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06
Feb
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #12: Old Spice Charna

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Hilariously Bad Ads, Klapping It, Radass Videos and Satire, Irony And Vitriol
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Expendables Cast Rings New York Stock Exchange ZKAeGmJILlslHazit ma boychays!

So I’m surfing the interwebs the other day just doing my normal thing of checking my emails, writing some kak on vleisboek and looking for pictures of MASSIVE AND RIPPED okes covered in oil looking flippin’ BUFF in there speedos and what do I find?!

THE FLIPPIN BUFFEST CHARNA IN THE LAND!

I mean, a oke who shouts ALL THE TIME, RIDES TIGERS, HAS BICEPS INSIDE HIS BICEPS, CAN TURN OFF THE SUN, KICK BUILDINGS DOWN and blow his own MIND! Seriously boet, the only way I can explain it is if you watch some of the videos I found.

 

 

 

 

 

How flippin’ INTENSE is that charna?! I dunno what it is about him that I think is more awesomer, his MONSTER pecs, his GIGANTIC DELTS and TRAPS, his MOUNTAIN RANGE BICEPS, his FLIPPIN’ AWESOME TAN, the fact that just like me he SHOUTS ALL THE TIME or his lekker tight red shorts.

But just wait, cause it gets BETTER!

The oke is so flippin’ POWERFUL, he’s invading OTHER OKES adverts!

Check how MASSIVE AND RIPPED he’s made this flippin KAK ad for some toilet spray stuffs.

 

 

But the BEST one is this one for some kind of chocolate bar you put on your washing (I know, who the flip puts chocolate bars in the washing?! Chopheads…)

 

 

Now THAT’S how you handle a situation! WITH EXPLOSIONS, A JETSKI, PECS THAT MAKE DRILLING SOUNDS AND FLYING THROUGH THE ROOF!

Charnas, we can only one day hope to be as buff as the Old Spice charna. In the meantime, I’ve bought 30 cans of Old Spice that I’ve been INHALING since Saturday and ja… I’m not quite as BUFF as that charna yet, but last night my muscles got a bladdy AWESOME workout when I went into a SEIZURE so I think it’s working…

Until next time – KLAP IT BOET!

-ST

24
Jan
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #11: DASO Poster

By SlickTiger 11 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

DASOSo I’m checking out the interwebs yesterday night and I come across this DA Student Organisation news article that has a picture of this DASO poster that okes are KAKKING theirselves about.

So I check out the poster and I can INSTANTLY SEE why okes are talking about this thing all over the interwebs.

It takes a flippin CLEVER OU to be able to see through all the other stuffs that can cloud a oke’s mind when it comes to sensitive issues such as these ones, which is why, by just looking at the poster below for 3 seconds, I could check what the whole issue with it is about.

So I want you to do me a favour and look AS HARD AS YOU CAN at the picture below and tell me what is the first thing that springs into mind:

 

 

I swear to GOD, you gotta be some kind of CHOPHEAD to miss a thing so obvious!

THAT OKE IS BLERRY MASSIVE AND RIPPED!

It doesn’t surprise me at the least that this is getting so much controversy because never in a political poster in the world, EVER, have they featured a oke who likes to KLAP IT as much as this oke does.

Check his lats out! And how’s that bicep! Flip boet! This picture are OFF THE CHAIN MA BOYCHAY!

He’s also got quite a lekker belter there with him who’s got a flippin’ AMAZING tan happening. She can maybe share some of her tanning tips with that ou cause ja… he could use a bit of sun hey?

Anyway, the DASO okes are on a whole OTHER LEVEL for putting this charna on their political poster and addressing a CRUCIAL ISSUE in South African society of NOT ENOUGH OKES WHO LIKE TO KLAP IT IN POLITICS.

Arnold Schwartzenegger got to be President of California he klapped it so hard, and I think we can ALL learn a lesson from that.

 

 

DASO, you okes are flippin’ amazing. South Africa needs more posters like that one.

-ST

15
Dec
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #10: ANTON TAYLOR

By SlickTiger 5 Comments
Categories: Killer Posts and Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

Anton5Once in a while a oke come along who is not just a normal oke, he’s not just another chop head who doesn’t unnerstand the meaning of getting MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF and banging hot BELTERS!

This oke, he can be called a LEGEND among men, he can be called the CHOSEN CHARNA. This oke can KILL you with a LOOK, OR he can safe lives by curing any disease – AIDS, TERBUCULOZES, PREGNANCY, ANYTHING – with a flippin’ high five.

This oke walks amongst us, KLAPPING IT, MOERING okes who are kak, BANGING hot BELTERS and being a LEGEND and his name… is ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

The second I checked this oke I INSTANTLY kakked my pants he’s so flippin’ MASSIVE AND RIPPED. Do you think just any oke’s hair grows like that? Fuck boet, come off it man!

When ANTON TAYLOR was a laaitie ous must have put him in RADIOACTIVE waste and shit or sent him from ANOTHER PLANET or bitten him with A SPIDER or something, cause the BUFFNESS of this boychay is OFF THE CHAIN!

And you think it stops there? CHARNA, that’s only where it STARTS!

 

 

FLIPPIN’ WINGS BOET! THAT THE OU CAN ACTUALLY FLY WITH!

I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking and the answer is NO! It’s not flippin’ fair that ONE OKE can naturally grow lightning bolts that point at his cheloger and HAIR WINGS on his back that he can fly around with, but you know what?

Life’s not fair boet. All us ordinary charnas can do is KLAP IT every day and hope to one day be HALF as MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF as ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

I never thought a oke could ever be more buff than PAUL MAIN MAN, but flip ANTON TAYLOR, you are on a DIFFERENT LEVEL from that other ou.

I did some googalising on the interwebs and find out the following stuff about ANTON TAYLOR:

 

  • The explosion in Hirosheema wasn’t actually a plutonic bomb, it was one of ANTON TAYLOR’S PROTEIN BAFFS
  • The TITANIC didn’t sink because it hit a iceberg, ANTON TAYLOR went back in time and punched a hole in it because it was KAK
  • ANTON TAYLOR’S chest hair is what gave God the idea of LIGHTNING
  • The twin towers weren’t hit by a plane, ANTON TAYLOR flew into both of them when he was distracted banging two blonde BELTERS at the same time IN THE AIR
  • If you look directly at ANTON TAYLOR’S handlebars for longer than 6 seconds you go blind
  • ANTON TAYLOR caused the earthquake that destroyed Japan. He chucked his weights on the ground after his 1 000 000 000 000th rep and the resulting tremor moved the TECHNOTRONIC PLATES!
  • God didn’t rest on the seventh day, he gave up because he realised EVERYTHING HE CREATED WAS KAK compared to ANTON TAYLOR

 

Keep KLAPPING IT ma boychay, you are an inspirhation to BUFF CHARNAS the world over!

-ST

12
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #9: Moffie Socks Classes!

By SlickTiger 2 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , ,

richard_bransonMa boychays (and BELTERS)!

Remember lank long ago when I first spotted a charna wearing retro moffie socks in Wembley Virgin only to spot ANOTHER charna doing the same thing a coupla days later?

And then a coupla days after that, the crave went MENTAL all thanks to me?

Ja, well now the head CEO of the whole of Virgin, my good buddy Richard Brandson (or Dicky-B as I like to call him when we’re on his yot surrounded with BELTERS) has sent me a personal LETTER asking if he can use my idea for Virgin Active!

Here’s the letter he sent:

Hi Slicky-T,

I were reading your absolutely mind-bloggingly great site the other day and came upon a great thought for all my Virgin Active gyms the whole of South Africa over that I belief will be great!

What about if we used your very amazingly clever idea of the “moffie socks” as you call them (here in England (land of the Queen) they are knowed as “legwarmers”) and the superb-human strength they create in a man (or a women) as the bases for an attire new class that guys can do in a Virgin gym!

My marketing department has thought up of the great name which is called “Retro Aerobics” for these new classes, but don’t worry! I have already sent you a check for about $5 000 000 for letting me use this great  idea, well done!

Keep on klapping it and please come back and stay on one of my trpoical island bases again sometime soon but please switch the gas off this time we don’t want another insident like what happened the last time when you burned down the house down and Kate had to save my mom you rascal!

“Kief ma boychie!”

“Klap it Boet!”

Your pal,
Dicky-B

I couldn’t belief my ears when I read that letter?! Hey?! Dicky-B thinks I caused the fire at his house when everyone knows it was flippin KATE who leaved the gas on!

 

 

Anyway, after much debilitation I decided to go to my loyers with this kak as it was clearly MY IDEA about the Retro Aerobics and ME who created the moffie socks crave and discovered their secret powers and I don’t think $5 000 000 is enough payment for such a flippin’ JENIUS IDEA!

But it’s all kief and sorted now. I got TWICE what Dicky offered inishally, $2 500 00! Which just goes to show okes, if you have a dream, don’t sit around like a asshole spraying yourself with a lekker tan all day and getting it on the couch and ruining the kief new vest you got at a Mr Price sale (2 for double the price of one!) and smashing tuna into your face while you watch last nite’s episode of 7nd Laan again in case you missed anything the first time, go out there and KLAP IT BOET!

Now I can proudly say there is a Virgin class named after me and if you don’t belief me, here are pics that proof it!

 

 

 

 

So go klap a Retro Aerobics class TODAY and when they ask you, tell them the INVENTOR of the class, Slicky-T sent you.

Later CHARNAS!

-ST

07
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #8: Belters In Legwarmers!

By SlickTiger 1 Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

80s-Leg-WarmersCharnas, you gotta believe me when I choon you that the legwarmer crave that I started has gone flippin’ bonkers and tuff ous from all over the country are sending me pics of EVERYTHING wearing retro moffie socks!

I can’t believe it that it was only a week ago that I started everything with me posting a oke I saw KLAPPING IT in retro moffie socks. Then, hard;y a week later I see another charna KLAPPING IT EVEN HARDER, also in retro moffie socks.

And NOW it’s not just boychays wearing this miracle strength-inhancing leg-KLAPPER, as I discovered during my mid-day PUMP at Virgin Wembley yesterday, it’s BELTERS too!

 

 

Apparently, the magic of the moffie sock works for BELTERS too, encouraging circlation through the entire body, therefore promoting oyxgen to the muscles which maximises not only the BUFFNESS but also the BENDING ABILITY of any BELTER.

But then ous took things to a whole OTHER LEVEL and put moffie socks on inanminate objects like ol’ Jannie Van Riebeek’s statue in KLAPSTAD, thereby making the statue INSTANTLY stand 78% more still than usual and get kakked on by 130% less pidgeons – KLAP IT JANNIE!

 

 

But there’s more okes! On Wensday, one of my good chommies Wit Willie who KLAPS IT with all the the TUFF OUS and BELTERS at Virgin Active Greenpoint (or “The Point” as the kief ous call it) was driving home in his lekker supedup Ford Focus ST with his “Tap Out” bumper sticker when he saw THIS:

 

 

HEY?! HOW FLIPPIN’ BUFF IS THAT GIRAFFE?!

You can check by the lekker definition in the giraffe’s rear leg and his BUFF DELTS, that this charna’s a BEAST in the gym. And I can tell you right now that that BUFFNESS comes from the retro moffie socks the ou is wearing – KLAP IT GIRAFFE!

But lastly okes, there’s one more. For this one I want you charnas and belters out there to just prepare yourselves beforehand for the buffness because it’s OFF THE FLIPPIN’ CHAIN!

My other buddy, Chippy, was doing STREET LUNGES with 20kilo dumbells the other day to give his quads a flippin’ lekker workout when he, out the side of his eye, checked THIS:

 

 

Okes, I’m not joking when I tell you that Chippy told me that the light that shone from that flippin’ streetpost was so flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED, it was MELTING THE FLIPPIN’ CARS!

Completely mesmernised, Chippy pushed the button you see in the picture and flippin’ BALLS OF GREEN, RED AND ORANGE FIRE shot out of the streetpost and melted a ENTIRE BUILDING down – KLAP IT STREETPOST!

The power of the moffie socks cannot be unnerestimated okes. Those charnas back in the 80s when every oke looked like ARNOLD SHWARZENNEGAR and every BELTER looked like JANE FONDLE knowed secrets of KLAPPING IT we can only dream of.

 

 

If I could go back in time like that movie with the ous in the car that runs on GARBAGE, I’d go back to the the 80s to learn from the masters in my lekker retro moffie socks and come back THE BUFFEST CHARNA IN THE LAND!

All I need is a little irritating oke in a kief red jacket and a mad professor oke who shouts a lot and has kak hair. Anyone know any ous like that…?

KLAP IT CHARNAS!

-ST

04
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #7 – Another Legwarmer Boychie!

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

bodybuilder2As a oke who has become one of the most predigious bloggers in the country, if not the universe, I can choon you straight that if I say something is kief, it becomes a overnight cessation.

When I wrote The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet (or TSTGTKB as the medias calls it), basically the next day millions of boychays and belters from the West Rand to the Western Cape stopped “doing” gym. Nobody says they “do” gym anymore, unless that person is flippin’ dof.

Okes KLAP GYM, BOET! And now, since my interwebs article last week, they do it in lekker retro-pienk moffie socks!

I was doing my fith set of 150kilo benchpress at Wembley Virgin last night, my guns firing like flippin’ twin BAZOOKAS while BELTERS pointed and laughed in disbelieve at how well my new retro-pienk moffie socks worked their circlation magic, when I saw ANOTHER CHARNA with identical moffie socks as mine, only blue!

When the BELTERS saw this oke that was it. They flippin’ nearly fell over they were laughing with so much respect at the MASSIVE weights this oke was EATING.

 

 

“Those are very sexy,” one of the BELTERS asked me, “can I borrow them for my aerobics class?”

“NO!” I flippin’ chooned her, “ARE YOU STUPID?!”

She was definitely stupid. I mean, the music was PUMPING, but I’m pretty sure she called me a ”vacuum” before she walked away with her BELTER friend obviously to find me on Vleisboek and look at the pictures of me and my charnas klapping lekker DOEF DOEF music and rubbing oil on each other to practise for the next WHOSE THE MASSIVEST COMPETITION.

 

 

Anyway, I approached this boychay to introduce myself cause I could check by the way he was inmitating me that I am his hero.

“CHARNA! SlickTiger,” I said.

“Okaay,” he said back, pretending not to know me cos oviously the poor oke was shy.

“Lekker moffie socks boet,” I said.

“Thanks. Are you also in on this thing?” he said.

“Boet, in on it?! I INVENTED IT CHARNA!” I said.

“It’s a cool idea, it’s got a lot of people talking. Did you see what they did to the Jan Van Riebeek statue?” he said.

 

 

“The what?! Boet, I dunno what the flip you’re talking about but all I can say is that with these bad boys on I’m KLAPPING IT STUKKEND! My circlation is FLIPPIN HECTIC! I’m eating weights so MASSIVE, those two BELTERS that just walked past called me a VACUUM!” I said.

“Um…” he said.

“I also can’t believe it hey? I dunno why I didn’t get these flippin’ things YEARS AGO. You go back to your sets charna. If you want a autograph or something I’ll be in the steam room,” I chooned.

It’s amazing how this craze it taking off because of me! I said it before, but I’ll say it again – if you want to seriously experience ANOTHER LEVEL OF BUFFNESS, get some moffie socks TODAY and be an early adapter like me.

KLAP IT, BOET!

-ST

29
Sep
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #6: Legwarmer Boychay

By SlickTiger 5 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Ronny Rockel 194Hasit ma charnas!

So I was in the gym the other day for my late night session, KLAPPING it so stukkend I had to beat the belters off me with a barbell when I saw a boychay who had taken things to THE NEXT LEVEL!

This charna walks in with the confidence of 10 men and immediately all the belters start staring at him like the oke has some kinda magical aurora and no matter how much I grunted between reps or how hard I chucked the weights against the floor, it didn’t make a flippin’ difference!

EVERYONE was watching this charna!

Then I checked the oke’s legs. The boychie was wearing lekker retro-black moffie socks that looked like something Jane Fondle used to wear back when all the chicks were GROT OTTERS!

 

 

I had a good lag checking this dof ou walking around the gym like he owned the flippin place, when all he looked like was a doos.

But then the oke started KLAPPING his sets and I’m not lying when I say the WHOLE GYM stopped to check him. I took a pic lekker sneaky James Bond style even though the police said I’m not allowed to since the insident with my camera phone in the men’s bathroom so ja… it’s a little blurry…

 

 

It was like nothing I have never seen before! The oke was EATING WEIGHTS the size of my ex-girlfriend Toni without even breaking a flippin’ sweat.

 

 

I can only surmine that the boychay’s lekker retro-black moffie socks were giving him some kind of superb human strength by forcing his circlation to SKIP HIS LEGS and go straight to focus on a oke’s most important muscles – BICEPS AND PECS!

This oke is an example to all charnas out there. I’ve already bought myself 10 PAIRS of lekker retro-pienk moffie socks to KLAP it in and lemme tell you, okes are so impressed they’ve started whistling in appreciation whenever I walk by.

Do don’t be flippin’ DOF okes, if you want to lift 60% heavier weights and therefore achieve 71% more success with the belters, listen to your pal Slicky-T and KLAP LEGWARMERS BOET!

Any oke that does that gets a post to celebrate his buffness, guaranteed!

See you in the gym Winking smile

-ST

02
Sep
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #5 – Paul Main Man

By SlickTiger 9 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

MAIN MANCharnas, I tell you the innernet is a flippin’ DAK place filled with epic tales of okes who like to KLAP IT like my new boychie Paul Main Man.

I first discovered about this BUFF CHARNA through some doos whining like a moffie on the mybroadband site because Paul Main Man is the kind of charna who not only KLAPS IT, but is also a cassanova with the belters and can flippin tear you a new arsehole in backyard wrestling!

Here’s the flippin moffie complaint I wasted a hour reading I took out all the kak parts):

…we needed our networking system sorted out so I could get some of the lads on computers to answer emails.

Anyway, this bloke turns up, dirty as hell with a bunch of wires and tools hanging out a shody bag with paint over it and addressed himself as Paul. This guy was excuse my language f***ing arrogant, the way he waltzed around the office checking out the women and making sexist remarks. i let it go, i thought in 3 days this piece of crap will be gone. I was wrong, the guy was incompetent, he was there for 5 days and then gave me an invoice of 28k ZAR, that f***ing crook. I rang Telkom and told them that I already paid so where does this guy come about invoicing me, they told me they had no knowledge of this and that payment was received and I need not pay a penny more. when I got off the phone to them I told that scum bag to not swindle me, the guy went bokers, he broke the computers and a printer and nearly punched one of my new employees Mat! I was fuming, i called the cops and he went on his way.
when I got home I did my research on this bloke and found that he does back yard wrestling and calls himself PAul Main Man. what a p***k. Be careful allclip_image001

All I can say to the charna who wrote this is catch a flippin WAKE UP BOET!

A oke who walzes and checks out women is a LEGEND who obviously is no stranger to banging two blonde belters AT THE SAME TIME.

He invoised you for that much money because this charna spends 9 days a week eating weights and crumbles BRICKS in his breakfast cereal he’s so flippin’ hard. You lucky he NEARLY punched you and didn’t ACTUALLY punch you or you’d be dead.

I found this guy on the interwebs and he’s my flippin HERO! Read his site okes, maybe you could learn a thing or two about the proper way to KLAP IT… except he doesn’t use steroids… that’s a little bit gay…

 

 

Paul, I gotta problem with my work innerwebs – the boss keeps telling me I’m watching too many videos and its inappropriate and kak like that, look me up charna, I need my own private ISDL line boychie!

-ST

01
Aug
11

Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #4 – Wolfpack RFC Vs Durbanville 5

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wolfpack1Jassis ma charnas, but did I watch a HELLUVA flippin’ TIGHT rukby games on Saturday! It was just laaik that flippin’ movie ROCKY 1 when that MASSIVE AND RIPPED oke does all the one-arm pushups and then MOERS the meat in the freezer, only this time the BUFF CHARNA was WOLFPACK RFC and the meat in the freezer was Durbanville 5.

It was a game full of surprises, the first one being the fact that the flippin Durbanville 5 team kept flippin’ SCORING TRIES against the MONSTER OKES in the Wolfpack!

I could hardly believe my eyes and did at one stage think I’d klapped too many brandy and coke specials (R30 for two doubles and coke, are you FLIPPIN’ SERIOUS?!), especially when we got to nearly the end of the game and the Durbanville 5 okes were leading 25 – 20.

 

 

But you gotta say one thing about the BUFF CHARNAS in the Wolfpack RFC, not only are they FLIPPIN MASSIVE AND RIPPED, but flip ma boychay, they got a lotta heart and just like that movie with the metal oke from the future who comes back to the past and gets blown up and shot and run over with a truck and MOERED STUKKEND, when they decide they want to kill a oke, NOTHING can stop them.

In the last 5 MINUTES the Wolfpack RFC okes scored a try and converted themselves straight into victory. Okes couldn’t believe it. The Durbanville 5 charnas looked BROKEN while the Wolfpack fans punched the air and made the Wolfpack howl.

Even I cried a bit. Mostly because the brandy special ended, but also because I was happy for the BUFF CHARNAS of the Wolfpack.

But lemme tell you – the flippin GOOD TIMES were only starting. After the game we rode the party bus for about two hours all around Cape Town while the Wolfpack okes had a DAK fines meeting.

 

 

Okes were fined for everything! Dropped the ball you CHOP! FINE! Didn’t MOER a oke STUKKEND! FINE! Didn’t obey the BUFFALO rule (flip boet, are you STUPID?!) FINE!

 

 

And the okes who did the DUMBEST SHIT got the SUPER FINE – BOOZE IN A SHOE!

 

 

All in all, it was a flippin’ EMOTIONAL day. There were pushups, BUFF CHARNAS, 15 cases of beer and even a blonde belter! But just the one, next time I expect there to be at least 10! What are we? Durbanville 5?

So with the end of the season coming up, the Wolfpack RFC boychies are looking BUFF as ever and it wouldn’t surprise me if they win the entire LEAGUE and, like the metal oke from that movie, go back in time and MOER THEM ALL A SECOND TIME!

KLAP IT BOYCHIES!

-ST

05
Jul
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #3 – Boychay On A Beach (NSFW)

By SlickTiger 7 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hazit charnas!

SlickTiger here with more pictures of OKES WHO LIKE TO KLAP IT!

Now I know what you’re probably thinking about the following oke who likes to klap it because trust me, I’m thinking the SAME FLIPPIN’ THING – it’s a bit flippin GAY to pose kaalgat for pictures on a beach, but FUCK OKES!

Can you seriously BLAME this charna?! Check out his flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED QUADS BRU! The oke’s BUFF, so he likes to walk kaalgat on the beach, so what?!

 

 

A oke like that can flippin MOER you with a look ma boychay, a look like the one in this picture.

 

 

A oke like this has 1000% DEDICATION and that’s what I like to see. You won’t find this oke sitting on his bladdy arse eating chips and watching Sewende Laan, no.

This charna is in the gym twice EVERY DAY, eating weights for breakfast, lunch and supper and experimenting with DANGEROUS BOVINE GROWTH HORMONES that seem to have had some kind of funny effect on his pecs…

But none the less, I think we can take our backwards gym cap off to this PROPPER BOYCHAY, this BUFF CHARNA and say BOET! You’ve KLAPPED IT!

Until next time!

-ST

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