Archive for February, 2010

22
Feb
10

Tiger Out

Hey guys, wattup? I didn’t post this weekend because basically all I did was pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack and after all that packing, I packed, packed, packed, packed and fucking packed some more.

Fuck! Can you handle all that packing? I sure as hell couldn’t! I think I’ve lost my mind a little, jayziz! Probably shouldn’t have dicked around so much during the week…

 

 

This post is to apologise in advance for what a scrappy week this is going to be. Today at 2pm I head to Bloem, then tomorrow I nail the rest of the drive to CT, then Wednesday morning I leave for a 3 day conference with my new company where I probably won’t be able to blog.

19
Feb
10

Friday Post, A Day Late And A Dollar Short

Goodbye is a bullshit word. There’s too much finality in goodbye. I don’t say it.

The world turns, it always has, you find one another, and you find one another again and again and again, in this life and the lives to follow.

The radio station in my head has been blasting this song for the last two hours.

It’s the Velvet Underground ladies and gentlemen.

With a song that goes.

A little something.

Like this.

18
Feb
10

The Internet Is making me retarded

When I think of the internet, I don’t think of a serious place. I don’t think of an information super-highway where top professionals can source any kind of information they want, network with colleagues and like-minded individuals and make informed business decisions, no.

When I think of the internet, I think of one big-ass playground full of kids running around with cake all over their faces.

 

 

17
Feb
10

The Three Evilest Shots You’ll Ever Drink

If you’re the type of person who enjoys this blog, then I’m just gonna jump right in there, take a shot in the dark and guess that you probably don’t mind a drink from time to time.

You don’t mind a drink from time to time, you don’t mind going out with your friends and maybe doing a sneaky tequila or two, you have nothing against that. You don’t mind opening a fine bottle of wine and drinking the whole thing by yourself, that’s fine by you, and you don’t mind taking a hip flask of whisky to work everyday and taking large gulps under your desk when no one’s looking, you know, just to steady your hands a little.

16
Feb
10

Why I Don’t Play Action Cricket

Look, I don’t want to start this post on the wrong foot here ok? This is about why I don’t play action cricket, I’m totally down with the fact that you might play action cricket, playing action cricket is a perfectly acceptable pastime that thousands of mentally disabled people engage in worldwide, keeps them from banging the cat, I’m cool with that.

 

 

In fact, one of my best and severely mentally disabled friends, The Glaze, used to play action cricket every Friday with his buddies from work, that’s how open minded I am about the whole thing.

15
Feb
10

SlickTiger is THE KING of First Impressions

Hey Party People, wassappenin?

If you’re a loyal TFW reader, I think I should probably start by apologising for being a lazy bastard over the weekend and not posting (it was actually a pretty epic weekend because I by mistake smashed my buddy Peggles’ massive glass table while we were playing darts and I feel really bad about that) and also not posting sooner today, it’s been too hectic.

 

 

But enough of that crap. I’m done grovelling, time to tell you why I’m the KING of first impressions. This is pretty epic.

12
Feb
10

Valentine’s Day Post

Valentine’s Day is definitely my favourite Hallmark Holiday because it very neatly divides the world into two factions – people who are in a relationship and people who aren’t or, in layman’s terms, people who will get ass and people who wish they were getting ass.

 

 

So logically, when V-day rolls around one of two things will happen to you, (please keep in mind I’m writing this from a male perspective because, well, that’s what I am):

Thing Number One

11
Feb
10

Wonderboy Life’s Just Begun…

You gotta love The Kinks, because they’re fucking cool. If you don’t know who they are, please stop reading this blog immediately and go out and buy at least 5 of their albums. In this instance I don’t even mind if you buy the ‘Best Of’ collections, that’s ok, in this instance, because I just want you to get into them and that’s probably the best way.

 

 

They’re like The Beatles, only they never got as huge, which is really sad. Their music is way better than The Beatles in my over-inflated opinion, with the exception of The Beatles White Album – THAT fucking album is amazing. ‘Rocky Racoon’ all the way, that’s my favourite Beatles’ song of all time.

10
Feb
10

Porn saved my life

What’s pretty rad about living in the modern world is there’s not really any stigma attached to porn anymore, provided it’s regular porn and not 2Girls1Cup porn or 1Man1Jar porn (hadn’t heard of that one had ya? Google it! Do it now!).

This means that as long as you’re not at work and you’re a single guy or have an open-minded girlfriend, you can pretty much watch porn to your heart’s content and no one’s going to think any worse of you… except your parents. They might be a little creeped out by the copy of ‘Weapons of Ass Destruction 5’ you keep stashed under your pillow and come to think of it, so am I.

09
Feb
10

The SlickTiger Guide to Klapping Gym Boet!

As an oke with lots of mates who are also okes I can tell you straight that it’s every oke’s dream to get MASSIVE AND RIPPED and bang two hot blondes AT THE SAME TIME!

Once an oke has achieved this goal, he is happy and can spend the rest of his life sitting on the couch, drinking beer, watching sports and TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WHAT TO DO.

He has earned this right, nobody can take this right away from him and with my help you can earn this right too, but first you gotta learn the proper way to KLAP GYM BOET! or you’ll always be a loser who can’t pull hot chicks and spends friday nights at home twitting with his loser friends on the interweb.