Tell The Tiger (Episode 10)

It’s not every day that I get juicy, sex-related mails in from the confused masses that write to Tell The Tiger, desperately seeking my advice on how to make their lives better.

Sometimes people write in with perfectly ordinary, everyday problems that I do eventually get around to answering when all the juicy sexy ones dry up. It’s not that I’m prejudiced or anything, like a father with countless mentally unhinged children, I love all the mails that are sent into TTT equally.



It’s just that some (like the guy whose girlfriend wanted him to pee on her in bed) stir a lot more shit than others and stirring shit is what Them’s Fightin’ Words is all about. Stirring shit or shooting the shit. Anything involving shit really.

So check, check, check it out yo, here’s this week’s reciprocate of my malevolent wisdom:


Hey man, you have to help me with this one.

I read this chick’s blog every now and again and it’s funny as hell. Except, I don’t like it when she reviews stuff. How do I tell her the reviews make me all melancholy and to keep the other stuff flowing more often? I know she’s going to take it the wrong way because she’s is mad as a bat, so I want to put it to her subtly, in a way that’s not going to get her panties into a knot and come after me with a cleaver or reveal my email address to all her readers or something like that?

unfunny guy


Hmm… I don’t mean to get all paranoid here, and maybe it’s just the crack talking, but this isn’t some kind of veiled, clever-word-gamey attempt at suggesting I should write less reviews is it?



I mean, let’s examine the facts here:

  • Fact no.1 Blog is funny as hell
  • Fact no.2 “She” reviews stuff
  • Fact no.3 “She” is mad as a bat
  • Fact no.4 unfunny guy fears some kind of drastic retribution for getting on “her” bad side…

I’d say it’s a pretty close fit EXCEPT my reviews don’t make people melancholy, they just piss people off. Checkout Jason’s comment on my Pearl Jam review, or Raymond’s comment on my Deftones review. Those guys are anything but melancholy, that’s fer damn sure.

Thing you have to realise about bloggers is that we’re stuck quite far up their own arses. Take me for instance, I’m at least 2/3rds of the way up there, which is probably just a little higher than the average.

As such, we don’t take kindly to criticism of any shape or form because God forbid anyone should disagree with what we think, say or feel about basically anything.

Bottom line, she won’t write less reviews just because you suggested it. BUT if you can provide constructive criticism about how she can improve her reviews, then you’re a lot less likely to come home after a stressful day of work and find she’s boiled your pet rabbit.



Failing that, just go in there guns blazin’. Sometimes bloggers need to get knocked off their high horses, in the long run you’re probably doing her a favour – just fake your email address 😉

That’s all the time we have for this week folks, but do keep your emails comin’ to tellthetiger@gmail.com. Don’t suffer in silence. I’m here for you.

Have a killer weekend 😉


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