Posts Tagged ‘retards

26
Mar
13

Monopoly Is For Assholes

MonopolyManOn Saturday morning I drank six cups of coffee as I sat writing the first chapter of the book that’s gonna make me a famous for something other than writing the SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym, Boet.

I got the entire chapter out, not quite the way I’d planned it but close enough, and afterward this weird feeling of satisfied detachment washed over me that I wasn’t expecting.

I was happy with what I’d written but I’d climbed so far into the world of my story that, as dramatic as it sounds, coming back to reality was difficult. It was in this detached state of mind that I decided it would be a good idea to buy a Monopoly board.

24
Aug
10

Marketing People

I deal with a lot of marketing people, sometimes as many as 3 in a single day, and the conclusion I have drawn about this kooky bunch is that they are (with one or two exceptions) from another fucking planet.

 

 

What do they do to these poor people that makes them think that whatever it is they are marketing is basically more important than life itself?

In my mind I see horrible torture chambers filled with marketers-to-be all chained up and getting stretched on racks and shit while their directors whip them and pour boiling oil over anyone who thinks the product or service they’re trying to market isn’t the single most amazing thing the world has or will ever see.

13
Apr
10

Three Reasons why humans are dumber than animals

My girlfriend J-Rab works at a reputable animal park that shall remain nameless, where she and the other people who work there handle a number of badass animals like cheetahs and pumas, and then one or two other little critters like black-backed jackals and meerkats.

Part of her job is training students that come from as far afield as places like Canada and Germany who become friends with her (some of them) and then, 3 months later, promptly leave.

 

 

Last night was the farewell for one of these students, let’s call her Shroomgirl, which even I was a little sad about because as it turns out this girl is fucking hilarious!