Linkin Park Limps Toward SA

LinkinParkPA190911Twitter was abuzz yesterday when news broke about Nu Metal band Linkin Park touring SA later this year, much to the delight of basically no one.

“As a band, we’ve reached a point in our career where we have all come to the realisation that our creative energy is nowhere near where it used to be,” said Linkin Park frontman, Screamy-Guy. 

“Add the fact that our fan base is waning steadily, and that leaves us with only one option left really – go on tour to South Africa.”

Linkin Park exploded onto the Nu Metal scene with Hybrid Theory back when bands like Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town were popular which aptly sums up their musical prowess.

Since their debut back in 2001, the band has released a staggering four albums all of which, with the possible exception of the Hybrid Theory carbon-copy Meteora, have been lauded by fans and critics alike as being “kind of okay”.



“I dug that one song they did, I think it was a couple of years ago, you know the one where he’s singing about torture and pain and suffering and bleeding and shit,” said avid 5FM listener and musical ignoramus Gerrit du Toit, “ja… that on was flippin kief…”

The band will be in SA under the guise of promoting their new album Living Things which is currently enjoying a Metacritic rating of 58/100.

“Living Things is definitely our most experimental record to date,” said Screamy-Guy, “in that it signals a marked departure from the band trying to copy Nine Inch Nails to trying to copy Skrillex, who we’ve heard is way cool.



“After the response the album got after it launched, we consulted our good friends Collective Soul, Evanescence and Staind all of whom said it was definitely time to head to South Africa because yeah… South Africa is so starved for bands, it’s probably the only place in the world that we can still sell out a stadium.”

Linkin Park are set to wow people in their early thirties (who are still stuck in 2001 and get excited when “Mr Jones” plays at the pub) with concerts in both Johannesburg and Cape Town in early November.


46 Responses to “Linkin Park Limps Toward SA”

  1. 1 Mike Hunt
    July 24, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Hahaha no comments = no visitors shame seems like the only way you get people to your blog/site is to write tasteless untrue crap.

    • July 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

      I’m sorry I hurt your feelings about your fav nu metal band Mike. I’ll give you a day or two to cry about it while you realise that no one gives a shit.

  2. 3 Jax
    July 24, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    I saw them last year at Download (after Rob Zombie ended of course), but they sadly just didn’t hold a candle to any of the other bands…I used to love LP back in the day, Hybrid Theory was cool, but it’s all just been downhill since hasn’t it? Haven’t even been tempted to try find out how their new album sounds…

    • July 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm

      Yeah, I reviewed the last one, even back then I could see they were running out of ideas.
      Think I’ll skip the new one entirely.
      And the SA concert too for that matter.
      (Unless I get free tickets, hahahaha!)
      Love your work Jax 😉

  3. 5 dp
    July 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    you’re killing me Slick. I was on the floor all day at work today cos this post hit me so hard… Boom!

  4. 6 wigga with a hat on
    July 26, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Why would you post untrue crap?
    Start another blog with a different name, you just lost huge credibility. Regardless if you like the band or not, you’re a dickhead.
    Rather stick to writing in your diary.
    Oh and before I forget, JOU MA SE POES!!!

    • July 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

      Hi Mike,
      Thanks for the follow-up comment under a different name, I see what you did there, very clever.
      Who exactly have I lost “huge credibility” with Mike? You and your cousin-fucking cronies from Boksburg?
      The people that read this site possess two important qualities that pretty much guarantee the fact that I will never lose “huge credibility” with them – a sense of humour and a functioning brain.
      Seeing as you have neither, I can understand why this post has upset you so profoundly, but please do us a favour and go cry about it somewhere else.
      The next retarded comment you post I’m editing to say how much you loved this post.
      That’s right. I have that power Mike. Because this is my site and I’ll write whatever the fuck I want on it.

  5. 10 wigga with a hat on
    July 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Oooooooh I’m a baby and I’m getting upset! I need to get me a nice big black cock to suck on, get a real hobbie and go have a wank.
    You better not change this comment, cause that will definately upset me, I wrote it because I’m a silly cunt and I don’t care if no one else sees it.
    Leave blogging for people without something to prove, or an ego complex and basically every blog on the internet will shut down overnight. Sorry, my father and sister molested me, which is why I sound like a granny with tight panties.
    Thanks for being that badass guy that makes me laugh

  6. 11 wigga with a hat on
    July 26, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    What an awesome display of power!
    I wish I was as cool as you, I bet you have such a cool social life and get all the girls!
    Man I need to start something as usefull as a blog about music, not even anime is as cool as this!! And best of all about this blog is that it really has meaningful and well written posts. You go slick tiger!

  7. 18 Rob Squire
    July 26, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Ah man, the actual post is so true, but the comments had me on the floor.. Thanks for making my Thursday!

  8. 19 Russ
    July 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    This is blogging in it’s finest form. I remember when I first heard LP. I think it was in standard 9 art class in the early 00’s and the weird nerdy kid (a la James Holmes) had his headphones on and was banging out a drawing of his shroom trip from the previous weekend (woooo dude). As I approached I heard the inimitable, yet muffled strangled cat voice of screamy guy CRAAAAAWWWWWLIIIING IIIEEEN MAAAAAI SKKKKEEEIIIN and I knew I would not give a shit if I never lived to see the band — *cries & wanks (runs & hides)

  9. July 26, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    And the Slick Tiger strikes again!! Fuck that is the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time 😉

  10. 21 John Talon
    July 26, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I enjoy your blog and posts, but not this, this is just crap.

  11. July 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm


    I totally took the George Bush route with every Linkin Park Album after Meteora:
    “Fool me once…shame on…shame….fool me…the point is, you can’t fool a man twice…”

    Oh, by the way, I found this troll in the corner pocket…

  12. 24 PJ
    July 26, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I would like to thank you for this post and i think you hit the nail on the proverbial fucking head Slicky T! News of this concert dropped and men and women alike instantly turned into slobbering cock-smoking fanboys and fangirls, i thought i was the only sane person left on the interwebz.

  13. July 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    everyone that doesnt agree with SL’s post is most probably still TAKING JUICE TO GET FUKKING RIPPED AND HUGE AND FUCK 2 BLONDE CHICKS WIFF BIG TITS (useitdontuseit-gfyh-whatevers)

    Where the fuck is my new baby blue GYM vest???

    • July 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm

      oh and I would love to go see LP live, not cos I think they will have my babies, but because we have such a long line of SHIT live concerts in SA with an ave rating of 1/10 that this may be the first and last time we get to see a 3/10 concert… of fuck I forgot about U2 2/10 🙂

      • 28 John Talon
        July 26, 2012 at 4:04 pm

        Sorry it’s not your favourite indy band, that only you and the your hipster friends listen to at your local coffee shop, that are too ‘cool’ to come here.

      • July 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

        Hahahahahaha! Stop dude, please, I fell off my chair reading that last comment.
        Br@* you badass, KLAP IT BOET!

        • 30 John Talon
          July 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

          Not as badass as you Slick Rick, too cool for Linkin Park, U2, Coldplay, I mean the new LP album only sold 223000 copies in the first week, WHAT?? I know right, they must suck!

          I should start wearing skinny jeans, ironic glasses, write poetry and listen to bands that don’t even have albums (thats too mainstream), I’m sure their concerts are 10/10, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be as cool as you Slick Rick.

          Keep it real Slick

  14. 32 johndoe
    July 26, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Who the fuck is Linkin Park again…oh ja I don’t care…and mike or whom ever you are…
    why don’t you write something? with a chair on you freaking forehead..but don’t worry you won’t do any damage to your brain as it’s in your colon with most of your ideas and intelligence..johndoe out!!

  15. 33 John Talon
    July 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Both of you *sigh*

    • July 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm

      Sorry, I got confused.
      Look, please don’t wear skinny jeans or ironic glasses, if I knew one of my posts had that effect on someone it would tear me up worse than any comment Mike or his cousin-fucking cronies could make.
      Sure, this isn’t my best post, but it got a few laughs so I’m happy.

      • 35 John Talon
        July 27, 2012 at 8:48 am

        Not to worry Slick, no post could ever make me resort to doing that. I’m not a fan of this post, but I do like the rest of your work, so I’m not going to ‘Mike out’ on you here, I will be back, pretending like this whole post never happened.

  16. 36 Cloudgazer
    July 26, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Jeezus, that means nickelback can’t be far behind.

  17. 38 Cloudgazer
    July 26, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Great article BTW.

  18. July 26, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Who ever the fuck u think u are dude u suck u write crap while they’ve made millons shut the fuck up u internet idiot

      July 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

      Lol idiot. This is a blog. If you don’t agree dismiss it. Don’t read it. I for one like Linkin Park and already have Tickets to their show because I enjoy their music. It’s my Opinion that they have entertaining music. If ST doesn’t agree I’m not doing to tell him to “shut the fuck up”. Or as you would say “AwE, NeE mY ChInA. DiSi OrAit NiE BrU”. Man the fuck up and leave people to their opinions. No one forced you to read this article, which is well written and very funny. Sincerely poesbek, stop being an dimwit.

  19. 41 Concerned citizen
    July 26, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    What slick was trying to say was that if you like linkin park you probably wear white leather shoes with jeans, you think men’s jewellery is manly and are a fan of frosted tips and spikey hair. If that’s not true then you just have a shitty taste in music – you don’t have to be a hipster to know that. I’m sure the ST blog morns the loss of the 2 readers that were offended by the post.

  20. 42 james
    July 27, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Whomever wrote this, is freaking clueless. Get to write about something with real facts.

      July 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      All those things you think is lies… well they are. But they are funny and sarcastic and we loved them. “Real facts” simply aren’t as fun.

  21. July 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

    cant wait for nickle back O M G>> yeah just creamed me pant a little, LIKE A BAAWS tho.

  22. July 27, 2012 at 10:16 am

    cant wait for nickelback O M G>> yeah just creamed me pant a little, LIKE A BAAWS tho.

  23. 46 Lenesh
    November 6, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Can’t believe a blog like this one even exists. I am not a huge die-hard LP fan myself and also believe their star to be on the wane but alas like all other SAfers suffering through a long list of mediocre acts am really appreciative that they have decided to tour here. I will be cheering them on at the concerts for their decision and will be hoping that their music “grows” on me. And as for your blogs all this negativity and hate emanating from your posts/blog is just so sad. Cheer up guy and start loving life abit and stop criticizing so much. Cheers!

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