Posts Tagged ‘the jetsons

27
Sep
12

Slicky-T Gets NAILED By The Mother Of All Comment-Spam

Spam-CanComment-spam is definitely one of the more intriguing forms of spam out there. It almost always comes in the form of grammatically horrendous flattery that has absolutely nothing to do with what you’ve posted.

I’m not even sure how it’s supposed to work. Even when I was a blogger-newbie desperate for comments I knew better than to approve that shite.

I wish I could though, because holy shit, the stuff I get sometimes is so hilariously random I know you guys would get a kick out of it. Case in point: the MOTHER of all comment-spam that hit my site last week.

I’m guessing there are comment-spam bots out there that send out spiders to search websites for certain keywords and then try to match a spam comment to the post from a gigantic database of pre-written comment-spam.

How do I know the database is gigantic? I know this because my post about Matthew Mole winning the “Get Out Of The Garage” Competition was hit by no less than 45 spam comment permutations in one go.

 

 

The first couple are pretty normal, as you will see from samples 1 through 5 below:

Hi, just wanted to tell you, I enjoyed this blog post. It was funny. Keep on posting!
Hi, I just wanted to tell you, you’re dead wrong. Your article doesn’t make any sense.
Hello, how’s it going? Just shared this post with a colleague, we had a good laugh.
Incredible points. Sound arguments. Keep up the great work.
This text is worth everyone’s attention. How can I find out more?

The next couple of comments follow a similar format, but then after that shit just starts getting plain fucking weird.

It’s like the robot who wrote the first few comments drank a shot of rubbing alcohol and banged out the following:

 

Hi to every single one, it’s truly a good for me to visit this web page, it includes helpful Information.
I am truly pleased to read this website posts which carries lots of helpful data, thanks for providing these kinds of statistics.
This video post is actually great, the noise quality and the picture quality of this tape post is genuinely amazing.
I all the time emailed this website post page to all my friends, because if like to read it then my friends will too.
Your method of explaining the whole thing in this post is in fact pleasant, every one be capable of effortlessly be aware of it, Thanks a lot.
Fine way of telling, and pleasant article to obtain facts about my presentation focus, which i am going to present in institution of higher education.

 

“Which i am going to present in institute of higher education” – whatever robot, what the hell are you doing writing this shit, aren’t you supposed to be vacuuming the lounge?

 

 

Predictably, things get even better from there when the robot downs the entire bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Hi there to every body, it’s my first go to see of this web site; this weblog consists of awesome and in fact good stuff for visitors.
Hurrah, that’s what I was exploring for, what a stuff! existing here at this blog, thanks admin of this web site.
What’s up, every time i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the break of day, for the reason that i enjoy to gain knowledge of more and more.
What’s up to every one, as I am in fact eager of reading this web site’s post to be updated regularly. It includes nice stuff.
Hi all, here every person is sharing these kinds of know-how, so it’s nice to read this website, and I used to go to see this blog daily.
Sketches are in fact pleasant source of teaching instead of content, its my familiarity, what would you say?
Hello, the whole thing is going fine here and ofcourse every one is sharing data, that’s in fact fine, keep up writing.
Hi there to every one, the contents present at this web page are actually amazing for people knowledge, well, keep up the good work fellows.
No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, thus he/she desires to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here.

And there I was, terrified at the thought of robots taking over the world, what the hell was I thinking? That shit’s going to be hilarious!

 

 

Happy Thursday folks, before you know it the weekend will be upon us and we can like to desire with great happiness for sharing alcohol in amounts vast while congratulations ourselves for incredible work fellows!

-ST

03
Feb
11

SlickTiger Rides A Segway, Doesn’t Die!

Life was good for Jimi Heselden. He came from humble origins and built a name for himself when he invented a collapsible wire mesh fabric container called Hesco bastion that was widely used in war zones to quickly and effectively erect blast walls and fortifications (thanks Wikipedia!).

In 2010 he bought Segway Inc. at which time his estimated worth was somewhere in the region of R1 947 831 890, a figure which I have painstakingly converted because I can’t find the pound button on my keyboard.

Then one day Jimi went for a lazy afternoon ride on his Segway (fitted with special off-road tyres), drove off the edge of a 24 meter cliff and died.

When I heard this, my entire conception of these quaint little machines that look like something out of The Jetsons changed immediately.

“Killing Machine” is a strong term but right now, two whiskies in, I can’t really think of a better one.

 

 

On Sunday, J-Rab gave me strict instructions not to get too hammered at the family lunch because she had a surprise for me later that afternoon and boy was I glad I listened to her (for once).

We took a drive through to Spier Wine Estate in Stellenbosch where she used to work where she let the cat out the bag that we were going on a sunset Segway tour around Spier! With special Segways fitted with off-road tyres!

Did visions of my mangled body lying at the bottom of a 24 meter cliff start flashing through my mind? No. For one, there are no 24 meter cliffs on Spier and for two I’d seen six year old kids on those things, how hard could it be?

And that’s just the thing, it wasn’t hard at all. All you have to do is hold onto the handlebars and lean, you’ve got to be a special kind of retarded to get that wrong.

 

 

Our tour guides Saul and Dan took us through the basics of driving the Segways and after about 20 minutes of riding around on an old tennis court we all had the hang of it and were ready to take the Segs off the ‘turtle’ setting and tear up the dirt roads of Spier.

To put it simply, if you ever get a chance to visit Spier and you don’t jump on the Segs to take a tour of the vineyards, you’re missing out in a huge way.

 

 

The machines are seriously fucking cool – you hardly have to move a muscle to get them up to top speed and they’re so responsive you can whip out a 360 degree turn in a circle as tight as the wheelbase is wide.

Dan and Saul are definitely onto something. With the off-road tyres fitted the Segs can handle some pretty rugged terrain and it beats the hell out of actually walking, think of all the unnecessary wear and tear you’ll be saving on your legs!

We found the perfect spot on the edge of the vineyard and got off the Segways to watch the sun set. All around us there was just acre upon acre of rolling green land framed on all sides by the mountains rising like stone giants as the shadows they cast lengthened in the fading light.

 

 

I don’t know when we’ll go back to Stellenbosch again. We don’t live there anymore so probably not for a long, long time, but as far as last memories go that afternoon riding around the vineyards is possibly the best we could have left with.

-ST

14
Oct
10

Help The TIger Find A Flat And Win!

Guys, some crazy news.

J-Rab and me are moving out of the wooden shit-shack we’re been living in for the last 8 months in Stellenbosch and are heading into the beautiful sea-side city of Cape Town itself, PRAISE JESUS HALLELULYA!

 

 

It hasn’t been easy living out here on this wine farm in Stellies. I mean, people come around to visit the place and they’re all like “Aww, it’s so cosy!” Which pisses us off no end because it’s not fucking cosy, ok?

It’s a fucking hell-hole of sleeplessness, anguish and rats. That’s right, rats. Our shed-of-a-house is infested with large, nasty, fucking smart rats who break in at night and stomp around eating our food like they own the fucking place!

Or at least they used to. Eventually the lack of sleep drove me insane(r) and I bought enough Racumin to poison an army of the fuckers. I then waited for nightfall and crept around in the dark, mumbling incoherent nonsense and giggling under my breath as I lobbed little sachets of the poison under the house and imagined the evil fuckers twitching and writhing uncontrollably while the poison ripped through their central nervous-systems like loose shrapnel.

And don’t even fucking get me started on the owls, Egyptian geese, Anatolian Shepherds, roosters, tractors and other random shit that robs us of our sleep nightly. I mean fuck’s sake, what the fuck did we do to deserve this hellish existence? What?!?!

 

 

Sure, it’s rent free. Sure living here is part of J-Rab’s job, but y’know what? They can shove this shack-of-shit, we’re done here. The commute in and out of the city centre where I work is killing me, as is the insomnia and the smell of dead, rotten rats under our floorboards.

Anyway. Enough about that.

So here’s the deal. We need a new place, a nice 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom flat somewhere central in Cape Town with a great garden (communal is fine), a killer view, parking for two cars, a nice kitchen and a robot like they have in The Jetsons to clean the dishes and wash our clothes and stuff.

 

 

If you know any friends moving out of a place that fits the bill, fire a mail off to tellthetiger@gmail.com and you could stand the chance to win an official SlickTiger Them’s Fightin’ Words T-shirt that is guaranteed to get you laid.

So don’t delay! Write in now and this amazing T-shirt could be yours! Oh, and I’ll also put up a post about how you are an exceptional human being, cooler than Jesus even.

Fair deal right? 😉

Have a killer weekend.

-ST