then you my friend are in for a treat. You get regular, run-of-the-mill angry Scots and then you get motherflippin NUCLEAR MELTDOWN angry Scots.

This guy belongs to the nuclear meltdown variety. I love this for two reasons – firstly because I know only too well what it’s like to be this pissed off and secondly because the part he keeps fluffing sounds like a fucking nursery rhyme.

 

 

I swear, I was crying watching this. This guy is clearly shit-your-pants mad. I don’t think anything’s cracked me up this much in fucking ages.

You ever seen someone lose their shit like this man?

Hahahaha! Priceless…

-ST

16
Apr
13

Psy’s New Video Is… Um…

GentlemanI said it before, when Psy dropped “Gangnam Style” I was notoriously slow off the mark in posting it on the site because after I watched it the first time I wasn’t really moved one way or another.

His new vid for “Gentleman” hit YouTube three days ago and is already at a whopping 86 million views so what the hell. I figured I’d post it here in case you guys haven’t seen it already (unlikely).

It’s got some pretty sick beats but it’s sorely lacking the radass dance moves that made “Gangnam Style” explode like an H-bomb on the interwebs.

Also there’s something about a grown-ass man acting like a brat for an entire music video that’s gets a little old about a minute in.

 

 

Comments, thoughts, suggestions? Anyone out there musically inclined will have no doubt noticed that structurally this song is identical to “Gangnam Style”.

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?

I’ll say one thing though, the verse melody is already stuck like old chewing gum in my head.

Well done strange Korean man.

Well done.

-ST

15
Apr
13

Escape Monday: Neon Waterfalls

Waterfall7If there was ever a Monday I’d like to escape, it’s this one for deffos. My loyal readers might have noticed I didn’t post on Friday – that’s because not only am I swamped at work right now, but I’m sick as a dog.

I’ve posted waterfalls before for Escape Monday, but never ones like these. These images are the brainchild of Sean Lenz and Kristoffer Abildgaard who used a simple concept to get amazing results.

They call this technique “Neon Luminance” and it basically involved dropping multi-coloured, high-powered Cyalume glow sticks into waterfalls and photographing the results on exposures varying from 30 seconds to 7 minutes.

The glow sticks float, so there was no pollution – they just collected the sticks afterward and posted their pics for the world to see.

Check it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty schweet ne?

Good luck with the rest of today. With any luck it will all be over before we know it.

-ST

11
Apr
13

Short Story: The Grindstone Cowboy

mqdefaultI mentioned a few weeks back that I’d enrolled on a 10 week long Creative Writing course run by Getsmarter in the hopes that it would light a fire under my ass to finish my first manuscript by August.

Good news is the course has definitely taught me a few tricks that will be seriously helpful over the next few months. Bad news is with all the course assignments, I have no time to actually write my manuscript.

Same goes for this blog, which is why I came up with the genius idea of posting some of my writing exercises on the site and in this way, killing two birds with one stone – SPLAT!

So the following piece of writing is for an exercise in writing in the second person, a point of view very rarely used in fiction. The instruction was to write a typical morning in the second person, so here’s what I got.

Grindstone Cowboy

Your cell phone alarm tone sounds at 4.30am, rousing you from a vaguely remembered dream about swimming at Dalebrook as a kid, summoning the courage to dive under the waves, your mom smiling and waving at you from the shoreline.

You hit “Dismiss” on the phone’s touch-screen and sink back into slumber, wrapped in a soft cocoon of bone-deep warmth and blissful oblivion.

At 5am the second tone sounds and for a few minutes you consider just rolling over, snuggling up to the soft, warm body of the woman you love and drifting back off to Dalebrook, but the mantra that galvanises you to action every day screams out in your head, “Do you want to be a world-famous writer or a world-famous sleeper?”

You pick your way through the darkness and disarray of the lounge, tying your dressing-gown up tight as you go. The seasons are turning, the cold bite of winter nips at your bare legs, a menacing promise of the bitter months to come.

You stretch as you fire up your laptop, your muscles sing and your joints click. You crack your knuckles and the world holds its breath as you begin to type, a holy silence interrupted only by the clacking of the keys and the distant sibilance of passing cars.

That old familiar energy starts to surge through you as you type. The hair on the back of your neck starts bristling and your heart beats faster. It’s strong today, very strong. You bend words into worlds as the collective unconscious flows through you, rushing through the rusted pipes inside, only to pour out in abundance, dirty-brown and flecked with pieces of you.

You read back through what you’ve written and smile. What a blessing to wield this power, to experience, if only for the most fleeting of moments, what it must be like to be a god.

Outside the sun has risen and the day has started. Your thoughts turn to the overdue client pitch you were supposed to have turned in on Monday and the bungled client interview you set up on some shit-hole community station or other. Your six-month review is coming up soon, with any luck you won’t get sacked for the poor effort you’ve shown over the past few months.

You sigh and shuffle listlessly toward the bathroom to shower and shave.

Another grindstone cowboy in the uncaring rodeo of life.

Yee-haw.

-ST

10
Apr
13

Early 80s “Aerobic Self Defence” Video WILL Change Your Life

ButtingWhat the hell happened to people back in the 80s?! Did their ability to rationally assess what they were saying and doing just completely evaporate?

I mean there are only two types of people that possess the unwavering, supreme self-confidence that people in the 80s had – people on truckloads of blow and sociopaths.

American Psycho helped me understand why people in the 80s were as fucked up as they were, but every time I watch a video like this that understanding crumbles because what the shit is going on here?!

What you’re about to see is a video that contains gratuitous amounts of footage of men getting hit in the balls by women in spandex. I’m not quite sure how else to describe this.

Good luck.

 

 

“Thanks to Roland we don’t have to be afraid anymore” except for the fact that Roland himself is fucking terrifying.

Great handjob action at 1:06.

“Butting”. What the actual fuck.

And then there’s the part about this technique we in the industry like to call “slapping”.

Pretty sure women invented slapping. There is absolutely no fucking need to educate them in how to execute a well-timed, ear-ringing slap.

Or a well-timed eye-ringing or kidney-ringing slap for that matter.

Sky’s the limit here people.

Be safe out there.

-ST

09
Apr
13

Series Review: Walking Dead S3 (Includes Zombie Massacre Supercut)

P_101618I came across this pretty cool “VFX Reel” from Stargate Films following the season finale of Walking Dead Season 3 and was initially just going to post this and carry on with my life.

But then I got to thinking about the season finale of S3 and very quickly realised that, on reflection, the season finale was a total let down in almost every conceivable way [SPOILERS TO FOLLOW].

The end of S1 was decent – Centre For Disease Control explodes, Rick finds out some secret he won’t share with everyone, the gang drives off into an uncertain future, there was enough there to make me want to keep watching.

The end of S2 was the most intense holyshitwhathappensnext cliff-hanger I’ve seen in long time.

Think about it, Rick murdered the shit out of Shane who then turned despite never being bitten only to get gunned down by motherflippin CARL. The gunshot attracted a herd of Walkers who sacked the farm and caused the group to split up in their scramble to get the fuck outta there.

That night, Rick confesses that he’s known all along that you don’t need to get bitten to turn, which in itself was a huge “oh fuck” moment.  Andrea, who’s been separated from the group, gets saved from becoming zombie-noms by some cloak-wearing, ninja-sword-wielding freak who walks around with dismembered zombies on muthufukkin CHAINS!

 

 

What a great way to end a series! I was so excited for S3 I could hardly sit still and when it finally came, the first half of it was awesome!

But the second half, eish…

Merle bizarrely changes from being this creepy guy who no one can trust to being a creepy guy who comes to his senses after some gentle coercion from Michonne, releases her for no apparent reason and gets himself killed in an idiotic move that doesn’t really change anything.

The final showdown with The Governor FINALLY happens and, despite the fact that The Governor has 10x the firepower, at least twice as many men and is hell-bent on killing the shit out of Rick and his merry gang, he and his thugs bail the instant bullets start flying and are essentially chased out of the prison by only two fucking people (Glenn and Maggie armed with automatic rifles).

 

 

The Governor guns his own soldiers down because he’s a bit miffed they all bailed on him and disappears with the two remaining ones. Rick goes back to Woodbury and everyone’s like “Yay, let’s go live with Rick and these total strangers IN JAIL” before which Andrea dies because instead of picking the fucking pliers up with her goddamn toes and freeing herself, she decided to chat endlessly with that dying nerdy guy!

It was an ending without a cliff-hanger. The only loose end is that The Governor is still out there somewhere, but Rick’s men now out-number the Governor’s and with the added help of the newcomers, I’m pretty sure they can fortify the shit out of the prison and live happily ever after.

Look, I’ll still watch S4 because I’m invested in the characters and story so I can’t not watch it, but I think the end of S3 could have been so much better.

Here’s hopin’ they take it up a notch for S4. In the meantime, dig the zombie-killing good times this VFX supercut from S3:

 

 

-ST

08
Apr
13

Escape Monday: The Hadouken Craze Has Landed

hadoukenI always thought “planking” and “owling” and other similar crazes were a bit lame and don’t even get me started on the Harlem Shake, the world’s most retarded dance ever created.

Seems there’s a new craze destined to last at least a week or two that has sprung up recently which is way more badass than its predecessors and goes by the name Hadoukening.

To the uninitiated, Hadoukening is taken from a move in the Street Fighter games which sent enemies flying backward after the player (either Ken, Ryu or Sajura) unleashed a surge of pure spirit energy.

Getting this right can’t be easy. Your timing has to be pretty much spot on and the people taking part need to have some mad jumping skillz, but the results are pretty damn radass.

Check it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty cool. I give it three weeks at the most and the next big internet photo trend will already be raping your eyes for all it’s worth.

Until then, happy Hadoukening!

-ST

05
Apr
13

Friday LOLZ Cat Depression Edition

tumblr_mk4532YNjW1ql2603o1_500Easter has really thrown things off kilter here at SlickTiger Industries, so my apologies for the shocking lack of posting, things will be on track next week fo sho.

In the meantime, I’m eating musli, drinking green tea and wallowing in this weird funk that I woke up in today. I think I’m suffering from chronic cat-induced depression.

See, our cat is cheating on us. We’ve been in denial about it for some time now, but all the evidence is piling up and it’s getting pretty hard to turn a blind eye anymore.

We’re pretty sure it’s the neighbours downstairs. On more than one occasion we have found our cat down there, hanging out with them when she should be at home hanging out with us.

It’s kinda heartbreaking. I mean fuck, we love her, care for her, we fucking gave her a home to have her kittens in, we saved her from the goddamn street and how does she repay us?

 

 

By running off with the neighbours who I swear to God are feeding her every time she goes around there, loving her and fucking letting her sleep in their fucking house!

Fuck this fucking shit. What the fuck? What a total load of bullshit, there is no justice in the world, fuck her, she can fucking have those shitty pot-smoking vegetarian motherfuckers if she wants. If she thinks they are better than us, then she can fuck right off, I don’t need this shit in my life.

Anyway. Friday LOLZ. Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

And now, here’s my professional career summed up in one picture:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s the opposite of what our fucking cat is like:

 

 

 

Have a great weekend. I really hope your guys pets don’t cheat on you the way our is.

After everything we’ve done for her… it’s just so fucking wrong… I swear to God, I’m going home this afternoon and punching those neighbours IN THE FACE.

-ST

03
Apr
13

Never Blog Hungry

enhanced-buzz-1934-1364782281-0A long time ago I learned the Golden Rule “Never Blog Drunk”. You can see the hilarious (?) results of that here. Well, there’s another Golden Rule we can add to that and yep, you guessed it, it’s “Never Blog Hungry”.

I was trawlin’ the ol’ interwebs for some cool content to share with you crazy mofos last night while J-Rab was fryin’ up some delicious smoked pork chops in the kitchen and one thing lead to another.

Thing is though, what you’re about to see could very well be some of the raddest food art ever produced. Undeniable proof that the old saying “Don’t play with your food” is dead and gone.

Arty noms below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Um, ok that one was a little siff.

Moving on…

 

 

 

And now for the face-meltingly rad ones:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, and people wander why I think ET is a twisted little freak.

 

 

 

 

And my personal favourite:

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Buzzfeed where I stole these images shamelessly, you can click this link to get more food art amazingness.

Have a great Wednesday Party People – already hump day, hells yeah!

-ST

02
Apr
13

Farewell To Summer

Rainy_Day_by_kioneeI had the rainy day blues yesterday and I loved every minute of it. From the moment I got up around 9am to the moment I sat down to write this just before sunset, it felt like I was living in a cloud.

I don’t think the day could have been any more perfect. Normally when a day like yesterday rolls around, you have to go to work and it’s all dark and shitty and you WISH you were chillin’ at home.

Well, yesterday we all got our wish. This thick cotton-wool mist rolled into the city bowl and thousands of Capetonians did what we do best in winter, stayed the fuck home and hibernated.

The seasons are definitely turning. There’s a winter chill in the wind as summer fades and the sun rises later and sets earlier.

Time is tearing like a racehorse around a track, tearing up the turf in a frantic sprint to an indefinable finish line that could come at any time.

For me, the end of summer carries an added weight because the next time it rolls around, beaming down through perfect blue skies, I’ll be a dad.

 

 

I’d like to say that things have magically turned around over the past three months and, as J-Rab and I approach the middle of her pregnancy, we’ve somehow managed to change our prospects and are taking home a salary the three of us can live comfortably off, but sadly that’s not true.

The good news is that I’ve stuck to my guns when it comes to banging out the novel that’s going to save us. I’ve nearly got the first two chapters out, it’s hard going but nothing in this life worth having is easy so I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on, getting a little more out every day, slowly slowly catch a monkey.

The thing about being a writer is that the stories in you claw relentlessly toward the light, squirming and fighting to get out of your head and into other people’s.

So in a way, this novel will be written whether I like it or not, all I have to do is sit down and physically write it, a task which any writer will tell you is easier said than done.

 

 

In the end of the day, it’s a bit like klapping gym though. You can make a million excuses why not to do it and a million excuses why it’s not working, but unless you do a little as often as possible, you’ll look like kak and NEVER get the belters!

You can be sure of one thing though, when it’s finally written, if it gets published, ALL of you motherfuckers are getting a signed copy because without you and this site, I don’t think I would have developed my voice as a writer to the extent that I have.

So I’m ploughing on, a boat against the current, bidding the final days of summer farewell and preparing for the approaching winter, the 30th one I’ve faced.

Wish me luck Winking smile

-ST