Posts Tagged ‘drunk


How To Be A Functioning Alcoholic On Facebook

Drunk_06Before I even start this post, I feel I need to be straight up with you guys and tell you that all of what you’re about to see is shamelessly ripped off Sad And Useless.

Great. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s dive right in to today’s subject matter, disguising your rampant alcoholism on Facebook, something that I know I for one struggle with.

It’s a known fact that the biggest downside of Facebook is that family and work colleagues can all see just how wizasted you got on the weekend by trawling your pics. Well, I’m here to tell you those days are finally OVER.

All you need is a couple of rudimentary photoshop skills and access to a gigantic database of cat images and you too can disguise your debilitating habit and fool everyone into thinking you’re a swell guy.

Confused about what the fuck I’m getting at? Me too! About time we switched to visuals so I can carry on mainlining vodka…











Now you know.



Tell Th eTiger )Episode 7)

Ok, I’ll be the frist to admit here taht perhaps I’m nothe soberest I should betp answer people’s fuckng life problesm here, hey, hahahahaaha, yeha, I’m definitely past the point of opertaing heavy machinery but the thing is it;s been awhile yknw? And i kinda feel like i owe it to you guys  , my audience to at least post SOMETHING! I ena fuckskaek the way Iv’e been posting recenty ain’t gonna win me any awards thats fe damn sure!

So yeah, ho aout we just jump inther shallwe? Um, ok, here we gl:

Hi Slick,

Love the blog dude, keep up the good work man, I send your links around the office, all the funny ones and CHARNAS dig it lank hey!

But anyway, I enjoyed the last ‘Tell the tiger’ because there was a time I felt exactly like JP – I struggled to approach girls and ‘break the ice’ as it were, but those days are far behind me now and the problem I have now is a completely different one.

I’m stuck in some kind of rut, it’s been going on now for about 6 or 7 months, always the same story. I go to clubs or bars, I approach girls and start chatting and generally things go well, I can usually keep their interest and not get shot down and usually make at least some kind of connection.

Then we talk for awhile and sometimes I get their numbers and other times we even make out and things are going really well. Then the next day I get in touch with these girls, I either call them or sms them, and every time, EVERY TIME, they just shut me down dude, it never leads anywhere. Maybe coffee, and that’s it. After that they never return my calls or sms me back.

What the fuck am I doing wrong here? I mean, I make them laugh, we talk, it feels like I’m making a connection, and then nothing. It’s killing me man!

Am I being too nice? A lot of my friends say I’m being too nice, but I don’t know any other way to be, I can’t pretend to be some douchebag guy when I’m not.

Give me some advice here dude!


HA! Fuck, is anyoen else here feeling ths dudes pain? lets bebhonest here for a minute, no bullshit – every guy s been here, EVEYR GUY! IVE benn here uded, many times, mauny times, and yeahm, just liek you ,I fet like it was me, like I was fucking lame chiks werewalking all over me, sure dude, don’t feel bad man, EVEYROENS been here dude.

Thing to do is jsut take tihigns down a notch, yknw? Your friendd  are probaly right, you;re proably going too far in dudde, just pull bakc, be ccool daddy-o, no girl wants MR Soulful coming in there to fuck her shit up man. Thing about the softcock approcah is it works great int he MOMENT, BUT, come the next day ,all those defeellings she had ,they’re gone duede, fucking evaportaed ,gone daddy gone.

If you get intaht sitiation where you’re gping guns blazing, kissing her, making out ont he dancefoloor, forr chrissake, PULLBABCK! TAke the reign s back in dude, tell her you’re moving too fast, use those lines they use on US! teLL HEr you really like her, BUT would much rather jsut be friends and see how things play out.

REVERSE the roles D UDE! Youre a pro at hearing all thse put-me-dpown lines that girls say, say them BACK to them, and watch the effect that has, trust me, it’ll fuck you up how quick they come running.

But yeah, thats abut all I reallly have to say on the topci dude, hahahaaa!

Ther’s no fucing way I shoul ever hit publish on this post, christ I can hardlt see straight.

But you knwat? FUCK it.

Lets’ do it.

publish- *click 😉



Album Review: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Beat The Devil’s Tattoo

You know it’s time to get a new drummer when the one you’re using goes onstage to accept an award and is so wasted that instead of making an acceptance speech, he just stares silently at the audience for a full nine minutes.

Not that I’m judging, fuck, I think it’s brilliant! Even though it happened way back at the 2003 NME Awards, when the infamous Black Rebel Motorcycle Club drummer Nick Jago went onstage to accept the Best Video award, the story refuses to die. It was a perfect ‘fuck you’ moment in rock and roll history and one that perfectly defines this band.



Black Rebel Motorcycle Club have been around a good ten years, during which time they’ve recorded six studio albums, all of which, in my humble opinion, have been surprisingly excellent.

There’s just something about this band’s garage rock meets blues meets psychedelic 70s rock meets folk revival that really speaks to me and always has.

Put it this way, if you’re looking for music to drink whisky to while you drown the memories of the last beautiful and bad-hearted woman who crossed your path, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is the band for you.

Needless to say, I have every album they ever recorded (except the instrumental one, The Effects of 333, I don’t do instrumental albums, they creep me out) including one of my favourite albums of all time, the masterpiece that was 2005’s Howl. It’s loaded with more references to the Devil than a Quaker sermon, but hot damn! You know you’re onto something good when the first line sung is “Time won’t save our souls…”



The new album, in a lot of ways is more of the same. They had to cut Jago loose a second time and they replaced him with a girl (Leah Shapiro, formerly of The Ravonettes) but she sure as hell doesn’t play like a girl.

What you’ll find on this album is the same mixture of hedonistic, booze and drug fuelled old school rock that this band has made a name for themselves playing. There are no major curveballs on this album, there are no ‘what the fuck was that?’ moments and I’m totally fine with that because there’s enough depth and song writing skill in BRMC to keep things interesting without having to reinvent the wheel.



Let’s be honest for a moment here, how could you not love a song like “Conscience Killer” (track 2) which drives like a Royal Enfield and has the lines “I’m a fine line teaser / Never been nothing but a cheater / I’m a son of the night / Give me a little room and I’ll spit in your eye.”

“River Styx”, with it’s snaking bassline is also instantly likeable. It oozes evil as it slinks through the shadows of Hayes’ droning vocals and the sick, grinding tones of his squealing guitar riffs. It’s a masterpiece of sleaze.

But you’ll find quieter moments on this album as well, reminiscent of Howl. Tracks like the gospel / revival folk ballads “Sweet Feeling” and “The Toll” prove that there’s a lot more to this band than a bunch of songs it’s fun to get roaring drunk to.

Singer and frontman Peter Hayes’ voice has changed a lot over the years and you can hear it on a track like “Sweet Feeling” where his voice effortlessly hits five or six notes, clear as a bell in one sustained legato.



Of course there are a couple of duds which mar this otherwise great album – “War Machine” and “Half-State” for example, both of which insomniacs the world over should be grateful for – but it is very seldom that an album is without duds.

My rule of thumb is this – if an album has four killer tracks on it or more, you’ve got your money’s worth which is exactly what you’ll get with Beat The Devil’s Tattoo. It isn’t going to win any major awards, it isn’t going to make a huge or lasting impression in most people’s lives, BUT it is going to make a great companion the next time a girl fucks you up and like a good friend, it will tell you what a bitch she was and party with you till you’re good and drunk.

Final verdict: 8/10