Posts Tagged ‘whiplash

18
Jan
11

My Girlfriend Fell Down The Stairs

For real.

On Sunday night, J-Rab slipped on the top step of the wooden staircase and ended up scraping the shit out of her right arm as she caught the balustrade whilst landing squarely on her bum on the edge of one of the steps.

She also gave herself mild whiplash, bruised her left forearm and tore a lot of muscles in her side, so the poor girl is a bit of a mess.

What’s bad though is it happened really late on Sunday night so we ended up going to sleep at a ridiculous hour cause we stayed up while I bandaged her up and treated her scrapes. When we did eventually get to sleep, it wasn’t very restful because there was basically no way she could lie that didn’t hurt like shit.

 

 

I arrive at work on Monday tired and unshaven and so naturally when people asked me why I looked like hell I told them I didn’t get much sleep the night before because my girlfriend fell down the stairs.

Just pause I moment and read that sentence again.

Yeah. Now I’m one of those guys.

“Wow, how did your girlfriend get all those bruises dude?!”

“Um, she fell down the stairs.”

“Really? Oh well that settles it then. Fell down the stairs. Sure, that sounds legit… I’ll just be over here if you need me… calling the police…”

Luckily her clothing covers most of the bruises so you can’t really see them. Thank God for small miracles right? Hahhahaa… wait, that sounds bad too…

Let’s just end this post shall we?

Send good vibes J-Rab’s way and pray she heals fast because at this rate, I’ll be in jail by the weekend.

-ST

04
May
10

Movie Review: Iron Man 2

I didn’t go into Iron Man 2 the same way I’d go into just any movie, no. I went into Iron Man 2 with a pretty specific list of things I wanted to see that went like this:

 

  • Explosions
  • Wide-scale destruction
  • Dudes in metal suits bashing the shit out of each other
  • Robert Downey JR being smarmy
  • More explosions
  • Sexy bitches
  • Radioactive flying dinosaurs (in retrospect, maybe not a very realistic expectation)
  • Mickey Rourke fucking shit up and being badass
  • Did I mention explosions?
  • Explosions

 

And let me just say that hell yeah! Iron Man 2 delivered on pretty much all fronts (except one).

 

Iron Man director Jon Favreau takes the director’s seat once again on Iron Man 2, and he does a damn fine job of it, bringing all the energy, humour and action to the sequel that made the first movie such a hit.

Story-wise it picks up at the exact moment where Iron Man left off, with Tony Stark telling the world his secret identity, a confession that opens up a whole can of worms for poor ol’ Tones while simultaneously reminding us why superheroes should always keep that shit on the down lizzo yo.

Before he knows what’s hit him, the American government is trying to get its greedy paws on the Iron Man suit because “other nations will try and copy its design” and when they do, the American government want to be the ones calling the shots.

Yeah, whatever. Everyone knows they only wants to get its hands on the suit because it’s fucking cool and chicks dig it. Although little do they know that the paladium core inside the ARC reactor in Stark’s chest is actually slowly poisoning him to death. I liked that little twist. Irony is rad.

Anyway, predictably someone does copy the design. Enter Ivan Vanko (aka Whiplash) played by Mickey Rourke, who shows up wearing a kind of leather and steel gimp suit with glowing electric whips attached which he then uses to pretty much destroy EVERYTHING in a seriously cool scene at the F1 track in Monaco.

 

 

Throw in Don Cheedle in an Iron Man suit suped up with enough firepower to take down an entire fleet of jet fighter planes, Scarlett Johansson in the most bitchin’, curve-huggin’ leathers you ever did see, Sam Rockwell (I fucking LOVE Sam Rockwell) trying to out-smarmy Downey JR and of course, Mr ‘I-shall-strike-down-upon-thee-with-great-vengeance’ himself, Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury and you’ve got all the makings of a really solid movie.

Just don’t go in there expecting mind-blowing plot twists or deep and philosophical forays into the nature of humankind and you’ll probably really enjoy Iron Man 2. What it lacks sometimes in plot, it makes up for in acting talent, visual effects and action sequences, all of which were the life-blood of the first movie.

The only thing that disappointed me about the film was the fact that Scarlette Johansson was almost completely superfluous to the bigger story except for one brutal action sequence. Oh, and Gwyneth Paltrow, she was cute in the beginning, but kinda got on my nerves after awhile.

 

 

If you liked the original movie, you’ll like Iron Man 2. If you like action movies with dudes bashing the shit out of each other in badass metal suits, you’ll like Iron Man 2. And if you like big explosions and sexy bitches, you’ll like Iron Man 2.

As for the flying radioactive dinosaurs *spoiler alert* there aren’t any. But one day there will be and when that day comes, don’t come crying to me when your brain explodes from the awesomeness of 50 tons of flying radioactive DEATH.

Final Verdict: 7/10