15
Aug
11

Ex-Box

sad-panda2Last night, after two glorious months of coming home every night to a shiny black Xbox Kinect, I finally had to pack my new best friend up so he can be shipped off to his new home.

Opening up his box to pack him away brought all the memories we’ve shared over the last two months flooding back.

The moment when we first unpacked him and plugged him in and his little Kinect sensor nodded slowly up and down, trying to find me like a baby bird so that I could regurgitate some food into his little mouth.

The day when I invited all my buddies around to play Kinect Sports and the neighbours downstairs threatened to call the police because we have wooden floors and all the 100m sprinting, javelining, hurdling and long jumping was making bits of plaster rain down on them like a summer thundershower.

 

 

And who could forget the time when I figured out how to connect to Xbox Live using a 3G modem? Right before my eyes, the young eaglet I had nursed took flight for the first time only to nose-dive into a rock moments later when I tried to get the Kinect pics off the &^*@#!% thing and failed miserably (my fault for being a dumbass).

Then there was the night we downloaded Limbo. That deserves a post in itself, seriously. That game ROCKS – if you’re connected to Xbox Live, I’d highly recommend buying Limbo, especially if you’re a fan of old school platform games with incredible gameplay and a dark, melancholy ambience that is hauntingly memorable.

 

 

But of course the cherry on the cake was Fable III which turned out to be awesome despite the fact that I thought it was utter crap the first time I played (J-Rab and I opted to try out 2 player mode which is awesome! For player 1. All player 2 really does is run around being useless for at least the first hour of gameplay, which was all it took to put J-Rab off it for life).

I never got to finish Fable III, but last night I played it in my dreams a bit. You guys were all there! You were all my subjects and I was raising the taxes and making your children work in my factories and then fathering a whole lot of basterd offspring of my own with whores (seriously, you can do everything mentioned in that last sentence. Such a fucking cool game).

 

 

It’s still here, right next to me as I write this. I was even sent an extra controller, which I carefully packed away last night, but just as I was picking it up to put it on the table in the entrance hall so I wouldn’t forget it, I pressed the Xbox button and the green light started flashing in the darkness, calling out to an Xbox that was already shut down and boxed away.

Calling out, “Kaaa! Kaaaaa!” to no one.

No one.

 

 

BUT, there is hope! I saved my gamer profile so I can just ram it into someone else’s Xbox and finally finish Fable III! Now all I got to find is someone kind enough to lend me theirs…

Or I could just man up and finally buy one for myself. Not quite sure how I’ll ever be able to afford one, but if I put a little away every month, I should have enough saved by about April next year.

Anyone know any great deals on Xboxes?

-ST


2 Responses to “Ex-Box”


  1. 1 Seerower
    August 16, 2011 at 8:21 am

    If you do get another Xbox and you do get another Kinect then you absolutely have to follow these steps:
    1. Hook the Xbox up to a HD projector
    2. Get yourself a copy of Child of Eden
    3. Phone a friend, preferably one with a camera and some paramedic experience
    4. Imbibe some hallucinogens
    5. Start the game
    6. Trip your tits off

    Seriously, it’s as close to a religious experience that I have ever come. And the biggest case of vertigo standing still ever experienced by mankind.

  2. August 16, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Very intense! Just checked out some of the gameplay videos – is that shit for real? It already looks like the most face-melting trip you could ever ask for, even without the drugs.

    A religious experience eh? I’m calling Xbox NOW!

    -ST


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge