I’m not quite sure how else to go about this, I mean seriously, what’s the fucking dealy-o here? Is Bellville populated entirely with proctologists? Why in the name of sweet, six-pound-four-ounce baby Jesus must you guys drive right up my arsehole every fucking day? Why?! WHYTHEFUCK?!

[With the notable exception of Supa Dan, he’s a legend and he drives just fine.]
At first it was cute, I just thought maybe people in Cape Town were really friendly and were getting up close and personal to come and say hello or something.
‘Look honey,’ I used to say, ‘that man whose parents are cousins has driven up to say hallo! What a friendly chap!’