Posts Tagged ‘facebook


Nokia Lumia 800 Two Weeks In

nokia-lumia-800-2Friday will have been exactly two weeks since the Nokia Lumia 800 got dropped off for your Tiger pal to review so I’ve had some time to get to know my little cyan buddy more intimately.

Though I have encountered one or two frustrations over the last two weeks, they are far outweighed by the slickness of the Windows 7 OS and the great features the Lumia 800 is packing.

This week I’ll be tackling Twitter and Facebook, having a look at some more of the nifty “live tiles”, checking out the 8MP Carl Zeiss camera and reviewing the battery life.

The “Me” Live Tile

In my last review I spoke about the “People” live tile and how it pulls every person you’ve ever followed / emailed / saved as a contact and puts all their details in one convenient list.

Today we’re checking out the “Me” tile, which gives you instant access to your profile, notifications and live feed.



From this tile you can quickly type a message and post it to Windows Live, Facebook and Twitter. It’s the quickest way to post to your social networks I’ve ever encountered on a smartphone, but the downside is you can’t post pics.

The “Me” tile also allows you to check in and set your chat status across all your social networks.

The sickest thing about this tile is the way it aggregates every mention you get across Twitter and Facebook and lists them all on the “Notifications” screen so you can see a summarised version of all the ous who’ve been chirping you by literally touching the “Me” tile and swiping right.

Another swipe to the right and you get the “What’s New” screen – an expanded version of the “Notifications” screen that also includes all your tweets and Facebook posts.



What’s interesting to note is that you don’t get your full feed from Twitter or Facebook unless you download a Twitter or FB app, which brings me neatly to…

Twitter and Facebook

If you want the full functionality of Twitter and FB on your Windows 7 phone, you have to hit the Windows Phone Marketplace and download them.

I downloaded the free Windows 7 apps for Facebook and Twitter, both of which give you full functionality across both platforms and, provided your 3G connection is solid, update almost instantly.

The experience of using both Twitter and Facebook on the new Windows 7 phones is the best by miles I’ve encountered on a Nokia phone. All operations and menu functions / navigation is kept lean and mean and makes for an enjoyable user experience.


The 8MP camera the Lumia 800 comes packing does the job, but I must say after using the Nokia N8 for the last two years, I’ve gotten used to the picture quality of the 12MP camera that bad boy comes with which, whilst making the phone very bulky, takes phenomenal pics.

But like I said, the 8MP camera does the job. Just be sure to keep dead still when taking pics or they have a tendency to blur quite badly. The camera also struggles a little in bad lighting conditions, but that’s pretty standard for an 8MP cell phone camera.



The best part of the camera and taking pics is the “Pictures” live tile, which takes sharing and posting pics to a whole other level.

Once you’ve snapped a winning shot, it gets added to your “Camera Roll” where, by simply touching the pic and then touching the three dots in the bottom right corner, you can instantly share the pic via SMS, Hotmail, GMail, Facebook, Twitter and one of the coolest features the new Windows 7 phones have, the SKYDRIVE.

The Skydrive is like your own private portable hard drive that lives in space. I’ll be putting it through it’s paces in my next post, but the idea is that you can access your Skydrive from anywhere and save anything on it, including all your contacts.



What I also loved about the “Pictures” Live Tile on the Lumia 800 is the way that you can see your friends albums by going to “People” and adding your contacts.

The phone then pulls all their most recent photo galleries from Facebook and Twitter so you can instantly see what they’ve been doing with their bad selves. Too awesome.

Lastly, the Lumia 800 also aggregates all the pics your contacts post on Twitter and Facebook and puts all tweets / posts in one convenient list for you to quickly browse through. All of these pics can be tagged and saved to your phone so you can share them with your contacts or post to your social networks.

Battery Life

There has to be a catch somewhere right? Yeah, sadly there is.

With moderate use, you can squeeze 1 day out of the Lumia 800 before the battery bites the dust. This could be because I’ve installed Whatsapp on the phone, which is a notorious battery killer but still, I would have hoped to get a little more juice out of the phone, especially considering it’s brand new.



Of course there is the option to run the phone on “Battery Saver” mode, which I haven’t tried yet, but which will probably extend the battery life by half a day or so.

It’s a small price to pay for a phone that basically combines and gives you quick and easy access to your entire online life though, so though it’s a gripe it’s nothing a little bit of forward planning / carrying a charger with you can’t fix.

Just don’t get hammered and leave the charger in a hotel room after your mate’s wedding in Durban. FFFFFFFFF…

Tune in for my next instalment on the Lumia 800 where I’ll be tackling web browsing, using the Skydrive and Microsoft Office amongst other things.

One last thing worth mentioning before I sign out though is the fact that nearly every time I’ve used the phone, the people around me have asked me what phone it is and watched me using it with interest.

There is a general buzz about Nokia’s new Windows 7 phones that is palpable. Is this the phone that will give Nokia the much needed market share they’ve been fighting for in the smartphone arena?

Only time. Will tell Winking smile



How To Be A Functioning Alcoholic On Facebook

Drunk_06Before I even start this post, I feel I need to be straight up with you guys and tell you that all of what you’re about to see is shamelessly ripped off Sad And Useless.

Great. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s dive right in to today’s subject matter, disguising your rampant alcoholism on Facebook, something that I know I for one struggle with.

It’s a known fact that the biggest downside of Facebook is that family and work colleagues can all see just how wizasted you got on the weekend by trawling your pics. Well, I’m here to tell you those days are finally OVER.

All you need is a couple of rudimentary photoshop skills and access to a gigantic database of cat images and you too can disguise your debilitating habit and fool everyone into thinking you’re a swell guy.

Confused about what the fuck I’m getting at? Me too! About time we switched to visuals so I can carry on mainlining vodka…











Now you know.



The SlickTiger Help-A-Blogger In Need Initiative

Hi guys (*serious face).

There comes a time in every man, woman and child’s life when he, she or it becomes aware of something that previously he, she or it was not aware of before.

That time in my life came about when I was 25 years old and, trawling the internet one day for worthy causes that I could support to make the world we live in a better place, I, for the first time in my life, became aware of “bloggers”.



Bloggers, ladies and gentlemen, are not like you and me. You see, unlike you and me, bloggers are different from us because of a number of factors that I have researched thoroughly and dedicated my life to raising awareness of such as:

  • Their parents are cousins
  • They drank high quantities of alcohol during their formative years
  • Repetitive head wounds, and
  • Twitter

The epidemic of “bloggers” began about a year ago when online social-media website 2.0 platforms began to exist in the “blogosphere”, and were made popular through peer-to-peer MySpacial networks over Facebook.

Before the internet made them famous, no one had any idea that these people even existed and typically these “bloggers” spent most of their lives locked in basements eating gruel and communicating to one another in a series of wails and grunts.

Many argue the world was a better place when “bloggers” were chained in these subterranean lairs, such was the ignorance of the world at large back in those early days.



I implore you not to turn a blind eye to this epidemic! Pretending they don’t exist is not going to make this problem go away!

Instead, I encourage you to email and pledge money toward the Swiss bank account I have set up in order to help these unfortunate individuals and properly integrate them into society where they can find meaningful jobs as Refuse Collection Agents, Street Sanitation Officers or Public Relations Consultants.



So don’t delay, send all your banking details to today and join the SlickTiger Help A Blogger In Need Initiative, or SHABINI for short.

You CAN make a difference in the life of a “blogger” TODAY!



Californication And My Thoughts On Love

I don’t know how many of you out there watch Californication, but it’s one of my favourite TV series and has been since I watched the first episode.



I was instantly hooked because as a writer I identified with the main character Hank Moody (David Duchovny), and couldn’t help but like him because he destroys the stereotype many people have of writers as secluded introverts who sit diligently in their pyjamas every morning with a steaming cup of coffee, lovingly coaxing words out of their laptops while small birds tweet outside.

Hank Moody is a different kind of writer. He’s like a modern-day Byron (only not bi-sexual) and has this kind of easy-going, cocky-funny charm that makes him irresistible to women.

The thing about Hank is that he’s got a good heart underneath it all and that’s what draws women to him. Hank doesn’t chase women, he’s 100% devoted to Karen (Natascha McElhone), the love of his life and the mother of his daughter, even though at the beginning of the series she wants nothing more to do with Hank and is engaged to Bill (Damian Young) who Hank affectionately refers to as ‘the dial tone’.



Ironically, the women in the series seem to sense Hank’s emotional unavailability, and pursue him with greater urgency the more he tries to brush them off. What makes it believable is that Hank doesn’t fall into bed with every woman that offers herself to him and also, not every woman he sleeps with is super-model gorgeous.

J-Rab and I have just finished watching the third season of Californication, which was probably the weakest season thus far, except for two things. The first was this awesome explanation Hank gives Felicia, the Dean’s wife at the varsity where Hank starts teaching, as to what it is about women that fascinates him:

‘It’s my purgatory really, dinner, drinks, whatever. I’m never really all that interested but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway cause it’s true. All women are, in one way or another. There’s always something about every damn one of you, there’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures, my life’s work. But then there’s the morning after, the hangover and the realisation that I’m not quite as available as the night before. And then she’s gone and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken…’

Powerful words. There is something about every single one of you, I agree 100% and it’s part of the reason why I never understood men who hate women or speak about them in derogatory terms. I never identified with guys like that because I suspect that they are secretly scared of women, but are too fucking stupid and proud to ever admit that fact.

Fucking mouth-breathers. But anyway, like I was saying…



The second thing that saved season three for me was the final episode. Throughout the season, Hank has his usual encounters with numerous females of the species, encounters which become less and less believable as the season progresses until he finds himself in a situation that is so ridiculous it’s difficult to take the show seriously.

To make things worse, Karen just forgives him for all his transgressions, despite the fact that they are supposed to be starting a new life together in (SPOILER ALERT!) New York.

But then the last episode hits and it hits pretty damn hard. To go into any kind of detail would be to give everything away, which I hate doing. Instead, you should get your hands on seasons 1, 2 and 3, and watch them all, you’ll be doing yourself a favour.

After the episode ended, J-Rab and I lay in silence for a good long while, both lost in our thoughts. It was a really strange moment, nothing we’ve ever watched together has had that effect on us, it cut right to the bone and got me thinking a lot about the things her and I have been through and how it really is true that sometimes in life you end up hurting the people you love the most.

If you follow this blog and have been doing so for awhile, you probably have an idea of J-Rab and my relationship through the things I post, but what I realised last night was that perception is probably skewed.

Simple fact is I would never air our dirty laundry on this site, it’s just not a boundary I’d ever want to cross. As such our relationship might come across as all rainbows and lollipops and I can’t abide that, because it just isn’t true and the last thing I wanted when I started this blog was to spin a bunch of bullshit as the truth.



The reality of our relationship is that like most couples, we’ve been through a lot of heartache, we’ve fought with each other, screamed at one another, thrown shit all over the place and all but strangled each other to death more than once during our two and a half years together and the honest truth is if I had to go back in time I would do it all again, exactly the same, because it’s made us who we are.

Sometimes I look at other couples, the way they tip toe around one another, the way they’re full of fake smiles and forced familiarity when they’re around other people, and I feel really sorry for them because none of it’s real. I don’t know why, but people have this weird way of making a huge public spectacle of their ‘happiness’ in order to somehow affirm it which I always thought was total bullshit.

I love the Leonard Cohen song ‘Hallelujah’ because it says it exactly like it is:

‘I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch / Love is not a victory march / It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.’



We’ve been there. I know exactly what that cold and broken Hallelujah feels like, what it feels like to reach that point where all hope has died and you wonder how the hell you’re ever going to be able to look that person in the eyes again, never mind save your relationship.

But J-Rab and me, we found a way. We toughed it out, we fought until there wasn’t any fight left in us and then we started down the long, hard road of forgiveness and I’m glad we did because she’s the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me.

I’m not interested in fluffy toys and heart-shaped chocolate boxes and ‘I love you pumpkin’ messages on Facebook. I want a companion, I want a lioness, as ferocious as she is kind, someone who’s got my back and keeps me on my toes, someone I can laugh with and share this life with and grow old alongside and J-Rab is all those things to me.

Don’t tell her I said this, but I never knew how I got so goddamn lucky.

She means the world to me, and if that’s not worth fighting for, I don’t know what is.



The One Thing I Feel Is Missing From The Interweb

I’ve been using the interweb since the day it was first launched way back in 2007, and as such, I consider myself one of the leading experts on anything to do with the literally hundreds of things you can do on the interweb.



Don’t believe me? Fine. Here’s a list of all the things I’ve mastered on the interweb so far:

  • Gmail – remembering my password and login name, sending, receiving and forwarding electronic mails and spotting scam emails in a second, Fishers beware!
  • Facebook – becoming friends with people from as far afield as Cape Town, Bloemfontein and Durban in real time. Also, I’ve ‘friended’ three people from outside the continent, all of whom are influential businessmen from thriving countries such as Nigeria and Zimbabwe. These businessmen are trusting me with literally millions of dollars of money they’ve inherited now that I’ve given them all my banking details. Can you say CA-CHING!
  • Google – searching for online information on anything from stock markets to unit share prices to Federal Intelligence Agency files, you name it! Have also mastered boolean algorithms like TYPING SEARCHES IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE IT GO FASTER
  • Porn – watching any kind of porn I want, like robot sex machines, or midgets FOR FREE, ANYTIME I WANT! Um, except for at work… some guy used all our bandwidth in two days awhile back, right after I first started, and now certain sites are banned…
  • Twitter – getting thousands of followers by clicking a simple link. I’m definitely winning at Twitter, the aim of which is to get more followers than your friends so you can tell them what song you’re listening to, what you’re eating and what it was like the last time you went to the loo

Now that I have your respect and you can see the mad interweb skillz I have, I’ll tell you something that I always thought was missing from the interweb.

If you’re instant chatting with a friend or family member and are in a friendly mood, on the interweb you can send them a ‘^5!’ which isn’t some kind of strange maths equation (don’t worry, I also thought that), but actually a really ‘sick’ way of writing ‘high five!’.



Off the chain.

There is even a variation which I managed to decode in a mere matter of weeks which is ‘v5!’. No, this doesn’t mean Version 5! it actually means ‘low five!’, which people use to indicate that they want one ‘down-low’ instead of ‘up-high’.

What I believe is missing is the kind of ‘five’ you see in a lot of sporting games like rugby, soccer, cricket, hockey, ice hockey, football, American football, tennis, croquet, darts, badminton, judo, pole vaulting and shuttlecock when the one guy does scores a goal or shuttles his cock really well and his team mate gives him a jocular pat on the arse.



My buddy Stikey felt the same way and actually took things a step further and went ahead and invented the ‘*5!’ which is used to indicate a jocular pat on the arse.

So far I’ve tried it out on a number of my buddies with pretty damn hilarious consequences. Here’s some IM chats copy / pasted for your reading pleasure. In this one I was mid sentence when I did a complete 360 degree turn and launched into it:

me: sure, im down with that we’re organis- hey, what the fuck?!
  dude, it’s Elvis!
name withheld: where?!
me: (*5!)
  hahahah! too easy
name withheld: hahaha
  you threw me off guard there
  i even looked!
me: you have no idea what just happened, but you feel violated
name withheld: i feel let down that elvis hasnt showed up 🙁

Classic! Then there was this chat that happened yesterday:

me: have you been there with [name withheld]?
  be honest
name withheld: no. some married complication.
me: cool
  never cross that line
  shit gets ugly
name withheld: you been there?
me: nigga please!
name withheld: did his wife find out?
me: actually,
her wife found out
  and joined in!
name withheld: ^5!
me: ^5!
  hey, look it’s elvis!
name withheld: *facepalm

See what I mean?! Flip, I really think I’m onto something here. Thing to do is start *5!-ing all your friends as soon as possible, and let’s spread the word of this awesome way to interact / practise borderline sexual harassment over the internet.



I really think this has legs guys, I really think this could be the thing that I will be remembered for in days, nay, weeks to come over the interweb. So let’s all band together and sprea-

Hey, what the fuck?! Is that Elvis scrounging around in that dustbin?


Heh heh heh.

It’s THAT easy 😉