Friends Wanted: Cape Town

A month ago, my chick and me moved to Cape Town coz of a job she got offered, even though a lot of my mates back in Joeys warned us not to.

‘All they ever do down there,’ my mates warned, ‘is smoke dagga and not much else. Also, the people are clicky and won’t be your friend unless you’re rich.’

Of course, I thought my mates were just pulling my leg and having a good lag at their chommie making the big move down to the Cape, but as it turns out, they were right about one thing.

Flip, okes down here smoke a lot of dagga.



And also, I dunno if it’s coz they get parries or something, but my mates were also right about another thing, it’s flippin’ clicky down here and nobody wants to talk to you.

I’ve introduced myself with a big friendly smile and a firm handshake to every oke I’ve met down here, and not one of them has wanted to be my friend.

Now, because we have no one to chill with, my girlfriend and I drink TWICE as much brandy and coke as we used to and often she carries on about how we have no friends now and I have to klap her to get her to just bladdy shuddup.

And so, I’d like to use this website as a way of making some new mates down here in The Cape, some real okes who I can be chommies with and who have girlfriends that can help mine in the kitchen when we braai.

To attract the right kind of mates, I’ve made a list of me and my girlfriend’s hobbies, which includes:

  • Braais
  • Fighting
  • Gym
  • Watching the game at the pub
  • Drinking
  • Fighting
  • H2O (the doof doof party, not the stuff in bottles)
  • Jetskis
  • Fighting

So if there are any okes and chicks in The Cape who enjoy similar hobbies and wanna be mates with me and my girlfriend, please leave your details in the comments section below.

Also, if you could please be rich and good-looking, that will help us a lot, cause we’re rich and good-looking too. Here’s a picture of us as proof:



I look forward to hearing back from you ous soon!



13 Responses to “Friends Wanted: Cape Town”

  1. 1 Andre Wilkinson
    April 6, 2010 at 10:14 am


    I have been trying to reach you since you have moved to my pretty town…
    Drop me an email, we make plans to do shit!


  2. 2 stickman
    April 6, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    CT can be a clicky place indeed. But that’s just ’cause we’re better than everyone.

    Okay, I jest. Maybe it IS the zol?

    If I weren’t thawing out here in the Scandinavian spring, I’d arrange for a mutual gym sesh (with the buggers… x!obviously) followed by a stop at the local jetski shop. If you oaks are feeling up to it, we could even hit the Wonderland arcade at N1 City. Man, that place bangs!

    This is just judging by your photo though. I’d certainly be interested in meeting your lady friend. (Why hello there, Miss…)

  3. 4 Jonno
    April 6, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Shame charna, I thought you went in search of Penis Cupcakes.

    Okay, I jest, however: when you heard about how amazingly great a flat topped hill was, you should’ve known those okes are smoked. When they made outlandish claims about how awesome their puddle of cold water was, you should’ve known those okes are smoked. And finally if all the world’s penis cupcake lovers live there, that my friend should’ve been the definitive sign that those okes all smoke the pole.

    On a side note, don’t knock the dance dance revolution, there are 3 billion f@ckers out there who kill at that game.

    • April 6, 2010 at 6:16 pm

      Hahahaha! Ja, you flippin nailed it. Those okes were rooked stukkend! All I want is some chommies who are into doof doof music, klapping gym and riding jetskis, is that too much to ask?!

      As for DDR, it was the prototype for every Guitar Hero / Rockband / DJ Hero / younameit kinda game out there and as such, I respect it highly. I’m just bleak coz I can’t dance to save my flippin life 🙁 But gimme 10 brandy and cokes and I dance so good, the ENTIRE dancefloor clears out and films me for YouTube.


  4. 8 Mark
    April 7, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    How about riding a jet ski fitted with 20 inch sub woofers whilst doing some dumb bell curls. If yes, let’s jam!

  5. April 8, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Lived in the Kaap for 7 years and I still never got into the clique. Joeys m8 best place to find charnas, chommies and okes to klap the gym boet

  6. 10 Toffee Boy
    April 9, 2010 at 9:05 am

    Slick, you never gonna make charna’s down in the Cape boet.
    Okes in the Cape are the offspring of the okes who failed the physical for the great trek.
    They’re like the outcasts of the school so they become zol smoking clicky recluses.

    Your mates did warn you though.

  7. 11 John
    May 31, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    You must be going to the wrong gym boet

  8. 12 Matt
    October 7, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    Haaizit Oke!

    I have only recently started reading your blog, flip I’ve only just started reading blogs at all and I really don’t have to repeat what you’ve been told over and over again, but screw it! You my chap, are a flipping freaking funny (check what I did there, alliteration, shot matric English teacher!) guy!
    So, I’ve been reading and going through your older stuff and stumbled (‘cos I often trip on the internet) on this particular post. Must say, you hit the nail on the pip! I also moved down to CT from happy Jo’burg land, where I would spend most of my time meeting AWESOME people at Zoo Lake Bowls Club and other places not quite as conveniently priced. Capesters are not heavily into being friendly at 1st, I have noticed and it has taken over a year to start building up a ‘crew’ of adoring followers (most of which are ex-Jo’burganites themselves).
    Anyway, shot for letting me know I am not alone on these thoughts! If you’re still looking for some mates, try Forresters Arms in Newlands (A.K.A Forries) if you haven’t already! Might even meet you there someday and I’ll pawn my wrist-watch and buy you a beer for the grins and giggles you’ve provided!

    • October 7, 2010 at 3:32 pm

      Always good to meet a fellow ex-Joburgian – Matt, thanks for flippin’ KLAPPING a seriously schweet comment there ma boych. With you 100% on the Zoo Lake Bowls Club and their convenient pricing, last time I was in that shithole fine establishment, R80 had me crawling home.

      Thanks for the comment and stop by any time, crazy fuckers like you are the reason I wrote this site into being in the first place 😉


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