Archive for the 'Satire, Irony And Vitriol' Category



25
Jun
13

I Have A Whole New-Found Respect For Russell Brand

Russ-BFor a long time I thought Russell Brand was a gigantic wanker, BUT having watched the video I’m about to show you guys, it’s not an opinion I’m very proud of anymore.

I formed this opinion after watching a DVD of one of his early stand-up comedy gigs which I found awkward and not very funny. Then he started dating Katy Perry and my dislike of him increased tenfold.

I liked him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him To The Greek though, which was why I decided to take eight and a half minutes to watch him OWN the morning presenters of MSNBC in a recent interview and holy shit, it was worth every second.

26
Mar
13

Monopoly Is For Assholes

MonopolyManOn Saturday morning I drank six cups of coffee as I sat writing the first chapter of the book that’s gonna make me a famous for something other than writing the SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym, Boet.

I got the entire chapter out, not quite the way I’d planned it but close enough, and afterward this weird feeling of satisfied detachment washed over me that I wasn’t expecting.

I was happy with what I’d written but I’d climbed so far into the world of my story that, as dramatic as it sounds, coming back to reality was difficult. It was in this detached state of mind that I decided it would be a good idea to buy a Monopoly board.

14
Mar
13

Vice Magazine Gets Its Own HBO Show

nettie-r-harris-x-ryan-mcginley-vice-magazineIt’s no secret that Vice Magazine is basically one of the last bastions of awesome, gonzo-styled journalism left on the face of the planet.

I mean holy shit, did you guys watch the video of the Vice journalist who takes acid and goes to the dog show? Or what about the piece recently published by a Vice journalist who visited the Playboy mansion?

Well now HBO is giving Vice their own show in which founder Shane Smith and a group of his top correspondents travel the world to visit the scariest and most absurd cultures and situations they can find. Pretty fucking sick, ne?

Check it:

 

08
Mar
13

Other Level Friday LOLZ

tumblr_mitevdEbCn1qj26eao1_500It’s a rainy-ass day in Cape Town, what I like to call a classic GTFH day (gothefuckhome). I swear I’d actually pay my company R500 to let me just go home and go back to bed. Five hundred big ones. Done deal.

But sadly that’s not gonna happen. Instead I’ll get through today as best I can and try to duck out at 4. Hopefully by then it’s still all rainy and overcast and I can nail a flippin awesome afternoon nap.

Meanwhile, life carries on, but to make it a little more bearable for you badass mofos I’ve thrown together yet another random collection of Friday LOLZ that I think you’ll enjoy.

27
Feb
13

A Post About Kissing

kissing_four_mr_120705_ssvIs there anything more intimate than a kiss? Is there any feeling more thrilling than touching your lips to the other person’s, sliding your tongue into their mouth, running it over their teeth and dislodging the spinach that’s been bugging you for the last hour?

Being able to kiss well is something any hot-blooded woman will tell you is a must for stoking up the fires of her passion.

So what I’m gonna do is show you guys two videos. The first is a guide that shows what NOT to ever do if you are kissing a woman (girls, you could also probably learn from this about how NOT to kiss a guy).

14
Feb
13

Slicky-T And The Valentine’s Day Curse

cupid5afDo you guys remember Valentine’s Day back in highschool? I do! And that shit cracks me up every time because I NEVER got any fucking roses, chocolates or cards, I was that kid.

No wait, I did get the one rose once from a girl in matric, but otherwise the whole thing was a gigantic waste of time for me. I went in with low expectations and was never disappointed because I am cursed.

Valentine’s Day and I have never been friends. The best Valentine’s Day I spent was at The Doors in Joburg where they released a gigantic net of red and white balloons that the crowd obliterated with Rammstein blasting in the background.

01
Feb
13

Okes Who Like To Klap It #20: Brett van Rooyen

Brett's HeadI tell you, time flys hey okes? Jus-laaik, I can remember back in 2010 when I first wrote the “SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet” and ous were like, “Boedie, you have written the gym BIBLE charna!”

One of those ous was a lekker charna of mine Brett van Rooyen who wrote to me and was like, “Slick, I’m a lank skinny oke what can’t pull lekker cherries. Please help me boet, I wanna be exactly like YOU!”

So of course being the good oke that I am I was like, “Brett my boedie, don’t SQUEEZE A SALTIE, lemme come pick you up, I’ll take you vest shopping, then we can grab schweet spray tans, smash lekker dangerous anabolic steroids into our butts and KLAP SOME GYM, BOET!”

27
Nov
12

My Thoughts On Zombies And The Doc Of The Dead Trailer

zombieThe zombie apocalypse might as well have happened because they are EVERYWHERE! They’ve invaded pop culture like a virus spread from monkeys that reduces those exposed to it to mindless, face-eating monsters.

But where and how did it all start? This is a question that has cropped up countless times whenever I get into this topic and it’s one that the documentary Doc Of The Dead tries to answer.

My theory has to do with the increasing alienation we feel toward any sense of true purpose in a world so rife with escapism, nothing seems meaningful anymore.

23
Oct
12

Brooke Candy – I Blame Die Antwoord

2012_08_25_Show Biz BallSo there’s a new slutbag on the block and she goes by the name of Brooke Candy. This “rapper” used to be a stripper and the main message behind her first single “Das Me” is “being called a slut is a compliment”.

The video for “Das Me” plays out like a garish nightmare of freakishly long fingernails, pink braids and outfits most people wouldn’t be seen dead in.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for edgy, controversial artists but I have a serious problem with being shocking just for the sake of it and the general lack of intelligence artists like Brooke Candy seem to possess.

16
Oct
12

Granadilla Lolly Price Skyrockets, The Tiger Loses His Shit

granadilla2There is no better feeling known to man than the deep-down happiness you experience after two hours on a scorching hot Cape Town beach when the Grenedilla Lolly Guy rocks up.

“GRENEDILLA LOLLIES!” he belts out in his hilariously legit accent, “A LOLLY TO MAKE YOU JOLLY!” And my God! The man’s right! You’ve never tasted a jollier lolly in your life!

In that golden moment when the ice-cold lolly hits your tongue, you basically don’t have a single care in the world. There’s just the sound of the ocean, the feeling of the sun beating down on you and the taste of granadilla heaven in your mouth.