Posts Tagged ‘savanna

08
Feb
12

MANentine’s Day – It’s AWN!

lucy-football1I know what you think when you think about Valentine’s Day, because I think the exact same thing: BLOWJOBS.

That’s right. BLOWIES. But do we ever get them? No we do not. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why men HATE Valentine’s Day.

I use the Charlie Brown analogy. That poor, poor basterd.

Always running up to kick the football that Lucy, who is a manipulative little thing if I ever saw one, ALWAYS pulls away at the last second, making Charlie land square on his ass.

Likewise, you buy your lady some flowers, a box of chocolates, maybe a gay little soft toy. You take her out for dinner and wine at a restaurant that has prices so high your balls hurt just thinking about them and you show her a great time.

You take her back home to the rose petal trail leading to the bedroom, light a few candles and give her a loving backrub with Roman Chamomile oil with a little Kenny G playing softly in the background.

 

 

You are so ready at this stage to get the best blowie of YOUR LIFE that you can hardly contain your excitement as you strip down and assume the position, ready to have your member and your mind BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME only to find…

She’s fallen into a wine-Kenny-G-and-sensual-backrub-induced coma and you’re somersaulting through the air, about to land square on your ass.

Either that or she sidles up to you all seductively, and whispers something devious like, “Whaddya say we just skip to the good part?” and before you know it, SCHLOOMF! It’s all over.

Well, I’m here to tell you some good news brother!

Because 2012 is a leap year, it ain’t Valentine’s Day on the 14th of Feb, it’s MANENTINE’S DAY, which means all the blowies YOU CAN HANDLE!

That’s right ladies, this year it’s all about spoiling your MAN. This is what the good folks at Savanna explained to me on Monday when I found ANTON TAYLOR and a BELTER waiting for me at reception:

 

 

That’s not all though. They also dropped off a whole lot of SICK manly stuffs like TOILET GOLF:

 

 

GUN ALARM CLOCK:

 

 

And my personal favourite, MMA DVD:

 

 

Don’t lie. You want this stuff SO BADLY right?

It’s all good homes, go to Savanna’s FB page by clicking on these magical words and tell them what your ultimate MANentine’s date would involve and you could win a date worth R10 000.

And if she DOESN’T give you a blowie at the end of that, well, I have some bad news for you.

You are dating a nun.

 

 

Good luck out there – if anyone’s gonna win this competition, it’ll be one of you crazy basterds Winking smile

-ST

20
Sep
10

Tequilas on me!

It’s a fucking done deal guys, thanks to all your support and the endless hours you spent voting, revoting and re-revoting for Klap Gym Boet, it’s cracked the FINAL TWO for the SA Blog Awards!

I found out last night and started bouncing off the walls like a piece of loose shrapnel with J-Rab while the two of us laughed our asses off that a post about KLAPPING GYM could ever get so huge.

 

 

We drank Savannas because that’s all we had. We ate fish and rice for supper in our wooden shed and fantasised about being rich and famous.

But seriously you guys are the best. Without all you crazy fuckers backing me on this, God knows I’d still be banging out these words, drunk and belligerent, to an audience of about twelve people.

Big up to my good friend MJ though, she’s up against the Tiger for Best Post with this gem she put out there last year that gives a detailed overview of how District 9 was marketed on the web. It’s an excellent and well-researched piece of writing and if MJ bags the award on Saturday, I’ll be really stoked that for once, the good guys finished first.

 

 

In other news, you may have noticed that the site’s been a little thin on the posting side of late but truth be told, life, the universe and pretty much everything is scrambling for a piece of me and like I said in last week’s post, I’m bleeding time like nobody’s business right now and there’s only so much of me to go around.

I’m working on creating more of me though, but it’s proving tricky because to do that I need to KLAP 3 SESSIONS OF GYM, SMASH 6 PROTEIN SHAKES, 12 RAW EGGS, 5 STEAKS, 9 CHICKEN BREASTS and 3 INJECTIONS OF DANGEROUS ANABOLIC STEROIDS EVERY DAY!

So guys, tequilas on me this week and wish me luck for Saturday. If I KLAP this one, maybe some kind folks will help me redesign my site for free because let’s be honest, it’s getting a little ropey and I got plans to p1mp it out flippin’ HECTIC charna!

Good times I tell ya. Good times 😉

-ST