Archive for the 'Killer Posts' Category


A Literal “Night” At A Literal “Museum” With Literally, “Alcohol”

00902161ce955ce10c84ff937a737e7c If you live in a first world country, they let you do things that defy belief if you come from a third world country. Sure, you live in a Nanny State, but in return they let you do fun things like drink in public.

Drink in public?! For real? As in, walk down the street smashing a beer? Sit on a park bench and get hammered on gin? Cross a bridge and sip on a dirty martini? Yessir! Sky’s the limit here in the first world.

They even take it to extremes and allow you, once in awhile, to get trollied in museums between 6.30pm and 10pm. It’s called a “Late” and it happens fairly regularly in London.

I went to the one at The Science Museum last week, half-expecting it to be some kind of elaborate ruse. Like there’d be alcohol, but they’d serve it from one of those wonky trestle tables outside and make you and the other six guys who showed up finish your drinks before heading into the actual museum.

Because I mean come the fuck on. You give people alcohol around all kinds of ancient planes and trains and sciencey things and those people are going to get wankered and try to climb INTO all those ancient planes and trains and sciencey things, right?



You give them alcohol and next thing you know, one guy’s throwing another through the “Age Of Enlightenment” display because he slapped his girlfriend on the ass, surely!

You give them alcohol and you’re basically BEGGING them to get into the fighter jet flight simulators and compete with their mates to see who can do the most barrel rolls before puking their lungs out, amiright!?


I get there, walk through the front door and am immediately impressed by the lack of street brawling and drunken choruses of ‘SSWWWWEEEEEEETTTTTTT CCCAAAARRRROOOLLLLLLIIINNNNEEEE! BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUMMM!”

People are… respectable. A number of them are definitely holding alcoholic beverages, but no one (that I can see) is loudly asking anyone who will give him the time of day where he can get a goddam PIE at this goddam HOUR.



I proceed to get some craft beer or other from one of the pop-up bars that have been brought in for the Late, next to which is an entire dancefloor of people boogying in total silence.

The fuck? On closer inspection I see that everyone on the dancefloor, including the DJ is wearing headphones. Sorry, I don’t know why I included the DJ in that last sentence, of course he was wearing headphones, after pressing “Play” that’s pretty much all they have to do isn’t it?

That actually looks pretty cool, I thought. I want headphones! I want to jive around in silence, oblivious to the fact that I look like a bit of a wanker. I’ll bet they are listening to some sick beats, I thought. This is the Science Museum after all, it’s probably definitely some insane futuristic, Megatron-taking-a-shit dubstep.

At which point the people on the dancefloor all broke out into a chorous of “It’s raining men” which, without the music, is even more ball-shrivellingly awful that with it.



I wandered around a bit more until my buddy Peggles finally showed up and we went upstairs to watch a game of human Foosball, which was definitely the highlight of the evening.

I’m not going to explain the mechanics of how it works, look at the picture for that. I’m just going to say that once again I was mad impressed by everyone’s calm approach to this sport in the presence of alcohol because let’s be honest, if it was South Africa, before long a bottle would have been thrown, teeth would have been loosened and someone would have pulled a knife.



See folks, that’s called “self control”. It is possible to go out to a museum after hours, drink moderately, dance in total silence, play a respectable game of human foosball and go home having had a Jolly Good Time.

Of course, Peggles and I hit the nearest bar after that, got totally sauced, head-butted a guy for looking at us funny and stole a sign from the bathroom BUT we were very cordial to the guy who caught me pissing in his petrol tank and let him go without breaking his arm.

“Self control”.




To J-Rab On The Cub’s First Birthday

WP_20140702_009 I changed my mind about this post. I was going to write it to our little girl, apologise to her about the way things turned out but really, she’s just a tiny baby, exactly one year old today and blissfully oblivious of what’s going on.

The person I really want to write to is you babe because I know you’ll be hurting today and I don’t want that. There will be no tears today, that’s not what today is.

Today is the day we look back on the best year of our life together with nothing but big smiles and hazy, happy memories.

Sometimes I think way back to when I first started to fall for you, that year when I drifted down Grahamstown’s drunken streets utterly lost, howling at the moon, boiling over with fury, hell-bent on tearing the world apart until I found truth, meaning, acceptance, love.

You know you’re falling when the person you’re falling for is all you think about from the moment you wake until the moment you go to sleep and even then, you can bet your ass you’ll see them again in dreams.

It feels like you’re going mad, it feels like this other person has stepped out of the physical world directly into your mind where they’ve proceeded to pour themselves a drink, kick their shoes off and make themselves at home.

I find you in there still, every day I live and breathe, only now you aren’t a composite of dreams and reality, a mysterious half-imagined, mercurial creature. It’s you, my closest friend, my most trusted companion, the mother of my child.

It’s you the way you looked that night they kicked us out of Pop Art for kerfuffling, it’s you the way you looked when we went road tripping so many summers ago, your feet dangling out the window, the wind ruffling your white summer skirt as you turned to look at me, your eyes sparkling with mischief.

It’s you exactly a year ago today as they were wheeling you into theatre, your knuckles white as you took my hand in yours, your eyes wide, beautiful in their heart-wrenching vulnerability.

I’ve watched the change in you since you became a mother and marvelled at how the hell-cat I used to know has turned that energy into a fierce protectiveness over her cub and a willingness to do anything, sacrifice countless hours of sleep, sanity and personal well-being, for our little girl.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, you’re a natural babe, the best Mom in the business. I’ve never met a Mom who is as calm under fire, as patient under the most trying of circumstances and as generous with her love as you are.

The Cub is lucky to have a lioness like you for a mother.

As for me, I’m going to be missing you guys like crazy today, make no mistake, but I’m not going to be sad. I’m not going to focus on any of that negative shit because I know from experience it will just tear me up and lead me down a dark and lonely road.

Instead I’ll be thinking of the story of the two people who were madly in love and who decided to go on the adventure of a lifetime, who left with open hearts, said goodbye to their friends and family and set out for a better life for their little girl…

I’m not the lost boy I was, howling at the moon, boiling over with fury. Turns out all those things I was tearing the world apart to find – truth, meaning, acceptance, love – were right under my nose the entire time.

Thank you for making a man out of me, a fiancé, a father.

Today I want you to remember all the good times, and when you’ve finished reading this, I want you to take our daughter in your arms and I want you to give her the biggest hug and kiss in the world and tell her how much I love her.



I love you babe, always have, always will 😉

Your man,


New Jungle, Same Tiger

london-metal-exchange Well boys and girls, I don’t really know how best to say this so I’m just going to bang it out in a sentence because I’m not sure if there’s any other way to do it: I have left the country.

As of Friday the 4th of July, just over two weeks ago, J-Rab and I packed up and sold everything and began what is undoubtedly the craziest adventure of our lives so far.

I’m writing this post from the spare room of Jasey-Got-The-Aceys flat in Putney. Yes, I live in London now.

I resigned from my job, applied for an Ancestral Visa, got it, bought plane tickets, packed up my entire life and in the midst of one of the biggest downpours Cape Town has had this year, got in a taxi and said goodbye to the country I’ve called home for the last 30 years.

The day after we all landed in London, J-Rab and The Cub boarded another plane to Boston where they are currently living with J-Rab’s mom while I try to find a job and a place for us all to live.

In short, my life is different in every conceivable way than it was when I last posted. All the things I used to put so much value in – my car, my furniture, my big screen TV, hell even most of my clothes – are gone. That was the easy part.

Saying goodbye to my parents, my friends, the people I’ve come to know and love in Cape Town, that was tougher than I could ever explain. Saying goodbye to our flat in Vredehoek where we conceived The Cub and first brought her home from the hospital was also hard because even though it was ropey in places, had a bit of a cockroach problem and was weirdly laid-out, I loved that flat, more than anywhere I’ve lived in my adult life.



For the most part I let everything go and haven’t looked back. The world here is full to bursting with freshness, new experiences, an endless list of new things to do and people to meet and places to go. The energy in this city is like 1 000 volts through your heart. You’d have to be dead not to feel it and I’ve loved every one of the crazy experiences I’ve had so far.

It’s tough being away from my girls though. The Cub’s changing by the day and not being there to experience that and share these amazing moments with her is heartbreaking. They’re back here on the 7th of August and I swear to God, that day can’t come soon enough.

In the meantime, for the first time in basically 7 years, there is only me. Some days I feel like all I have are the clothes on my back, the money in my pocket and my wits. The freedom is exhilarating and terrifying in equal parts.  I spend my days arranging to meet with as many people as I possibly can, travelling the length and breadth of London by train, tube and bus and applying for as many jobs as the hours in the day allow.



Nights are the toughest. I try to go out as much as possible, but it is crippling how expensive everything is. When you’re dividing your life savings by 18, even a quick tube journey can feel like it’s breaking the bank so this week I’m cooling my jets, keeping my head down and making sure I keep the "to do" lists rolling.

I don’t know what happens now, what happens next. More than ever before in my life, I’m just making it up as I go along but at least I finally figured out how to jury-rig my MacBook so I can blog using Windows Live Writer again.

There will be more. Much, much more. I feel like there is so much to catch up on, so many crazy stories I want to share with you guys and now that I have the time and means to do it, I might as well get stuck in.

You all stayed with me through Chapter 1: Johannesburg and through Chapter 2: Cape Town so how about we take things to a whole other level with this next one.

London Town, pleased to meet ya.

Hope ya guessed my name 😉



As Of 5pm Today, I Am Unemployed

funny_homeless_signs05How insane is that. For the first time since my professional career began back in 2006, come 5pm this afternoon, I will officially be unemployed with absolutely nothing lined up for the future.

The thought that on Monday, when all you guys are getting up, getting dressed and hitting your cubicles, I’ll just be lying in bed staring at the ceiling fills me in equal parts with terror and fathomless joy.

So what gives? Why the sudden decision to pull out of the race and just park off by the side-lines for awhile? Did I win the lottery? Inherit a fortune of a distant great-aunt? Finally lose my goddamned mind?

It’s part of a bigger plan boys and girls, that’s all I can say at this point. All these weeks and months your Tiger pal has been hatching plans, making schemes, throwing the rule book out the window, risking everything.

The year’s not even half done and already I know I will never, never forget 2014 because sometimes you just know as things are happening to you, right there in the moment, that in one way or another you’ll be feeling the aftershocks for the rest of your life.

It gives you new eyes, you see the world differently. The important things swim back into focus – your family, your friends, the people you love, the place you live in all it’s disparate beauty, it’s endearing dysfunctionality.

A road you thought you knew so well, like the face of an old friend, reveals a dimple you’d never noticed before. A bus stop spilling over with people in the rain is suddenly so much more than the steel and plastic its built from. You see deeper, right into the heart of the city you call home and instead of the indifference you thought was there before, there is only acceptance, solace and an inescapable feeling of aching nostalgia.

I thought TS Eliot was a wanker when I read his poetry in university. I just didn’t get it, I didn’t understand what the hell he was trying to say. We studied Four Quartets and 90% of it went straight over my head.

But that last 10% stuck and I’m glad it did because the older I get, the more I get it.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

I don’t know what the future holds for me. Honestly. I’m not writing this to be cryptic, I’m not trying to lead you guys on, I’m not deliberately trying to be vague. I’m just expressing what it’s like to face down this giant beast of uncertainty armed with nothing but the unwavering belief that somehow, somehow, everything is going to be ok.

I’m trying not to jinx this. But all I can say is that very soon I’ll know if this is going to work or if it’s going to fail dismally. When the time is right and the planets are aligned I’ll spill the beans.

If this works, everything changes.

If it doesn’t, I lick my wounds and figure out what the fuck to do with my life.

There is no fate but what we make Winking smile



Soul Music

maxresdefault2I can’t escape this feeling that somewhere out there there is a band or a person writing and playing music right now that is so fucking good that if I could just find it, if I could just hear one song, it would stay with me for life.

It’s a problem with me. I look out over the cityscape sometimes or I look at pictures of sleepy suburbs or big skyscrapers or even log cabins in the woods, totally isolated and termite-ridden.

I look at those pictures and I wonder if someone somewhere inside one of those buildings or houses or on one of those streets is playing a song that could change my life.

So I dig and dig and dig. I try to find new bands or old bands with new albums and I try to listen to it all and my reward for this obsessive digging is, ironically, a diminishing appreciation and enjoyment of music.

You start to hear the same things a lot. The same chord structures, the same vocal melodies and borrowed sentiments. It’s so bad that in some instances I’ll get an album, listen to 30 seconds of the first track and know, just fucking know, that I will never listen to that album again.

I mean I give it a go because the best albums are the ones you hate at first and then, five listens later you fucking love, but by and large the music I listen to bores the living shit out of me.



The other thing that happens is that the more you listen, the stranger your tastes become to the point where music that melts your face off just gets a confused look out of the people you play it for or they straight up turn it off.

So now that I’ve got that disclaimer out the way, I’m going to throw two songs out there for you kind folks and see what happens (probably nothing).

The first one is off the new Warpaint album (self-titled) that was released in January.

I fucking love what this band is doing. They are a great example of how women are killing it when it comes to creating original and inspiring music at the moment  and you can take that to the fucking bank.

This track is called “Biggy”:



There’s a place out there, it has tents and a log cabin and a gigantic fire pit and it’s surrounded by mountain peaks and forests and it’s called Orange Kloof Tented Camp.

That song reminds me of that place like I’m standing right there again in the midst of the total chaos I created, watching my degenerate friends stagger reeling drunk around the place, falling into the fire, spilling things and smashing glasses, laughing, all the time laughing.

Then there’s this one from Timber Timbre called “This Low Commotion” off their new album Hot Dreams.



Love that fucking song, holy shit. Makes me want to get in a big black Cadillac, drive out into the boiling desert heat and keep driving until there is nothing but road and sky and dust… and quiet…

So yeah. That’s the shit that speaks to me at the moment, right deep down.

Good times.



The Tiger Watches The Entire Nirvana Hall Of Fame Induction, Misses The Comfort In Being Sad

LovebuzzI’d heard that Nirvana were recently inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall Of Fame, which is a great way to preserve their legacy, but at the same time I couldn’t help but think that Kurt was probably rolling in his grave.

Then I actually watched the half-hour induction ceremony last night and was glad I did because a lot of cool things were said about the band and I learned a few things I didn’t know before.

The band performed four songs at the end with surviving members Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic and Pat Smear and an array of female vocalists filling in for Kurt, which I think he would have liked.

To be honest though, only Annie Clark from St Vincent actually pulled it off. Her cover of “Lithium” was pretty good and I liked her unassuming manner. Joan Jett did an ok rendition of “Teen Spirit”, Kim Gordan from Sonic Youth fucking butchered “Aneurism” (on purpose I think) and Lorde turned “All Apologies” into a funeral dirge.

The highlights for me were the intro video (Kurt looks like SUCH a badass singing “Love Buzz”) Michael Stipe’s moving induction which I think he fucking nailed right on the head, Dave and Krist’s acceptance speeches, Kurt’s mom’s short but beautiful speech, the fact that Courtney was definitely trollied (surprise surprise) and Krist’s hat, which I think Kurt would have killed himself laughing at.

Here it is:



Interesting that Krist says “Nirvana didn’t come to the mainstream, the mainstream came to Nirvana”, because it sure as fuck did and when it did it left Kurt feeling used, hollowed out, like he’d somehow lost his integrity, like he’d become exactly what he fucking despised.

He imploded, crushed by the brutal irony of what his life had become. Kurt turned that “nuclear rage and fury” that Stipe referred to back on himself and ate that bitter shotgun shell that ended it all, that severed his ties to the sell-out corporate rock world forever.

How ironic that that same world has now inducted his band into their Hall Of Fame.

Wherever he is, you can rest assured that he watched that ceremony with a huge shit-eating grin on his face because I think the thing about him that I always found the most alluring is that he knew, he fucking knew, that in the end it’s all just one big joke.

“Rather be dead than cool” he once famously said.

Amen brother.



The Tiger Weighs In On Net Neutrality

NetNeutralityLast week (or was it the week before…?) I posted that video about SOLAR FRIKKIN’ ROADWAYS, a pretty genius idea that an engineering couple came up with to replace roads with solar panels.

I wrote about their mission to provide the world with huge amounts of clean energy whilst addressing a whole other stack of environmental issues and ended the post saying I was going to donate $10 to their cause.

At that stage they had raised a total of about $260k of their $1m target and had 11 days left. A week later they were over the $1.5m mark and have extended the donation period by another 20 days – all because of me!

Hahaha, what an asshole. No, it wasn’t all because of me, but I felt proud to have played a part in it because I did donate that $10 in the end and it felt good to get off my lazy ass for a change and actually try and affect change in the world.



Last night I found out about another pretty hectic cause that definitely could use some support and that’s the whole debate about Net Neutrality (or the proposed lack thereof) that’s been raging for over a year now.

I’ve seen it mentioned all over the internet and was dimly aware that it was a Very Bad Thing but never really took the time to dig a little deeper and find out what it’s actually about.

That was before I watched the video below which, though it’s a bit of a longy, is DEFINITELY worth watching if you a) Love the internet and b) You don’t like the idea of paying through your ass in order to surf the sites you love at a speed that won’t make you want to tear your eyes out.

Here, check it:



Yes, ol’ John Oliver gets a little much, but all-in-all I was really glad I watched this video because I realised why I haven’t really cared about this issue – it’s been handled in a painfully boring way so that the fucks we all give stay at an all-time low.

But if you actually stop and think about what this means for our experience of the internet going forward it’s pretty shocking.

I did some more digging to find out how South Africa specifically will be effected because we’re so far away from the epicentre of the internet (ie. the States, Europe and Asia) and found a great article here called “Net Neutrality in Africa” that goes into some detail about how this issue could effect SA.

The long and the short of it is that Africa has never really experienced Net Neutrality in its purest form. Up until 2009, the only internet cable coming into SA was the SAT3 cable which was choked so heavily by local telcos that internet speeds were a total joke compared to other parts of the world.



With the introduction of the Seacom undersea cable, internet speeds started to increase whilst bandwidth prices started to decrease significantly (except for mobile bandwidth, which is still ludicrously expensive).

HOWEVER, though most Internet Service Providers (ISPs) brought “unlimited” data bundle offerings to the table at seemingly competitive prices, these bundles were “shaped”. In other words, the internet speeds were being throttled during certain times or after users had downloaded a certain amount of data.

So, in essence, South Africans are no strangers to what it’s like to have our internet slowed down by the powers that be, but still, what the cable companies in America are proposing is a thousand times worse.



It might take some time for the effects to be felt in SA, but when it does happen, the most likely scenario is that local ISPs will start to offer packages where users will pay for their line rental, pay for their monthly bandwidth and then pay extra for high speed access to sites like YouTube, Facebook, etc.

If I understand the issue correctly, it will also mean that smaller sites like your pal Slicky-T will have to one day cough to have their sites loaded onto the high-speed tier or the sites will load like shit and never be able to compete with the big dogs.

Bottom line, I’m hitting up fcc/gov.comments the minute work stops trying to bugger me in the arse and I’m taking a stand.

So tell your friends. Maybe it makes a difference, maybe it doesn’t, but there’s only one way to find out…



Solar Freakin’ Roadways!

Solar Panel RoadwaysAhh internets, how I have missed you. So much flippin’ AMAZING content, so many crazy beautiful minds all combining and merging, creating, sharing, inspiring, changing the world.

If you haven’t seen the video for Solar Freakin’ Roadways, you need to watch it right now. Not only did it get a chuckle out of your Tiger pal, but the idea behind it is nothing short of sheer brilliance.

The premise is simple – replace all the roads in the world with solar panels. Doesn’t sound very sexy or amazing, but trust me, the video you’re about to watch WILL blow your mind and could potentially change the world.

Check it out:



Hmm… I think I may be a bit late to this party because I just checked out the Indiegogo site that these guys put up and it’s been going since 21 April and has only 11 days left of funding.

They’re trying to raise $1 000 000 and have only raised $269 000 so far.

Christ that’s depressing. What the fuck is wrong with people?!

Having said that, I did find this link:, it’s a bit old but it does point out some valid drawbacks for Solar Freakin’ Highways.

For starters it’s costly to implement. It would mean tearing up all the roads in the world and replacing them with the hexagonal panels that cost about $7 000 each. Plus you’d have to train crews to maintain them properly.



Then there’s the question of durability. Sure they can withstand one tractor driving over them, but how about 100 20-ton trucks everyday?

Lastly, there’s the problem of solar energy itself. Only 14% of the available energy is converted into electricity. That’s on a sunny day. What about cloudy days in colder climates?

I don’t want to shoot this all down though, I think it’s a killer idea and really hope that they start rolling it out on a small scale to test it’s feasibility like they mention in the video because yeah… I fucking LOVED Tron!

Here’s the Indiegogo link:

I’m going to donate $10. I think you should too Winking smile



The Death Of SlickTiger, The Birth Of Papa Slick

1560429_10153705679445099_1975768195_nThe future of this site is something that plagues me almost daily. I’ve spent nearly five years blogging on this platform and have gone through a rollercoaster of ups and downs trying to figure out what this site is.

Over the years, that’s become one of my least favourite questions to be asked, “So you’re a blogger? What’s your blog about?” To which I sheepishly reply, “I dunno… stuff…?”

It’s the biggest strength and weakness of this site. It isn’t about anything. Well, that’s all about to change boys and girls because, following the positive response I’ve gotten from the posts about The Cub, from now on will officially become a Daddy-blog.

I’m speaking to a couple of the designers at work about a complete overhaul of this site to be more parent-friendly. No more grey and dark grey colours, no more header image of redneck dudes slugging it out.

To be honest, the new focus and direction will be a welcome one. I think The Cub is the most incredible little person ever put on God’s green earth, so writing about what she gets up to everyday will be a breeze.



I’ll also be sharing my insights about what being a Dad is like because what I’ve quickly come to realise is that there is a staggering lack of content that’s being written at the moment from a man’s perspective when it comes to parenthood.

People take for granted that men aren’t as affected by parenthood as women are and I can tell you right now, that’s a total load of horse-poop.

Men are just hopeless at expressing themselves (generally) which is where I come in.

Of course the new change will also come with a subtle change in the tone of writing on this site and (thank God!) there will be no more “Klapping Gym” posts because a) I think I’ve done them to DEATH and b) Klapping Gym has no place on a blog about parenthood.

So I hope you’re as excited about this new journey as I am! I know one person who’s super excited about it, can you guess who it is?



Here’s to a Brave New World for your Tiger pal and a definitive answer to the awkward question, “What’s your site about?”

My daughter Winking smile



The Cub Speaks!

The CubI can’t say I’ve been having many great days this month (as you might have noticed by the lack of posts), but I had a great moment yesterday, one that has made everything else worth it.

I’ve been trying to get The Cub to say a particular word. I’ve been pretty tenacious about it – making sure I repeat it and point to what it describes at least 5 times a day.

I think about two weeks ago she figured out exactly what the word meant and why I want her to say it because every time I said it to her, she got this naughty little grin and immediately clammed up.

Then yesterday, during a break I was taking from work (yes, I was working on a Sunday) I was doing something in the bedroom, the late-afternoon light streaming into the flat and turning everything golden, when J-Rab walked in holding The Cub and told her to say the word.

I turned around expectantly like I always do, hoping that this would be the time, and in her tiny baby voice my little girl grinned and said:




Ain’t that wonder.