Californication And My Thoughts On Love

I don’t know how many of you out there watch Californication, but it’s one of my favourite TV series and has been since I watched the first episode.



I was instantly hooked because as a writer I identified with the main character Hank Moody (David Duchovny), and couldn’t help but like him because he destroys the stereotype many people have of writers as secluded introverts who sit diligently in their pyjamas every morning with a steaming cup of coffee, lovingly coaxing words out of their laptops while small birds tweet outside.

Hank Moody is a different kind of writer. He’s like a modern-day Byron (only not bi-sexual) and has this kind of easy-going, cocky-funny charm that makes him irresistible to women.

The thing about Hank is that he’s got a good heart underneath it all and that’s what draws women to him. Hank doesn’t chase women, he’s 100% devoted to Karen (Natascha McElhone), the love of his life and the mother of his daughter, even though at the beginning of the series she wants nothing more to do with Hank and is engaged to Bill (Damian Young) who Hank affectionately refers to as ‘the dial tone’.



Ironically, the women in the series seem to sense Hank’s emotional unavailability, and pursue him with greater urgency the more he tries to brush them off. What makes it believable is that Hank doesn’t fall into bed with every woman that offers herself to him and also, not every woman he sleeps with is super-model gorgeous.

J-Rab and I have just finished watching the third season of Californication, which was probably the weakest season thus far, except for two things. The first was this awesome explanation Hank gives Felicia, the Dean’s wife at the varsity where Hank starts teaching, as to what it is about women that fascinates him:

‘It’s my purgatory really, dinner, drinks, whatever. I’m never really all that interested but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway cause it’s true. All women are, in one way or another. There’s always something about every damn one of you, there’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures, my life’s work. But then there’s the morning after, the hangover and the realisation that I’m not quite as available as the night before. And then she’s gone and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken…’

Powerful words. There is something about every single one of you, I agree 100% and it’s part of the reason why I never understood men who hate women or speak about them in derogatory terms. I never identified with guys like that because I suspect that they are secretly scared of women, but are too fucking stupid and proud to ever admit that fact.

Fucking mouth-breathers. But anyway, like I was saying…



The second thing that saved season three for me was the final episode. Throughout the season, Hank has his usual encounters with numerous females of the species, encounters which become less and less believable as the season progresses until he finds himself in a situation that is so ridiculous it’s difficult to take the show seriously.

To make things worse, Karen just forgives him for all his transgressions, despite the fact that they are supposed to be starting a new life together in (SPOILER ALERT!) New York.

But then the last episode hits and it hits pretty damn hard. To go into any kind of detail would be to give everything away, which I hate doing. Instead, you should get your hands on seasons 1, 2 and 3, and watch them all, you’ll be doing yourself a favour.

After the episode ended, J-Rab and I lay in silence for a good long while, both lost in our thoughts. It was a really strange moment, nothing we’ve ever watched together has had that effect on us, it cut right to the bone and got me thinking a lot about the things her and I have been through and how it really is true that sometimes in life you end up hurting the people you love the most.

If you follow this blog and have been doing so for awhile, you probably have an idea of J-Rab and my relationship through the things I post, but what I realised last night was that perception is probably skewed.

Simple fact is I would never air our dirty laundry on this site, it’s just not a boundary I’d ever want to cross. As such our relationship might come across as all rainbows and lollipops and I can’t abide that, because it just isn’t true and the last thing I wanted when I started this blog was to spin a bunch of bullshit as the truth.



The reality of our relationship is that like most couples, we’ve been through a lot of heartache, we’ve fought with each other, screamed at one another, thrown shit all over the place and all but strangled each other to death more than once during our two and a half years together and the honest truth is if I had to go back in time I would do it all again, exactly the same, because it’s made us who we are.

Sometimes I look at other couples, the way they tip toe around one another, the way they’re full of fake smiles and forced familiarity when they’re around other people, and I feel really sorry for them because none of it’s real. I don’t know why, but people have this weird way of making a huge public spectacle of their ‘happiness’ in order to somehow affirm it which I always thought was total bullshit.

I love the Leonard Cohen song ‘Hallelujah’ because it says it exactly like it is:

‘I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch / Love is not a victory march / It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.’



We’ve been there. I know exactly what that cold and broken Hallelujah feels like, what it feels like to reach that point where all hope has died and you wonder how the hell you’re ever going to be able to look that person in the eyes again, never mind save your relationship.

But J-Rab and me, we found a way. We toughed it out, we fought until there wasn’t any fight left in us and then we started down the long, hard road of forgiveness and I’m glad we did because she’s the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me.

I’m not interested in fluffy toys and heart-shaped chocolate boxes and ‘I love you pumpkin’ messages on Facebook. I want a companion, I want a lioness, as ferocious as she is kind, someone who’s got my back and keeps me on my toes, someone I can laugh with and share this life with and grow old alongside and J-Rab is all those things to me.

Don’t tell her I said this, but I never knew how I got so goddamn lucky.

She means the world to me, and if that’s not worth fighting for, I don’t know what is.


7 Responses to “Californication And My Thoughts On Love”

  1. 1 KC
    February 2, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Love your writing. you clearly have a talent for this and I’m looking forward to reading more

    • February 3, 2010 at 8:14 am

      Hey thanks KC! I’m working on developing my voice as a writer, it’s hit and miss at the moment, but I try to keep things entertaining at the very least 😉

      Stop by any time, I post daily so there’s always some crazy stuff up here to read.

      Yours in writin’ and fightin’

  2. 3 wrath
    February 9, 2010 at 12:03 am

    I waited in anticipation as the promos popped up, promising the first season of ‘Californication’ on SABC #. Jezuz was i disappointed when the series FINALLY aired. Not disappointed in the series, hell no, a superb series. My qualm lies with the broadcaster and the stupid mothers calling themselves the ‘censorship board’ (or BCC or whatever moniker they go by these days). How kak was it that they edited out ALL the curse words? And NO nudity? Sweet mother of (insert name of prefered deity here). I haven’t had the pleasure of watching the series on dvd, so i had to settle for the watered down, cleaned-up for public tv version. Removing the swearing, nudity, well that’s just wrong, and in a way, infringes on my rights as a paying tv license holder.

    The real gripe here is the fact that despite all the warnings (nicely done by the way, not the normal 18SNVLPWTFEVER warnings, instead having various picture of Hank popping up while hand-written scribbles appear indicating which content might be present) the langauge and scenes were still edited as if the series were being showed during 8-9 family viewing. My reasoning : If a show, with content that might upset younger, immature, old, full-of-shit viewers, already warns you that said show might contain said content, why remove the content and spoil it for us, that doesn’t care about seeing the odd pair of tits, bush and hearing the odd ‘Fuck You’. I hope sabc # runs a repeat of ‘Californication’ (seeing as repeats are a common occurence these days, under the guise of ‘omnibus’), a repeat that HAS all the swear words, HAS all the nudity. And that all the BCC members cringe every time Hank refers to god, sex and says ‘fuck’.

    If it does offend you, turn off your farking tv!

    • February 9, 2010 at 8:33 am

      SABC did whaaaaattt? Californication without the swearing and fornication? What the fuck is that?

      Dude, time to take the power back. Pirate the series, all three seasons. I know it’s wrong, but it’s what Hank would have done. That’s why I never take off my lumo-orance WWHMD bracelet.


  3. 5 wrath
    February 9, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Yeah, talk about the preverbial kick to the scrotum. Such blatant disregard for the viewer’s choice to watch what they want, with as much profanity, blasphemy, sex, nudity and lack of new series, is what is letting me follow the alternative lifestyle of piracy. I’m exercising my choice to watch quality programming, with as many ‘fuck you’s’ as i want to hear (and without ad breaks, fuck i hate those too.)

  4. February 12, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    This is the 1st blog I’ve ever properly read and fuck me did it strike a chord! I knew I wasn’t the only one who sees myself in Hank.

    My name is perhaps an indication of my somewhat unhealthy obsession with him and the programme in general, but its because its so real, so well written that I can identify with Hank, and sometimes even Barney Runkle!

    I think that we all have our ‘Karen’ that women who always has a hold on us no matter where we are or what we’re doing, because she’s such a fiesty, passionate character she has an individuality that not many women have.

    I love the Hallelujah analagy as well, because the song is such a mellow tone its almost like every word gives you time to think about the power of it all- Immense.

    Great Blog, it makes me glad I’ve started doing it.

    • February 15, 2010 at 11:20 pm

      Glad to hear you enjoyed the post dude – had a read through your fledgling site and all I can say is you’re off to a great start.

      Build that shit up and I’ll add you to my blogroll, help you with some traffic 🙂


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