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17
Mar
11

The Sport That Is Barrel Rolling – Part 2

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So we all saw the video on Monday of online (and sometimes real life) celebrity Mike Sharman challenging Shaun Oakes to a barrel Rolling contest that’s taking place today at De Waal Park (starts at 15h30, come on down!), now I present to you, Mr Shaun Oakes’ reply:

 

 

It’s awn! It’s happening today and if you had to say, take the afternoon off and enter into a barrel rolling competition to win a fine collection of Irish single Malt whiskies to celebrate St Paddy’s Day with, today is the day to do that!

See you crazy cats there Winking smile

-ST

11
Mar
11

A Whole Bunch Of Random Cool Shit For Friday

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Guys, it’s muthufukkin’ FRIDAY and I don’t know about you, but alls I can say is thank FUCK! Let’s hit the sauce Winking smile

Oh and thanks for all the good vibes yesterday, J-Rab’s job interview went well and they’ve asked her to come back next week Monday to work for a day and get a feel for the place. If she digs it and they dig her, employment seems imminent. Hallelujah brothers and sisters! There is light at the end of the tunnel and for once it doesn’t look like a train.

So yeah, to kick off the Friday randomness, here’s a rad ad Jennyjenjen sent me yesterday.

 

 

Then there’s this beauty sent in by my main man Civilian:

 

 

And in case you guys missed it (I know it’s been doing the rounds) here’s probably the most well written newspaper article I’ve ever read (thanks Peggles!).

 

 

“Anaconda-like whoppers”! Hahahaha! Journalism in this country rocks.

And because Friday just isn’t Friday without hotties, here’s Aubrey O’Day, a good friend of mine who could very well be made entirely of bronze wax and hair extensions:

 

 

Here endith the lesson. Amen.

Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats at the bar Winking smile

-ST

08
Mar
11

A Song For A Rainy, Broke-Ass Day

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To everyone who responded to yesterday’s post, J-Rab and I thank you.

We celebrated the fact that there are indeed people out there who care with an extra helping of gravy on our rice last night and chased that down with a tepid glass of tap water while we still have some.

We awoke this morning to find that the nest of rats we share our bed with have had more babies which is great news as they are a tasty treat when skewered and roasted lightly over a trash can fire.

 

 

It’s a rainy day so I thought I’d post this song because it seems fitting.

It’s David Gray with the tack “Nightblindness”. Take it away David.

 

 

So yeah. Ain’t life peachy.

Have a great day everyone. If anyone needs me I’ll be rifling through the trash in the back alleys of Longstreet.

-ST

07
Mar
11

Tiger In Flames

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I don’t have any illusions when I write this blog, I know it’s not going to bring me fame and riches and I think I’m fine with that.

To get fame and riches you have to tow the line and I’ve always been lousy at that so I just write whatever the hell I feel like writing because as long as I’m doing that, keeping the posts up, maybe making a few people laugh here and there, I feel like I’m making some kind of progress, slow as that might be.

 

 

I also learned pretty early on that when it comes to a blog site, the very most you can ask of people is that they hit your site. Not even necessarily read your stuff, just hit the site so your numbers tick over.

Anything more than that is an added bonus, something unexpected, which is why I value the comments people leave here so much because that’s the highest level of engagement you could ever ask for on a blog site.

As sad as it might sound the hard truth of the matter is that on the interwebs people wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire and I’m not saying that in an angry or bitter way, I’d be a hypocrite if I were because I wouldn’t piss on anyone if they were on fire either.

Ironically, all this preamble is of course leading to the moment where I ask you guys to help a Tiger out, as futile as that might be, so let’s just skip the foreplay and get down to it.

The gig I had writing for Pulpmag.co.za has unfortunately come to an end. They’d still love to publish my content but due to lack of support from advertisers, can no longer afford to pay me for it and that news couldn’t possibly have come at a worse time.

J-Rab is between jobs at the moment and the money is drying up fast.

 

 

I need to land something in the next three weeks, a couple of somethings ideally, so that I can bring home a little extra bacon, so I’m firing this out there into the ether to see if you or anyone you know is looking for a writer, doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll write the shit out of it.

Hit me on tellthetiger@gmail.com if you know of anything. I can’t really give you anything in return, but I’ll put in a good word with the universe, we go way back Winking smile

Yours in soon to be abject squalor,

-ST

04
Mar
11

It Probably Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time…

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Posing with your mom for a print advert, pretty harmless right?

Posing with your mom for a ‘Got Milk’ advert? Hmm, we’re starting to get into some dangerous territory here…

But posing with your mom when she’s Sofia Vergara in this specific Got Milk ad could very well be the dumbest move in a career that started and ended in pretty much exactly the same moment.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, my new favourite Got Milk ad:

 

 

So yeah, that strapping young lad is Manolo Vergara, Sofia’s 19 year old son and no, he’s NEVER gonna live this down.

“It has protein and potassium that have helped my little body become, well, not so little.” Hells yeah! Milk did that?! Christ-on-a-bike it really is amazing!

 

 

These ads have always creeped me out because seriously, what milk does that to your upper lip? They’re bad enough without the blatant oedipal references, what the fuck is wrong with Americans? Are these the lengths they have to go to to get people to drink milk?

And who says it’s that amazing for you? Did anyone ever stop to think that we’re drinking another mammal’s lactate, and not just while we’re young, but throughout our entire lives? Not to mention all the crazy-assed growth hormones that milk is also probably rich in, which does lend a little credence to how Sofia’s little body got not so little.

Here’s a better idea: drink whisky.

 

 

And with those wise words I’m outta here. Have a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you crazy cats on the other side.

-ST

02
Mar
11

Just What Your Day Needed: Some China Smack

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The world is a fucked up place, that’s pretty much an undisputed fact, and thanks to the interwebs we now have irrefutable proof of that fact that can be sent in convenient hyperlinks to friends and family who are bored at work.

My main man Peggles went through a dark phase a few years ago when he would drudge up the sickest shit he could possibly find on the interwebs and send the links to us in some weird attempt at psychologically scarring us all for life and he was pretty damn successful.

So when he sent me a link to this site called China Smack, I was understandably nervous about opening it at work because China, as we all know, is a very fucked up place.

 

 

Having said that, pretty much nothing could have prepared me for the stories about sex education classes for elementary school children, 12-year old models, homeless Mongolians living in sewers, “Boiled Alive Cat” being served in restaurants, and a particularly disturbing story about a guy who skinned a dog in the street.

It’s all right here at http://www.chinasmack.com/

There’s also funny stuff there too. It’s not all abusing mentally handicapped children and lewd stories about how to make a home-made Fleshlight (don’t ask).

In the interest of bridging the social divide between us and those crazy basterds in the east, I urge you to visit that site.

Just make sure no one can see your screen or you might be called into an unexpected meeting with the HR lady.

-ST

28
Feb
11

Don’t Let Monday Get You Down

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If you live in Cape Town you’ve probably just had a killer weekend. It’s been sunny and beautiful throughout, great weather for floating in large bodies of cool water not thinking about anything.

 

 

The longer you live here, the easier it gets to really enjoy your weekends on a level people who live and work in Joburg will never understand.

I’ve always said there’s an art to getting weekends right and since we’ve moved to Cape Town and out of the wooden shitshack we used to be holed up in in the middle of a wine farm in Stellenbosch, we’ve had a pretty good run.

Of course it makes Mondays tricky, but they needn’t be.

Just put your headphones on and listen to my good friend Devendra Banhart’s chilled out melodies and take a deep breath.

 

 

Feelin’ better? Good. Now calmly pack your desk up, walk out of your office and never go back. Buy a ticket to somewhere sunny and make a living mixing cocktails on the beach and spear fishing in your free time.

We don’t need to be here.

-ST

25
Feb
11

It’s The Weekend Baby!

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Here at TFW he love taking things as literally as possible with very little room for liberal interpretation.

That’s why all I’m posting today is this flippin’ whoresome video sent in by Civilian of what I like to call a ‘weekend baby’.

Don’t do what the baby does this weekend. Behave well, stay at home, watch a sensible DVD and clean the house. DON’T drink the draincleaner!

I’m watching you.

 

 

Party on Wayne Winking smile

-ST

16
Feb
11

Something For The Mid-Week Grind

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Two posts in one day?! Has the Tiger lost his flippin’ MIND?!

No. Calm the fuck down. Two posts in one day is going to happen from time to time so I want you guys to be ready for it and to definitely come back TWICE everyday just, you know, in case I’ve put something amazing up Winking smile

Here’s a little track that perfectly sums up how I feel today. It’s a rare one from Nirvana that Civilian sent after my post on Friday entitled “What If Kurt Cobain Was Still Alive?”

 

 

The song’s called “Curmudgeon”, enjoy!

 

 

-ST

16
Feb
11

Nokia Loves The Tiger

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Why is it that of all the bajillion brands out there, Nokia is the only one that has the balls to approach a crazy basterd like me, jump into bed and bang me like a salvation army drum?

Actually wait. I think that last sentence might have just answered itself…

 

 

Still though, it really says a lot about a brand when they aren’t afraid to associate themselves with someone who doesn’t follow the 2OceansVibe formula to becoming a successful blogger, ie. towtheline towtheline towtheline ADVERTISE towtheline towtheline ADVERTISE towtheline ADVERTISE ADVERTISE!

That’s what blogs do. That’s the South African (and in many cases international) way of blogging. You build a brand by writing deliberately controversial tabloid-style posts about scandalous topics (that aren’t really that scandalous), you post funny YouTube videos of people getting kicked in the nuts, you put boobs on the site, you pretend to be this smarmy asshole until you are one, and brands fall over themselves to associate themselves with you.

 

 

But not Nokia. They never incentivised me, they never made me feel like I was selling my soul to Satan, none of that bullshit. They just read the site, liked my style and started showering me with free shit.

On Friday I’m checking out U2 thanks to Nokia. J-Rab and I are heading through to what people who caught them in Joburg are saying is one of the best concerts SA has seen in a long time and it’s all thanks to Nokia.

You guys rock. Nearly a year and a half of blogging and you’re the only brand that has proven yourselves to be different from the rest because you have the stones to associate yourselves with a guy who is stupid enough, or crazy enough, to blog honestly about what he thinks and feels.

So yeah, this post serves no purpose other than to punt Nokia, but I’ll gladly do that because while I don’t believe in selling out, I do believe in paying respect where it’s due.

-ST

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