Them's Fightin' Words

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slicktiger — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 05:22:09 +0000

A Post For Salome

slicktiger — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 05:22:12 +0000

I always felt bad because when Stikey and I, at the tender age of about 15, decided to run away from home, we passed Salome in the street and lied to her about where we were going.

She could see that something was up. Two adolescent shit-kickers dragging a colossal tog bag up the road randomly in the middle of the afternoon. Not normal.

She asked us where we were going and I told her I was spending the night at Stikey’s place and not to worry about us and yes, our parents knew about it.

Then we high-tailed it up the street, jumped in a black taxi and drove to a Formula One hotel where we spent the night getting as wasted as humanly possible and freaking out completely that our parents were going to disown us.

We were asshole kids and we did a lot of asshole things, but lying to Salome like that, it never sat well with me.

I don’t remember if I ever apologised to her for that. To this day I still don’t know if my parents asked her if she’d seen me that afternoon and what she said.

I’m not sure it matters anymore. Salome died yesterday afternoon.

Let it be known, for as long as this junkyard site stands, that Salome was a good person, that she went to church every Sunday and said her prayers, that she was a gentle soul and that she deserved to live longer and see her grandkids grow up big and strong.

Salome was young, younger than my mom is now when she died, too young.

She used to give the softest hugs.

I think that’s what I’ll remember about her the most. She gave the softest hugs and she had a great laugh that could always make you laugh.

And holy shit, she make the best goddamn chicken mayonnaise rolls you’ve ever tasted in your life! I swear to God, her chicken mayonnaise rolls were so good, I’d save them for the end of my school day and eat them on the rowing bus going back home with this big dumb smile on my face.

I’m older now and I understand that life is cruel, but why the fuck did it have to be so cruel to her? What the fuck did she ever do to deserve losing her daughter who died right next to Salome on the bed in the tiny room that Salome used to live in, what did she ever do to deserve that?

I remember one night she spoke to me about it, she came to me for answers, she wanted to know how the God she loved could do that, but what could I tell her? What the fuck do you say to someone who’s been through that?

I hugged her because there was nothing I could say. I just hugged her for the longest time, until she’d stopped crying and I told her things would be ok, they would get better.

She used to give the softest hugs Salome, and if there is a God, she’s giving her daughter one of those hugs right now and they’re together in a world that’s much, much better than this one.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 06:35:31 +0000

Just What Your Day Needed: Some China Smack

slicktiger — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 06:35:33 +0000

The world is a fucked up place, that’s pretty much an undisputed fact, and thanks to the interwebs we now have irrefutable proof of that fact that can be sent in convenient hyperlinks to friends and family who are bored at work.

My main man Peggles went through a dark phase a few years ago when he would drudge up the sickest shit he could possibly find on the interwebs and send the links to us in some weird attempt at psychologically scarring us all for life and he was pretty damn successful.

So when he sent me a link to this site called China Smack, I was understandably nervous about opening it at work because China, as we all know, is a very fucked up place.

Having said that, pretty much nothing could have prepared me for the stories about sex education classes for elementary school children, 12-year old models, homeless Mongolians living in sewers, “Boiled Alive Cat” being served in restaurants, and a particularly disturbing story about a guy who skinned a dog in the street.

It’s all right here at http://www.chinasmack.com/

There’s also funny stuff there too. It’s not all abusing mentally handicapped children and lewd stories about how to make a home-made Fleshlight (don’t ask).

In the interest of bridging the social divide between us and those crazy basterds in the east, I urge you to visit that site.

Just make sure no one can see your screen or you might be called into an unexpected meeting with the HR lady.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 06:11:17 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 06:11:30 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 06:11:44 +0000

The Fighter

slicktiger — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 06:11:46 +0000

What’s not to like about a boxing movie that has Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale in the lead roles with the delectable Amy Adams supporting?

Sure, the plot is pretty predictable and follows the same loose format that every boxing movie since Rocky does (down and out boxer gets his ass handed to him, struggles with internal and external conflict, sorts his shit out, trains like a beast and starts kicking serious ass) but the bottom line here is that, in one simple sentence, Bale MAKES this movie.

He might be a total asshole is real life, but holy shit the man can act, and watching him portray “Irish” Micky Ward’s (Wahlberg’s) manic, crack-addled brother Dicky in the movie is nothing short of mesmerising.

Mark Wahlberg is no slouch in this movie either and brings that same instantly likeable charm to the screen that he does in nearly every movie he’s ever starred in. It’s just a pity his character doesn’t have the same depth to him that Bale’s does, but conversely, if he did it could very well have diverted from Bale’s killer performance, which would have in turn affected the movie’s overall impact.

Wahlberg gets the job done and does it well. He’s also flippin’ MASSIVE AND RIPPED in this movie which is pretty lekker charna cause a oke who KLAPS IT is a pretty kief guy in my books hey boychay?

Amy Adams also does a decent job of playing Charlene, Wahlberg’s love interest in the movie and somehow manages to walk that fine line between getting you to like her and getting you to think she’s a total bitch at the same time. The scenes where she goes up against Wahlberg’s seven trashy sisters are highly entertaining as are the sisters themselves who seem to spend their lives slouching around their mom’s house judging people.

Bale deserved the Best Supporting Oscar for this one because of his flawless portrayal of a character type he’s never done before. His loose, goofy acting style and the fact that he lost so much weight for this movie are both testament to this man’s incredible ability to literally become a completely different person.

I’d highly recommend checking this film out if you’re a fan of Bale’s work or if you’re in the mood for a feel-good story about an underdog with a lot of heart who literally fights his way through life and ultimately wins.

Final Verdict: 8/10

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:33:11 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:33:27 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:33:43 +0000

It Probably Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time…

slicktiger — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:33:45 +0000

Posing with your mom for a print advert, pretty harmless right?

Posing with your mom for a ‘Got Milk’ advert? Hmm, we’re starting to get into some dangerous territory here…

But posing with your mom when she’s Sofia Vergara in this specific Got Milk ad could very well be the dumbest move in a career that started and ended in pretty much exactly the same moment.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, my new favourite Got Milk ad:

So yeah, that strapping young lad is Manolo Vergara, Sofia’s 19 year old son and no, he’s NEVER gonna live this down.

“It has protein and potassium that have helped my little body become, well, not so little.” Hells yeah! Milk did that?! Christ-on-a-bike it really is amazing!

These ads have always creeped me out because seriously, what milk does that to your upper lip? They’re bad enough without the blatant oedipal references, what the fuck is wrong with Americans? Are these the lengths they have to go to to get people to drink milk?

And who says it’s that amazing for you? Did anyone ever stop to think that we’re drinking another mammal’s lactate, and not just while we’re young, but throughout our entire lives? Not to mention all the crazy-assed growth hormones that milk is also probably rich in, which does lend a little credence to how Sofia’s little body got not so little.

Here’s a better idea: drink whisky.

And with those wise words I’m outta here. Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats on the other side.

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 06:05:37 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 06:05:51 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 06:05:53 +0000

Tiger In Flames

slicktiger — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 06:05:55 +0000

I don’t have any illusions when I write this blog, I know it’s not going to bring me fame and riches and I think I’m fine with that.

To get fame and riches you have to tow the line and I’ve always been lousy at that so I just write whatever the hell I feel like writing because as long as I’m doing that, keeping the posts up, maybe making a few people laugh here and there, I feel like I’m making some kind of progress, slow as that might be.

I also learned pretty early on that when it comes to a blog site, the very most you can ask of people is that they hit your site. Not even necessarily read your stuff, just hit the site so your numbers tick over.

Anything more than that is an added bonus, something unexpected, which is why I value the comments people leave here so much because that’s the highest level of engagement you could ever ask for on a blog site.

As sad as it might sound the hard truth of the matter is that on the interwebs people wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire and I’m not saying that in an angry or bitter way, I’d be a hypocrite if I were because I wouldn’t piss on anyone if they were on fire either.

Ironically, all this preamble is of course leading to the moment where I ask you guys to help a Tiger out, as futile as that might be, so let’s just skip the foreplay and get down to it.

The gig I had writing for Pulpmag.co.za has unfortunately come to an end. They’d still love to publish my content but due to lack of support from advertisers, can no longer afford to pay me for it and that news couldn’t possibly have come at a worse time.

J-Rab is between jobs at the moment and the money is drying up fast.

I need to land something in the next three weeks, a couple of somethings ideally, so that I can bring home a little extra bacon, so I’m firing this out there into the ether to see if you or anyone you know is looking for a writer, doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll write the shit out of it.

Hit me on tellthetiger@gmail.com if you know of anything. I can’t really give you anything in return, but I’ll put in a good word with the universe, we go way back

Yours in soon to be abject squalor,

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 07:35:22 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 07:43:01 +0000

A Song For A Rainy, Broke-Ass Day

slicktiger — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 07:43:04 +0000

To everyone who responded to yesterday’s post, J-Rab and I thank you.

We celebrated the fact that there are indeed people out there who care with an extra helping of gravy on our rice last night and chased that down with a tepid glass of tap water while we still have some.

We awoke this morning to find that the nest of rats we share our bed with have had more babies which is great news as they are a tasty treat when skewered and roasted lightly over a trash can fire.

It’s a rainy day so I thought I’d post this song because it seems fitting.

It’s David Gray with the tack “Nightblindness”. Take it away David.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/05_-_nightblindness_-_white_ladder.mp3]

So yeah. Ain’t life peachy.

Have a great day everyone. If anyone needs me I’ll be rifling through the trash in the back alleys of Longstreet.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:34:47 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:35:01 +0000

Album Review: Radiohead – King Of Limbs

slicktiger — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:35:04 +0000

As a music critic one of the biggest schoolboy errors you can make is to write off a Radiohead album as rubbish because those same songs that went over your head completely on the first few listens can become your favourites given time.

It is for this reason that I am extremely hesitant in calling King Of Limbs the weakest album that Radiohead has recorded to date because I realise fully that my initial perception of it could change at any moment.

Still though, at 20+ listens I’m usually batshit over their albums and sadly that’s not the case with King Of Limbs.

Sure, the production is slick and Thom Yorke’s vocals are as dexterous, haunting and fresh as ever, especially on the album’s first single “Lotus Flower”, but there’s something quintessentially RADIOHEAD that’s missing from this album.

The opening tracks “Bloom” and “Morning Mr Magpie” float past in a stuttering, meandering arrangement of pianos, customary post-OK Computer shuffling drum beats, blaring horns and repetitive melodies that don’t have a single hook to share among them.

“Little By Little” is a great track though and sounds like it would be right at home on Hail To The Thief with its full, multi-layered percussion, catchy basslines and ingeniously subliminal guitar parts. It’s the Radiohead we know and love and one of the few rays of light on this album.

“Lotus Flower” is also a phenomenal track. It hangs in the balance between the sinister and the sublime, finally breaking free in a moment of catharsis as Yorke’s vocals soar above the stratosphere as the song reaches its climactic chorous.

“Slowly we unfurl / As Lotus flowers / And all that I want is the moon upon a stick / Dancing around the pit / Just to see what it is” Yorke sings in a voice so pure and unrestrained it gives me chills every time I hear it.

In comparison the rest of the material on King Of Limbs is pretty mediocre. “Codex”, for all its glorious melancholy sounds like a recycled version of “Pyramid Song”, “Give Up The Ghost” sounds like a bad cover of “Nude” and the instrumental track “Feral” is pure, unadulterated filler.

And that, bar the echoey, limp closing track “Separator” is that. Eight tracks that are almost all pretty much instantly forgettable and it’s over before it ever really started.

There are rumours of a second King Of Limbs album being released shortly and all I can say is I hope they’re true and I hope that the second one is better in every conceivable way than the first because if this is the best this band can do then I sense an imminent hiatus on the cards.

Final Verdict: 6/10

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slicktiger — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 06:36:50 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 06:36:51 +0000

The Simple Things

slicktiger — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 06:36:53 +0000

Today we stop everything we’re doing and take a minute to reflect on the inherent joy in the simple things.

We went to the beach a few weekends back and I took the following picture of a tree:

This picture perfectly sums up what I’m talking about. The tiny wooden bridge, the thick green grass, the white sand, you can almost feel it between your toes, these simple things are important. They have a way of lifting your spirits when life gets shitty – losing sight of these simple pleasures is a one way ticket to misery and brother, you don’t want to take that ride.

Children understand this without having to be told. They can spend hours picking up and scrutinising shells on a beach or getting totally lost in the simple act of making mud pies but as we get older bigger, badder things come our way and it’s easy to get lost in the fight.

Take pleasure in a simple act today. Run a bath, eat some ice cream, go for a swim, listen to Frank Sinatra, go for a walk, climb a tree. We give a lot of time away without realising that it’s really all we have and it’s running out fast. So take some back today, it’s good for the soul.

In other news J-Rab has a job interview today at a vet that would be perfect for her. She’s nervous for the interview, we’ve got a lot riding on this so guys, spare a thought for her today, cross fingers, cross toes, send good vibes and maybe that simple act will change our lives

Here’s hopin’.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:55:34 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:56:17 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:56:29 +0000

A Whole Bunch Of Random Cool Shit For Friday

slicktiger — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:56:31 +0000

Guys, it’s muthufukkin’ FRIDAY and I don’t know about you, but alls I can say is thank FUCK! Let’s hit the sauce

Oh and thanks for all the good vibes yesterday, J-Rab’s job interview went well and they’ve asked her to come back next week Monday to work for a day and get a feel for the place. If she digs it and they dig her, employment seems imminent. Hallelujah brothers and sisters! There is light at the end of the tunnel and for once it doesn’t look like a train.

So yeah, to kick off the Friday randomness, here’s a rad ad Jennyjenjen sent me yesterday.

Then there’s this beauty sent in by my main man Civilian:

And in case you guys missed it (I know it’s been doing the rounds) here’s probably the most well written newspaper article I’ve ever read (thanks Peggles!).

“Anaconda-like whoppers”! Hahahaha! Journalism in this country rocks.

And because Friday just isn’t Friday without hotties, here’s Aubrey O’Day, a good friend of mine who could very well be made entirely of bronze wax and hair extensions:

Here endith the lesson. Amen.

Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats at the bar

-ST

The Sport That Is Barrel Rolling

slicktiger — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:08:28 +0000

It’s an intensely contentious debate as to who invented barrel rolling first, the Scots or the Irish, but the fact remains that to this day, barrel rolling remains the 287th most popular sport in the world and is played by roughly 311 people annually.

The sport is relatively new to South Africa but already has a dedicated following of between 5 and 8 people who understand the profound connection between man and barrel and have made it their life’s work to study and understand this phenomenally complex, rewarding and competitive sport.

One of these people, Mike Sharman, was among the first to enter a team into this year’s Bushmills South African Barrel Rolling Championship and went so far as to issue a challenge to another barrel rolling enthusiast and online pseudo-celebrity, Shaun Oakes.

The result is this deeply moving and inspiring piece of film that Sharman and his crew put together both explaining his love for the sport and throwing down the gauntlet for Oakes to step up his game and roll a barrel like no man has ever rolled a barrel before!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJwGEqgm1gU&w=622&h=349&hd=1]

Too awesome. De Waal Park on Thursday. My god it will be epic.

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 07:45:32 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 07:45:58 +0000

Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #1

slicktiger — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 07:46:00 +0000

There’s nothing flippin’ more lekker than getting together with a bunch of okes who are MASSIVE AND RIPPED and MOERING other okes stukkend! When a oke can do this with his chommies he feels a POWERFUL sense of comrahderie because he’s one of the MANNE and no other oke can mess with him!

On Saturday I watched the tightest group of chommies I’ve seen in flippin’ AGES run up and down a field and MOER the flippin’ SHIT out of these other okes who weren’t that tight and probably could have used another 4 sessions a week in the gym, KLAPPING IT, instead of sitting around on their arses being flippin’ USELESS.

The group of chommies I’m talking about here call themselves WOLFPACK RFC and jislaaik, these guys are a buncha TUFF OUS! Saturday was their first rukby game against some moffie team who I forgot the name of and charnas, all I can say is the moffie ous lost something like 40 – 11 and it was embarrassing how kak they were.

But the thing that showed me that these okes were TIGHT, as TIGHT as okes can be was after the game they had a lekker huddle and howled like real life WOLFS and then KLAPPED PUSHUPS BOET! Lekker FAST AND HARD right there on the field!

Then after the pushups the okes jumped into an INFLATIBLE POOL and had a lekker jol together hugging each other and showing their flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED muscles to the belters that were running around, unable to control themselves cause the okes were MONSTERS!

After that many, many cold beers were klapped and tales told of the EPIC game that was WOLFPACK RFC’s first ever rukby match and all I can say okes is well flippin’ done guys, at this rate you will KILL pretty much any team that is flippin’ dumb enough to think they can TOUCH YOU.

Keep on klapping!

-ST

Okes Who Like To Klap It #2 – Extreme Rukby Tackles

slicktiger — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 06:04:17 +0000

Following yesterday’s flippin EPIC post which charnas told me was DAK, LEGENDARY, MASSIVE and RIPPED I thought I’d post a video which a oke at that very same rugby club I told you about yesterday WOLFPACK RFC, posted on their FLEISBOEK page.

Ma boychays, please enjoy the following video of nothing but EXTREME RUKBY TACKLES that has hundreds of okes MOERING the flippin’ shit out of each other! (Shot Callum ma boychay!)

If you dig BLOOD, KNOCKING OKES UNCONSHENS, BREAKING OKES FACES and MORE BLOOD, you’ll flippin’ GO NUTS for this video.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYmprQjeB6U&w=622&h=349&hd=1]

CHOON in tomorrow for a post that has nothing but BADLY WRITTEN ENGLISH and FLIPPIN’ HOT BELTERS!

Kief.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 05:43:06 +0000

The Sport That Is Barrel Rolling – Part 2

slicktiger — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 05:43:08 +0000

So we all saw the video on Monday of online (and sometimes real life) celebrity Mike Sharman challenging Shaun Oakes to a barrel Rolling contest that’s taking place today at De Waal Park (starts at 15h30, come on down!), now I present to you, Mr Shaun Oakes’ reply:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aahkZKcyACU&w=632&h=356&hd=1]

It’s awn! It’s happening today and if you had to say, take the afternoon off and enter into a barrel rolling competition to win a fine collection of Irish single Malt whiskies to celebrate St Paddy’s Day with, today is the day to do that!

See you crazy cats there

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 07:24:18 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 07:24:23 +0000

Rebecca Black Is Everything That Is Wrong With The World

slicktiger — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 07:24:27 +0000

Men don’t rule the world. We haven’t for awhile now. Sometime during the 80s we began to relinquish control to women as they marched into high-powered, high-paying executive jobs with their colossal perms and shoulder pads that would make even Lord Zoltron shit his pants in mortal fear.

However, fast forward thirty years and another species has taken over completely, a species that controls the purse strings of most families whether they realise it or not. Teenage girls.

Teenage girls have taken over the world. And the result of this take over is a flood of media about superficial, surface-level bullshit that means nothing in the greater scheme, but is an incredibly efficient way to move a whole lot of consumer products that no one really needs.

And so we get to the subject of today’s post, Rebecca Black, whose new single “It’s Friday” is very possibly the worst fucking song and music video I’ve ever seen in my life.

I refuse to post the video here because it’s hard enough to get the fucking song out of my head as it is, but mosey on over to Mr Nashes site http://www.bangersandnash.com/hey-fool/its-friday/ to watch the most cringe worthy performance you’re ever likely to see for as long as you live.

I hate this song and music video for a number of reasons:

1. She can’t fucking sing
2. She can’t fucking dance either
3. This song has been stuck in my head for THREE DAYS NOW, AAARARRARARARARARRAAGGHGHGHGH!
4. She has put no effort into the lyrics whatsoever, as the graph below perfectly illustrates:

5. Did I mention how catchy this trite pile of turd is?! AARARRGARGAHRAGRHGARH!

And apparently I’m not the only person that feels this way. Check out this awesome parody of this mind-numbingly crap song.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVlY3ZTrBkw&w=579&h=326&hd=1]

Thank you internet. I can always rely on you to fight back against the vacuous garbage the mainstream media spews out there.

And with that, I’d better get the fuck back to my day job because it’s Tuesday. Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. And tomorrow is Wednesday and after that is -

Oh GODDAMNIT!

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 07:24:40 +0000

Clifton Second and The Douche Parade

slicktiger — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 07:24:43 +0000

Monday was sick, not only because it was a public holiday, but also because we managed to get our shit together and head to the beach for what turned out to be a glorious day in the sun, sneaking red wine when no one was looking and laying in the sun, staring at the big beautiful blue sky.

We chose a spot right at the back of second beach and set up base camp, right behind some pretty innocuous looking green towels, nothing special going on there.

Then, about 15 minutes later the owners of the towels came back and turned out to be the second and third most gorgeous women on the beach (after J-Rab of course – BOOYA!).

What followed can only be described as a total feeding frenzy. One total douchebag after the next came to get in on the action with the lovely ladies in front of us, each one trying a totally different angle to win them over.

Lemme tell you, reality TV has NOTHING on watching that shit unfold in real life. Our favourites were team no.1, who approached the belters with possibly the worst line in the history of lines: “We’ve been watching you from our balcony up there for the last 30 minutes and wanted to come down and say hi.”

Congratulations. You have miraculously managed to come across as creepy, desperate AND too fucking rich for your own good in one fantastically cringe-worthy line.

It just got better from there. Here’s a pic The MAEN! snapped off his GuyPhone which shows both men perching, just like vultures, on either side of the hotties.

Had I the presence of mind, I would have definitely taken my cell phone out and documented the guy that came after them, AND the guy after that who the girls seemed to actually like (he had a cute dog though, bonus points) but to be honest, I was enjoying the wine and the sun too much to think about that.

Action was with us as well. He said that he was pretty sure one of the girls was Tanit Phoenix but who’s to say? You can’t really tell at all from this pic.

Bottom line is I felt a strange kind of liberation watching all this because there was a time when I would have been cooking up a whole lot of bullshit lines in my own head to approach girls like that whether it was on the beach or in a club, and it felt good to honestly not give a shit about that.

When you have a good woman the rest of them take a back seat and let me tell you brother, it’s like a lead blanket being lifted off your shoulders the moment you realise you’ve found something worth fighting for and it means more to you than any random piece of ass on the beach or anywhere else.

There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about how lucky I am to wake up next to J-Rab every morning and lay my head down next to hers every night. There isn’t a woman in the world that can hold a flame to that gorgeous Tigress and God knows, I love her with every fibre, cell and sinew in me.

-ST

World TB Day

slicktiger — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 06:38:39 +0000

Guys, today is World TB Day and Lancet Laboratories are doing something pretty rad – for every 5 people that tweet the hash tag #WorldTBDay, they will donate one free sputum ZN test (TB Test) to someone who can’t afford it.

To better explain the campaign here’s a video that features a sketch artist pumping out some pretty amazing drawings in stop motion with a catchy, contemporary acoustic guitar track in the background.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYzu6DVBdyQ&w=608&h=342&hd=1]

I say let’s take this shit to a whole other level. I say let’s all of us nail that hash tag on Twitter at least five times today and heal the world. Make it a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race.

There are people dying. But if you care enough for the living. Make it a better place for you and for me.

You and for me.

Yoouuuu aaannnddd for meeeeeeeee.

Thank you.

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 06:11:26 +0000

The Tracy McGregor Breast Debate (NSFW!)

slicktiger — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 06:11:29 +0000

The new Playboy SA is on streets and men throughout the country are finally getting a good look at covergirl Tracy McGregor’s breasts.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present to you Exhibit A:

Of course, 2OceansSlime already leaked this picture last week sometime and it’s been doing the rounds pretty hectically on the interwebs over the last few days, but I felt it was important to share it with you, my trusty readers, and see what your views are.

Personally I’d say they’re real, but their are legions of trolls out there that reckon they’re fake and had a whole lot of shitty things to say about this pic.

What do you guys think?

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 06:52:19 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 06:53:09 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 06:53:11 +0000

ET Doesn’t Die!

slicktiger — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 06:53:13 +0000

J-Rab and I got to talking about ET last night which I watched once and only once back when I was about seven.

Back then I was easily frightened by anything vaguely weird or scary and so it was with great trepidation that I even watched ET in the first place because let’s face it, ET is fucking weird and ugly. He looks like a cross between a turtle without a shell and a turd that’s been left in the sun too long.

I didn’t trust that little asshole one bit. The minute he appeared on screen I was like, “What the hell IS that thing?! I don’t like it. It makes funny sounds and it looks like it’s up to something. Also, it’s ugly and it’s creeping me out.”

Of course, I changed my mind somewhat as the movie played out. Drew Barrymore seemed to like the little freakshow so he couldn’t have been all bad, except for the bit when they dress him up in drag, that didn’t sit well with me either. He looked like that cranky old granny from The Golden Girls with too much self tan and a cheap blonde wig.

Still though, I grudgingly began to like the precocious little scamp once I’d figured out that he was actually pretty harmless and despite his freakish appearance, didn’t want to kill / eat the children.

Then it got to the end of the movie and everything started going to hell. The little fucker got all sick and started turning an off-grey colour, EXACTLY like a turd left in the sun too long and right then and there I wanted nothing more to do with him.

They put the little bastard in that giant plastic tent thing and hooked him up to all those machines and he started acting all weird and freaking out so I switched off the TV, completely traumatised, and went off to play Lego and try to put the whole tortured experience behind me.

“You never watched the end of ET?!” J-Rab said as I got to this point of the story.

“Nope. It was traumatising enough watching that shifty-eyed little turd-alien go all grey and sick, actually watching him die would have pushed me straight off the edge.”

“ET doesn’t die!”

“What?”

“ET doesn’t die, the kid comes back and rescues him and then they ride off on the kid’s bike and ET makes it fly and they go over the moon.”

“Really? Holy shit.”

“And then it ends when the spaceship lands and other little ET-guys come and fetch him and take him back home. ET go home!”

“Huh. And all this time I thought he just up and died and that was that.”

“No! Why would they make him the main character in a kid’s movie and then just kill him off?”

“I dunno! They killed Bambi didn’t they?”

“They killed Bambi’s mother!”

“Oh yeah… so ET doesn’t die?”

“No, ET doesn’t die.”

ET doesn’t die guys. All these years I’ve been living under the false pretence that ET snuffed it, 20 years I’ve been living a lie.

And no, this doesn’t mean I’m going to watch it again.

I still think ET’s an ugly little cross dressing creep

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 05:54:20 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:18:28 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:20:04 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:20:11 +0000

Josh Homme Just Got That Much More Badass

slicktiger — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:20:14 +0000

It’s no secret that I’m probably the biggest Josh Homme fan in the entire fucking world. As far as I’m concerned, the man is a genius. Every band he’s ever been a part of, right back to his days playing with the stoner rock band Kyuss, has been mind-blowingly badass.

The best way I could put it is that if my life were a movie, the soundtrack would comprise of Kyuss, Queens Of The Stone Age, Eagles Of Death Metal and Them Crooked Vultures.

I’m so obsessed with the man that not only do I have every B-side he ever recorded, but recently I even resorted to getting my hands on his wife’s music and found out that she’s a total badass too!

I present to you, Brody Dalle:

She rose to fame in the band The Distillers and is often compared to Courtney Love and PJ Harvey in terms of her vocal style. She also married Tim Armstrong, frontman of Rancid when she was 18, but divorced him 6 years later and hooked up with Homme shortly after that.

When The Distillers broke up she started working on a new project called Spinnerette and released a self-titled album with the band in 2009.

I got my hands on it recently and dig it. Partly because she has an amazing, sexy voice, but also because it sounds like a female version of Queens Of The Stone Age (the other guitarist in the band, Alain Johannes, has had a long association with Homme and wrote some of the material on Lullabies To Paralyse and Era Vulgaris).

Here’s the song that was blasting in my skull when I woke up this morning. It’s Spinnerette with “All Babes Are Wolves”.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/02_-_all_babes_are_wolves_-_spinnerette.mp3]

Happy Wednesday

-ST

The Zombies Come On Thursdays

slicktiger — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:18:27 +0000

Just before sunrise, they come.

We hear them in the streets, moving sluggishly, bags of bottles clinking as they shuffle hopelessly through the suburbs, hungry.

They take their time, they have all the time in the world, they are dead to us.

We pretend to sleep, but we can hear them outside, rummaging. Eventually our cell phone alarms sound and we get up, make some coffee, turn on the morning news, eat a hearty breakfast, shower, change.

How different our morning routine is from theirs.

We know if we just don’t make eye contact and walk quickly and briskly to our cars, get in, start the engine and leave, chances are they won’t approach us.

But still, it’s hard not to look as they tear open our rubbish bags and start sifting through our leftovers, driven by a hunger that is unrelenting and is satisfied only by eating scraps we couldn’t manage because we ate until we were full to bursting the night before.

The zombies come on Thursdays, it’s easier to think of them that way.

Just don’t make eye contact and everything will be fine.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 06:51:35 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 12:56:30 +0000

Do NOT Fuck With The Melissa Riso Police!

slicktiger — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 12:56:34 +0000

If the definition of insanity is hitting your head repeatedly against a wall and expecting a different result every time then I must be one of the craziest fuckers I know, or the dumbest, I haven’t quite figured that one out yet…

Loyal readers of this junkyard site might recall a post I put up last year that featured the gorgeous model and sometimes porn star Melissa Riso, you can read the original here.

Well, a couple months after I posted that, I got banned from posting on my own site by Wordpress because they had been issued a nasty letter from the Melissa Riso Police (henceforth referred to as the MRP) accusing me of copyright infringement.

Wordpress very kindly removed the image of her I had used and restored my rights to post on the site three days later, the fascist assholes.

So naturally, once my rights to post on my own goddamn site had been restored, the first thing I did was put up another picture of Melissa Riso as a kind of misguided ‘fuck you’ to the MPR.

Read all about that here.

In a career of posting things I probably shouldn’t, that single move really stands out as by far the most retarded thing I’ve ever done.

Why the fuck I did that, I have no idea, but holy shot I really wish I hadn’t.

Her lawyers didn’t bother going to Wordpress this time around, they went directly to me.

I’m being sued for $65 000.

I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. The letter was emailed through this morning, so there’s always the chance that it’s some kind of very fucked up, twisted April fool’s joke (please dear god) but I forwarded it immediately to my uncle who’s a legal advisor and he says from what he can tell, it’s 100% legit.

My uncle says there’s a chance if we plead guilty to the charges they’re laying against me (basically copyright infringement, using her image without the express permission of her or her agency, engaging in “malicious slander” against her, etc.) they might reduce the amount they’re suing me for, but it would probably also mean taking this site down to placate the fucking fuckers.

I probably shouldn’t even be writing this, but at this stage who the fuck cares? What could they possibly do to me that’s worse than being sued for what works out to be R439,222.68?

Where the fuck am I even going to find that kind of money?! I mean seriously?! What a load of total fucking bullshit!

If anyone knows any shit hot entertainment lawyers that can help a nigga out, I could seriously use one right about now. This whole thing just seems really unnecessary and nasty. I know I can be an asshole at times, but c’mon! I’m being sued for nearly half a fucking million rand! Nobody deserves that!

Anyway. Have a great weekend. If anyone needs me I’ll be at the bar, putting a sizeable dent in a bottle of whatever whisky I can get my hands on.

The End.

-ST

…ps April Fools ;)

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slicktiger — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 06:08:44 +0000

And You Thought Your Monday Sucked…

slicktiger — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 06:08:46 +0000

You gotta love The Boomtown Rats, they were fucking cool man, I think about them on a weekly basis because like them, I too want to shoot this whole fucking day down.

And the funny thing is, no matter how carefully I plan my weekends (doesn’t happen often), no matter how much productive stuff I try to cram into them, they always end too fucking soon and BAM! I’m back here, ticking the days off until the next weekend lands.

It’s probably because in the five days you spend looking forward to your next weekend, you build that basterd up to be some kind of life-changing experience, some kind of epic event that’s somehow going to make the time you spent slaving away for it worthwhile.

Mondays are a necessary evil I guess, but the good news is no matter how bad your is, at least you don’t live in some dust bowl redneck town where people stone each other to death for not going to church.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haw!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVkDrIacHJM&w=653&h=367&hd=1]

Happy Monday everyone!

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:21:46 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:21:55 +0000

TreeFiddy Review: Foo Fighters – Wasting Light

slicktiger — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:21:58 +0000

We’re trying a new thing today folks. Because you’re all a buncha attention deficit, slack-jawed, interwebs-trawling goofballs, I’m changing the way I write music reviews.

Gone are the days of long, sprawling, descriptive paragraphs about the delicate arrangement and superior production of song x, y or z. Fuck that, nobody cares.

From now on we’re stripping away all the bullshit here at SlickTiger Industries and pumping out reviews that are 350 words or less with rad videos, pics and tracks to stream. They’re easier for me to write, they’re easier for you to read, everyone’s a winner.

Oh, and did I mention these reviews will be peppered with gangsta rap lingo? Yeah, apparently that’s what the kids these days are into – fo’ SHIZZLE!

So, with no further fucking around, I present to you my first TreeFiddy review featuring my good friend Dave Grohl’s band, Foo Fighters and their new album, Wasting Light.

The Down Lizzo:

The Foos are back for album no.7 and this time around they threw all the modern new-fandangled methods of recording out the window and literally set up a studio in Dave Grohl’s garage and did the whole thing on brown analogue tape that they then cut together by hand using fucking razorblades for god’s sake!

Check out this sick NME vid that explains everything:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PljU-A0MFsY&w=639&h=360&hd=1]

Sick Tracks:

“Bridge Burning” will make you thrash around the room like an idiot savant who just hit a bong and downed a pint of rubbing alcohol. The drums and fucking cannon blasts, the four-chord riffs are fucking machine gun fire and Grohl’s voice is a flame thrower, roasting everything in its wake.

“Rope” follows with the catchiest, most badass Foos chorous riff since “Low”. The bridge is a goddamn carpet bomb of awesome riffs and awesome soloing.

“White Limo” is sheer, hedonistic rock music at it’s most awesome. Just watch this fucking video. It stars Lemmy from Motörhead for god’s sake! How fucking badasss is that?!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z3nBokjZyE&w=627&h=353&hd=1]

There are countless other anthemic, arena-ready rock masterpieces on this album, so I’m not going to go into the rest. All there is to say is that there isn’t one ballad or poefta acoustic track among the 11 on this album, THAT’S how hard it is.

Should You Give A Shit?

It’s very simple. This album is a testosterone-fuelled, rock behemoth that will fuck your shit up. It is an unapologetic, insanely addictive, intravenous shot of everything that is badass and rocks about the Foo Fighters and you’d be a fucking saddo not to buy this album.

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST

1. Future Starts Slow

slicktiger — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:12:18 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:42:20 +0000

SA Needs Edgier Bands

slicktiger — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:42:24 +0000

Every time I get into a debate about South African music I always feel like a total jerk because I don’t really follow the local scene that closely so I’m pretty goddamn ignorant, truth be told.

Still though, local bands don’t really blow my hair back and I say that with the utmost respect to the bands playing in SA because I know it’s fucking hard work and they constantly have to deal with all kinds of rejection, frustration and apathy from audiences who would rather be listening to Lady Gaga blasted over the speakers in some douche-ridden piss hole with a buncha assholes in collared shirts and slut-bags in tiny skirts with and too much self-tan.

But still, I feel it’s time we upped our game. We need edgier bands. Say what you will about Die Antwoord, but they have one thing in their favour that cannot be faulted – a lot of guts.

They went out there guns blazin’ and shook things up a little. They shocked people, they took people out of their comfort zones, they were rough, siff and ready and the world snatched them up in a heartbeat.

As a country, I think it’s fucking heartbreaking how much talent we have that goes to waste because we’re good enough to get so far, but no further.

It’s like there’s this invisible barrier of FAIL that our artists and musicians and writers hit and then they do one of two things, either go totally mainstream and sell out in every conceivable way in an effort to try and stay on top, or they just die outright.

Like I said, we need to push the boundaries more, we need to not be so goddamn afraid to do some crazy shit, although I’m a great one to speak.

There was a time when I played my guitar more than I didn’t, when music flowed through me like water through a rusty faucet and came out the other side dirty and beautiful and flecked with pieces of myself infused with something pure as glacial ice.

But that guy, he gave up before he got anywhere. He gigs in his bedroom sometimes. Back in ‘08 he played the Lounge Arena for an audience of one cat. What a fucking chump.

If anything I guess I’m writing this to tell all those crazy kids out there to stop fucking around and to get more crazy. Don’t do what Tiger-Don’t did and just fucking wimp out. Steel yourselves and get out there and fuck some shit up!

So here’s the dealy-o, I’ll play you crazy basterds a song that is rocking my fucking world right now and if anyone out there knows a band currently playing is SA that sounds in any way similar to this, fucking let it be known brothers and sisters!

Turn me onto that crazy shit and I’ll get behind those fuckers and do what I can in my own Tiger way to support a scene that really needs it.

Here’s The Kills with “Future Starts Slow” off their new album, which drops this week called Blood Pressures.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/1-future-starts-slow.mp3]

Can I get a fuck yeah?!

Fuck yeah.

-ST

1. Future Starts Slow

slicktiger — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:48:27 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 09:23:38 +0000

Lego Porn

slicktiger — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 09:23:41 +0000

I got nothing today. So here’s some Lego porn.

Thank you Holy Taco.

Aaaaaaand, we’re done here.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 08:53:58 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 08:54:40 +0000

Please Dear God Let Today End Soon

slicktiger — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 08:54:43 +0000

You know that feeling when your brain swells to twice its normal size in your skull, your tongue tastes like you’ve been licking dog asshole and your guts are a soupy mess, threatening to rupture at any given moment?

I know that feeling. Right now I AM that feeling.

Holy shit did we party last night.

When you leave the house dressed like this, you know shit’s gonna get fucked up but good.

We called it a “Dan Nash Bash”, it was the leaving party for the man himself who has left our company to move onto bigger, better things and because ol’ Nash loves a good party, the entire office showed up in full force and started hitting the sauce with gusto.

J-Rab looked sexy as hell and I looked like at any minute I might just whip out a six shooter and shoot holes in the ceiling whilst yelling “Yeeeee-ha!” in my best Yosemite Sam voice.

At least once in my life I want to party somewhere way out in the desert where I can actually shoot holes in the ceiling. How fucking cool would that be? Slam a tequila back and open fire until it’s raining plaster and ceiling fan.

I had to lose the beard after awhile though because I kept eating bits of it and it got pretty soggy. Also, it was cutting circulation off to the bottom half of my face which wasn’t ideal.

The man you see in that photo is one of the best shooters I know, name of Blommie. He’s got a natural eye for filming shit and can work wonders in an editing suite.

Also, he parties like a muthufukkah and is totally fine with getting up onto the bar counter, dancing around a bit and dropping trou. Yeah, Nash and I might have joined him on that mission…

I dunno. Right then and there, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Then the girls got a hold of my beard and this happened.

Not sure how much more I can really write about last night right now. The pictures are making me feel drunk again.

Here’s my favourite though.

And so in closing, here’s a quote from the movie I just referenced that jumped into my mind and seems somehow fitting…

“Mickey: The whole world's comin' to an end, Mal!
Mallory: I see angels, Mickey. They're comin' down for us from heaven. And I see you ridin' a big red horse, and you're driving them horses, whippin' 'em, and the're spitting and frothing all 'long the mouth, and the're coming right at us. And I see the future, and there's no death, 'cause you and I, we're angels...
Mickey: I love you, Mal.
Mallory: I know you do baby, and I've loved you since the day we met.”

Party on Wayne.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 13:32:22 +0000

Everybody Needs To Watch THis. Invaluable Information.

slicktiger — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 13:32:24 +0000

Living in South Africa can be rough. At many times in people’s lives they are subjected to the horrendous ordeal of watching an entire cross-section of our country’s male population urinating in public places such as street corners, parks, art museums and on one particularly traumatising occasion, by the frozen veggies section of Pick ‘n Pay.

Guys, it doesn’t have to be this way. Please take the time to watch this highly educational and informative video entitled “How To Piss In Public” and do be sure to thank me later.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MsEaRbVuzs&w=640&h=360&hd=1]

Big thanks to Civilian for that one, you rock, keep the good shit coming.

I hope you were taking notes. There WILL be a test later.

Have a killer weekend

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 07:02:19 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 07:02:36 +0000

The Ministerial Handbook – Our Government’s “Get Out Of Jail Free” Card

slicktiger — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 07:02:39 +0000

If there’s one book I’d KILL to get my hands on, it would be the Ministerial Handbook, because I can guarantee you, there’d be some pretty goddamn interesting reading in that evil little tome of indulgence sponsored by you and I, the honest tax-paying chumps of this country.

The Ministerial Handbook sets down what remuneration packages and perks ministers are allowed, can you imagine that shit? Chances are it’s only three pages long; page one is all the publishing information, page two is the title and page three just says “Go wild”.

Take our good buddy the Minister of Co-operative Governance and Traditional Affairs, Sicelo Shiceka, who looks alarmingly like Mike Tyson minus the scary face-tattoos. It has recently come to light that this crooked basterd has run up a laundry list of expenses which, according to the Sunday Times article that ran in yesterday’s paper, include:

R335 000 flying first class with his personal assistant and staying in a five-star hotel to visit his girlfriend in prison in Switzerland;

Another R32 000 to hire a chauffeur-driven limo for the prison visit;

R640000 in one year for Shiceka and a handful of staff to stay at the One & Only - of which, he admits, R280 000 was spent on him alone;

R55 793 for a one-night stay at the One & Only during President Jacob Zuma's first State of the Nation address, justifying taking a sangoma with him by saying the man was his "father figure"; and

More than R160 000 in eight months flying 10 family members - including his estranged wife and current girlfriend - around the country at taxpayers' expense

So here’s a guy who has a girlfriend in prison in Switzerland (she was taken down for a drug charge), digs flying his family around with OUR money and missions around with a sangoma who he claims is his “father figure”.

Is this guy fucking pimping or what?!

Oh, and it turns out the sangoma isn’t really a sangoma (Shiceka admitted he had no idea whether the guy is a sangoma or not) but stuck by his claim that the guy is his “father figure”. Yeah, whatever buddy we know the guy’s your personal dealer, don’t be clever.

But it’s all good in the hood yo, because apparently the Ministerial Handbook says it’s totally fine to fly your dealer around and put him up in 5 star luxury accommodation and apparently the handbook also says it’s fine to fly your extended family, including your girlfriend and estranged wife around the country at our expense too.

What a fucking sweet book! No matter how much of the honest tax payer’s money you splurge, the Ministerial Handbook has your ass covered homes, just don’t even worry about that shit, you’re a MINISTER – go wild!

And here I am scraping change out of the couch to try and cover petrol money for a road trip over Easter and this Gigantic Douche is taking my fucking tax money and blowing it on 183 flights in one year! That means every second fucking day he was flying somewhere!

I feel cheated. I want that tax money back goddamnit! Add up all his fucking expenses and reimburse us, we never signed up for this shit! I’m not working my ass off 7-5 every goddamn day to pay for a buncha freeloaders to swan around the country in 5 star luxury.

Of course, this kind of thing happens all the time here in good ol’ Saffrica , but I dunno, aren’t you guys getting fucking sick and tired of reading shit like this?

Throw the prick in jail, that’s what I say, and in the meantime anyone know where I can get my hands on a copy of the Ministerial Handbook? Something tells me it’ll be an entertaining read, right up there with the Satanic Bible and The Anarchist’s Cookbook.

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 06:22:23 +0000

Fight Club For Chicks

slicktiger — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 06:22:26 +0000

I don’t know how I missed this band. It’s a double edged sword because part of me is like “What the fuck how could these guys slip off my radar? What kind of music junkie am I?” but the other part of me is like “FUCK YEAH A NEW BAND THAT ISN’T SHIT!”

Because a lot of them are shit, trust me, I wade through piles of it on a monthly basis so that you don’t have to.

Which brings us neatly to today’s band, Nico Vega, who dropped their eponymous debut album two years ago. I got my hands on it last week and can’t stop playing it.

It’s fucking sexy man, jayziz! The singer, Aja Volkman has this incredible voice that at times sounds like Florence Welch (from Florence and the Machine) and at others sounds like Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and man has she got a pair of lungs on her, her scream makes the hairs on my neck stand up.

So yeah, watch this video for one of their tracks “Gravity” and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

Just be warned though, this shit’s violent as fuck.

It’s like Fight Club for chicks

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOkKufaZ84s&w=638&h=358&hd=1]

Happy Tuesday.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 07:02:46 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 07:19:17 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 07:19:39 +0000

Tiger In The Hilton

slicktiger — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 07:19:43 +0000

Being one of South Africa’s preeminent bloggers definitely has its perks – free flights to exotic destinations, free accommodation in luxury resorts, a zippy little Audi R4 to just drive where ever the hell I want and invites to sick launch events where I’m treated like royalty are just some of the spoils of being basically the most badass blogger in the country.

Yesterday was no different, I was invited to the media launch of the new Hilton Hotel on Buitengracht and wow, that place is p1mped to the max.

Lets jump straight to some bullet points about this shiny new hotel because they’re way easier to write than actual sentences:

137 rooms in total
65 King Deluxe Rooms
34 twin rooms
16 Executive King Delux Rooms (basically the most face-meltingly awesome hotel room you’ve ever seen, about the same size as the flat I live in)
8 floors of rad
7 one bedroom suites
5 Executive Twin Rooms

So what who cares, it’s a hotel with a bunch of rooms, this city’s FULL of them right? Well, here’s what I like to call the ‘magic dust’ that makes this hotel pretty damn awesome (and no, I don’t mean Colombian blow, I mean the stuff that comes out of the end of Tinkerbell’s wand. Um, wait. That sounded wrong…)

If you stay at the Hilton you get:

24-Hour in-room dining service
Laundry / valet service
Wi-Fi internet
DVD player
Hair drying and shaving facilities
In-room electronic safe
Outdoor heated swimming pool
Fitness centre, sauna and steam room

All in all, it’s a pretty sweet hotel, of course, I’d have to actually stay in the place to give it the full, in-depth review it deserves but the two hours that I spent at the media function were neat-o!

We were taken on a full tour of the place during which they told us that the hotel also has a bunch of built-in, eco-friendly features like the lift lights only turn on when the doors open and people get in and all the power in the rooms is switched off until you swipe your card at the door.

There are also three restaurants in the hotel, Bistro 126, Mezbaan Indian Restaurant and Signal Hill Terrace, each with its own different vibe and signature dishes. We sampled some finger foods from Mezbaan and phwoar! They were amazing.

Then at the end of it all, we were given gigantic media packs that comprised of neat little high quality hubblies, a box full of traditional Indian spices that you can pretty much never find at Pick ‘n Pay and some delicious filter coffee that I sampled this morning which might also explain why all these sentences are so goddamn long (breathe damnit Tiger, breathe).

A big thanks to the folks at Fleishman-Hillard for putting together a killer event and the kief ous from the Hilton Hotels group (especially Peter – he’s a rockstar) for taking us around the place and not giving me dirty looks when I set my champagne refilling switch to ‘infinite repeat’.

I blame Yummy. It was all his fault.

Roll credits.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:43:50 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:45:20 +0000

Hipsters – why the fuck?

slicktiger — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:45:23 +0000

I’ll tell you straight up that I hate pretentious wankers about as much as I hate taking out the trash only to find out that a warm stream of garbage juice has dribbled down my jeans from a hole in the bottom of the bag.

There are a number of factors that lead to people becoming pretentious wankers, but right at the top of the list is definitely a chronic insecurity in themselves that manifests in them putting everyone else around them down to feel better about their shit lives.

They distance themselves from the mainstream because it makes them feel superior and unique. They disagree with everyone about basically everything because they think it makes them seem intelligent and they regard the rest of humanity with their noses upturned because the idea that we’re all basically the same terrifies them.

Which brings us to hipsters who, if you strip all the bullshit romanticism out of it, are really just a bunch of pretentious wankers and sadly Cape Town is like a petri dish for these ridiculous arseholes.

Here, in no particular order, are the top ten things hipsters love:

Silently judging everyone
Elaborate scarves
Cute little hats
Vinyl records
Irony (the snooty kind)
Wayfarers
Skinny jeans
Indie bands that are shit
Bragging about some rad little bistro they found down some obscure back alley that is actually shit
Stealing fashion trends from the opposite sex

Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being weird and expressing yourself hell, just read this fucking site, but the thing that gets to me about a lot of these jerks is that they have absolutely no sense of humour.

People that don’t laugh about life, the universe and everything (especially themselves) really piss me off because c’mon! Open your fucking eyes! It’s all a joke man!

I say ‘a lot of these jerks’ because there is such a thing as a hipster with a sense of humour and those cats are alright by me.

Here are a couple of pics from Regretfulmorning.com to better illustrate what I’m talking about.

Hipsters of the world, lighten up. Drop the pretence and come out of your little shells, life’s too short to spend it sitting by yourself in the corner of some pseudo-European coffee shop drinking espressos, smoking rolleys and reading Kafka.

Wonderboy, life’s just begun. Turn that sorrow into wonder

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 06:59:28 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:05:05 +0000

Happy National Cleavage Day

slicktiger — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:05:09 +0000

So glad it’s National Cleavage Day today cause I got fuck all to post about otherwise – yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ha!

Thank Jeebers for small miracles right? (And large ones if you catch my meaning, wink wink, nudge nudge).

Anyway, here’s a whole lot of pics to celebrate the wonder that is women’s breasts.

Oh yeah, and play this killer track while you check these pics out, courtesy of http://gobarbra.com/

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/nomnomnomnom.mp3]

Are we good? Great.

Have a killer weekend

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 06:46:40 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 06:46:48 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 06:47:01 +0000

It’s Happened Again…

slicktiger — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 06:47:04 +0000

Remember that story I told you guys about when J-Rab fell down the stairs and I got all creeped out because I thought people would think I was secretly beating her and I’d get arrested and spend a good long time in prison getting nailed in the corn hole?

It’s happened again.

We went ice-skating on Saturday night and one minute everything was cool, everything was fun and we were going around and around the rink, easy peesy Japanesey.

Then I decided to up the tempo a little and start skating at an inhumanly fast pace because, well, I’m a guy and we’re retarded like that.

Poor J-Rab was skating like her life depended on it trying to keep up and basically skating on one skate at a time to get some nice momentum going when she hit a huge divot in the ice and lost her shit.

Out of the corner of my eye I just saw limbs flailing and my stomach instantly lurched as I turned my head just in time to see J-Rab literally land on her face.

I instantly lost my shit as well because going fast is easy, but stopping can be tricky when the side of the rink isn’t there to conveniently bash into.

I ended up falling too, but in a totally controlled way that involved me going into a downward-facing dog position as I used my hands to slow me down, managed to turn around and then skated straight into one of the guys trying to help her back up.

Luckily she didn’t break anything, but she got some nasty scrapes and bruises and it definitely looks like she’s been in a fight.

Wonderful. Nothing quite like the judgemental, disapproving stares of total strangers whenever we’re out in public together and they happen to glance our way.

“Fell ice skating, eh? Sure buddy, just like the time she fells down the stairs, right? We’d like you to please come with us…”

I’m thinking of creating a protective foam suit that encases J-Rab so she can just bounce off things like a marshmallow and not get so fucked up all the time.

If anyone else out there has girlfriends (or boyfriends) that are equally as clumsy I’m happy to build you one too. We’ll have to negotiate a fee of course, but when you think how many hospital bills you’ll be saving, I’m sure you’ll agree its totally worth it.

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:49:02 +0000

Is it ok to just post a cartoon of Tarzan Propositioning What Looks Like A young Boy Inappropriately In Hilariously Bad English Whilst Riding An Elephant Today? It’s Not? Um. Crap

slicktiger — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:49:05 +0000

Ten points if you spotted Pedo Bear.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:17:46 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:18:02 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:18:14 +0000

HOLIDAYEEEEEE, CELEBRA-EEEEEEEEETT!

slicktiger — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:18:17 +0000

Hands up who took the three days leave that magically turns into eleven days over Easter?

If you did, you’re a fucking genius. Pat yourself on the back for that shit and go immediately to bar, do not pass go, do not collect 200.

I took those three days because I, like you, am pretty much one of the smratest people ON THE PLANET!

Needless to say, posting might get a little patchy over the next two weeks. We’re taking a road trip up to Knysna along the garden route and then further up to the Eastern Cape to hit some killer spots like Kenton and Port Alfred.

Fingers crossed this cold front passes soon and leaves one last glorious taste of summer in its wake.

Sunshine and good times people. That’s where it’s at

So take care of your bad selves over the Easter period. Be safe and celebrate Christ’s brutal crucifixion and somewhat creepy return from the grave by eating little chocolate eggs and Lindt rabbits while I practise some crucifixion and returning from the dead myself.

Catch you crazy fuckers on the other side.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 04 May 2011 06:43:53 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 04 May 2011 06:44:26 +0000

Tiger Back In Action!

slicktiger — Wed, 04 May 2011 06:44:29 +0000

Hey Party People!

It’s been fucking ages, how the hell are all ya crazy basterds?

I hope you all had a killer Easter and took the three days that magically turned into 11 like I did. Yesterday was actually my first day back in the orifice, but to be honest, I was too depressed to blog so I just kinda moped around feeling sorry for myself and slouched at my desk surfing porn.

It was an epic holiday though, we went up the East Coast, checked out the Knysna Elephants, stopped at Storm’s River, stopped at PE and headed on through to Grahamstown which was a total mindfuck in itself.

In GTown I stopped by my old digs, which we affectionately used to call The Zombie Mansion, and man-o-man it hasn’t changed one bit.

We had so many good times in that house, it was awesome to see it still standing and judging from the sarongs that were being used as curtains in some rooms, I’d say it’s definitely still a student digs.

It’s the biggest house I’ve ever lived in and rent was R1080 a month, how crazy is that?! We threw parties in that house that were so epic I still get random flashbacks from them that make me hide under my desk mumbling incoherently for up to 9 hours at a time.

I’m glad I got this pic though because sometime while we were living in this house, this camera randomly appeared one day and nobody could figure out who it belonged to, so I used the film remaining in it to take a whole lot of pictures of the house before I left GTown at the end of varsity.

I kept the camera for another year before I decided to finally develop the film and I was well stoked to find out a) what else was on the film strip and b) see pics of my old digs.

And so with great trepidation I drove to the nearest Kodak shop and handed the camera over to the guy behind the counter.

“Develop this shit my good man,” I said to him, “but just know this: I only took the pictures at the END of the filmstrip, the others were in the camera when I found it, so if there’s any weird shit on there, I swear it’s not mine!”

“Ok,” he said and opened the camera. “It’s empty.”

“It’s whaaaaaaaaaaaaattt?!” I replied, incredulously.

“Empty. No film inside it.”

“But it said 22 pictures! What the hell man, it wound on and everything!”

“Mechanical error probably. Sorry.”

So I’m stoked I got something to remember the Zombie Mansion by, even if it was taken years after we’d already left.

Oh, and for anyone reading this who knows me in real life, how fucked up is this. The day we left Grahamstown to come back to CT was the exact same day nine years ago that I bailed off the side of the Great Hall!

In fact, at the exact same time we were on the road heading to PE, I would have been taking that same drive nine years ago, except I was all smashed up in the back of an ambulance.

I’m like the six million dollar man

J-Rab has some more pics of the crazy shit we got up to on holiday, I’ll try get them off her tomorrow. In the meantime I’d better get back to the grind.

Another day another dollar right? Bleaugh.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 05 May 2011 06:56:33 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 05 May 2011 06:57:22 +0000

Send The Tiger To Poseidon!

slicktiger — Thu, 05 May 2011 06:57:26 +0000

I think I may just have discovered paradise guys and I have photo evidence to prove it!

This is not a photoshopped image, or some kind of computer graphixed hoax. This is a real and legitimate luxury resort under the fucking sea man!

Here’s more…

It’s called the Poseidon Undersea Resort and it’s the world’s first “sea-floor resort” where you can chill out to the max 40 feet underwater in glass cabins surrounded by your fishy friends!

It’s situated in a 5 000 acre Fijian lagoon and for the paltry sum of $30 000 USD per couple per week you can experience everything this resort has to offer.

How amazing would it be if you got to send your favourite blogger SlickyT to go experience this flippin amazing resort! Think about it, I’d come back with amazing VIDEO CONTENT, life-like PICTURES and loads of amazing stories about the badass time I would have had!

All you have to do to make this once-in-a-lifetime dream come true (for me) is write a short comment below about how badly you want to send me here and I’m sure Poseidon’s marketing department will JUMP at the opportunity of sending me there!

Let’s do this guys. For you, for me, for everyone!

But mainly for me…

-ST

03 Track 3

slicktiger — Fri, 06 May 2011 07:07:20 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 06 May 2011 07:09:18 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 06 May 2011 07:15:03 +0000

TreeFiddy Review: Stone Collar – Trial By Fire

slicktiger — Fri, 06 May 2011 07:15:07 +0000

It’s been awhile, but I think it’s high time I launched into another TreeFiddy review where I sum up new albums in 350 words or less for easy consumption, digestion and err, let’s just leave it at that…

The Down Lizzo:

Stone Collar is a South African band that’s been kicking around Cape Town for the last four years, melting faces with their brand of metal / hard rock in the tradition of legends such as Metallica, Iron Maiden, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, and Creed.

Their debut album Trial By Fire is rife with the kind of epic guitar riffs and solos that would have Guitar Hero enthusiasts bashing their little dorky plastic guitars to bits in frustration as they failed time and time again to keep up with lead guitarist Sean Tait and rhythm guitarist Clinton Jurgen’s masterful shredding.

Sick Tracks

The tracks on this album are all pretty much on a par. If you like one, you’ll love them all and you’ll probably know within two minutes of hitting play.

“Not For Good” is a sprawling, high-energy metal ballad that perfectly showcases Tait and Jurgens’ ability to match one another riff for riff as they tear through time honoured metal chord progressions.

In their single “SQT”, singer Leshem Peterson’s vocals soar triumphantly above the Tait / Jurgens metal maelstrom while drummer Bryan Nicol punches out some of the album’s tightest fills, lending his otherwise meat and potatoes drumming style some impressive flair.

“Poison The Well” is another standout track that builds nicely to a badass, chunky verse riff and a surprisingly catchy chorous and “...As The Crow Flies” is nice change of pace from the tight, lightning fast, palm-muted strumming that defines much of the album.

Should You Give A Shit?

First off, let it be known that the band recorded, produced, mixed, mastered, marketed, designed and are distributing the album all themselves so hats off to them for a killer effort.

However, I feel that the 80s and early 90s flogged the metal / hard rock / alternative genre to death and though they are incredibly tight musicians, Stone Collar’s debut feels like it landed 20 years too late.

“I’m born of a dying breed,” Petersen sings in the final track on Trial By Fire and I tend to agree. Still though, if you dig old school metal / hard rock you’ll love Stone Collar and I would highly recommend buying Trial By Fire.

In the meantime, hit play below to hear “SQT” and if you dig that crazy shit, be sure to head through to Mercury on Tuesday 17th May for their official album launch.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/03-track-3.mp3]

Final Verdict: 7/10

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slicktiger — Fri, 06 May 2011 07:29:30 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 09 May 2011 06:17:01 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 09 May 2011 06:17:59 +0000

A Joke For Mondays

slicktiger — Mon, 09 May 2011 06:18:02 +0000

When Mondays roll around, I think of this crusty old joke our science teacher told us back in prep school.

This guy dies and goes to hell and when he gets there, Satan’s waiting for the dude, dressed in a slick suit with a big, shit eating grin on his face.

He says to the guy, “The way it works down here is you got three choices how you want to spend the rest of eternity.”

“Um, ok,” says the guy nervously.

“So choose carefully,” Satan says and winks at the guy.

Satan opens the first door they come to and the guy looks inside and sees all manner of fucked up shit. Demons running amok, torturing people with knives and spears and swords and iron maidens, flaying people alive, impaling them, people screaming, blood and guts everywhere, pretty intense stuff.

Door number two is also full of demons torturing people, only this time around they’re burning the people alive, literally roasting their flesh, tossing them into pools of molten lava, stabbing them with white-hot pokers, the smell of burning flesh everywhere and of course, twice as much screaming as the room before.

“Ready for door number three?” Satan says, grinning.

The man gulps and nods his head.

Satan opens door number three and inside it are literally millions and millions of people standing chest-deep in shit, drinking tea.

“What? Is that it?” says the man. “Damn! I’ll take door number three thanks Satan!”

“Here’s your tea,” says Satan. “Enjoy”.

So off the guy goes, tea in hand, wading through the shit to find a spot where he can drink it when all of a sudden this loud, demonic voice comes over the loudspeaker and says.

“Right you wretched fuckers! Tea break’s over, back on your heads!”

Da dum. Tssshhh.

That’s what Monday to Friday is. Doing handstands in shit waiting for the sweet release of the weekend where you can finally come up for some air and a cup of nice, warm tea before going back down again.

Best part of it is we’re all in this together. So drink up and let’s dive back in shall we?

On three.

One. Two. Three.

Splat.

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 09 May 2011 16:50:55 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 10 May 2011 06:42:33 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 10 May 2011 06:51:05 +0000

Free Comic Book Day Hell’s Yeah!

slicktiger — Tue, 10 May 2011 06:51:10 +0000

Me and comic books go way back.

When I was about six years old, I went to stay with my crazy aunt and uncle for a few weeks while my folks were on holiday and basically had the time of my life.

Every day my uncle would arrive home with a bag of Tomato Sauce chips and two comic books tucked under his arm for me.

I still remember lying on the floor in the lounge of that mad, mushroom-shaped house, happily munching on the chips while my grubby red-stained fingers turned the pages hungrily.

Some of the comics he bought me were legit titles like Superman and Spiderman, but mostly they were a melting pot of a whole lot of weird shit that other countries probably weren’t buying so SA got them shipped in at super-low wholesale rates to stack news vendor shelves and warp fragile little minds like mine.

After that I didn’t really get back into them until my first year in high school when a buddy at the time who was completely obsessed filled me in on the entire X-Men saga that was going on at the time (Age Of Apocalypse, look it up, it was badass) and got me interested in the myriad of stories that comprise the Marvel universe.

His prize comic was the first Wolverine comic, published back in ‘89. Of course, Wolverine had featured in tons of X-Men comics before that, but ‘89 was the first time he was given his own title.

I always wanted to read that comic, but even taking it out of its cardboard-backed plastic sheath would have caused my buddy instant heart failure so I just admired the cover from a distance, feigning excitement when all I really felt was seething hatred for the spoilt little prick.

I eventually did get to read the entire Age Of Apocalypse series though when I was in hospital after an altercation with some asphalt that nearly left me dead, but that’s a story for another time

During varsity I became friends with Graumpot, one of the biggest comic book freaks I’ve ever had the pleasure of living with.

Through him I read a buttload of comics – the entire Preacher series, the entire Invisibles series, most of Sandman, most of the Lucifer series, Wolverine: Origins and Wolverine: Ends, a whole bunch of Batman and one of my favourite Marvel comics of all time, Marvel Zombies (you HAVE to read it, it’s brilliant).

See, with comics I discovered one of life’s undeniable truths, that if there’s one thing better than a great novel, it’s a great novel with pictures.

So on Saturday I went through to Reader’s Den (across the street from Cavendish) for Free Comic Book Day, an international event that takes place on the first weekend in May where all comic book stores the world over hand out free comic books to whoever wants them.

J-Rab was working so I figured I’d kill some time and head on down to take pictures of the freaks, grab a free comic book or two and head home.

Then I made the mistake of browsing through the literally hundreds of graphic novels they were selling and what did I find? Volume 1 of a Wolverine graphic novel that included that first Wolverine comic I’d so coveted back when I was a zit-faced little shit kicker and even better than that, it was going for fifty bucks!

Right after that I found Volume 3, also going for fifty bucks! Then I made the rookie error of asking one of the guys working behind the tables scattered with graphic novels if he’d seen Volume 2 anywhere.

Within 5 minutes he’d told all his buddies helping him to look for it and next thing I knew they started off-loading Wolverine graphic novels on me like dump trucks at a landfill.

Two hundred and eighty bucks and an hour later I found myself shuffling back to my car with no less than five Wolverine graphic novels wandering what the fuck just happened.

But seriously, five graphic novels for R280 is pretty goddamn cheap. Normally it would have cost me R870 (no shit, the comics had the normal prices crossed out in red on all their covers with the new prices written underneath) which means normally I wouldn’t have bought fucking one, which means I still wasted R280.

Still though, I started reading them right after I got home and they’re pretty cool, very old school, but still badass.

And just in case I haven’t scared all my female readers off this site for life, look what else I found guys, the FIRST EVER comic book that ever featured Wolverine and it wasn’t even an X-Men comic, it was a fucking HULK comic!

I think we’ve all learned an important lesson here kids. When the next Free Comic Book Day rolls around take my advice and get there early with fistfuls of cash at the ready, wahoo!

-ST

Join The SPCWM Today!

slicktiger — Wed, 11 May 2011 05:42:53 +0000

Is there such a thing as cruelty toward washing machines?

I never used to think so, but then I watched this video and to be perfectly honest found it pretty disturbing.

I like having clean clothes just as much as the next person and besides shrinking a couple of sweaters and turning a load pink once because my shiny new speedo got mixed up with the whites, washing machines have never done anything to me that warrants this kind of abuse.

We can not let this kind of behaviour go on. Join the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Washing Machines TODAY to ensure that butchers such as the man in the following video don’t go unpunished.

And if you must watch this video, please ensure that no young children or washing machines under the age of three years are present.

Thank you.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=364dzVsBs2o&w=659&h=371&hd=1]

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 12 May 2011 06:20:02 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 12 May 2011 06:23:42 +0000

Album Launch: Taxi Violence – Long Way From Home

slicktiger — Thu, 12 May 2011 06:23:47 +0000

Awhile back I bitched and moaned about how South African bands are a bunch of limp dick unclefuckers who need to man the fuck up and play some dirty, sexy rock music already.

Well, I’m happy to say I can add one band to the list of SA bands I actually like and that band is Taxi Violence.

I saw them live at Mercury a month or two back when they did a seriously killer cover of “Riders On The Storm” with We Set Sail. I was well impressed not only with the cover, but also Taxi Violence themselves who, much like Queens Of The Stone Age, have breathed life back into old school 60s / 70s rock and made it unapologetically badass.

Then, about two weeks back, I ran into George (frontman and vocalist) at Mercury and did this thing I do when I’m drunk when I shoot the breeze with people in bands like I’m catching up with an old highschool buddy.

It’s a test because some people in bands think they’re God’s fucking gift to the planet so I talk to them like they’re normal humans and they either act like I’m a weirdo and run away or they shoot the breeze back and we end up having epic discussions about music and the South African scene.

George definitely proved to be a stand up guy and even invited me to check out the launch of their acoustic album Long Way From Home.

So J-Rab and I headed on down to the Plane-arium for an intimate showcase of what the Taxi lads have been up to and I was pretty blown away.

Old favourites like “The Mess”, “Devil ‘n Pistol” and “The Turn” sound like they’ve been taken apart and rebuilt from scratch, a refreshing change from most bands who just swap electric guitars for acoustic ones and serve up warmed up leftovers thinly disguised as an album actually worth listening to.

Their acoustic rendition of “Heads and Tails” is particularly noteworthy both on the album and when they played it live. It was pretty hilarious us all reclining on our seats in the Plane-arium with the stars wizzing overhead because whenever Taxi got the crowd bopping your seatback would start moving in time to the music as other people sitting in the same row literally “rocked” out. “Heads And Tails” produced that effect immediately.

They’ve also shot a new video for the song, which they opened their set with which sadly they haven’t uploaded to their YouTube channel yet, but look out for it when they do, it’s a very cool take on the Groundhog Day premise and, in keeping with the song, asks the question if you knew the dice were rigged, how would you play the game?

One of my songs they played was their new track “Long Way From Home”, about a country boy hitting the big city, a dreamer who “Followed the buzz until he hit the hive”. It’s got an upbeat, bluesy / rock flavour played with bright, jangling guitars and tambourines that reminded me of some of the earlier Supergrass albums.

I’d highly recommend checking out Taxi’s FB page for their upcoming gigs so you can get a chance to hear their acoustic set and, if you’re lucky enough, getting a picture with the square-headed mascott that adorns the new album cover.

So big up to George for the invite and the guys from Taxi Violence for a killer gig and for hooking me up with a copy of the new album. It doesn’t look like it in the picture below, but I was really stoked to get the actual, physical album. I think that’s the first CD I’ve been given in about 5 years.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 13 May 2011 06:51:02 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 13 May 2011 06:51:06 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 13 May 2011 07:22:33 +0000

Mindgun – One Seriously Badass Site

slicktiger — Fri, 13 May 2011 07:22:36 +0000

The saying goes that you’ll never meet your future wife in a bar and I think there’s a lot of truth in that, but man-o-man, if I had to write a list of all the twisted, crazy fuckers who’ve ended up being great friends that I met in bars, it would be a goddamn mile long!

Mr D was one of those fine, upstanding maniacs (read this story as proof). I met him on a night when I was playing a gig in Grahamstown. He was knocking back a pint of stout and eyeing the bar like at any minute he might pull a knife out and lay into someone for making eye contact, so naturally I walked over and started up a conversation with the man.

We struck up a friendship that I regard as a personal best based on the acres of common ground we shared through the bands we listened to, the questionable literature (mainly comic books) and movies we were into and our common appreciation of the whisky-drinking, hard-living, party-loving legacy artists like Jim Morrison left as an example for us mere mortals to live up to.

And man-o-man, did Mr D and I live it up. We eventually worked as barmen at the same dodgy-assed pizza joint where our only mission from one shift to the next was to see just how drunk we could get without passing out / getting fired.

Those were the old days, the bad days, the all or nothing days. It was blood for blood by the gallon and we were ready for war

Over the years we went our separate ways. Mr D now teaches English in Korea, but recently we’ve been able to stay in contact thanks to the blog site he started, Mindgun.

The man is a killer photographer and actually worked as a staff photographer for The Argus (among other papers) in Cape Town before he left for Korea.

His mission with Mindgun is to take a picture everyday and write a couple sentences / paragraphs about it so his photographic muscle doesn’t atrophy while he’s over there.

I’ve thrown in a couple of my favourites below and as you can see, he’s no slouch behind a lens.

He’s a great writer and an even better shooter so his site gets my full recommendation as an awesome place to stop by when you have a minute. It’s also pretty fascinating to read about Korea and his experience of it from the cuisine (pig spine soup and dog penis fish) to its culture and history and Mr D is right in the thick of it, guns blazing, writing about what he sees in the only way he knows how – with 100% unashamed honesty.

So be a pal and bookmark the man’s site, you’ll be a better person for it.

Otherwise have yourselves a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you all same time, same place on Monday.

Until then

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 16 May 2011 05:50:17 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 16 May 2011 07:03:49 +0000

Altered Art Monday

slicktiger — Mon, 16 May 2011 07:03:52 +0000

It’s a weird week for us Saffas with Wednesday being a public holiday so today I thought I’d post some art that reflects that.

Here’s a collection of what’s known as ‘altered thrift store art’ or, in other words, really cheesy and over-sentimental vignettes that people (mostly Banksy actually) have fucked with and made awesome.

Much like this week

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 17 May 2011 06:16:53 +0000

A Post For The Children

slicktiger — Tue, 17 May 2011 06:16:56 +0000

Once in awhile, us kind folks here at SlickTiger Industries take a break from posting about completely random / crazy / mentally disturbing subject matter and try to do a little good in this cold, cruel world of ours.

Of course, these posts are seldom very popular because no one is interested in humanitarianism unless there’s something in it for them.

Don’t be one of those people. A good friend of mine is entering the following video into the 2011 Cannes Lions 48 Hour Ad Contest. She scripted, shot and edited this video in exactly two days in order to raise awareness for http://www.savethechildren.org/invest-in-health

Click this video twice to open and watch it in YouTube and when you’re done, click the ‘like’ button under the video.

It will take exactly one minute to do, but could end up saving a child’s life.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVC81Riv_8k&w=658&h=370&hd=1]

I know you guys will do the right thing here, you’re badass that way

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 17 May 2011 06:19:54 +0000

VOTE ZOLTRON!

slicktiger — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:01:00 +0000

Democracy is important, which is why today you should vote Zoltron.

Zoltron is not just any interplanetary conqueror / destroyer, Zoltron is also a kind and sensitive slavemaster who, as you can see in the picture below, happens to love nature and even has a plant that is his friend.

A vote for Zoltron is a vote for happiness, which is why his campaign slogan is “Think of the puppies”.

With Zoltron as your undisputed Lord and Master, you’ll never have to worry about getting a job because everyone will automatically be employed for Zoltron. You’ll also never have to feel self-conscious about how much you earn because everyone will earn the same amount!*

So c’mon. Be a pal and vote Zoltron. You know it’s right, I know it’s right and Zoltron, well, there is no right and wrong for Zoltron, just his undisputed rule or a slow and torturous death.

Have you thought of the puppies?

Vote Zoltron today!

-ST

*Nothing

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slicktiger — Thu, 19 May 2011 06:01:00 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 19 May 2011 06:50:44 +0000

Slicktiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week 1)

slicktiger — Thu, 19 May 2011 06:50:47 +0000

So as many of you who follow me on Twitter probably know from the pic I posted last week, I’ve recently gotten my hands on the Xbox Kinect system for a three week review, along with three games, Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures and Dance Central.

I took the review unit I received home last week and connected it up to my TV / stereo system in no time. It’s dead easy to hook up and connecting the Kinect sensor is as easy as plugging a wire into your Xbox and positioning the sensor in a spot near the TV where it can clearly see you (I put it on the tv itself. We’re rocking an old-school CRT TV monitor because, well, it was a hand-me-down from a late gran and we can’t afford anything else).

Here’s where things get freaky. Soon as the sensor is plugged in and fired up, it actively starts looking for you. It moves its little sensor-head (that kinda looks like Johnny 5’s head from the film Short Circuit) up and down until it has a lock on not only your body, but also exactly where it is positioned in relation to the sensor.

In layman’s terms, this means the Kinect not only tracks your movements from left to right, but also tracks your movement towards and away from the sensor (your depth, in other words).

I fired up Kinect Sports first and eagerly performed my stretches while the game started.

Fair warning at this point (courtesy of @HollieHepburn), put some clothes on. As much as you, like me, might look forward to nothing more at the end of your day than coming home, stripping down and getting to work on a bottle of fine scotch, just keep in mind that the Xbox takes pics of you while you game.

You can choose to share these pics or keep them private, but either way, they are stored on the device somewhere, and much like that porn video you shot for the fun of it one drunken night with your girlfriend at the time, they could get you in trouble…

We then proceeded to spend the next three hours, totally immersed in Kinect Sports, where we took part in everything from long jump to ping pong, using just our bodies and were both amazed at how responsive and accurate the sensor is.

Running on the spot makes your character sprint around a track, making a throwing gesture over your head launches a javelin, kicking makes him pass a soccer ball, a straight bowling gesture makes him bowl a straight ball while a curved one puts some spin on it – that’s some next level shit right there!

Needless to say, our first experience of the Xbox Kinect system was a lot of fun and the first thing we thought to do was call up all our friends and invite them around to play as well.

The Kinect is definitely more fun when you play with at least another two or three people. As a solo gamer it would probably feel a little lonely gaming by yourself, but hey, you can always take all your clothes off to make it interesting

Stay tuned for more write-ups as I get more into the Xbox Kinect system and keep a special eye out for the Dance Central episode, which promises to be packed full of pictures of me and J-Rab shakin’ it like ritards on the living room dancefloor.

Good times.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 19 May 2011 09:16:38 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:42:22 +0000

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slicktiger — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:43:11 +0000

The Friday Metal Band Name Challenge

slicktiger — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:43:16 +0000

It’s a well-known fact that if a man goes without sex for long enough, he starts seriously considering starting a metal band.

It’s either that or self-destruct in a testosterone-fuelled explosion that could level an entire city block.

Instead, for the good of mankind he starts wearing black T-shirts, black nail polish, gets a whole bunch of tattoos he’s definitely going to regret the day he starts getting regular sex and finds other men who can’t get laid to start a band that, ironically, plays music that limits their chances of getting laid even more.

I am of course generalising here, but to me there’s always been something about metal that stinks of frustration and desperation. I speak from experience here because between in my early teens I LOVED metal which, believe it or not, was also a time in my life when I would have literally given a toe to get laid.

Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so.

But, as any decent metal band will tell you, it’s not enough to just belt out insanely fast metal accompanied by guttural roaring while everyone in the band whips their long, dirty hair around in a slow spin cycle like some kind of washing machine from hell.

You also need a fucking evil name AND it must be written in the most retarded way possible so that it’s basically impossible to read.

I found some great examples of this on a flyer I randomly picked up at Mercury about a month back, so with no further ado, I present to you THE FRIDAY METAL BAND NAME CHALLENGE, GGGGWWWWWWAAAAAAAAARRARARARARARGHGHRGAHGHGH!

The first one’s piss easy. These guys really could have tried a little harder, let’s be honest. Despite the slightly confusing way the letters are mashed together, we can still clearly make out both the vowels and consonants and though the spacing between words is a total mess I think it’s pretty safe to say that this band is called “A Walk With The Wicked”.

Sorry guys, but more effort is needed with his one I’m afraid. All in all I give this band name a 4/10.

On to contestant number two!

Beautiful. Just have a look at that one again. Impressive work. See the way they’ve totally fucked all the letters up so that the band name makes “angry eyes”? This kind of name makes other metal bands quake in terror while the rest of us wonder what the fuck a “Suiderbeez” is.

That’s what I’m getting from this – Suiderbeez. Anyone else care to hazard a guess? Maybe Zuiderbeez?

“Zuiderzee” was a shallow bay of the North Sea in the northwest of the Netherlands, but I’m pretty sure the second angry eye is a malformed “b”, but yeah, I could be wrong…

Either way, these guys have done a bang up job. Their band name looks evil, angry and is damn near unreadable – I give this one a solid 8/10. Bang up job guys.

Now prepare yourselves for the motherfuckin’ UNHOLY MESS that is motherfuckin’ band name number three MOTHERFUCKERS!

I really hope you were sitting down for that, cause these guys smashed this one right out of the fucking park!

What is going on here? Seriously, can anyone please tell me what that fucking word says?! Every goddamn letter looks like an “H”. The best I got is “Heateast”? Or maybe “Fighthens”? Fuck, that must be it! “Fight Hens!” Makes perfect sense! Don’t take any shit from those egg-laying little bitches – FIGHT HENS!

Anyone else got any ideas? Cause I’m fresh out…

In a way I guess it’s quite smart marketing for the band because this way I might actually be persuaded to catch a live show just to find out what the hell they are called. What did the English language ever do to them that made them so angry they had to write their band name in the “Church Of Satan On Crack” font?

These guys get a 10/10. Actually fuck it, they get an 11/10 because fonts like that don’t just appear out of nowhere, it takes countless hours of praying to Satan to get that shit right.

And that brings us to the end of the Friday Metal Band Name Challenge. Feel free to submit more if you feel they can live up to the epic standard set by Fight Hens and have yourselves a killer weekend

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:57:30 +0000

SlickTiger Industries Creates Sickest Nandos Ad Known To Man

slicktiger — Mon, 23 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

I caught wind of this radass campaign that Nandos are running at the moment where they are shooting a whole bunch of ads that explain the “Dubious History” of their famous peri peri sauce.

They’re posting all the episodes to this site: http://howfarwillyougo.co.za/ and then giving ordinary folks like you and me the opportunity to take a stab at what happens next in the ads.

You can either write in (must be 280 characters or less) or submit a 30 second video entry and if your submission makes the top three in terms of number of votes you win an African holiday to the value of R20k!

I’m not too fussed about the holiday to be perfectly honest, I just wanted to whip out the ol’ Nokia N8 again, wear my underpants on the outside in public and shoot some crazy shit.

Here are the fruits of my labours*. If you dig this, hit http://howfarwillyougo.co.za/ads/episode-1/ and click on “like” (to the right of the video), literally takes 3 seconds.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svk7MVBmsdg&w=649&h=366&hd=1]

You guys fucking rock. Let’s let the Tiger loose on AFRICA bitches! It’s been ages since I’ve had bilharzia!

-ST

*Disclaimer: If my ad makes absolutely no sense, it’s because I shot it before the Nandos one was uploaded onto the site and NOT because I’d smoked too much tik that day.

02 Death On A Pale Horse

slicktiger — Mon, 23 May 2011 16:50:46 +0000

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Treefiddy Review: King Willow – Introductions and Demonstrations

slicktiger — Tue, 24 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

The Down Lizzo:

King Willow is the sickest band you’ve never heard and I’d say it’s high time you did something about that.

This frighteningly talented 3-piece are based in London, but two of the members (guitarist, vocalist and frontman Matthew Schönborn and bassist Darren Beukes) are born and bred Saffas, though listening to them you’d never think it.

Take The Mars Volta, mash their intricate staccato melodies with the heavy-as-fuck, blunt force of Deftones’, wrap it up in a multi-layered soundscape of Muse-like synth effects and hey presto! You’re facing down the behemoth that is King Willow, and the guys did everything (except recording the drum parts) by themselves in their home studio.

How “fuck-your-cousin” sick is that!

Sick Tracks

“Foxes” twists and turns dextrously through clean, tight strumming patterns to a climactic, thick and heavy chorous riff, brought to life through sticksman Wojciech Hydzik’s staggering array of varying beats and fills.

From Beukes’ fuzzy bassline at the start, to Schönborn’s bone-chilling guttural roar in the bludgeoning chorous, “Death On A Pale Horse” kicks you square in the balls, takes it down a notch for a melodic interlude, and then kicks you square in the balls again. Listen out for the fucking amazing scream that Schönborn unleashes like a man possessed at the 3:20 mark. Goddamn beautiful.

I could go on. I could write about the eerie, whispered vocal lines and broken jack-in-the box guitar tones of “Lapdance” or the total change in pace that is the quiet resignation of “Magdalen”, but I’m fast running out of words here.

Let’s just say that there is something about every track on Introductions & Demonstrations that is either haunting, beautiful or badass.

Should You Give A Shit?

Yes, you should give a shit.

You should download the demo here, play it to your friends, play it to your enemies, and when this band is headlining at every major stadium across Europe someday, you can turn up your nose at all their screaming fans and say, “Yeah, well I knew them from when their first demo dropped...”

Kudos to the King Willow boys for one of the best demos you’re likely to hear in a long, long time.

Here’s “Death On A Pale Horse”, enjoy ;)

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/02-death-on-a-pale-horse.mp3]

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 24 May 2011 20:45:54 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 24 May 2011 20:46:56 +0000

Awesome Stray Cat Recipe

slicktiger — Wed, 25 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

So yeah.

As you may have read in my posts here and here, J-Rab and I are struggling a bit at the moment to make ends meet.

It’s sad really, when I consider how much I fucking hate poor people, that I ironically seem to have become one.

There was a time when I couldn’t decide whether to blow my extra cash on extravagant trips overseas to exotic locales or invest it in prime beach-front real estate, it was a tough call and really used to stress me out.

Well, I’m glad to say that those stressful days are over. Now I scrape every cent I have together to just try make rent every month and beg the rest from kind people at the intersection of Roeland and Buitenkant.

However, you’ll be pleased to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel now that I have discovered one of the best kept secrets in affordable cuisine – stray cats!

The idea came to me when I stumbled on the vacant lot behind the Waterfront R10 parking one evening, right as the animal rescue people arrived to feed the literally thousands of stray cats that live there.

Naturally I begged to be fed some of the delicious cat food as well, not because I’m turning into a fokken prawn, but rather because it sure as hell beats eating YOUR week-old garbage.

The animal shelter people turned their noses up in disgust when I approached them and refused to make eye contact when I humbly asked for some delicious, crunchy dry cat food to get me through the night.

It was a new low for me and for a moment I hated those lucky stray cats, but the moment soon passed because like me, they were loveable in a mangy sort of way and they smelled delicious!

I lured one of them back to my flat with a brick and a plastic bag I fished out of a dumpster and got to work preparing this awesome, cost-effective meal:

Stray cat and lentil soup

Ingredients:

1 x Stray cat (tabbies work best, but failing that a nice ginger cat will do. For God’s sake DON’T go for a Siamese, they have a very low meat:bone ratio)
1 x Chicken stock cube
1 x Bag of red lentils
50g shredded ginger
1 x lemon (squeezed)
1 x bottle of Old Brown’s Sherry

Method:

Dice cat-meat into small cubes and soak in half a bottle of Old Brown’s Sherry to disinfect and flavour it while you drink the other half of the bottle to keep warm.

Boil up a pot of water, add the lentils and chicken stock cube and allow it to simmer for 40 mins. Add the cat meat right after along with the ginger and juice from the lemon and allow to simmer for as long as your relentless hunger will allow.

Ladle the soup into a tin bowl and slurp it down, making sure to dribble some into your matted beard for a snack later.

Et voila!

A word of warning though, I got first dibs on the cats behind the Waterfront. If I catch any of you greasy basterds down there helping yourselves to my stash, so help me God, I’ll jab a rusty screwdriver in you faster than you can shout “Help! A bergie’s trying to kill me!”

Ain’t life peachy.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 25 May 2011 21:43:39 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 25 May 2011 21:57:48 +0000

SlickTiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week2)

slicktiger — Thu, 26 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Today is exactly two weeks since I hooked up my Xbox review unit with the Kinect sensor and started jamming the three games that came with it (Kinect Adventures, Dance Central and Kinect Sports) and to be perfectly honest, the novelty is starting to wear off.

In the beginning I raced home to fire up the Xbox and get my game on, anxious to get stuck into a mean 100m sprint in Kinect Sports or unlock the next difficulty level in Kinect Adventures, and lemme tell you, you can work up a mean sweat playing those games, its a far more intense gaming experience that the Wii is but that’s exactly the problem.

I got over all the effort involved. Sometimes you just want to sit on your ass and mash a controller like there’s no tomorrow. All the running / jumping / ducking / throwing / retarded dancing just gets a bit much.

When coming home from work I’d think to myself Ok, I could spend the next few hours exerting a lot of energy I don’t have right now playing Kinect games OR I could sprawl on the couch, drink a beer and do fuck-all… Tricky one…

Either that, or if I did have the energy, I’d just go to gym, klap some cardio and weights and leave feeling like I’d actually had a solid workout.

The Kinect games I’ve been playing require just enough effort to be tiresome when you’re not in the mood, but when you are in the mood, playing them doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re getting stronger or fitter in any way, which kinda begs the question, what market are they aiming for here?

The ‘casual gamer’ was a term that started getting some mainstream coverage when the Wii first landed, because that’s who Nintendo defined their target market as. In other words, regular folk who don’t game until their eyes bleed but wouldn’t mind a spot of Wii tennis with some friends if their picnic / social badminton league got cancelled.

Nintendo got it right because Wiis were priced lower that Xboxes or PS3s and so casual gamers thought ‘Why not? Sounds like a lark!’

But would they do the same for an Xbox / Kinect system that’s priced R2 700 more than a Wii? (According to www.take2.co.za where a new Wii is R1 599 and a new Xbox with 250Gb hard drive and Kinect sensor is R4 299)

Yeah, don’t hold your breath on that one. If you’re going to fork out that kind of money for a console, you’re probably a serious gamer and no serious gamer is going to jump around like a fairy playing Kinect games when there’s the promise of serious violence, bloodshed and murder to be had in games like Gears Of War or Call Of Duty.

Sure, it represents a major break-through in controller-less gaming, but what was so bad about controllers anyway? It’s a noble effort to get gamers off the couch and doing something healthy for a change, but let’s be honest – those fat bastards aren’t going anywhere.

Oh, and one last thing. Remember when I said that the Kinect takes pictures of you while you game? Yeah, well good luck getting your hands on them! I tried to track mine down so I could post a few to liven up this review, but was told by the kind folks that lent me the Xbox to review that the only way to do that was by connecting your Xbox to the internet and visiting https://kinectshare.com/.

I asked if I could connect using a 3G card and was told that you can, but you have to plug your Xbox into your PC via an Ethernet cable, configure a whole bunch of settings, plug your 3G modem into the PC, connect the normal way and then test the connection on the Xbox.

Obviously none of this worked, but I used my brain to figure out the glitches and an hour later actually got the Xbox to connect via the 3G modem plugged into my laptop.

Then I had to wait for another 30 mins while the Xbox downloaded 100MB of updates, after which I went through the whole mission of setting up an Xbox Live account and FINALLY when that was done, I was ready to get the pics off https://kinectshare.com/ using the… Xbox… internet… um…?

Great. So what the fuck am I looking for here? Internet Explorer? How exactly do I get to the site https://kinectshare.com/ using an Xbox? I asked Google and it told me to download some kind of fucking third party browser that only works if your machine’s been chipped which was a fat lot of fucking good.

Some other forum I read said you can use the Windows Media Centre feature on the Xbox to browse the internet, so I tried that too and 30 minutes later, after jumping through God-knows-how-many hoops to get my Xbox talking to my PC so I could configure the media centre I get a fucking message that’s so awesome you can’t even take a screen grab of it (they all turned out black) that basically says:

Go fuck yourself.

It’s now nearly twelve o’clock at night. I’ve been trying to get those fucking pics of me dancing around like a poof off the Kinect for the last four hours and truth be told, I no longer give a shit.

For my last week with the Xbox, I’m begging, borrowing and stealing games from my buddies where I get to sit on the couch and KILL THINGS. I’ll leave all the girly dancing up to the girls I work with when I bring the Kinect in to work tomorrow for a ‘games evening’ we’ve arranged after work.

And this time around you bet your ass I’ll be taking the pics with my trusty N8 rather than have to rely on the imaginary ones the Kinect may or may not have been taking.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 26 May 2011 16:36:11 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 26 May 2011 16:36:28 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 26 May 2011 16:36:30 +0000

Baby Shrapnel Gets The Tiger Stamp Of Approval

slicktiger — Fri, 27 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

As a prolific South African blogger, I’m pretty much swamped on a daily basis with emails from my readers, most of which feature pics of charnas (or belters) who are MASSIVE & RIPPED because, you know, I wrote the whole ‘Klap Gym’ thing and that’s pretty much all I’m known for.

“SlickTiger? You mean the oke who wrote Klap Gym Boet? Fuck I LOVE that oke’s blog!”

“Really? You don’t say. So what’s your favourite post?”

“Klap Gym Boet!”

“Huh. And your second favourite?”

“Ektually, that’s all I’ve read hey?”

That’s all he’s read. That, the TV Guide and the fucking menu at Spur are what he considers ‘high quality literature’. Klap it boet.

So I get this email from a dude who calls himself “Josh” the other day with a YouTube link to the first episode of an animated show his mates put together called Baby Shrapnel.

So, having nothing better to do, I watched the first episode and actually found myself sniggering at some of the jokes which provoked me to dig a little deeper and man-o-man did I find some awesome, fucked up shit.

There’s an ENTIRE SEASON of this, ten episodes, and it’s basically the crappest show I’ve ever seen, but fuck me it’s funny.

The overriding impression I get from the show is that creators Hugh Upsher and Graeme Barnes couldn’t really care less if anyone actually likes / relates to / watches the show and the result is a collection of some of the most random content I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching.

Most of the show is a badly animated dude sitting on a couch with a sock puppet on his hand making random observations about everything from car guards to hipster beards to plasters for black people, sandwiched between hilarious rip offs of the ads we love to hate and badly animated skits that are flush with toilet humour (yes, that just happened) and more atrocious animation.

Here’s episode 9 to give you an idea of what the show’s like. I’d highly recommend checking out more here if you like it.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoQ3Dykx598&w=659&h=371&hd=1]

Have a killer weekend party people. I’ll catch you crazy kids on Monday

-ST

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slicktiger — Sun, 29 May 2011 22:31:27 +0000

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slicktiger — Sun, 29 May 2011 22:32:25 +0000

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slicktiger — Sun, 29 May 2011 22:33:18 +0000

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slicktiger — Sun, 29 May 2011 22:34:00 +0000

The Tiger’s Top 5 Music Cardinal Sins

slicktiger — Sun, 29 May 2011 22:34:04 +0000

Let me kick this one off by admitting that yes, I’m a music snob. I’ve been one since I was about 11 or 12 years old and the older I get the worse it becomes. I am fully aware and comfortable with that fact, it’s never going to change because I’m never going to try and change it and here’s why.

I judge people openly when it comes to music because it’s such a powerful force in my life that it’s like a fucking religion to me. Forget heaven or hell or Jesus or Krishna or Brahman or Satan or God or Santa and the Tooth Fairy. They may or may not exist and I couldn’t really care one way or the other because in music I’ve found a higher power that accepts me for who I am whether I’m wretched and seeped in sin or rolling holy and righteous without a goddamn care in the world.

To say it puzzles me when I meet people that are completely indifferent to music would be a gigantic understatement. I’ll never say it openly because I learned back when I was a kid that no one likes having someone else's opinion rammed up their butt, but when I meet people that say or do one of the following things my estimation of them immediately plummets to the same level I reserve for people who’s biological parents are blood relatives.

THING NO.1 – We’ve just met, I ask you what music you’re into and you shrug and reply, “Oh, I dunno, anything really…”

It baffles me how many people say this, especially girls. There are a number of reasons people say this about music, namely:

They don’t want to say something you might think sounds stupid so they’re going to sit on the fence on this one and hope for the best. Get off the fence. Admit to your love of Norwegian Folk Metal, fly that flag brother! I’d rather hear ANYTHING than the sentence in bold underlining above.
They’re drawing a total blank. This happens, just breathe and try to calm down a little, I’m not going to bite your head off if you say you’re into someone I think is shit. You can listen to whatever the hell you want… except Nickleback.
They honestly don’t give a rat’s ass what’s playing. They will listen to commercial radio stations like 5FM every day of their lives from the minute they wake up until the minute they arrive back home after work and not even notice when the same song gets repeated 6 times in as many hours. I mean fuck’s sake! I don’t even listen to the songs I like six times a day because by day two I’d be bored to tears of it. These people cannot be saved. Their favourite movie of all time is Mr Bones. Just… give up.

THING NO.2 – People who describe music that is even slightly down-tempo or sad as “slit-your-wrists music”

I can’t tell you how much this infuriates me. People who expect music to have the same effect as Prozac are, nine times out of ten, terminally boring human beings.

A perfect example of this actually happened to me recently when I was copying some music over to a friend’s laptop who is totally clueless about music (some gems while I was copying the stuff over were “Foo Fighters? What do they sing?” and “Oh Green Day, I like them! Can you give me the first album, the one with American Idiot on it…”).

Her friend, the music expert, was sitting with us, advising her what to copy and what not to copy when we came across Ben Harper.

“Ben Harper?” she said, “Who’s he?”

“He’s a bit like Jack Johnson,” I replied, “they actually tour together quite a lot.”

“Yeah, but it’s real ‘slit-your-wrists music’”, the expert chirped in.

“It is, but unfortunately all my ‘High School Musical’ stuff is on my other drive, sorry,” I replied in my head.

Walk away son, walk away.

THING NO.3 – People who pull you aside to play you a song that sounds like utter crap and then ask you what you think about it

Bonus points if they give you their greasy earplugs to put in your ear and double bonus points if they know what you’re into and are deliberately playing you something they know you’ll hate in some misguided effort to try and reprogram your musical taste.

For these people, music is an argument that they must win at all costs. If you do not like the music they do, they will make you like it or they will die trying.

Despite what you might think, while I am a music snob, I am not one of these people. You listen to whatever the hell you want to listen to, I’m totally fine with that. Just don’t make me listen to it, respect the fact that our tastes are different and let’s both just carry on with our lives shall we?

THING NO.4 – People who only buy “Best Of” or compilation albums

Why the fucking fuck would you ever want to buy a compilation album, ever? So you can hear the same old songs that artist has had playing on the radio for the last God-knows-how-many years all over again?

Here’s a crazy question: What if you actually stepped WAY out on a limb and bought the album that one or two of those songs appeared on? And here’s another wild thought: What if you found that your favourite track wasn’t actually one of the ones that gets played on the radio all the time?

Why, that song would become “your” song in a way that the one that everyone knows and loves never could. It would have a special meaning to you and who knows? Maybe one day you’ll meet someone else who also fucking loves that song and you’ll instantly share a connection that is actually meaningful.

You know what my favourite Beatles song is? I’ll give you a clue, it’s not “Hey Jude”, it’s not “Yellow Submarine” and it’s sure as shit not “Yesterday”.

It’s “Rocky Raccoon” because it’s a story about a guy who’s lady runs off with a total jerk so he goes to kill the guy and ends up getting shot by the dude instead. Then this drunk doctor fixes him up and he just kinda carries on with his life.

Poetry I tells ya!

THING NO.5 – Playlist Trolls

They lurk in corners at parties and wait until no one’s looking so they can hijack the playlist and make it their bitch.

They won’t relinquish power, take requests or play anything that has any merit whatsoever.

Expect Vanilla Ice. Expect Abba. Expect “Bohemian Rhapsody” at full volume. Expect Mr fucking Jones. Expect Rod Stewart. And just when you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, expect “Barbie Girl” or fucking Whigfield being blasted at you until your skull implodes.

What’s worse is they’ll play the same kak song three times, occasionally back-to-back just so you can get an intimate insight into what their hellishly mediocre lives must be like.

If you’re a person who is guilty of any of the sins listed above, there is good news. I’m offering free lobotomies all week to help you overcome these terrible afflictions, just hit me on tellthetiger@gmail.com and Uncle Slick will make everything better or your money back!

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 30 May 2011 19:53:56 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 30 May 2011 19:54:14 +0000

Brotips – words to live by

slicktiger — Tue, 31 May 2011 06:30:00 +0000

People who follow me on Twitter might have been a little confused a few weeks back when I randomly started sprouting profound wisdom in the form of “Brotips”.

When I discovered this website I felt pretty much exactly like Moses must have when he came stumbling down the mountain with those gigantic stone slabs of rules and stuff that God gave him.

I have all the answers guys and no, this isn’t like the time that guy gave me that pamphlet by the robot, this shit is flippin legit!

Brotips is basically a goldmine of advice about life that is funny, poignant, and bizarrely profound without being lame or shit in any way.

Brotips range from the relatively obscure (“someone has to eat the last slice of pizza. be rad enough to deserve it, but bro enough to turn it down”) to bastardised quotes from famous people (“’anyone who has never fucked up never tried to do something rad’ – Albert Brostein”) to badass relationship advice (“getting angry at people because they won’t date you gives them another reason not to date you”).

There’s really nothing that Brotips doesn’t cover and it’s growing by the minute. Every day brings at least another 5 new Brotips so even though the site was launched in April (from what I can tell) there are already 650 tips up there.

Be one of the first to tell your Bros about the site and remember, “being a real bro to someone means you aren’t afraid to smack some sense into them if necessary”.

THEM’S fightin’ words

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 31 May 2011 21:40:07 +0000

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The Ivo Vegter Solution to Our Country’s drug problem

slicktiger — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

I was fresh out of varsity when I met Ivo Vegter in the infamous courtyard that was at the centre of ITWeb’s old offices in Rivonia and though I was at least 5 or 6 beers in, I remember it well.

Ivo was engaged in a passionate debate with someone (I forget who, but you can bet your ass they were probably losing) about how environmentalists are full of shit and I was listening with rapt attention.

See, Ivo is a fascinating person. He has an intellect that is so staggering that is it a truly epic experience listening to the man argue a point. Plus he has a powerful command of the English language and a vocabulary that is so brobdingnagian he is probably one of the few people who knows what that word even means.

Ivo currently writes for ITWeb, Brainstorm, Car Magazine and one of my favourite sources of news, The Daily Maverick which, in my opinion, is one of the few bastions of legitimate, quality journalism South Africa has left.

Ivo fearlessly bangs out a column for The Daily Maverick every Tuesday that covers such a broad variety of topics it’s hard to believe the pieces that get published all come from the same person.

I take great pleasure in reading Ivo’s work not only because he’s great at taking the most controversial and often least popular standpoints on sensitive subjects, but his writing is so damn well researched, backed up with legitimate facts and figures and unapologetically honest that it often leaves me grinning from ear to ear because holy shit, the man can argue a point.

His most recent column really caught my attention though because it deals with the controversial topic of the merits of legalising drugs and not just the softer variety, but EVERYTHING.

It’s an extreme viewpoint and one that, at the time of writing this, has already inspired a number of comments on his piece, many in favour of the legalisation of drugs.

On the surface, Ivo has a solid argument, but it fails to address some very important issues which is why, for once, I’m not sure I entirely agree with him.

Ivo argues that “the criminalisation of drugs is often the cause of drug-related crime, rather than it’s solution” and suggests that instead of threatening people with violence and prison for being involved in any way in the manufacturing, distribution or consumption of “illegal substances”, drugs should be fully legalised and more effort should rather be spent on educating people about the dangers of drugs to discourage first time use.

His argument is also based on the premise that if someone wants to do drugs, they will find a way to fulfil that need no matter how hard law enforcement tries to stop them. Prisons, as one of his commenters points out, are rife with drugs and ironically a lot of prisoners come out of prison more addicted to drugs than they were when they went in.

So fine, in theory his argument is sound – legalise drugs so that they can be better regulated, remove the social stigma associated with taking them and educate people as much as possible so that they know and understand the inherent risks involved in taking drugs.

If people do decide to go off the deep end, invest time and effort in rehabilitating them properly instead of casting them out of society and writing them off as junkies.

There’s one thing his argument fails to address though, and that’s teenage kids.

Presumably if you made drugs legal, you’d have to impose some kind of age restriction on them or you’d run the risk of having curious seven year olds getting loaded on blow. So let’s say, for argument’s sake, that drugs were illegal for kids under the age of 18, like alcohol is.

Ivo’s argument is that you’ll get the kids who are naturally curious or naughty and want to experiment and those who don’t, whether drugs are legal or not, and I agree.

BUT, if drugs are legal, it makes it that much easier for kids to experiment with substances that can instantly fuck them up for life than it would be otherwise.

I was curious as a kid, I wanted to experiment with stuff I wasn’t supposed to be experimenting with, so at 12 years old, me and a friend I got shit-faced on his dad’s supply of Two Dogs Alcoholic Lemonade whilst on holiday one night after the folks had gone to bed.

Had we been educated about the dangers of alcohol? Yes. Did we know what we were doing was dangerous to our health and could lead to addiction? Yes. Did we give a rat’s ass about any of that? Hell no.

Of course the next morning we woke up feeling like ass, our parents shat us out from a dizzy height and, our curiosity satisfied, we carried on with our teenage lives and are now gainfully employed, contributing members of society.

Let’s, for argument’s sake, replace the godawful sludge we drank that night with 2 grams of pure, uncut cocaine and think for a second about how that scenario might have played out.

Our risk of getting instantly hooked would have been a thousand times higher, our little binge would have most likely have cause lasting damage to our brains and I can almost guarantee you that from that moment on, we would have both spent the rest of our lives chasing that first immaculate high no matter what the cost.

Sure, maybe we are an example of those kids, the ones who would have experimented no matter what, but the frightening thing is that nearly everyone I know experimented with alcohol before the age of 16 in some form or other because it is so readily available, who’s to say they wouldn’t do the same with class A drugs?

The sad fact is that everyone I’ve ever met who experimented with class A drugs under the age of 16 end up developing such a hopeless addiction that by their mid-twenties all they live to do is get high and by their thirties, they are completely burned out and unable to function in any way that could vaguely be described as ‘normal’.

All the education in the world can’t stop teenage rebelliousness. As it stands, thanks to the criminalisation of drugs (as backward as it might be) far fewer young teenagers are experimenting with them than there would be if they were made 100% legal.

There’s definitely a middle ground that Ivo touches on in his argument when it comes to the policing and education behind drugs and drug use but to legalise them all outright would be to open up a can of worms that would eat through the fabric of society faster than an addict could vacuum an eight-ball.

-ST

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slicktiger — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 20:25:19 +0000

In the forests of Chernobyl…

slicktiger — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

I watched this Vice Magazine DVD awhile back where the writers went to all these really horrible and fucked up places basically so that they could show the world how bad these places really are so you’d never have to visit them yourself.

“The Vice Guide To Travel” I think it was called.

Anyway, one of the places they visited was Chernobyl where they walked around with a device that measures the radioactivity of the area around you and in most places it wasn’t actually that bad, but then they got a whole bunch of guns and struck out for these woods where the radiation levels are dangerously high to go hunt fucking mutant animals.

Apparently they exist. These animals that somehow survived but are really badly radiated and as a consequence give birth to offspring with hideous birth defects. Mutants basically, but not the cool X-Men kind with rad superpowers, more like the real life kind that haunt your nightmares.

Of course, the Vice crew never finds anything and they just write the whole experience off as a dumb idea and go back to their normal lives.

It didn’t stop me wondering what was in that forest though, slouching through the snow and dead trees. Something that was never meant to exist, some creature twisted and bent, it’s genetics rotten to the core, doomed to live a year or two at most, its natural instincts and intelligence warped into something that was never, ever meant to be.

Something… like this…

Intense.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 21:48:39 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 21:51:32 +0000

100s Club – It’s AWN!

slicktiger — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

This weekend we man the fuck up.

We don’t sit around wrapped up in our adorable little scarves with our ironic T-shirts, skinny jeans and quaint hats, fuck no! We don’t listen to arty-farty indie folk bands and smoke our medium shag rolleys whilst talking about some obscure bistro we found that serves the best aubergine pate we’ve EVER tasted, fuck no! This weekend we batten down the fucking hatches with a case of quarts, that’s right, QUARTS motherfuckers, and we grow a pair of fucking huge, hairy, ugly BALLS! So get some dirty overalls, break out the Motörhead and prepare yourselves. We’re joining the 100s club

The Rules 1. You drink one shot of beer every minute for 100 consecutive minutes 2. If you pee, it’s game over 3. If you vom, it’s game over It’s genius in it’s simplicity, but getting this one right ain’t as easy as it sounds. Listen up, the following information will make or break your 100s club attempt, trust me, I’ve done this twice and the first attempt WAS NOT pretty.

Preparation A little advice before we begin from your Tiger pal:

Hit the liquor store. A shot is 30mls so 30mls x 100 minutes = 3000mls = 3litres. That’s right, you’re going to drink 3 litres of beer in just under two hours. Imagine inserting a beer drip directly into your arm and letting it drip continuously into your blood stream for 100 minutes because that’s pretty much EXACTLY what 100s Club is like
A quart is 750mls so 4 and you’re all set, but definitely get 5 to compensate for spillage
Also, stock up on as many plastic shot glasses as possible while you’re there, I’d recommend at least 20 per person, I’ll tell you why later
Give yourself about 40 mins before you start to wring your bladder dry and DO NOT drink anything. Depending on your constitution you should be able to handle the 100 shots without chundering, but you’ll probably need to piss so bad you’ll end up tying a knot in your dick to try and relieve the strain on your internal organs
Get a tray, lay all the shot glasses out and start filling them up before you start. This will save your fucking life. The flatter the beer the less chance you’ll end up like me the first time I tried this. I got the 100 shots down in 100 minutes but the second the last one was down I sprinted to the bathroom and puked foam. I’ve never felt so bloated in my entire goddamn life! My stomach had turned into a gigantic, badly poured 3 litre draft because the buddy I did it with and I only had two shot glasses, don’t make that mistake
Appoint a referee, someone to keep time who can put up with you at your very drunkest and won’t be tempted to get hammered themselves. Without one, by the time you’re 50 shots in the game will have already degenerated into a beer-fuelled nightmare of “Whassa fuckin’ TIME man?! Aren’t we supposto havanother shot now?” and “I don’ mean thisina fucking GAY way oranything man, but I love you dude, ok?” No. Not okay. A referee is non-negotiable
Don’t make any fucking plans. You do not want to be seen in public once your 100 minutes are up because trust me, it will get messy and if you even CONSIDER getting behind a wheel, I will track you down and beat you so hard you’ll be shitting teeth for a WEEK

That, gentlemen, is the mission this weekend. I’m going to tell you straight up that I won’t be joining you on this one because for one I’m too fucking poor to splurge out on anything that isn’t crucial to my basic survival and for two, after getting my 100s club wings twice, I think I have sclerosis. Good luck out there. And if you do decide to attempt it, be sure to take as many pics as possible to prove it and send them to Uncle Slick. You’ll instantly get an honourable mention on the site and all the goddamn glory you can handle. Make me proud you sick basterds. Make me proud -ST

I finally Know What’s Missing From My Life

slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

I’ll admit to sometimes feeling a little unfulfilled in my life, there’s no shame in that. I think it’s only human nature to feel like there’s something missing from your life from time to time, even if you’re loaded to the gills with money, have the funnest job in the world, date five supermodels and have a mansion on every continent with another few stashed away on tropical islands just for good measure.

But how awesome is it when you finally figure it all out, that thing that was missing from your life, and can actually put a plan in place to get that thing, whatever it may be.

What’s missing from my life is a GIANT FUCKING SWORD THAT WILL CUT THROUGH ANYTHING and I’m pretty confident that, after watching this clip, you’ll agree (sorry the quality is total crap, I tried to embed directly from the Tosh.0 site but it didn’t work).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofMnvrMRpjM&w=653&h=367&hd=1]

What really sold me on this weapon of mass destruction was the part where he slices through the watercooler. As one of only two men in an office of about 27 women it has become my duty to change the watercooler which I was totally fine with for the first few months.

But goddamn! girls drink a lot of water! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Have you never heard of the health benefits of coffee, soft drinks or alcohol stashed conveniently under your desk?! Why all the water all the time? I change that water cooler once a day, EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

How rad would it be if I just marched into the office one day with that bad boy strapped across my back, calmly explained that from this minute onward there would be no more watercooler in the office and then spun around and chopped that fucker clean in half.

That’s some ninja shit right there. I’m pretty sure no one in the office would mess with me ever again and I’d get an instant promotion on the spot.

Provided the handle stayed on that is…

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:31:13 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:33:06 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:33:42 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:34:55 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:34:57 +0000

Steri Stumpie And Slicky-T, BFFs For Life

slicktiger — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 06:00:00 +0000

It’s hard not to love Steri Stumpie because it’s a brand that, without even trying, has organically grown a considerable cult following.

To my knowledge, the Flavour Nation ads that were recently on radio were the first radio ads Steri has run in about 20 years and I’m pretty sure they’ve done nothing on TV, and yet the brand has a cult following of fans that are so dedicated that they actively feed the Facebook page and blog site with user-generated content that they make for no reason other than to show their unwavering love of this kooky South African brand.

The Brothers Streep went so far as to not only write a Steri Stumpie song, but shoot an entire video and contrary to popular belief, they weren’t paid by Steri to do this, they just really, really like Steri Stumpie.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfuVlg-iIhs&w=665&h=374&hd=1]

Steri has been on our shelves since 1976, how crazy is that?! It’s as South African as biltong and babotie and is not only available in enough flavours to appease even the most discerning of flavoured milk connoisseurs, but it’s also one of the best hangover cure’s money can buy (or so I’m told…).

So I was super stoked when the Steri fairy dropped by today and hooked me up with the SICKEST hoodie you’ve ever seen. They said they’d read my stray cat recipe post and felt so bad for me they immediately despatched their Steri-raptors to help a brother out during the cold winter months.

That’s the other thing I love about this brand, they’re great at targeting influencers and adorers with radass Steri drop packs that have a whole bunch of Steri merch you can’t buy in stores so you can show it off to your friends and be all like “ne-ner-ne-ner-neee-neeerrrr” I’m special and you’re not.

I also love Steri because I once drove past one of their delivery vans and on the side it said “Hoot if you’re a fan” so I let out a playful toot on my horn and the Steri van replied with a hilarious little counter-toot that had J-Rab and I in hysterics for a solid 10 minutes.

Thanks for the hoodie and the good times Steri! You guys get the Tiger stamp of approval

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 20:07:01 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 20:21:39 +0000

Treefiddy Review: Seether – Holding Onto Strings Better Left To Fray

slicktiger — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

The Down Lizzo:

After over a decade of hard slog, touring, growing their fanbase and writing and performing great post-grunge / metal anthems, the most successful South African rock band to ever leave our shores and kill it in the States has finally released a follow up to their epic 2007 album Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces and it’s godawful.

Seether’s material has always walked the fine line between legitimate post-grunge and wanky hero-rock and unfortunately this time around Seether have strayed a little far into the commercial cesspool that bands like Nickleback, Daughtry and Creed float in.

Sick Tracks:

The first time around “Country Song” is ok if not a little familiar. As for the rest of it, I can hardly distinguish one song from the rest to tell you what they’re actually like, but the words “plain as mud” come to mind.

The worst tracks are by far “Here And Now” which sounds like it should be on the Spiderman soundtrack and “Tonight”, which sounds like a really, really bad version of “Rise Above This”.

The vocal melodies, chord and strong structures and production are as predictable as the plot in a Hollywood rom com and twice as nauseating.

And don’t even get me started on the lyrics (“Save me / Even as you break me / Every time you rape me / Leave me coming all undone” – snore).

They’re so loaded with hollow sentiment and radio rock clichés it’s goddamn cringeworthy.

The only thing noteworthy about this album is how poignantly honest it’s title is.

Should You Give A Shit?

Fuck no. Let’s all just pretend that this album never happened and focus instead on the musical gems that this band has produced up to this vacuous point in their career.

Although, to be fair, if you like Daughtry and co. you’ll probably dig this album. You’ll also probably dig drinking beer through funnels, 4x4s and Rohypnol but hey, who am I to judge.

Here’s “Here And Now” to drive home my point. Enjoy.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/03_-_here_and_now_-_holding_on_to_strings_better_left_to_fray.mp3]

Final Verdict: 3/10

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slicktiger — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 20:42:52 +0000

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slicktiger — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 20:58:41 +0000

SlickTiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week3)

slicktiger — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

After the lambasting I gave the Xbox Kinect system in my last review (read all about it here) I thought it only fair to give it another shot and try not to be such a judgemental prick about it just because I was finding it near impossible to get the pics the Kinect had taken off the bladdy thing.

The good news is I finally figured out how to do it, the bad news is I spent about 30 mins painstakingly uploading at least 15 hilarious photos the Kinect Adventures game had taken of us (One. By. One), but when I hit kinectshare.com to get the pics there were only 3 (?).

So yeah. Here they are.

There were much. much better ones of people of all races jumping, ducking and generally making complete asses out of themselves I could have used but it’s too late now.

See, I’ve been connecting to X-Box Live using a 3G card which is a bit of a mission so to go back and do it all again (I’ve already assumed the SlickTiger horizontal blogging-in-bed position) is just plain not gonna happen.

For those of you wanting to connect using a 3G card, here’s how:

1. Get an ETHERNET CABLE
2. Connect the Xbox to your PC using the ETHERNET CABLE
3. Turn the Xbox on
4. Put your 3G modem into your laptop
5. Go to Control Panel and dig around for “View Network Connections”
6. Right-click on your 3G connection and check out “Properties”
7. In “Properties” click the “Sharing” tab
8. Tick the box that reads “Allow other network users to connect through this computer’s Internet connection
9. In the drop down menu under that option select “LAN Connection”
10. Connect to the internet like you normally would with your 3G modem
11. Dig around for “Network Settings” in the menu on your Xbox
12. Select “Test Connection” (I’m not actually at the Xbox so you’ll have to figure this part out yourself, but just make sure the Xbox is set to automatically detect the IP address and all that stuffs)
13. Hey presto! The Xbox should automatically configure all the settings it needs and badda bing badda bang you should connect to Xbox Live

Now you see why I’m not getting up to go and try get better pics of us making tits of ourselves. AFTER that you still need to fire up the game itself (in this case, Kinect Adventures) go to “Showoff and Share”, select your pics and upload them to kinectshare.com.

Then you have to visit kinectshare.com to download or share them with Facebook. Easy as pie if you have the patience of a monk and an hour to kill.

In fairness, the whole process would have been a LOT easier if I just had a fixed ADSL line into our flat, but I’m so dirt broke I’m eating stray cats these days. “Installing an ADSL line” is right below “selling a kidney” on my to do list at the moment.

Anyway, after some careful thought I figured out why I got bored with the Kinect system so quickly and it has to do with the games.

Once you’ve played them once the only challenge left is to try and beat your personal bests and because of this they start to feel a little repetitive after awhile.

They’re brilliant fun if you have people over and make awesome party games but I’d be really interested to see how they use the Kinect in games that actually change and evolve as you play them, like the new Harry Potter game for example.

My final verdict is I think the Kinect has HUGE potential as a gaming system that game developers haven’t even begun to unlock yet. Keep in mind that the first generation of games that were released for the Kinect were developed in roughly 6 months to be ready for its launch.

Given a bit more time I think we’ll see some killer titles coming out for the Kinect that will immerse gamers in a way they couldn’t even dream of right now.

If you’ve got a little money to burn and are looking for an awesome way to have some fun with your mates that doesn’t involve pure cane spirit, midgets, inhuman amounts of mescaline, phallic vegetables and a nervous ferret, the Xbox Kinect system is totally worth it.

-ST

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slicktiger — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 19:43:49 +0000

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slicktiger — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 19:47:19 +0000

The Friday Metal Band Name Challenge – PART II

slicktiger — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Due to the all round awesomeness of the last Friday Metal Band Name Challenge and the fact that @JustinMGrove is a total badass and found me MORE fucking ridiculous metal band names, I proudly present to you:

THE FRIDAY METAL BAND NAME

CHALLENGE – PART II

Alright, alright, calm down. Don’t lose your shit just because I boosted the font size and made it red, I need you to sit up and FOCUS here.

This is no fucking around! These are some of the evilest, darkest, never-been-laid-in-their-LIVES metal bands known to man and to illustrate this point they have not only chosen band names that are fucking retarded, but have chosen to write them in fonts that make your brain swell just reading them.

So let’s get to it shall we? May I present to you: Contestant Number 1

Alright, I think we can handle this one, we’re definitely looking at a “Bor” on the one side and a “agar” on the other, possibly a “Bork” actually, now that I look at it.

What’s happening in the middle is anyone’s guess though. Could be nothing, which makes “Borkagar”, could be an “n” which makes “Borknagar” or it’s an “h” which spells “Borkhagar”.

I’m going for “Borkhagar” on this because, as anyone who’s in a metal band will tell you, Vikings are totally badass, and the most badass of those badasses was fucking HAGAR MAN! RRAARARARGRAHRGAHGRHGHG!

Onto Contestant No. 2, feast your eyeballs on THIS badboy:

Huh, ok. Getting a little more tricky as we go along. I can totally see what these guys are going for though – there’s nothing that screams “we’re a METAL BAND!” more than blood, guts and gore.

Just look at GWAR (which someone once told me stands for “God What A Racket”), how badass were they!

Ahh, that was dumb. Now you can’t see the word unless you scroll up. FAIL.

Anyway, too late now. Scrolling up I think I can make out a “B” and an “A”, possibly two “Z”s another “A” and an “N”?

“Bazzan” would be my best guess on this one, you guys?

And lastly, let’s jump right into our final contestant for the day. Check this bad mother out:

Is anyone else out there totally BLOWN AWAY by how much fucking time these guys must have on their hands? A font like that doesn’t just come around every day. You cant just open up Word, select “Font Of Satan” and bang there it is, hells no!

You need to sit for hour after painstaking hour to come up with a font like that, tinkering away tirelessly, reading and re-reading it to make SURE no one can fucking read it.

Great job guys, you’ve really smashed it out the fucking park this time around.

It’s like playing “Where’s Wally” with letters. I can see an “L”, a “B” (?) and definitely an “E” near the top, pretty sure there’s a sneaky “of” in the middle there (axe-head for the top of the “F”, genius) and on the bottom I can see a “U”, an “N”, an “A”, an “L” a “U” and an “E”?

Oh wait, is that a “B” at the top there? Pretty sure that’s a “B”…

So what does that make, “Lube of Unalue”?

Hahahahahah! That’s the BEST band name I’ve ever heard in my life.

And with that I’m opening this one up to the floor. Civilian, you were great at this last time, care to step in and translate for us?

Have a killer weekend guys and take care of your bad selves

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 05:28:27 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 05:29:20 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 05:29:46 +0000

Game Of Thrones – 3 Reasons Why You Need To Watch This Show

slicktiger — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 05:29:52 +0000

I got wind of this series from one of my colleagues recently called Game Of Thrones which he’d read about online but hadn’t had a chance to watch yet because he was waiting for a moment when his wife was busy with something else so he could watch it.

This immediately told me two things, 1) It was probably awesome (girls, with the exception of J-Rab, generally can’t handle shit that’s awesome, it cuts into their Gossip Girl time) and 2) I needed to get my filthy hands on it as soon as humanly possible.

So I dutifully trawled the interwebs for the first seven episodes and started watching them last week and while it’s not the most life-changing series I’ve ever watched (I’ve never managed to top The Wire, you HAVE TO watch that show if you haven’t already, it will blow you the fuck away) it is pretty cool for the following reasons:

1. It’s All Medieval And Shit

Ok, ok, I know how dorky that last sentence reads and yes, at first it is a little dorky what with all the “mi’ lords” and “mi’ ladies” and the olde English that everyone speaks all the time. It’s set in the mythical land of the Seven Kingdoms Of Westeros and is based on a fantasy novel series written by George R. R. Martin called A Song Of Ice And Fire that comprises four books so far with a fifth landing next month.

So yeah, it’s all namby-pamby olde English and prancing around and banquets and shit until they get to the SLAYING! Then it’s all about fucking hacking the living shit out of one another, getting lanced in the neck, stabbed with daggers in the eye, getting dragged behind horses and skewering one another with every imaginable pointy weapon known to man!

So for all its gay period drama-ness it has a lot of scenes of gratuitous violence as well – brilliant!

2. The Bad Guys Are Fucking Terrifying

This is probably the MAIN reason I’m watching the series right now. In the opening scene you see these things in the woods that have slain a whole bunch of people, hacked them up and arranged their body parts to form some weird kind of symbol in the snow.

You catch fleeting glimpses of them and then BAM! Scene’s over, and you’re left thinking what the fuck just happened?! So you watch the first episode to find out, but do they tell you? No sir. They do not tell you. Nor do they tell you in the second, or third or fourth episode and by then you’re totally drawn into what’s going on in the story itself.

It’s a great plot device and they use it really effectively. All you get are little hints dropped here and there by some of the characters, just enough to know that whatever it was you saw in the beginning is bad fucking news and it’s coming…

It’s coming…

3. Breasts, breasts and more breasts

Full, pert medieval breasts. Natural breasts, before they were pumped full of silicone. And sex, plenty of sex in pretty much every episode, just enough to counter-balance the violence and keep things steamy.

I’m an unashamed admirer of the naked female form and clearly so are the people that made this show so there’s another reason why I don’t feel like a total geek recommending this series to people.

It’s got nice boobs.

So there you have it. Of course Game Of Thrones also has a pretty killer plotline, some great twists and turns in the story, highly likeable (and more importantly dislikeable) characters and some very accomplished acting but yeah, it’s the violence, bad guys and boobs that sold me

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 04:42:52 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 04:54:47 +0000

This Is The Four Hundredth And First Post On This Site

slicktiger — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 04:54:51 +0000

And man, what a ride it’s been

Sadly I missed the fact that yesterday’s post was number 400, I knew I was fast approaching that milestone, I’ve gotten into a solid routine these past few months of posting every weekday at 8.30 and the numbers have been adding up fast.

It’s a great thing this junkyard site, the greatest project I ever embarked on and though it’s still very much in it’s infancy, it’s clocking up between 400 and 500 hits a day on average and continues to grow, slowly, like a troop of mushrooms pushing up through the asphalt of the information super highway.

I get nostalgic at moments like these because I never thought these fightin’ words would ever reach so many people in such a short space of time and that they’d keep coming back for more.

That’s the greatest thing about blogging. You can cook up the weirdest fucking post, you can go way, way out there on a limb and bang out the craziest shit you can think up and someone out there will read that piece of sheer insanity and not only like it, but understand exactly where you’re coming from.

I am constantly surprised by the comments people write on this site and how fucking cool they are, it’s a daily reminder that there are good people out there despite what a lot of people would have you believe.

It’s for those people that I stay up until the early hours or wake up while the world’s still dark and like some kind of mad scientist, cook up a fresh batch of fightin’ words to serve to them, piping hot and full of fury.

I’d like to always be here, fighting the good fight, even when I’m old and worn out, reliving the glory days when we were young and bursting with fresh ideas and ways to change the world and when I die, I want this site to exist until the end of time, floating around in the ether of cyberspace like some great and rusted old spaceship.

And somewhere in the bowels of that gigantic, belligerent tetanus-shot-waiting-to-happen, this song will echo through the empty spaces long since abandoned by the friends that used to gather there and shoot the breeze.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/12_-_exitlude_-_sams_town.mp3]

Four hundred and one posts in and life’s just begun.

Ain’t that wonder

-ST

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slicktiger — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:47:37 +0000

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Treefiddy Review: Arctic Monkeys – Suck It And See

slicktiger — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Is this going to be an unbiased, objective review based on irrefutable, well-researched facts? Fuck, no! I love the goddamn Arctic Monkeys!

But if it’s any consolation, I know every album this band has ever recorded like the village drunk knows the sidewalk outside his favourite tavern so I can at least assess their latest offering having done my homework

The Down Lizzo:

Arctic Monkeys made a name for themselves by perfecting the art of writing gigantic, energetic hooks and hammering them home effortlessly.

Then came Humbug, one of the first albums I ever reviewed on this site and with it, a complete departure from the sound they had carved out for themselves in their first two albums.

They enlisted Josh Homme from Queens Of The Stone Age to produce Humbug and with his help their sound changed almost completely from infectious indie to dark, moody desert rock and God knows! I fucking love desert rock

Did they like the direction Homme guided them in? As dark and compelling as it was, were they happy with Humbug?

Give Suck It And See a listen and it’s pretty damn obvious that the answer to those questions is undoubtedly “yes”.

Sick Tracks

The first time around “Brick By Brick” with its simple chord structure, dirty guitar licks and harmonious chorous is a winner, but after repeated listens the lyrics and Turner’s vocal lines get a little weak.

“I wanna steal your soul / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll” are definitely not his best lines which is a pity because it’s a great song otherwise.

“All My Own Stunts” on the other hand, though it’s strikingly similar to “Potion Approaching” off Humbug is a great track. It has a cowboy twang to its chorous and a bassline that moves insidiously beneath the surface lending the song a powerful menace that Turner’s vocals compliment perfectly.

“Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair” is the most powerful desert rock anthem on the album, a great and wasted track that comes on like a bad peyote trip and peaks like the cleanest MDMA you ever tasted.

There is more, much more. This album has a lot of meat to it, plenty to sink your teeth into and it gets better with every listen.

Should You Give A Shit?

Give a shit my friends, give more than a shit. Give two shits because while I have yet to decide if this is their best album to date (Humbug will always have a soft spot for me) it’s a spectacular effort from a band that I have the utmost respect for.

Here’s “All My Own Stunts” to play us out. Take it away boys.

[audio http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/07_-_all_my_own_stunts_-_suck_it_and_see.mp3]

Final Verdict: 8/10

The Damage

slicktiger — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 01:26:36 +0000

It’s nearly half past three in the morning as I write this on the 16th of June, Youth Day, J-Rab’s birthday.

It was a night that started out like many others have, with some vague plans to meet up and have a couple drinks with some friends, the few that we have in Cape Town, and see where the night might take us from there.

As is often the case with my life whenever crazy shit goes down, it was Captain Albatross that sparked everything off. I was sitting at work, the sky completely clouded over and black as the pit from pole to pole when he called, cackling down the phone like the maniac he is.

I love that man. He’s family. But God knows he’s out of his fucking mind.

At first I thought it might be a full moon. They call them ‘lunatics’ for a reason, people like the Captain. But it was much worse than that. An eclipse supposedly happened tonight but none of us saw it.

We were too busy ordering drinks. Drink after drink after drink. Spirits. They call them that because when you swallow them something else starts to take over, something that isn’t you, and if you push it far enough you black out completely and for those murky hours to follow you change, and every bad thing inside you comes out.

By the time we met up with the Captain, it was already too late. He was two hours into his own private party and literally settled his tab moments after we arrived and left.

Deus absconditus. Loaded the dice and left the game.

Barbarian joined us at that exact moment and the feeling was good. The three of us, J-Rab him and I drank a drink or two. We talked a gigantic load of shit, we laughed and we drank more.

Me, I had a good buzz going. I kept it tapping along. That overwhelming need to drink myself out of myself was far, far away. It has been for some time. I must be getting old.

I was just enjoying the company of the people around me, listening to them get louder, smiling politely.

Fast forward to three hours later and all around me there was damage.

It was just people falling over other people, falling over other people. It was just shouting and spitting. It was just drinks tipping over and smashing to pieces on the floor, while cigarette smoke hung like a shroud of death above us all.

I wished I was more drunk but I was glad that I wasn’t. I’m the only person who’s going to remember what happened, but I was fine with that.

Until I got into the car to drive the three blocks between there and home and I started to think.

The people I choose to give a shit about, they are damaged, all of them. They have been bludgeoned by chance more than once and sometimes I feel like I have to squint to see them beneath all the scars.

It kills me, it really does, how ill equipped we to deal with this life. How innocent and pure we are at the beginning and what happens to us after that.

It’s a fucking hard life for us all, but instead of accepting that fact and trying to make it easier for one another we deny it and try to pretend that our lives are so much better than the next person’s and we are so much happier, so much more successful, so much more fulfilled.

We care so much about what other people think that we fail to see that they’re just as fucked up as we are.

We damage ourselves, we damage the people around us and we are damaged by them in return.

I saw that damage tonight, ugly as it was, and wished I could have done something to have prevented it or fixed it in some way, but I can’t.

None of us can. It’s just life. And tomorrow we’ll all wake up nursing aching heads and tongues dry as sawdust and we’ll just carry on with our lives, brush our teeth and pretend everything is fine and nothing ever happened.

Life is easier with the blinkers on.

If you’re lucky enough to afford that luxury.

-ST

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slicktiger — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 04:40:37 +0000

Mike Scott Is A Genius

slicktiger — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 04:40:40 +0000

All I’m doing today is posting a Goldfish video.

Yeah, yeah, I know this kind of commercial, mainstream, dancey-pop isn’t what I usually go for but Goldfish is definitely one of the better SA bands out there and one of the few whose music I can listen to without wanting to take a baseball bat to my stereo (if I listened to commercial radio I’d probably hate them though, I hear they get played to DEATH on pretty much a daily basis).

But enough of that. The reason I’m writing this is because Mike Scott is a genius.

I went to prep school and varsity with the dude and even when he was a kid, he used to draw the sickest, funniest cartoons.

I’ve still got an A4 piece of paper somewhere with some of his early scribblings… wonder if it’ll be worth anything one day (should probably dig it out and frame it or something. Even back then you can see it’s Mike, he started developing his big-lips, crazy-eyes style from very early on).

The story I remember reading somewhere was that back in 2009 Mike just went ahead and animated a music video for Goldfish and sent it through to the band and the guys fucking loved it and now they use him to do all their videos.

I used to read his cartoon “Bru & Boegie” every day and I loved the shit out of it, even the completely random ones he did that looked like they literally took about 2 mins to draw. Some of it was hysterically funny and some of it was downright tortured and some of it just made total sense to me in the way it made no sense to me.

He stopped for a long time and moved onto bigger things, like the video below which is fucking melting faces all over the world with its undeniable awesomeness.

Enjoy!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-tNUur2YoU&w=655&h=369&hd=1]

Check Mike’s site out here for more of his work. He’s a busy, busy guy but he’s doing what he loves and making a HUGE name for himself.

Keep on keepin’ on Mike and maybe one day those scribbles of “The Buttheads” you did back in prep school that I still have kicking around somewhere will put my kids through college

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 04:08:24 +0000

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Baba Indaba Attempts World Record, The Tiger Throws Up In His Mouth A Little

slicktiger — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 04:09:33 +0000

We don’t have a TV so it’s been awhile since I’ve been exposed to the wonder that is South African television advertising and I’m a little sad about that.

I love SA TV ads because (with one or two exceptions) they are really, really, really terrible and almost always leave me staring in utter disbelief at the screen or canning myself at how goddamn retarded people are.

But on Saturday night I watched an ad so unbelievably unbelievable that the second it was over I jumped off the couch and shouted, “Did you just see that?! Tell me you just saw that!?” at J-Rab who nodded mutely, on the verge of lapsing into full-blown catatonia.

The ad was for the upcoming Baba Indaba where they are going to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the most number of moms breast-feeding at the same time under one roof.

Call me an insensitive, immature asshole but MY GOD! How DISGUSTING is that?!

Thousands of pregnant women of all ages, sizes, creeds and colours whipping their swollen mammaries out at the same time while their young suckle at them hungrily like the little parasites they are.

Jayzuz, even writing about it is making me feel ill.

Also, how the hell do you POLICE something like that? I mean the previous world record was set in the Philippines where no less than 3 541 woman “breasted” at the same time!

Three and a half thousand! You’d need a team of literally hundreds of officials walking around making sure the moms weren’t faking it to verify that shit.

How humiliating for the moms, it’s like “Sorry ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to lift that blanket.”

“What? What blanket? This blanket?”

“Yes, that blanket.”

“Why, there’s nothing to see under here, just junior having his lunch, that’s all…”

“The rules state I have to actually see the breast in his mouth while he swallows ma’am, otherwise you’re disqualified.”

I’m sorry, I know this is a sensitive topic and everything and sure, it’s all for a good cause, I get that, but still, bleaugh!

And the funniest part of it is they show this visual in the ad that’s basically identical to the one below:

“Yummm”, seriously? Who are they trying to sell this to?!

What mother is so stupid that she doesn’t know babies like breastfeeding?

“The baby’s saying ‘Yummm’! I get it! It’s saying ‘Yummm’ because it likes milk! Wow, I’m going to try that RIGHT AWAY!”

Also, think about this – when women breastfeed, oxytocin and prolactin, hormones that relax them and make them feel more nurturing toward their little grubs, are released.

So, if all goes according to plan, at Baba Indaba there will be over three and a half thousand women having the lactate furiously suckled from them at the same time while an ocean of feel-good hormones go racing through their brains, creating a gigantic rush of pure mammalian euphoria that will ripple through Nasrec like a wave of MDMA through a trance fest dance floor.

Huh. Come to think of it, that sounds pretty awesome. Wonder if they’ll fly me up there and swing me free tickets after this awesome post I’ve given them…

-ST

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slicktiger — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:31:18 +0000

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slicktiger — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:31:30 +0000

SlickTiger Industries presents: Awesome Work Time-Wasters!

slicktiger — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Think about how much shit we can DO in one day thanks to the advent of the internet, emails and direct messaging communication.

I mean holy shit, what took our grandparents two weeks to do (ie. writing, posting and receiving a letter) we can now hammer out in literally 3 minutes and we don’t even have to use VOWELS mthrfkkr!

But where’s the goddamn upside I ask you with tears in my eyes? All that time that we’re saving ourselves, we just fill it with more work, what a load!

Well, I say it’s high time we stick it to the man and take back what is rightfully ours! From now on every time I find an awesome work time-waster I’m posting the link up on this site and filing it in the new category I’ve created on the right called “Awesome Work Time-Wasters”.

Hold my hand. Let’s goof off for awhile. Starting with this little gem I found the other day called “Solipskier”.

Hit this link and make sure no one’s walking behind you as you jam this fucking intense stickman / skiing game and try to break my all time high score of 1,173,996 (see below for proof).

And feel free to submit your favourite time wasters as well (tellthetiger@gmail.com) and let’s see how quickly we can all get fired!

-ST

6. DNA

slicktiger — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:20:53 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:25:50 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:26:06 +0000

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slicktiger — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:26:18 +0000

Treefiddy Review: The Kills – Blood Pressures

slicktiger — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 06:30:00 +0000

Ok, so I’m a little late with this one (the album officially launched in April) and for awhile I wasn’t going to write a review because once an album is older than a month it’s old news to cool kids like us, but I’m making an exception this time around.

Which is the long way around of saying this album is fucking awesome.

The Down Lizzo:

Alison Mosshart pissed me off when I heard her sing in the Jack White-lead supergroup The Dead Weather because it felt like she was faking it. Her vocal style and stage persona seemed contrived, something between Marla Singer and PJ Harvey, and it never sat right with me.

Then I stumbled on The Kills latest album Blood Pressures and literally one minute into the first track I found myself grinning from ear because of how dark and cool Mosshart sounded. Like butter wouldn’t melt on her tongue, like she was everything sexy and dangerous in this world, like she could kill you with a look or break you with a smile.

The Kills is her band, her little broody-beautiful world that she shares with guitarist Jamie Hince and there’s something about the fuzz and the mud and the malevolence and the majesty of it all that haunted me and continues to haunt me with every listen.

Sick Tracks:

Pick one. Go ahead. Close your eyes, wave your finger around and literally let it fall where it may and whatever plays will be awesome.

“You Don’t Own The Road” saunters like a drunk cowboy waving his six shooter with the safety off, “DNA” stalks purposefully through the woods at dusk, picking its way through an undergrowth of drumsticks clattering against drumsticks whilst wading through a quagmire of swampy basslines.

“Baby Says” has the melancholy of a Cowboy Junkies track, a lilting melody to keep you company in the hollow hours before sunrise, a song that echoes back to better times.

But “Future Starts Slow” is still my favourite. Stark, defiant, sexy, it has a drum track that plays like a striptease and one of the simplest, most powerful riffs I’ve heard in a good long while.

Should You Give A Shit:

I loved this album, but what the hell do I know? I got a dark streak a mile wide that this album really speaks to but that doesn’t mean you’ll love it anywhere near as much as I do.

If nothing else, it’s a great example of how simple, stylised riffs (played with truckloads of badass fuzzy effects) layered with amazingly complex drums and sultry, provocative vocals can seduce you to the point of infatuation.

If you want to know what the music playing in the jungles of my Tiger-mind sounds like, get your hands on this album and if you’re anything like me, pretty soon it’ll be playing through the jungles of your mind too.

Here’s “DNA” to sink your fangs into.

[audio: http://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/6-dna.mp3]

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST