Posts Tagged ‘douche


Kevin Spacey – An Even Bigger Douche Than Before

Spacey VentrilloquistWeek before last I wrote about what a douche Kevin Spacey is because he chose this very random script from SA to turn into a short film instead of mine.

I got all up on my high horse and lambasted both Spacey and the efforts of the SA scriptwriter / director that won the Jameson First Shot competition.

They accepted scripts from the States, Russia and SA and chose one from each country to be turned into a short film. Ours was about a dentist who cures a pirate’s tooth ache (?), which made me think that’s the kind of tone they were going for here, slapsticky absurdism. Then I saw America’s entry.

“The Ventriloquist” is a moving, thought-provoking short film that carries a powerful emotional punch and basically makes SA’s effort look like your nephew’s grade 2 nativity play where he landed the role as the back part of the camel.



It just plain ain’t fair I tells ya! Had they chosen a less goofy script from SA, I have no doubt we would have been able to pull off something as emotionally stirring as that piece.

Look, I’m not saying this is the best short film I’ve ever seen, but I am saying it’s a damn side better than ours was.

Why you gotta be such a douche Kevin Spacey?

I just ain’t right.



Clifton Second and The Douche Parade

Monday was sick, not only because it was a public holiday, but also because we managed to get our shit together and head to the beach for what turned out to be a glorious day in the sun, sneaking red wine when no one was looking and laying in the sun, staring at the big beautiful blue sky.

We chose a spot right at the back of second beach and set up base camp, right behind some pretty innocuous looking green towels, nothing special going on there.

Then, about 15 minutes later the owners of the towels came back and turned out to be the second and third most gorgeous women on the beach (after J-Rab of course – BOOYA!).

What followed can only be described as a total feeding frenzy. One total douchebag after the next came to get in on the action with the lovely ladies in front of us, each one trying a totally different angle to win them over.

Lemme tell you, reality TV has NOTHING on watching that shit unfold in real life. Our favourites were team no.1, who approached the belters with possibly the worst line in the history of lines: “We’ve been watching you from our balcony up there for the last 30 minutes and wanted to come down and say hi.”

Congratulations. You have miraculously managed to come across as creepy, desperate AND too fucking rich for your own good in one fantastically cringe-worthy line.

It just got better from there. Here’s a pic The MAEN! snapped off his GuyPhone which shows both men perching, just like vultures, on either side of the hotties.



Had I the presence of mind, I would have definitely taken my cell phone out and documented the guy that came after them, AND the guy after that who the girls seemed to actually like (he had a cute dog though, bonus points) but to be honest, I was enjoying the wine and the sun too much to think about that.

Action was with us as well. He said that he was pretty sure one of the girls was Tanit Phoenix but who’s to say? You can’t really tell at all from this pic.

Bottom line is I felt a strange kind of liberation watching all this because there was a time when I would have been cooking up a whole lot of bullshit lines in my own head to approach girls like that whether it was on the beach or in a club, and it felt good to honestly not give a shit about that.

When you have a good woman the rest of them take a back seat and let me tell you brother, it’s like a lead blanket being lifted off your shoulders the moment you realise you’ve found something worth fighting for and it means more to you than any random piece of ass on the beach or anywhere else.

There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about how lucky I am to wake up next to J-Rab every morning and lay my head down next to hers every night. There isn’t a woman in the world that can hold a flame to that gorgeous Tigress and God knows, I love her with every fibre, cell and sinew in me.