Archive for November 23rd, 2009


Nobody Take Today Seriously

Guys, please, for the love of god, nobody take today too seriously.

I have it on high authority that today is just fucking with us, just having a go, deliberately being facetious just to piss us all off, and so I urge you not to take today too seriously.

Here instead are things I think we should rather do today:

1. Take a long walk. Take deep breaths while you’re walking and concentrate on spending more time looking at the sky than looking at the ground. People don’t look up enough, they just look down at the ground and wonder why all their dreams keep dying.



2. Eat ice cream. When you were a kid you ate ice cream and it always made you feel better. Today you are going to eat some ice cream too, sitting on the sidewalk like you used to, and while you eat that ice cream, think about nothing except eating that ice cream.



3. Climb a tree. Trees are like huge, ancient dinosaurs. Even their bark is like rough dinosaur skin. Climb the biggest one you can find and hide in there until things get better. You’ll be surprised how quickly this happens.



4. Float. You can do this in one of two places, or if you’re feeling adventurous, do it in both of these two places: a) A swimming pool b) The bath. When you’re floating pretend you’re a piece of driftwood in a gigantic ocean and you don’t have to worry about anything except floating. If you’re outside, watch for birds while you float. They are constantly flying overhead, but nobody sees them because they never look up (see point 1.)



5. Sing. Inside everyone at all times there is a song playing whether it’s at the front of your mind or the back. Sing this song as loud as you can, completely tonelessly. Probably don’t do this at the office, but definitely do it while you’re driving home or when you’re in the shower. Actually, fuck it, do it in the office. If at least one person doesn’t smile or join in, quit your job and go work somewhere else.



6. Hug someone. When you hug someone, anyone, for long enough, things get better. Hug someone today. Warn them beforehand, explain that in a totally non-sexual way, you just need a hug, quite a long one, to feel better. It’s not weird to hug someone you hardly know, it’s a very human thing to do and you’ll probably make the person you’re hugging feel better too.



7. Remember that there’s a good chance that this is all one big joke. Many sources indicate that we are taking life far too seriously for our own good, and as such, are becoming prone to cancer and heart attacks. Take a minute to step outside of your life completely and zoom out, past the city blocks and suburbs and provinces and country borders and continents and Earth itself. Keep going until our entire solar system is just a tiny spec and ask yourself: Are all my problems still so big? Nope. And you’re suddenly not as important as you thought you were, you’re just a spec of dust, less than that, and that’s pretty cool cause as much as you might think you’re fucking shit up, you aren’t really.

And so that’s my blog post for today, Monday the 23rd of November. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and that you take it to heart and go out there and just be happy, cause yes, life is shitty sometimes, but it’s also the best thing we’ve ever known.

Buy some helium balloons. Let them go.

It’s that easy 🙂