Archive for the 'Awesome Work Time Wasters' Category


Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part XV): Cyclomaniacs Epic

1835662-armorgames-cyclomaniacs-epicI worked so hard this week (with the exception of going to Metallica, although staying alive in the mosh pit was pretty hard work…) that I’ve been dreaming work. It’s not even 9am yet and I’m DEAD tired.

When the weekend finally lands in a blissful cloud of doing absolutely fuck all, you aren’t going to find a happier Tiger. The amount of nothing I’m going to do will be legendary.

In the meantime, because I’ve done the work of about three people this week, that means that two of you out there reading this can totally get away with doing no work today whatsoever. That’s where Cyclomaniacs Epic comes in…

I featured the first Cyclomaniacs game here awhile back and sank a good couple of days into playing that one. It’s a great game because it’s so damn simple.

You chose a rider. You navigate a course and if you get enough speed, you pull off sweet jumps, wheelies, front and back flips and inverts.



That’s pretty much all there is to it. The more tricks you land the higher your boost bar gets and the better chance you have of huge jumps and ridiculous tricks.

The difference between Epic and the previous versions is better graphics and more characters to choose from. Also if you fluff a trick you don’t restart from the previous checkpoint which is pretty handy.

You can play Cyclomaniacs Epic by clicking on this magical, time-wasting hyperlink.



TOTAL TIME WASTED: Hard to say. I had to pull out of this one cause I could feel it was going to suck the time right our of me. In total, I reckon you could crack the entire game in about 8 hours straight, so 1 full working day should do the trick
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: Solid 80%, hands down. I mean what’s not to like? Cool bikes, funny-lookin characters, sweet jumps. Whole lotta win right there.
FINAL VERDICT: Good, clean, official written warning fun times. Do it! Do it now!


Have a killer weekend Party People.

See ya’ll back at the grind next week.




Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part xiv): Frog Fractions

300x-1I’ve been hittin’ up this pretty cool site called Indie Games for a couple of months now and checking out the titles they write about and review and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the quality of the games they feature.

That’s where I discovered the game “Frog Fractions” which has to be the fucking weirdest flash game I think I’ve ever played, and coming from a guy like me, that’s saying A LOT.

There’s no way I would have ever even attempted this game if I’d just randomly stumbled on it, based on the title and the accompanying image you see on your left. Who the hell wants to play what looks like a game to teach kids about fractions?

For starters, this game has nothing to do with fractions whatsoever. Sure, when you eat the flies and other insects that float down the screen, fractions are randomly displayed but they mean absolutely nothing.



As you eat more insects and collect fruit, your frog can purchase an assortment of bizarre power-ups (like Lock-On Targeting, a Cybernetic Brain and a Static Cling Tongue) that slowly make the game weirder and weirder .

Eventually your frog is riding a giant Chinese dragon through space and time on an adventure that will see him go to court, pilot a rocketship and become president!

Whoever made this game is either some kind of unrecognised genius or completely batshit crazy, but either way, Frog Fractions is a great game if you have a sense of humour and about an hour to kill.




TOTAL TIME WASTED: Longer than I’d care to admit. Look, the text-adventure part is hard ok?! It’s been a good 20 years since I last played a game like that.
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: I’d peg this at a cool 75% throughout. Oh no wait, except at the end, the end bit gets an 80&. Also, the music and sound effects are seriously badass
FINAL VERDICT: A game you’ll play and probably finish just to see what weird shit happens next.



Awesome Work Time-Wasters part XIIi: Surgeon Simulator

surgeon_simulatorI must be honest, if there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do in life, that’s drink half a bottle of rubbing alcohol, smoke a bulb of tik, drop three or four valium and perform open-heart surgery on someone.

Now, thanks to the game “Surgeon Simulator” you can do just that! Sure, the game starts after your character has already taken everything listed above but yeah, good luck controlling that fucker in any way.

I’ve given this game at least four or five tries with almost every one either ending in uncontrollable laughter or the kind of frustration and hopeless despair that leads people to take industrial strength prescription tranquilisers.

Here’s a screengrab from the game so you can see what we’re dealing with here:



The control system is the most revolutionary in any game I’ve ever played in that the keys “a”, “w”, “e” and “r” represent the surgeon’s fingers with spacebar being used to control the thumb.

The mouse controls the hand’s movement so that you can carefully position it to knock everything over, leave dangerous surgical instruments in the patient’s chest cavity and remove vital organs with the accuracy and precision of one of those claws that you use to pick up fluffy toys at the arcade at Gold Reef City.



If you can actually complete this game, then you are a true champion amongst men and can safely count yourself within the top 1% of gamers the world over.


TOTAL TIME WASTED: A good 40mins, but I keep coming back for some unknown reason…
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: 80% on the first go, 70% on the second, 50% the time after and about –50% the time after that.
FINAL VERDICT: Kids, drugs are harmful and not to be used without strict adult supervision or in conjunction with open-heart surgery EVER.



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part XII): Dikembe Mutombo’s 4 1/2 Weeks To Save The World

Dikembe4Old Spice, hahahahaha! I mean, your GRANDAD used to wear Old Spice right? Christ, he used to practically BATH in that stuff, it was insane.

Much like Bell’s Extra Special Old Scotch Whisky, the Old Spice was pretty much doomed to failure because it’s target audience was getting very old and shuffling off this mortal coil.

Then they relaunched the brand with some of the fucking weirdest advertising known to man and hey presto! The brand became cool again. In their latest escapade, they have teamed up with former basketball player Dikembe Mutombo and made the following epic piece of work time-wastery.

Check it:



Every week they’re releasing another level to play as we approach the impending apocalypse – there are two out so far, the plotlines of which are so ridiculously convoluted, I could explain them but I’m not 100% sure if I understand them…

Anyway, the first level looks like this:



And the second one looks like this:



Both levels are just challenging enough that you probably won’t crack them the first time around, but even if you do, the pleasure of this game is not so much in the gameplay, but rather the hilariously weird cut-scenes and dialogue between Dikembe and his unlikely buddies.

Like Science, the bear.



So yeah. It’s Friday, the year is rapidly drawing to a close so really, what’s stopping you from diving head-first into Dikembe’s epic adventures?

TOTAL TIME WASTED: Not too long, probably an hour tops.
FINAL VERDICT: If playing this game doesn’t make you chuckle at least once or twice at its sheer weirdness then I’m sorry. But we can’t be friends anymore

Have a killer weekend Party People!



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part XI)

Burrito Bison1It has been a long-ass time since I posted an epic work time-waster because awhile back I saw that Mr Dan Nash also posts time wasters so I felt bad copying the dude.

But then I got over that because the way I see it, the more time we can get you to waste at work the better. We’re taking the power back people, KAPOW!

So I jumped on Kongregate to see what rad stuffs they got there and came across a game I know you guys are gonna go apeshit for. Sit tight people, unemployment is just a click away…

The game’s called Burrito Bison Revenge and it definitely gets the Tiger Stamp Of Badassery because FLIP BOET! The oke in it is MASSIVE AND RIPPED CHARNA!



The game is pretty simple, you catapult your underpant-clad buff bison-headed wrestler off the ropes of a wrestling ring to send him sailing through the air and then perform a series of “rocket slams” to squash jelly gummy bears who are fleeing from you in terror.

You earn cash dollar every time you squish gummy bears which you can use to unlock different gummy bears and upgrade your speed, strength and general bounciness.

The look and feel of the game are both awesome and the faster and bouncier your buff charna gets and the more rad gummies you unlock, the better the game gets.



Kongregate only choose the most killer games for their site and Burrito Bison Revenge is a fine example of that.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: I’m keeping this one strictly to post 5.30pm office time so I’ve sunk about 2hrs into it so far, but reckon I’ve got at least another 2 or 3 before I unlock everything.
FINAL VERDICT: Sick graphics, fun, easy gameplay, a flippin’ BUFF CHARNA in kief underpant who MOERS the KAK out of ous, what more could you possible want in a game?



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part X)

donkey 2Things have been a little quiet around these parts recently because (once again) work has decided to load me up like a pack mule and send me trotting off into the jaws of hell.

Overdramatic? What the fuck man – look at the donkey! LOOK AT IT!


Today’s time waster is really going to fuck with your productivity and yes, I know I say this every time I post one of these bad boys, but this one is a whole other level of dicking around.

Because as my good friend Mr Floyd Shivambu once said – “Dicking around is dicking around!”

It’s called Random Defence 2 (BIG up to my main man Action for getting me into this one) and MAN what I wouldn’t give to spend the rest of today just playing this instead of doing any actual work, but that ain’t gonna happen, nossir.



What you gotta do is give this game a couple of plays because the first time around you’re gonna be all like, “What the fuck is this shit!? The graphics are LAME! The bad guys are LAME! And I have no idea what the hell is going on…”

But trust me, after a couple of plays, you’ll be all like, “Hmm… This is actually… kinda fun…”

Fast forward to thirteen hours later and you haven’t eaten, it’s 5am, your eyes look like piss holes in snow, you’re shaking uncontrollably, giddy with excitement because you just need to mine 50 more units of Xuquinatum and you can build A FUCKING RANDOM DOOM TOWER!

The gameplay is pretty simple. “Creeps” (ie. the badguys) come in wave after wave along a set path and your goal is to kill the shit out of them before they reach the end of that path or you’ll lose lives for every little arsehole who sneaks by.

To stop them you have to build either gun, explosive, electric or “miscellaneous” towers and then sit back and watch as fucking Armageddon unfolds.



Each wave of creeps gets a little more hardcore than the last and to build fortifications you need money and minerals (killing creeps gives you money, mining gives you minerals), you’ll also need power stations to provide the necessary juice to all your buildings.

And that, in a nutshell, is pretty much it. So HIT THIS LINK, play it for ten minutes or so and see how you go… (heh heh heh).

TOTAL TIME WASTED: DAYS! And I can feel I still got at least another 15 – 20 hours left in me before this gets boring
FINAL VERDICT: What the game lacks in terms of shiny graphics it more than makes up for in terms of FUCKING SICK gameplay! Don’t stop until you’ve built a RANDOM DOOM TOWER! That is your goal.

Have a killer weekend party people Winking smile



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part ix)

nic_cage_faceoff11I think it’s high time we wasted some time at work guys, seriously.

Like I may have mentioned once or twice already, I’ve been working my ass to the bone recently and dealing with all kinds of stress that manifests in a lot of horrible ways I don’t think we should go into.

So let’s give the finger to the man as we jump in the time machine and zip 30 years back to a time when games were played on devices the size of your wallet and gameplay just consisted of moving left or right.

Some genius website developer out there put together this site called “pica-pic” which is a collection of 36 of those old crusty hand held games our parents bought for us to stop us from whining for Game Boys / SNESes.

To be honest, I only remember one of these – “Parachute”. Here’s a screen grab:



The backstory here is that you’re Chuck Boatman, top Navy Seal special ops commando and you’re on a mission to save as many of your men as possible as they jump out of the chopper above the palm tree on the right.

Succeed in your mission and your reward is more men jumping haplessly out of the seemingly infinite space that is the inside of the chopper. Fail, and you’ll have to watch in horror as sharks eat your men alive.

You can afford to lose only three men but will be expected to save at least 1700 (no shit, I checked the high scores) to be the best there is at this game.

I saved 66. The bar has been set.



But don’t let the fun stop there, no!

Why not travel back to prehistoric times and play as Ugga Dugdug, a simple caveman on a mission to gather precious dinosaur eggs to feed your starving family from a mighty fire-breathing Diplodocus?



Or gear up in a badass suit of armour as you go head to head with a horde of Nosferatu who are hell bent on landing on the ground and walking from left to right to feed off the blood of a beautiful maiden who moves left. Then right. Then right. Then left again. Then right.

Brandish the burning sword of Naelfalger as you slay the undead and avenge the ancient realm of Gartangen!



The sky’s the limit here guys. With over 30 different games to choose from you’ll be moving left and right like your very LIFE depends on it!

TOTAL TIME WASTED: The time it took to write this post. So let’s call it 30 mins
FINAL VERDICT: The one massive disadvantage the digital versions of these games have is that you can’t throw them as hard as humanly possible against the wall when they piss you off, a HUGE drawback considering that’s really the only fun any of us ever had playing them.



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part VIII)

Roman_Soldier_03Is that right? VIII – that’s eight hey? What the hell am I going to do when I get past 10, you guys are going to have to help me out after that. Any Roman numeral experts out there? Ten is X right?

Anyway, let’s do a work time-waster shall we? Your boss is gonna fucking LOVE this one Winking smile

Big up to my main man Skatter who sent this through to last week. Following the popularity of CycloManiacs, here’s another cycling game that is sure to get your ass FIRED, BITCH!

It’s called “Canvas Rider” and it goes a little something… like this…

You’re a dude. A stickdude to be precise, and you cruise around doing sweet jumps and trying to complete these rad levels that people draw and upload for you to try out. YOU can even draw the levels. Yeah! You! What do you mean you can’t draw?! That doesn’t fucking matter, I can’t draw and look what I made!



Yeah. Um. I should probably stick with writing…

So you can play a whole bunch of tracks that people with WAY better drawing skills than me have created, like this one: SNOWY MOUNTAIN SCENE! Fucking impossible to play, but you have to admire the effort this person went to, too crazy!



That one’s called Chillwind Woods, it’s basically impossible to finish so yeah, if you die about a bajillion times trying to nail it, that’s pretty much par for the course.

If you want something a little easier, but also amazingly well designed, check out Wild West:



There are a shitload of courses to fuck around on, even this one where you get to ride on boobs! Boobs I tell you!



Also, you can die in the most spectacular ways. I honestly never knew a stickman could do the things this little feller does when he wipes out. It HURTS to watch him fail and he fails A LOT.

They also change things up a little by adding green triangles, yellow triangles, red dots and all manner of shit that fuck with your gravity and add a whole other dimension to some of the courses.

The challenge here is to finish Wild West though. If you can do that, you’re a better cycler than me my good man and you’ll get the satisfaction of going to sleep tonight KNOWING that, which no one can ever, ever take away from you.

Of course, you’ll lose your job, but it will have been SO worth it.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: At least 5hrs all in all and counting. The beauty of this one is there are so many tracks to play it takes ages to get old
FINAL VERDICT: Definitely a solid time waster this one. I’d challenge anyone out there to top this bad boy.



Awesome work time-wasters (part vii)

famicomWhat were those old-school consoles called that flooded the SA market back when we were kids? The NES rip-offs with the red rectangular controllers? “Golden China” or some shit like that?

Anyway, there was a time when all the kids had one (except me. Christ I was deprived) and spent hour after hour mercilessly bashing the buttons to classics like Contra, Megaman and Super Mario, their brains slowly turning to gloop while they forgot how to do basic things like read and go to the loo unassisted.

Well what if I told you they’ve rolled all those rad old games into ONE?! That’s right. Hold onto your balls.

Courtesy of SupaDan, A TFW regular and total badass, I present to you SUPER MARIO BROS CROSSOVER!



“What’s better than playing Super Mario?” I ask you with tears in my eyes. PLAYING SUPER MARIO AS ONE OF EIGHT CLASSIC NES CHARACTERS THAT’S WHAT!

Sorry, too much shouting. I am quite hungover at present and my volume switch isn’t working properly.



So yeah, hit this link to check out this classic work time waster and thank me later. Ever wanted to blast turtles to kingdom come as Megaman? Or what about thrash the shit out of anything in your path with that creepy dude from Castlevania’s flame whip? Well, I’m here to tell you that you can!

You can even play as Sophia III, a dumb-looking tank-thing that has about 350 special abilities.

Only thing that gets irritating are the tutorial messages. There are about 15 (seriously) that you have to wade through before you can so much as squash a mushroom dude.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: About 1hr. Then the nostalgia value wore off and I carried on with my life
FINAL VERDICT: Meh. In my hungover state I may have overhyped this one slightly. If anyone needs me, I’ll be passed out in a cubicle in the men’s room…



Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part Vi)

Cyclomaniacs5Seeing as it’s Friday, Friday, gonna get down on Friday (HA! Good luck getting THAT out your head…), I figured I’d post the most epic work time waster I’ve come across in a good while, courtesy of @justnormalafro.

Now I know every time I post a work time-waster I claim that it’s the most epic one yet, but you have to see this shit to believe it.

The game’s called “Cyclomaniacs” and it’s by far the most fun you can have whilst stealing time from your employer.

As you probably guessed from the name, it involves unlocking sick characters and levels and pulling off stunts whilst cycling on your badass little bicycle.



What I loved about the game is there are so many levels and achievements to unlock. As you complete races and stunts you earn more cash to upgrade your bike so it’s easier to destroy EVERYONE.

The more sweet jumps and stunts you pull off while racing, the more your stunt meter fills up and when it’s full, flames start coming out the back of your bike and you get a speed boost that makes doing more stunts easy as falling off a piece of cake.



To be perfectly honest, I haven’t played this game as much as I’d like to because I’ve been working at a face-melting pace recently and have had no time for shenanigans.

But that’s no excuse for you not to play it. And besides yesterday was Thursday, Thursday, today i-is Friday, Friday and we, we, we so excited right?

TOTAL TIME WASTED: About 2 hours so far, but the game remembers your progress so you can jump back on the site and pickup from where you left off whenever it so pleases you. (Translation: I’ll probably be playing this for the next 2 weeks…)
FINAL VERDICT: You’d have to be a complete turd not to like this game, so give it a spin and tell me how much ass it kicks because nobody likes a turd

So get your cycle awn and I’ll see you crazy kids next week for some more internet enlightenment courtesy of your Tiger pal.

Have a killer weekend Winking smile