Archive for the 'Tell The Tiger' Category

19
Nov
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 11)

It’s time.

People on the streets are dying. Mothers. Killing their children. Children. Murdering on another on the steps of churches. Human / elephant pornography. Justin Bieber.

 

 

The world has indeed fallen apart, the very fabric of society has come undone and no. It’s not because of wide-spread government corruption. It’s not because of poor school systems or the mass media rotting the minds of our youth.

It’s because everyone’s emails that they’ve been sending in the thousands to tellthetiger@gmail.com have gone unanswered for far too long.

13
Aug
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 10)

It’s not every day that I get juicy, sex-related mails in from the confused masses that write to Tell The Tiger, desperately seeking my advice on how to make their lives better.

Sometimes people write in with perfectly ordinary, everyday problems that I do eventually get around to answering when all the juicy sexy ones dry up. It’s not that I’m prejudiced or anything, like a father with countless mentally unhinged children, I love all the mails that are sent into TTT equally.

 

 

09
Jul
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 9)

Picking each week’s Tell The Tiger mail is like shoving your hand into a tank of Piranhas to rescue a kitten. You gotta be quick or that poor sucker’s going to be a little kitty skeleton in about 5 seconds.

 

 

Of course, there are always some cats that just deserve to be left in the tank, which brings me neatly to this week’s mail.

 

S’up ST,

So I’m lank into this chick, but she’s got a kid. Is it wrong to buy it toys and stuff and get it to like me so that she digs me? I don’t see a problem, but my friends think it’s wrong.

17
Jun
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 8)

Um, yeah.

Unsurprisingly, after the abortion of a reply that was my last ‘Tell The Tiger’, the ol’ gmail address (tellthetiger@gmail.com) has been a little quiet.

Look, in my defence I wrote that last one after participating in a ‘Mass Streak’ right by the Green Point stadium with a bunch of total strangers, which I was understandably nervous about being a part of because a) it was fucking cold and b) the last time I streaked in public was, well, never.

 

 

So I might have been a little under the influence, christ, I’m only human.

03
Jun
10

Tell Th eTiger )Episode 7)

Ok, I’ll be the frist to admit here taht perhaps I’m nothe soberest I should betp answer people’s fuckng life problesm here, hey, hahahahaaha, yeha, I’m definitely past the point of opertaing heavy machinery but the thing is it;s been awhile yknw? And i kinda feel like i owe it to you guys  , my audience to at least post SOMETHING! I ena fuckskaek the way Iv’e been posting recenty ain’t gonna win me any awards thats fe damn sure!

So yeah, ho aout we just jump inther shallwe? Um, ok, here we gl:

Hi Slick,

14
May
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 6)

It’s been awhile since I last delved into the tellthetiger@gmail.com inbox and made a lucky reader’s life perfect in every way, my apologies for that, but I’ve been focussing most of my energies on making on own life liveable over the last week, and I’m happy to report things are back on track.

Opening the tellthetiger@gmail.com inbox is kinda like swiping a security card at the local loony bin and stepping into a room full of slobbering degenerates, walking in endless circles and staring with glazed eyes at the TV-in-a-cage which only ever shows lawn bowls on mute.

 

 

God knows, I’ve missed you guys.

30
Apr
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 5)

Ok, there’s no fucking Tell The Tiger today, I’m tired ok? Tired of sorting out you guys and your messy fucking lives, and also just plain tired of this week and ready to throw the fucking towel the fuck in.

So all I’m going to do is post the following picture of an unbelievably hot mamasita with a really lousy tattoo.

 

 

Thank you www.holytaco.com, thank you.

Have a killer weekend guys!

-ST

23
Apr
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 4)

This week’s Tell The Tiger marks a whole new era in this little project of mine because, I’m proud to say, after receiving a whole slew of emails from guys, I FINALLY received one from the fairer sex!

Fuck! It was awesome, I nearly fell off my goddamn chair. It’s like when the girl from next door somehow figures out the secret codeword to get into the boy’s tree house where she then proceeds to skin you and your mates for all your pocket money in exchange for up a peak up her skirt.

What?! Like you wouldn’t have. To this day, Minnie Mouse never looked so goddamn adorable…

16
Apr
10

Tell The Tiger (episode 3)

Wow, this week’s been too crazy guys, too fucking crazy so I chose a nice and short problem to NAIL rather than some long, drawn out, deeply psychologically troubled mail to deal with gently… tenderly… lovingly…

 

 

This week’s problem comes from a guy who likes to call himself “Jeanunderpantman”. Um… okaayyy.

Howzit Slick,

I’ve gotthis major problem where I prefer jerking off to havign actual sex with my girlfriend, its just feels tighter and better. Do you think if she lets me try anal it weill be better? How can I convince her to try it?

Jeanunderpantman

09
Apr
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 2)

I love meeting people who tell you how ‘crazy’ they are. ‘I’m crazy dude!’ they all say, ‘I’m the craziest fucker you’ll ever MEET!’ which can be loosely translated as, ‘Am a pretty average guy, really nothing that special about me or my life. Thanks for listening.’

Truth is, the really crazy fuckers out there, or the people who have crazy shit going down in their lives keep that shit on the down lizzo, which is why I started Tell The Tiger, because I feel an affinity for these people and honestly want to help them.

 

 

Also the shit they send through makes my life plain as dry toast in comparison 😉