Archive for March, 2014

31
Mar
14

Escape Monday: There Is No Escaping Monday

438744This is normally the post where I ease you guys into the week with some beautiful images I find in my travels around the interwebs, but sadly that ain’t happenin’ today.

After a year or so of Escape Monday posts, one of the photographers I featured actually wrote to me recently and said “Take my images down. They aren’t yours and I never said you could use them.”

I argued that I had given him full credit for the images, provided links back to his site and heaped praise on his work. I wasn’t making a cent off it or trying to pass it off as my own, what was the big deal?

He came back at me saying that he never asked for my help in promoting his work, he was perfectly capable of doing that himself.

He then suggested that instead of regurgitating other people’s content again and again I should rather focus on creating my own original work and promoting that – “the world would be a much cooler place if everyone did that” he argued.

 

 

 

He then said if he downloaded an entire book or song or film and posted it on the internet for free, did I actually think the people who made it and who earn a living from it should thank him?

He said I’m treating copyrighted work as if it’s valueless while gaining value from it myself (in terms of traffic, readership, attention, etc – hahaha! Readership! Hahahaha! Traffic! Aaahh, stahp! You’re killing me!)

He said he wouldn’t have had an issue with me using a few of his images provided I’d had the courtesy to email and ask his permission first, which is a fair point.

So, going forward instead of just copy / pasting other people’s work every time Escape Monday rolls around, I’m going to do the right thing and ask their permission first.

So sorry guys, no Escape Monday this week, I’m busy asking permissionz.

Instead, here’s a video of a rad oldie-timey mofo playing “Tiger Rag” like a badass on a home-made Callioforte:

 

 

Life-changing.

-ST

28
Mar
14

Black Keys Kick Out A Friday Jam

20140321-blackkeys-x600-1395439282It ain’t over till it’s over. So fucked up how the world works – you take work home, some fucking brain-meltingly gigantic piece of hell you have to work through and guaranteed, fucking guaranteed, your kid cries all night.

I walked around with my daughter in my arms for an entire fucking hour 12.30am to 1.30am. My shoulder is fucked. You think lifting weights fucks you up? Try just holding an 8kg weight for an hour and we’ll talk.

Anyway, let’s just play this Black Keys track off the new album and try to put it all behind us for a day or two. The Black Keys understand. They got your back home-boi.

 

 

Ok, now it’s over.

Go home, get some fucking sleep, you look like shit.

-ST

27
Mar
14

Different Rain

artworks-000017435596-0tcnzc-cropYou get different kinds of rain. In Joburg you get huge fat drops that fall from cloud blackened skies and become storms that thunder down on roofs, flooding gutters and turning the roads into rivers.

I drove through a couple of those. It’s the only time Joburg drivers slow down. During one varsity break we went through a particularly bad one, me and three friends in my Citi Golf.

The visibility was zero. It felt like I was driving through a lake. A pinecone two fists big bonked my bonnet so hard we nearly shat ourselves. We were so happy to get home we got blind drunk and went jumping in puddles.

In Cape Town it whispers down like it’s whispering down right now. Reminds me of when The Cub was born – there was a lot of rain like this back then. It felt like the world was being washed clean for her. When I think back on that time I remember Vampire Weekend, this song in particular:

 

 

It’s weird to think back to that time, to remember what it felt like to hold this little stranger, to look into her liquid eyes so blue they were black and feel her stare right back at me, right into me.

Her and J-Rab are asleep next door, curled up safe and warm and I’m lying here, listening to the rain, a feeling inside like someone dropped a giant stone into the well of my soul and it won’t stop sinking.

J-Rab made a cup of tea, brought it here to drink but The Cub started crying and J-Rab went to her because I was working, which is what it always feels like I’m doing.

Hours later I emerged from email, no sound but the falling rain, and went next door to find my girls fast asleep.

We didn’t say goodnight. It’s a small thing the first couple of times.

I brushed my teeth, threw a sleepshirt on and came back here, restless.

I stared at J-Rab’s tea.

You get different kinds of rain. Rain that you splash in, rain that you run from, rain that soaks you to the bone, warm rain you don’t mind at all.

But that quiet rain, the kind that falls at 2am on a Thursday as the hour-hand creeps toward the darkest hour, you remember that rain.

The sound of it whispering goodnight…

-ST

26
Mar
14

A Thousand Promises Of Pain To Come

MarvI never forgot that line, the one from Sin City after Marv snaps the cuffs on that weird little freak and knocks him the fuck out. They cut to this epic shot of Marv having a smoke, covered in blood.

He says: “I try to slow my heart down and breathe the fire out of my lungs. My muscles make me a thousand promises of pain to come”. For some reason I never forgot that line.

Especially the part about the promises of pain to come. I finally trained again yesterday, it was a giant pile of dogshit session, I was weak as a kitten and running on fumes before I was even half done.

But I did it. And tomorrow morning I’ll do it again and I’ll keep doing it until it gets easier and I get fitter and stronger and back to my same old self.

That’s the path you choose if you want to live a certain life. I walk that path because it keeps me sharp, it keeps me focussed and disciplined.

If I had to give up training entirely I think I would very quickly unravel and countless other things in my life would start to slide as well.

 

 

I call it the “fuck it” theory. When I’m not training and am faced with a minor obstacle in my every day life, like washing the dishes for example, I often end up thinking “fuck it, I’ll do it later”, while slowly but surely more and more shit starts piling up in my life.

When I’m training and I’m faced with an every day obstacle, that thinking switches from “fuck it, I’ll do it later” to “fuck it, lemme just handle this now quickly…” and as a result, my life feels less cluttered and more manageable.

With that I’d better call it. You’ll only be reading this tomorrow but here in the past it’s creeping ever-closer to 12am and I need some rest if I’m gonna eat some weights for breakfast tomorrow.

Later charnas!

-ST

25
Mar
14

“Turn Blue” Video Is All Kinds Of Creepy

Turn BlueI could try to explain to you crazy kids about how snowed under I’ve been lately, but I think that much is evident from how few and far between the posts on this site are.

The two pillars that keep me balanced are blogging and training. As long as I’m blogging every day from Mon – Fri and training three times a week or more, I feel like I’m moving forward.

As I write this, I haven’t seen the inside of a gym for nearly a month and I’ve blogged maybe twice in the last three weeks. All I have been doing is working and I wish I could say it’s letting up, but it isn’t.

Still though, I’m going to try get more content up on this site, no use in just having it floating around collecting dust. I fucking love this site, not posting feels like I’ve forgotten to feed the cat and am just hoping she’ll learn how to use a can opener and feed herself.

So to kick things off, check out this video I found. I can almost guarantee you you’ll fall off your chair when you see what it’s advertising at the end.

 

 

May 13th could not come soon enough Winking smile

-ST

17
Mar
14

The Cub Speaks!

The CubI can’t say I’ve been having many great days this month (as you might have noticed by the lack of posts), but I had a great moment yesterday, one that has made everything else worth it.

I’ve been trying to get The Cub to say a particular word. I’ve been pretty tenacious about it – making sure I repeat it and point to what it describes at least 5 times a day.

I think about two weeks ago she figured out exactly what the word meant and why I want her to say it because every time I said it to her, she got this naughty little grin and immediately clammed up.

Then yesterday, during a break I was taking from work (yes, I was working on a Sunday) I was doing something in the bedroom, the late-afternoon light streaming into the flat and turning everything golden, when J-Rab walked in holding The Cub and told her to say the word.

I turned around expectantly like I always do, hoping that this would be the time, and in her tiny baby voice my little girl grinned and said:

“Dada.”

 

 

Ain’t that wonder.

Dada.

-ST

11
Mar
14

The Tiger Hears A Song Hidden in a 528 Year Old Painting Of Hell. Gets Totally Spooked Out.

xir216640First off, a little context. It’s nearly 1am as I post this, J-Rab and The Cub went to sleep hours ago, I’m in the spare room of our flat alone and the wind is blowing at gale force outside.

So I’m a long way away from your comfy office swivel-chair where you’re sipping your morning coffee under bright fluorescent light, surrounded by all your office pals.

Second off, a little history. When I was about 12 years old, I spent a holiday with my cousins in Natal. During that particular holiday it snowed for about two days so when we weren’t outside building snowmen, we were inside making puzzles, one of which depicted Hell.

The puzzle must have had easily 500 pieces and I clearly remember scrutinising the pieces in great detail whilst trying to figure out what went where. In this way, I got to know this painting of Hell intimately and to this day am still more than a little disturbed at what it depicted.

Here it is in its entirety:

 

 

This painting was done by Hieronymus Bosch sometime around 1500 and is part of a triptych called “The Garden Of Earthly Delights”.

It’s hard to see any of the detail in the image above, but just looking at it gives me the creeps.

I remember one part in particular pretty vividly:

 

 

As you can see, some kind of demon thing is transcribing music onto someone’s naked ass.

The internet, being the twisted place it is, has actually figured out what that song would sound like, in case you were curious:

 

 

What really gave me chills was that the moment I started playing that, cats started fighting somewhere outside the flat.

And anyone who knows me well will know how much that sound freaks me out.

Spooky stuff I tell ya. If a black metal band got a hold of that melody, I’ll bet they could make it sound a million times creepier…

-ST

03
Mar
14

Escape Monday: With Hilariously Badly drawn Movie Posters From Ghana

300I actually have a sneaking suspicion I might have posted these ridiculously awesome movie posters before, but I don’t think I posted these exact ones.

The movie posters below remind me of the paintings I used to see in the art department at prep school. The artist is clearly able to draw / paint (kind of), but could definitely use a few lessons to refine his art.

I really shouldn’t judge though. If I had to attempt this, lemme tell you, the results would be about 100 times more hilarious. At varsity I once attempted to copy the cover of a vegetarian cookbook but it ended up looking like a collection of oddly shaped dildos.

Dig it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

At this stage you’re probably thinking that they aren’t too bad at drawing Arnie right?

Erhm…

 

 

 

Next up: the Bruce Lee blow-up doll.

 

 

Loving the artistic license the illustrator has taken with the cat’s tongue in this next one.

 

 

To see just how bad this next one is, I’ve included the original as a frame of reference first:

 

 

Cool. We see what they were going for there. Here’s the Ghanian interpretation:

 

 

Terrifying.

Speaking of terror…

 

 

Next up, the Evil Dead II remake starring Sylvester Stallone, a mechanical skull / bat and a squint Asian woman.

 

 

 

And then there’s the lesser-known version of Desperado starring Michael Jackson.

 

 

And Elektra starring a post-op transsexual and a man wielding an octopus tentacle.

 

 

The cover for Alien that was so good someone splooged on it… twice…

 

 

 

Hellboy without Hellboy.

 

 

I love “Jason Stratham’s” guns in this next one, especially the top gun in which the bullet must have to travel through a two-inch long gap in the barrel.

 

 

 

No idea who “Gary Oldman Reeves” or “Anthon Hopkin” is in this next one but my guess would be the three headed, fire-breathing dog-vampire.

 

 

Then my two favourites – the James Bond poster with a glaring typo, a disapproving koi fish and a limousine that was clearly drawn by someone who got halfway through it and then realised he had no idea how to draw limousines:

 

 

And the Nightmare On Elm Street poster simply titled “A Nightmare” that depicts a Freddy Krugerish character picking his nose while a man takes a pickaxe to the face with a look of saintly serenity.

 

 

Gotta love them Ghanians.

Kooky basterds Winking smile

-ST