Quick, Everyone! In The Crate!

My favourite moment as a blogger is when people ask me what other blogs I read.

“What?!” I invariably reply, “there are other blogs on the internet?! Holy shit, no! I don’t read that garbage, it’s bad enough that I write one, why the hell would I want to read someone elses?”

But the sad truth is that I too get miserably bored at work sometimes and find myself gravitating toward other blog sites, mostly just to affirm the fact that I am pretty much the Anti-Christ of South African bloggers and probably always will be.



Shaun Oakes has his moments too though – that whole Marine Taxis debacle that went down a few weeks back? Hilarious! And brilliantly handled too, made me wish some crazy old bat would bless this site with her incoherent, hate-fuelled ramblings. A guy can only hope…

And so I stumbled on his post about some Smirnoff hamper he was giving away on his site for this new thing Smirnoff is doing where they are going to put South Africa’s nightlife in a crate and ship it to some random country overseas.

Then they open it in the middle of a huge party with hundreds of people gathered there and BAM! Out jump The Parlotones!



Hahaha! Sorry, couldn’t resist 😉

No, they open the crate and BAM! Out jumps something, or at least a whole bunch of somethings that people have voted into the crate on Facebook.

The final say as to what exactly goes into the crate is decided by DJ Euphonic and DJ Fresh which totally defeats the object if you ask me because with stand-up guys like that calling the shots, there’s no way any crazy shit’s gonna get in there.

And, as anyone who’s truly experienced it can attest, SA nightlife is ALL about the crazy shit.

Me, I’d put David Kramer in there, no question about it.



Imagine everyone’s surprise when ol’ Dawie jumps out on the other side, banging out “The Royal Hotel” or “Biscuits And Biltong” on his guitar to a totally bewildered crowd of snooty, too-cool-for-school partygoers who have probably never once in their lives sat around a blazing fire with their buddies talking shit and listening to Mr Kramer’s classic ballads intermingled with the distant sounds of lions banging somewhere.

I think it’s a cute idea and all but I just don’t think what comes out of our crate on the other side is really going to blow anyone’s mind – does that make me a cynical basterd?

All we can hope, hope and pray, hope, pray and dream is that we get Columbia’s crate.

Now THAT’S a party I’d give a toe to be at, hooooooooooooooooo-weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

But seriously, am I the only one who thinks a crate packed full of Vuvuzelas, boerie rolls and Freshly Ground is a sure-fire recipe for a distinctly average night out?


4 Responses to “Quick, Everyone! In The Crate!”

  1. 1 seer0wer
    October 6, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    When I think nightlife I think house party and then later off to the clubs. That is just my idea of the usual weekend nightlife but what do you pack in the crate to personify the whole of SA’s incredibly diverse night life (or are they just interested in the trendy parts)?

    I would love to be able to pack that crate but there are be too many things that cannot be packed in a crate and shipped off. Things like cheap booze, meeting random weird people that kuier with you all night and then mysteriously disappear, making the biggest fire ever, setting things on fire, drinking games with First Watch, singing at the top of your lungs to “Royal Hotel” or “Haak Hom Blokkies”, dancing around the pool until you fall in, spending hours in the pool but never getting water in your drink, debating which club has the best ratio of booze prices/hotties/good music, brandy specials, shooter specials, some of the most gorgeous girls/guys in the world, smoking a pack of Peter blue even though you don’t smoke, 4AM garage pies, “relocating” random shit (some people call it stealing), the last few bites at the bottom of the potjie, watching the sunrise on the back of a stranger’s bakkie and last but not least: The soothing effect of the green ambulance (Creme Sober).

  2. 2 DJ Fresh & Euphonik
    October 9, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Great blog, ST!

    This is exactly what the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project is all about – your support and interaction, while we listen to what you and the rest of South Africa feel best represents our nightlife.

    The response we’ve received so far reflects the diverse culture that is so true to South Africa. We have no doubt that the end result will be a correct and proper reflection of the best of South African nightlife.

    We are excited about this global campaign with Smirnoff and glad to see it’s sparked your interest.

    Keep the ideas rolling but in order to make your nightlife come to life, we encourage you to register on http://www.facebook.com/SmirnoffSA and submit your ideas!

    DJ Fresh & Euphonik

    • October 12, 2010 at 9:41 am

      Hi DJs Fresh and Euphonik,

      First off, thanks for stopping by the site and taking the time to post, one day we’ll look fondly back on this moment while we’re sipping delicious vodka cocktails on the poop deck of the luxury yacht we’ll be sailing around the world in, and we’ll chuckle to ourselves and wonder why we didn’t make friends sooner.

      I just have one question though, your comment says “DJ Fresh & Euphonik” at the end of it, so how does that work? Did Fresh dictate while Euphy typed? Did you guys tackle it one sentence at a time? Did you brainstorm what to say first and then flip a coin to see who had to write it?

      Either way, I’m glad you guys stopped by and I would encourage you to please come again anytime and / or give me lots of Smirnoff for my readers.

      And yes, I WILL register on the Facebook site, because you know as well as I do that unless we get Kramer in the Krate, the whole event could flop and I can’t in good conscience let that happen.

      Your new Tiger pal,

  3. 4 Flavid
    October 22, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Wow, a real life Siamese-Celebrity wrote on your blog.


    David & Flavid

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