Archive for the 'Klapping It' Category


Why Crossfit Is For Flippin CHOPHEADS

Crossfit FAILLook, I don’t need to tell you guys, you ous are on the same waveslength as yuour pel Slicky-T, but crossfit is for serious flippin CHOPHEADS I mean come off it man, what the hell is WRONG with these ous?!

There’s only one way to train and that’s by klapping MONSTER weights, chowing enough protein to make your kidneys flippin EXPLODE and injecting FATAL DOSES of roids boet!

All this flippin squat, pull-up, flippin moff crossfit stuffs is for ous who don’t have the flippin’ BALLS to eat weights, put there bodies on the line EVERYDAY and have FULL-ON heart attacks by the time they reach their mid-40s.

So ja. These videos gave me a lag. Flippin chopheads…



So who wants so klap a bit of crossfit?!

Hey? Ja. Exactly.



Okes Who Like To Klap It #23: Flippin’ BUFF Laaities!

article-2639745-1E37327500000578-599_634x476Ma charnas and belters it’s been a helluva long flippin time. And during that time your Tiger pel has seen a lotta KLAP GYM type of CHOPHEADS come onto the interwebs and try be like the Tiger, but you ous know.

There is only ONE TIGER in the jungle, the original charna, the GODFATHER of KLAPPING IT and he’s name is SLICKY-T. The other dooses will come and go, but THIS DOOS is here to stay.

Now that thats sorted, I feel like it’s my duty to share something with you ous that I never knowed was even humanly possibly. Laaities – irrhitating little shitheads who run around breaking all your stuff and kakking there pant right? WRONG!

What I’m about to show you will make your eyeballs flippin BURST OUTTA YOUR HEAD and your BRAINS EXPLODE ALL OVER THE PLACE. Somewhere out there in the world there are two laaities who have achieved the ULTIMATE in KLAPPING WEIGHTS, GETTING BUFF and LOOKING TIT and their, like, flippin HALF OUR AGE!

Check these buff charnas out, yirre. KLAPPING IT! (Shout out to MAXINE THE GYM-KLAPPING MACHINE for sending these to her Tiger pel)






So that’s how these laaities chill, just eating weights for breakfast lunch and supper, smashing them in their face with their FLIPPIN ADORABLE BLUE SLIPPERS ON.

But just wait. It gets better. Even though these little monsters are’nt even 10 flippin years old, they have still learned how to go into full-on BEAST MODE.

Are you sitting down? SIT DOWN! That’s better.

Ok, now check THIS:




Now THAT’S how you raise a laaitie. None of this Teletubbies, Bren 10, Hana Fontanas bullshit. WEIGHTS, PROTEIN and DANGEROUS ANABOLIC STEROIDS EVERY DAY are the way to raise a rage-filled, murderous little PSYCHOPATH.

Well done Romania. Flippin WELL DONE BOET.

Slicky-T out.



Team Tiger Saves Balls

DDR5We did it okes. Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas got together for a good cause and ran for our balls at the DAREdevil Run 2013. To all the ous who joined Team Tiger, you charnas are LEGENDS!

In fact, to all the ous who ran the DAREdevil Run in Cape Town, you are the BUFFEST ous in the land. To go out their in a red speedo and run up and down Seapoint promenade getting wolve whistles takes BALLS.

I must say though, the actual RUNNING part was a flippin’ weird sensation for me. After 10 minutes it was like a ou was pouring flippin BATTERY ACID into my legs, yirre!

But anyway, I finished and had a jol whilse raising awareness for cancer and saving my balls and the balls of others. Here are some pics of me and the BUFF ous from TEAM TIGER:






Big shout out to the event organisers for actually taking a stand for a serious cause instead of just growing a flippin pervert traffic cop moustache on your lip because you’ve always wondered what you’d look like as a pervert traffic cop.

Keep on klapping it okes!

Until next time.



Today’s The Day We Run For Our Balls, Boet

DaredevilsIn history, ous remember the heroes. They remember the 300 charnas with lekker six packs and red cloaks kicking other ous down a hole because they don’t know that that was SPARTA.

They remember that GLADIATOR oke what told ous to unleash hell and then MOERED THE KAK out of any charna dumb enough to try his flippin luck.

And they remember that Titanic oke, what got Kate Winslet (BELTER) to show us all her boobs when he painted her like one of his French Binnets and then froze to death in the flippin sea because he was a gentleman and wanted her to float on the door by herself.

And then they remember ous like us who, having never trained legs in like, TEN YEARS, put on tiny red speedos and ran for our balls (and the balls of others).



Today is the DAREdevil Run 2013 where me and a entire TEAM of the BUFFEST CHARNAS IN THE LAND are going to fight our own battle, a battle against the terrible disease of CANCER.

Our weapons in this fight are going to be AWARENESS, ENCOURAGING TESTING and of course our flippin HUGE GUNS.

So if you’re sitting around today and don’t have plans at 3.30 this afternoon – come to the Hamilton’s Sports Club in Seapoint and either take part in the run (actually better if you ous come at 2.30 if you wanna run, so you can get parking and kak) or just support if you dig seeing lank okes basically naked in speedos, some of which are MASSIVE AND RIPPED (the okes, not the speedos).

Because I’m like, still not actually sure of exactly who all the BUFF CHARNAS in Team Tiger are except for my main man Big Daddy Savage, I’ll just be handing out TIGER BUFFS to BUFF TIGERS who will then get to start the race first with me – KLAPPING IT!

So see you ous there!



Still Time To Be A Buff Charna For Your Balls

Daredevil 1_0Hazit ous! First order of business is first, the original button I put in the last post about joining Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas had a problem in that their were typos in the tweet it made and kak.

It also sent a tweet that didn’t copy ME, Slicky-T in it so if you joined the team (I can see FOUR okes has clicked the button so far) just write your name in the comments below. Shot my bruddahs!

If you HAVEN’T joined Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas to run around in a lekker red speedo looking tit on Friday for the DAREdevil Run 2013, then here is youre chance!

I don’t think I have to explain to you ous again how important a charna’s balls is to him. His prostrate too. By running the DAREdevil Run 2013 with your pal Slicky-T, you are showing ous YES, I care about my balls and the balls of others!



Okes, this is not just some excuse to run up and down Seapoint Promenade getting wolve whistles from all the BELTERS watching, no. This is a proper way of combattling the serious sickness of cancer by making ous more aware of it and raising money for it.

I must say, there is of course the fear for me that despite being the most popular charna on the interwebs, the grandaddy of KLAP himself, that only like 5 ous are gonna join Team Tiger if I’m lucky.

Let’s make it 50 OUS! Yirre, that would be a thing to see! 50 ous being buff together for cancer awareness, let’s make it happen okes, seriously!



All you have to do is 2 things. First register for the race (costs R100 and you get a free speedo) by clicking this underlined bit of writing.

Second, join Team Tiger by clicking this button:

Easy as that okes! So let’s all do this together now, let’s make a flippin difference. Running for Team Tiger has all kinds of benefits you can read about here, I mean please man! You’d have to be flippin DOF not to join this lekker buff team!

I hope to see you ous on Friday, where we can to this together okes.

For our balls.



Join Team Tiger And The BUFF CHARNAS And Run For Your Balls

DDDR_3_Medium_280_210_80auto_sI once rote in the SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym, Boet that in a gym situhation, a oke is NOTHING without his charnas but in a LIFE situhation, a oke is NOTHING without his balls.

A oke’s balls contains all his POWER. Think about it, what is in balls? SPERM, boet! And what is in sperm? PROTEIN, boet! And what does protein make? MUSCLES, boet!

So what does a oke need to seriously klap it on a other level? BALLS, CHARNA! It’s time to catch a flippin WAKE UP, you gotta look after your balls and THAT’S why you’re gonna join Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas and run for your balls in a red speedo.

That’s right ma boychays – the DAREdevil Run 2013 is happening again in Cape Town not this Friday, but next (8th Nov) and I’m entering a team of buff charnas who care about their balls and the balls of others to run with me along Seapoint Promenade in red speedos in the middle of the afternoon.



Because I know some of you are a bit dof, here’s 8 good reasons to join Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas:

1. You get a BUFF!

In flippin TIGERSTRIPES! That you can keep for LIFE and that will always show other okes that you are a BUFF CHARNA who runned to raise BALL AWARENESS.

2. You start at the front of the race!

That’s right, you heard me. Team Tiger okes get the VIP treatment and start the race right at the front, how flippin BUFF is that?!

3. You get to look TIT in a red speedo in public!

Think about all those weights you’ve been klapping, now it’s the time to show ous some RESULTS boet! The BELTERS love a oke in a budgy-smuggler who is MASSIVE AND RIPPED with a schweet tan running down the road. Take your muscles for a lekker jog ma boych, nothing wrong.

5. You never have to train legs again FOR A YEAR!


Look, I’m not big on training legs. My legs workout is EVERY DAY when they carry my MASSIVE UPPER BODY around the place. But ja. Okes say legs training is important or some kak.

At just under 5kms, the DAREdevil Run is the perfect length for a buff gym charna like yourself to finish without his heart exploding while still getting a schweet leg workout.

5. You could be saving not just your balls, but your LIFE

A lot of ous around the world lose their balls or worse because of cancer or they get cancer of the prostrate because they never check themselfs because they still think that you must let a ou slip a digit up your poephol to check if everything’s ok up there.

I’m here to tell you ous that this is 2013 charna. Ous have invented flying cars and flippin robots from the future that look like Arnold Schwartezeneggra, you seriously think you still need to let some ou in a rubber glove fiddle with your naught? Boedie, this isn’t Bronx on a Saturday night.

No, just a tiny finger prick for a drop of blood will tell you if you must worry or not and just doing that once a year can save your balls AND your life.



Those are my reasons okes, so now that you’re read them and want to join Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas, this is what you must do.

Are you listening closely? Flip man, CONCENTRATE oke, I’m only going to repeat this once.

Ok. Here’s what you do.

STEP ONE = REGISTER FOR THE RACE BY CLICKING THESE WORDS (it costs R100 including your flippin TIT red speedo).


Got that? That button just up there, click it and you will automatically be part of Team Tiger And The Buff Charnas.

How flippin’ easy was that?!?



On the other hand, if you aren’t a Twitterer, just write YOUR NAME in the comments to join Team Tiger. Just YOUR NAME boet. If you get stuck, check in your wallet, I usually find that helps. Or call your mom, she’ll know.

Closer to raceday I’ll tell you BUFF OUS where to meet to get your schweet TIGER BUFFS.

In the meantime register, join Team Tiger and let’s be BUFF CHARNAS who care about their balls and the balls of others together.




Okes Who Like To Klap It #22: TOOTHSTA YO YO YO!

9368_492347934167522_1313669089_nOkes, lemme tell you that I flippin flippin flippin LOVE the interwebs. Just when you think you’ve seen every kind of MASSIVE AND RIPPED charna, the interwebs shows you another MASSIVER AND MORE RIPPED CHARNA!

The oke I’m about to interduce you to is KLAPPING IT on a level that I never knowed possible. I think you know already the ou I’m talking about, none other than the flippin SHREDDED MACHINE, TOOTHSTA!

I learned of this flippin BOYCHAY through a ou who twittered me a link to the Toothsta Vleisbook page and I was like, “Schweet. Whatever. A buff charna. Whatever. I make shits bigger than this ou.”

But then I took a deeper look and what I saw were an oke who inbodied the guide what I wrote about KLAPPING GYM in every flippin way!

You ous remember that one hey? Remember the point about your charnas and how you are NOTHING in a gym situation, or even a life situation, without your charnas? Flip oke, you don’t need to tell Toothsta kak like that, check out him and his mates:







Another thing from the guide that this ou knows all about is how to klap so much protein and supplerments that his protein baffs can literally kill a ou from 20 paces.

You want to tell this charna about nutritional foods to klap for breakfast? Are you flippin joking?!

Check out this ou’s breakfast – OFF. THE. CHAIN.



So ja, I saw that and were lank impressed, but then I saw the ou’s flippin LUNCH and I nearly BAILED off my flippin’ CHAIR!



I knowed there were something missing from my flippin gym diet of 3 whey protein shake, Jack 3D, crehatine, 6 tins of tuna a day, 10 egg whites, two bags of biltong (500g), 10 chicken breasts, 2 steakes for supper and dangerous ANABOLIC STEROIDS IN MY ARSE for desert – it was actual flippin’ ROCKS!

I’ve just inboxed Toothsta to find out what kind of rocks those are, I’ll post a follow up to let you ous know and find out if you have to buy them from a shop or if you can just steal them off a mountain or some kak like that.

The other thing about this ou that I seriously admire are his indepth knowlege about BELTERS and how flippin USELESS AND LAZY they are.



I mean if that isn’t KLAPPING THE NAIL ON THE HEAD then I dunno what flippin is! Fucking hippos, I mean honestly boet…

So anyway, if you’re seriously into KLAPPING IT, LOOKING TIT and becoming a SHREDDED MACHINE then here are a link to this ou’s Facebook page, click it, like this ou and thank me later.

Oh and also, by the way, did you know this ou are going to be in the SA version of Jersey Shores?

Check THIS shit out, yo yo yo!



I rest my case. If you not KLAPPING IT, you ‘MIRIN BOET!

Toothsta, you my flippin HERO you LEGEND! Please don’t forget to inbox me back and let me know about those rocks, ok boet?




Okes WHo LIke To Klap It #21: 80s Fighting Mullet CHarna

80s mullet manIt’s a flippin’ FACT OF LIFE that sooner or later in any klap gym boychay’s life another ou is gonna check out your BUFF TAN, your TIGHT “TAP OUT” VEST your magical POWERBALANCE bracelt and decide to cause kak.

Luckilly in such a instance, your naturally uncontrollable ROID RAGE will give you a edge over your opponant, BUT it’s also lank important to know the right way to flippin MOER the ou stukkend.

That’s where the legend ou that is 80s Fighting Mullet Charna comes into the picture. This ou will choon you straight about the advantages of moering ous with a “heads-butt” and using the “no more viscious tool” than the elbow.

Watch this flippin OFF THE CHAIN ou and take notes, there WILL be a test.



I dunno about you ous but I’m so flippin RELIEFED to know that my heads-butt will ALWAYS work on a ou whether I’m 30, 50, 80 or flippin 180! Which is how long people will live once they make us into klap gym terminator robots of the future.

Also, this ou has taught me a flippin’ BUFF way of opening a spanspek that I never knowed could serve a dual purpoze of getting breakfast ready AND learning how to MOER A OKE STUKKEND.

Don’t ever tell ous that your boychay Slicky-T doesn’t help you ous out cause I’ll come find you and heads-butt you till you eating outta a straw boet!




Okes Who Like To Klap It #20: Brett van Rooyen

Brett's HeadI tell you, time flys hey okes? Jus-laaik, I can remember back in 2010 when I first wrote the “SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet” and ous were like, “Boedie, you have written the gym BIBLE charna!”

One of those ous was a lekker charna of mine Brett van Rooyen who wrote to me and was like, “Slick, I’m a lank skinny oke what can’t pull lekker cherries. Please help me boet, I wanna be exactly like YOU!”

So of course being the good oke that I am I was like, “Brett my boedie, don’t SQUEEZE A SALTIE, lemme come pick you up, I’ll take you vest shopping, then we can grab schweet spray tans, smash lekker dangerous anabolic steroids into our butts and KLAP SOME GYM, BOET!”

It weren’t easy in the beginning, I’m not gonna lie. I mean, Brett was big into his cardio as the picture of him below shows:



In the beginning he was like, “Slick, I’ll NEVER be like you, all MASSIVE AND RIPPED in the interwebs, writing like a proper gym boychay and making ous lag, you are the ORIGINAL interwebs CHARNA! No oke can EVER beat that!”

But I chooned ol’ Brett straight, I was like, “Brett boedie, one thing you must unnerstand about the interwebs is that you can flippin go NUTS stealing another oke’s shit, copying EVERYTHING that another oke does and getting lank famous for it. Stealing other oke’s kak is what the interwebs was INVENTED FOR boet, are you dof or something?!”

And so with my help and enough roids to kill a elephant, Brett started KLAPPING IT on a whole other level and three years later, THIS is how FLIPPIN’ TIT the ou looks:



The next thing Brett knew, he was banging TWO BLONDE BELTERS at the same time, every night! He was my greatest cre-hation and jassie the ou made me proud.

I’ve never knowed a oke to take so many shots in the bum, I mean JUS-LAAIK! Just when I used to think “One more shot and this oke’s arse will be so sore he won’t be able to walk straight” Brett would be like, “C’mon Slicky! Another shot boet! I scheme I can handle it charna!”

After that, there was only one thing to do to be completely like me and that was write like a doos on the interwebs. At first Brett was like, “Slick, I really wanna write for that kak funny site ‘Hayibo’ boet, do you scheme they’ll schmaak me?”

But I was like, “Brett ma charn, a oke like you is too good for a kak site like that. Have you heard of The Gatsby? It’s exactly like Hayibo boedie only with a different name, you’ll fit in there lank well hey?”



And Brett, that flippin BOYCHAY, we went for his dream to be exactly like his hero Slicky-T and jassie did he KLAP THE SHIT out of that dream or what?! I mean hell, reading that ous BUFF movie reviews you could almost swear it was ol Slicky-T his self writing them.

Read this first one the ous done for a movie about miserable lesbians or some kak like that, it’s on ANOTHER LEVEL!

The oke has come so far from that moff cardio kid I met back in 2010.

Brett you legend, keep KLAPPING IT BOEDIE, I’m so proud of you charn.



SlickTiger Klaps The Most Seffrican Flight, Has The Jol Of His LIFE!

Lead imageJus-LAAIK have I just flied back form the flippin’ BUFFEST event IN THE LAND or what! How buff am I talking about here?

Boedie, I’m talking about going up to the city of ous who INVENTED klapping gym, I’m talking about staying in a flippin SIX-STAR hotel, klapping flippin buff-it PRAWNS for supper, flippin GAMBLING with a other ou’s money, getting showferred to Lanzeria airport and meeting my pel Jacque Perrow!

THEN I’m talking about KLAPPING the most Seffrican flight to ever be flied, having a lag at Kurt Schoonrad and getting lekker emotional when secret KWAAIER OUS start singing the Seffrican national song 10,000,0000km above land.

This was another level of brand event, a level where you feel flippin SWAK when it’s all over but you carry the memories inside your flippin BRAIN for all of time.

kulula were of course the BUFF OUS who made all the flippin magic happen. Jus those charnas can make a ou lag! I mean HELL, from the time I arrived at the Cape Town airport and met my first charna of the trip, Murray Turner, until the time when I arrive back in Cape Town the day later now with FIVE new pels, I was lagging for THE ENTIRE TIME!



kulula also know a BELTER from a GROT OTTER, I can tell you that much and they ONLY invited BELTERS on this trip. After I met Murray at the airport I got on the plain to the land of the GYM KLAPPERS and sitting right next to me was BELTER NO.1 of the trip, let’s just call her “The Aeroplain Shouter”.

This chick was on ANOTHER FLIPPIN LEVEL! I was like, “Jus-laaik is this real or have I died and gone to a DREAM!”

Of course, she had nothing on my klap gym BELTER girlfriend J-Rab, you can see lekker pics of her here.

But ja… as per her name, The Aeroplane Shouter’s a bit loud on plains hey? When we took off from Cape Town, the Aeroplane Shouter was having a lekker chat with me and then the aerohostess was like “Hey! You! Flippin shuppud man, I’m trying to read out the safety instructions in case of sudden LOSS OF CABIN PRESSURE, ok?”



The adventure wasn’t over their! In The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It we arrived and it was all dark and stuff already and rainy and hot and their was crazy traffic and charnas trying to crash into us and ous were like “Is this flippin MORDOR or what?!”

On the bus to Monty Casino Hotal where we stayed is where I met my second charna of the trip, Mr Cape Town who can only make a ou lag hey? Jus-LAAIK, with him and ol’ Slicky-T on the trip we had the belters and other ous flippin KAKKING THEY’RE PANT with laughter the WHOLE TIME.

Schweet thing about this Mr Cape Town ou is he’s like a flippin walking CAR BAR! We land on the other side and the ou’s like “Ive got warm Scottish beer in my bag!” and I’m like “Oke! Marry me!”



So the next thing I know we’re at the flippin larniest hotal in the land, Monty Casino, klapping BUFF-IT PRAWNS for supper and drinking Scottish beer what tastes like this fruit punch I made one time for a party but had to hide in my cupboard cause ous were drinking it on roids and klapping ous IN THE FACE and smashing they’re teeth in with chairs and kak and then I found it like a year later and was like, flip what’s that smell and so I drunk it and the next thing I remember I was naked in the street flippin RUGBY TACKLING CARS!

At that time, klapping the prawn buff-it was when I met the last two members of TEAM SLICKY-T, THE TEQUILA MONSTER and my charna Kuil from Jus’ Kickin’ It.

THE TEQUILA MONSTER was another one of the BELTERS kulula invited and FLIPPIN’ HELL! This belter from the minute she arrived until when we all were back was just like “WHO WANTS TEQUILA? LETS HAVE TEQUILA! COME HERE, DRINK THIS TEQUILA, DON’T BE A FLIPPIN MOF!”



So ja, we were the best of pels even though she made me feel like a ou had PUNCHED me in the liver the next day.

Kuil was a bit of a doos in the beginning, but then he gave us all his money to gamble with and we lost it and he was like “whatever, schweet” and I was like, “what a flippin legend!”



Also, when he rehalized I was THE SlickTiger what writed “Klapping Gym” he gave me this lekker long hug and I was like “Flip Kuil is that a banana in your pocket boet? I’m lekker hungry ou, do you mind if I have it?”

And he was like, “NO! I’m, um. Saving it for later…” Which is fine. A ou’s banana is his banana. NEVER eat that ous banana if he’s saving it for later. Unless, you know, you’ve had a bit of brannewyn en coke and ‘”Careless Whisper” is playing and the ou is passed out on the couch and stuff…



But ja. Anyway.

The next day we started early and went to Lanzeria airport where their was gumboot dancers, ous flippin JUGGLING soccer balls, photo booths and the best of all, my good buddy JACQUE PERROW rapping his songs before we all got on the most Seffrican flight.



Only the MOST Seffrican ous could go on this flight and what a collection of Seffrican ous did we see! One-legged bee-keepers from Bloemfontein, nervous Indian okes in circus clothes, the WORKS BOET!

I sat next to this lekker ou of the name of DANIEL who was all quiet in the beginning of the trip while I was klapping my padkos and schmaaking all the flippin SPACE I had around me for my PECS, BICEPS, TRICEPS, LATS, TRAPS and DELTS on kulula’s new planes which are obviously built for ous who like to KLAP IT.

Then the most hectic stuffs happened when we were reached 10,000,0000km above the land. Charnas were like, “Ok ous, let’s sing our national song” and I was like “Flip man, I can’t sing for kak, how embarassing are this going to be?” when my charna Daniel next to me suddenly stood up and started singing the national song in the voice of a angle!



There were secret flippin CHOIR NINJAS on the plane! About 10 of the ous what sang with lank EMOTION and made ous cry they felt so proud to be Seffrican and stuff.

Not me though. Everyone knows COWBOYS DON’T CRY BOET. My eyes were just watering because of the sour worms oke, jus-LAAIK…



After that I had a lekker jol with my old pel Jacque Perrow and this pic got taken of us too buff ous looking flippin TUFF!



The plain took us in a lekker big circle over some of The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It’s most beautiful attractions like Haartebeespoort Dam, Sun City and the Mine Dumps.

This was a flight like no other. Ous were all talking to the other ous, finding out more about each other, sharing there stories and having a lag. It were the only time I can remember charnas being treated like kings and queens of the land just because we were all Seffrican.

kulula are flippin LEGENDS for reminding us that no matter all the bad stuff, we can still laugh, we can still be proud that we come from this land because their is no one else in all the world like us and their never will be.




To all the kulula ous who made the trip possible, thank you for inviting us to be a part of the most Seffrican flight ever, it was a MASSIVE JOL from start to finish.

To the members of Team Slicky-T, The Aeroplane Shouter, The Tequila Monster, Kuil, Mr Cape Town and Murray thanks for putting up with all my kak for a full 24 hours, you ous deserve a prize or something.

Until next time buff ous and serious belters, keep KLAPPING IT!