Posts Tagged ‘sa blog awards

07
Oct
10

A Text-Book “Red October” Post – WITH PUPPIES!

On the internet, repetition is king. Don’t think just because you’re a sometimes-funny fucker who got through to the finals of the SA Blog Awards and then dropped trou and showed everyone his Tiger Scants that people actually read your shit.

So to reiterate – last year, when I first started this fucking junkyard site, I posted everyday for the month of October and turned every day on the calendar you see on your right (scroll down a little… theeeeeerrreeee you go) red with posts.

This year I’m trying to do the same, but as I stated in the post I put up on the 1st, that means that some posts will be kak.

This post is kak. Make no mistake. I’m about to go taste some fine whisky at 15 On Orange so I know for a fact that I won’t be posting later tonight.

So, as a peace offering, here are cute pictures of the puppies we are currently raising. Keep a special eye out for Rocko, the fucking raddest little guy the world has ever known.

Also, send this around to all your friends, especially the girl ones, as proof that as long as you have cute animals (or porn) on your site, nobody gives a rat’s ass about what you write.

Lemon curry.

 

 

 

Ok, now I’m going to have to issue a disclaimer. What you are about to see is Rocko. He’s the coolest fucking dog ON THIS PLANET, so just take a few moments to accept that fact and prepare yourself for what you’re about to see or your head might explode with awesome.

 

 

And that. Is that.

Until tomorrow.

-ST

27
Sep
10

The Tiger Loses At SA Blog Awards, Drops Trou

What can I say guys? I failed you. I failed you all and I’m a lousy, good-for-nothing faily-failure who gets right to the finish line and then fails.

I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it…

 

 

I mean things started out well enough. J-Rab and I got all suited up and hit the One & Only for the pre-drinks at 5.30, made some pleasant chit chat with the people there and took sneaky hits off my tartan hip flask when no one was looking, on all counts it was a great start to the evening.

Oh, and did I mention that J-Rab looked smokin’ hot? You feel like the King of the world with that girl on your arm, no shit. You walk in there head held high because you know you’ve got the hottest girl in the place and nothing and nobody can fuck with that.

 

 

From the pre-drinks we were ushered downstairs where the blog awards were taking place and given fucking mind-bendingly strong tequila cocktails that went down like a freight train. Naturally I had one or two to take the edge off my nerves and then possibly another one or two because I needed something to do with my hands.

Next thing I knew we were all being asked to take our seats for the awards to begin which they did with an opening address by JP Naude that stressed a number of points to make the poor guy look better in the face of all the accusations being levelled at him that the nomination and voting procedures for this year’s awards were retarded.

Personally I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. I got to the final two in my category so I was happy.

The highlight of my evening was our Honourable Premier Lady Z’s speech she made at the awards. She’s a great public speaker and was actually really funny too which I wasn’t expecting at all.

 

 

Then came intermission during which J-Rab turned to me and in no uncertain terms said, “Babe, if you win there’s no question about it, you’ve got to go onstage and drop trou.”

“Huh. That’s a pretty crazy idea.”

“C’mon! You have to do it, this whole awards thing is so stuffy and boring. You have to drop trou if you win!”

“Lemme have a tequila and think about that…”

(3 tequilas later)

“Fuck! You’re a genius! I’m SO dropping trou when I win that fucking award! Ah man, this’s gonna be PRICELESS!”

“Atta boy!”

“I even practised in the bathroom, getting my jeans off, this is gonna be AMAZING!”

 

 

And so I marched purposefully back to my seat, really happy that I’d girded my loins with my “Tiger Scants” when I was suiting up earlier (the Tiger Scants are very sexy black undies with a growling Tiger’s face right where your junk sits).

I think there’s only one other pair of undies more badass than the Tiger Scants, but they’ve been universally banned because they killed a subway full of people with their sheer awesomnity.

I was ready. I was going to do it. I was going to unleash the Tiger and I already had four people waiting to give me a standing ovation as soon as my jeans hit the stage.

But yeah, in a profound Sad Trombone moment they didn’t read the name of SlickTiger that night, no, they read the name of Brainwavez and your poor buddy ol’ pal Slick’s hopes and dreams were shattered against the jagged, rocky shoreline of reality where he isn’t the blogging demigod he thinks he is.

He’s just a man with a clunky laptop banging out fightin’ words, a crazy man, maybe one day a great man, but not today.

 

 

From there things got a little blurry, but the anti-climax of not being able to drop trou onstage proved too much for me to bear so I spent the rest of the evening dropping my jeans at any given opportunity and “unleashing the Tiger” to large groups of unsuspecting people who reacted in much the same way they would had I unleashed a real tiger.

On that note, if anyone out there on the interwebs manages to unearth pictures of me “unleashing the Tiger” or just any pictures of me and J-Rab at the awards, I’ll reward you handsomely for your efforts by posting the pics IMMEDIATELY and writing a humorous limerick about you that you can show your friends.

Needless to say, we didn’t stick around for long after the awards. I could sense I was dangerously close to committing the kind of Tiger faux pas that gets you tarred and feathered in blogging circles. So we caught a taxi to The Fez instead and boogied on down with some of my closest and oldest friends who consoled me with drinks, pats on the back and kind words like “Fuck those fucking fuckheads man! You did good dude, you got the the top 2 IN THE COUNTRY! I mean that’s fucking impressive, that’s th – wait, are you even listening to me? Oh Christ, the tiger underpants again…”

To sum up, I’d like to quote one of my favourite novels of all time:

It eluded us then, but that’s no matter – tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further… And one fine morning –

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

This is not the end.

-ST

13
Sep
10

The Home Stretch

Wattup Party People.

It’s been pretty heavy going recently, I won’t lie. Work is boxing me in on all sides right now and I’m bleeding time like nobody’s business.

It’s weird, I’ve never felt like I’ve had such a loose grip on time before, it’s just sliding through my fingers continually and no matter how much of it I try to catch, it just spills out.

Blink once and it’s September already. Blink a second time and the year’s done. Too crazy.

Good news is that some crazy shit is in the pipeline so watch this space, things could get interesting 😉

 

 

Oh yeah, and before I go, a subtle message from the folks here at SlickTiger Industries:

 

VoteSlickVoteSlickVoteSlickVoteSlick

Yep, this is your last week to klap some votes for your buddy ‘ol pal in the 2010 SA Blog Awards. The previous post I wrote about the awards was BULLSHIT. You can vote every 24 hours for the blog you want to win, so let’s all of us KLAP this flippin’ interwebs popularity competition and VoteSlick every day for the rest of this week!

Then voting closes, I attend the awards ceremony, I win a kief prize and everyone lives happily ever after.

Here are the best reasons to vote for me:

  • This site klaps an average of 350 hits a day, 500 with a decent post and anywhere upward from 1000 for the good shit, so the stats are solid
  • I’ve gotten where I have with no advertising on the site and no sponsorships. I’ve hardly done any kind of viral marketing, the site isn’t SEO optimised or tweaked in any way to boost Google rankings or site views. I’m just too plain stupid to work ANY of that shit out
  • The content on this site is 95% original. It bears mentioning because most blog sites just act as aggregators for content they mooch off other sites. Me, I actually take the time to sit down and write all this crazy shit from scratch, irrefutable proof that I have indeed lost my mind
  • The pictures are funny
  • I got plans for the FUTURE. Plans to use this site for what it was originally intended. Secret plans that you’ll only find out if you VoteSlick EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF THIS WEEK!

I honestly wasn’t going to go the grovelling for votes route, but then I read the mail that a certain wildly popular, lifestyle-oriented SA blog site sent around last week and fell off my chair laughing.

What kind of a Tiger would I be if I didn’t give my readers a chance to fall off their chairs laughing too?

A pretty lousy Tiger I tell ya, a pretty lousy Tiger indeed…

Until next time 😉

-ST

02
Sep
10

To Everyone Who Reads This Site, Thank You

I cracked the final 10 for Best Post Of The Year in the 2010 Blog Awards guys, how fucking amazing is that?!

Klap Gym Boet is apparently a firm favourite amongst the other nominees, but taking home the award isn’t going to be easy.

If you liked the post, hit me with a vote. Then wait 24 hours and hit me with another (weird I know, but yeah, everyone can vote twice as long as 24 hours lapses between votes).

Together we can KLAP this one charnas.

I love you all more than you could ever know. C’mere. Let’s hug it out.

 

 

To the people who have supported me throughout – J-Rab, Civilian, Guitar Jon, Peggles, Stikey, The MAEN!, El Guapo, Mr C, Tara, Desrie, Stickman, Jono, Toffee Boy, Flavid, Rich Willis, and everyone else I’ve by mistake forgotten – you guys fucking rock 🙂

-ST