08
Mar
12

The World’s Most Cliched Break-Up Lines Translated

breakupBreaking up is kak. Any way you spin it, it’s difficult to walk away from a person you’re emotionally invested in whether it’s casual or not.

But worse than that is trying to explain why things aren’t working out, which is why people always fall back on the time honoured “It’s not you, it’s me” break-up clichés.

But what do these overused lines actually mean? Our good friend the internet knows the answer to that question, and has tabulated the somewhat harsh results in the jpeg to follow. Apologies if on your internet travels you’ve seen these before, but here are the world’s most clichéd break-up lines translated. Eina.

 

 

No prizes for guessing the person who wrote that was probably recently dumped.

That’s a bit negative hey? What’s with all the negative posts these days – yesterday it was people riddled with cancer and today it’s break-up lines translated, not cool Slick. Not cool at all.

So to lighten things up a little, here are things men commonly say translated, courtesy of MIStupid:

 

"I’M GOING FISHING"
Translated: "I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by the ocean with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT’S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you, as a woman, have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the year/make and model of every vehicle I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON’T FUSS – IT’S JUST A CUT, IT’S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting that it hurts or that I did it to myself."

"HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN’T FIND IT."
Translated: "I looked in one likely spot and it didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless as to where it is. I need you to use your intra-uterine radar and find it for me."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 hours yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." …OR… "But I could enjoy having sex with almost anyone between the ages of 18 and 50."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, Goodness, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving and have to pee."

"I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "It’s possible that no one will ever see us alive again."

Anyone remember getting the email a few years back with things women say translated? Hit me up on tellthetiger@gmail.com if you still have it.

As you were.

-ST


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