I’ve banged out a whole buncha what we in the industry call “hard content†this week, so if you don’t mind, I’m just gonna kick back and do very little in this post except regurgitate rad shit.
What you’re about to see is a collection of what I consider the most hilariously funny sheeit I’ve come across on the interwebs over the past month.
If you get through this post without laughing, we can’t be friends anymore. I’m sorry. It’s not me, it’s you. If we can’t at least share a few lolz on a Friday then there’s really no reason for either of us to keep up this ridiculous facade.
As for the rest of you crazy kids, dig in there! And don’t be shy to share the love with your friends, they probably aren’t working today either.
I cried laughing watching this next one. Then I showed it to J-Rab and she didn’t even crack a smile.
Meh.
Next up, the saddest human being to ever walk the planet. EVER.
Pretty sure he had a full on romance explosion in his pants not once, but twice during the filming of that video.
Anyway, moving on… here is the best beer ad I’ve ever seen:
And lastly, here’s a badass track about shopping at thrift stores to kick off your weekend:
Last week we went through some of the basics when it comes to how whisk(e)y is made and what the differences are between Irish and Scottish whisk(e)y, so now that you guys have nailed that part, let’s get to the fun part shall we?
The first whiskey we are going to taste together is one of my favourite Irish whiskeys of all time, Bushmills Black Bush.
I’ve chosen this specific wizzo because at the moment it’s one of whiskey’s best kept secrets, which is awesome because it means the price is ridiculous (about R280 from Makro) considering how amazing the whiskey tastes.
Bushmills Black Bush is a blended whiskey. This means it contains a mix of both grain and malt whiskey.
Malt whisky is made exclusively from malted barley in a batch process using pot stills. This means that the distillery will make one batch of malt whisky at a time, reset everything and then make the next batch.
Malt whisky is more expensive than grain whisky to produce and typically has a lot more character than grain whisky.
Grain whisky can be made from any number of starches including maize, wheat or rye. It is produced in a continuous column still, meaning a lot more can be produced at a lower cost than malt whisky.
Grain whisky is much lighter in character than malt whisky and typically contains much sweeter notes.
Master blenders blend grain whisky with malt whisky to soften the flavour profile of malt whisky and produce a spirit that is more accessible to the masses.
As a general rule, people find blended whiskies easier on the palate than single malts and blended whiskies are a lot more affordable.
If you’re drinking an Irish blended whiskey you can pretty much guarantee what you’re going to taste is going to be light on the palate with delicious sweet notes on the finish and is not going to overpower your senses with peatiness or smokiness.
So please join me in cracking open a bottle of some of Ireland’s best whiskey while I play a little Snow Patrol in the background (another notable Irish export).
People always ask me what the right way to drink whisk(e)y is and I tell them all the same thing: drink it however you like it.
I mean hell, you paid for it. Smash it with Creme Soda if that’s your thang, skies the limit!
However, if you want to TASTE a whisk(e)y, I always take the first sip neat in a whisky tumbler, let the full force of the whisk(e)y hit my palate, then I add a tiny measure of water to open up the aromas and soften the alcohol burn.
The Irish call adding a dash of water to your whiskey “the opening of the rose†while the Scottish call it “THE WAKING OF THE DRAGONâ€, which is a great summary of Irish vs Scottish whisk(e)y if I ever heard one.
So that’s what we’re going to do with our Black Bush.
Pour it neat into a tumbler. Pause for a second to admire it’s deep amber colour. This is the direct result of maturing for up to seven years in Spanish oloroso sherry casks and sweet bourbon barrels, which is what gives Black Bush its distinctive rich, dried-fruity nose.
Nose that badboy. Go ahead, breathe it all in. What are we looking for here? A little honey, a little toffee sweetness, a subtle hint of smoke (more so than you’d normally find in an Irish whiskey).
Now take a sip. Don’t be afraid to let the whisky wash all over the inside of your mouth to get its full flavour and hold it there for a good few seconds. It’s been maturing in a barrel for seven years, the least you can do is give it a couple of seconds on your tongue.
Now swallow and let the flavour of the Black Bush wash over you.
What are you getting? A little bit of spice there? Sure, there’s a little spice there, no doubt about that. What else?
Some honey / cinnamon on the tip of the tongue? Yes siree, we are definitely getting some sweeter notes coming through nicely. What else?
Some Christmas-cakey flavours? Yep, right again! A bit of maltiness there on the finish? My man, you’re NAILING IT!
A bit of sweaty saddle there on the centre of the tongue? Umm… a little far out but ok, I’ll allow it…
See, that’s the great thing about tasting whisk(e)y! If you’re tasting aunt Mildred’s panties, you’re tasting aunt Mildred’s panties! You can never be wrong about what you’re tasting because you’re tasting it and your palate is uniquely yours.
So kick back, relax and pour another Black Bush, but this time add a little water to really let those sweeter, fruitier notes come alive.
Black Bush also works amazingly well with a mixer – throw a little soda in that badboy, go ahead. It’s also great with ginger ale.
That brings us to the conclusion of our first tasting. Great job people, I’ll see you all next week for our next foray into the world of wizzo.
Vodacom are doing a sick campaign at the moment where they’re asking SA’s top bloggers and influencers to share the secrets of how they unlock the power of the internet.
Naturally they called up your buddy ol’ pal Slicky-T, because it’s a well-documented fact that I’ve been unlocking the power of the interwebs since the mid-90s yo.
Back then, the internet was a joke. The information published on most websites was notoriously unreliable, pages took days to load and downloading a 10MB file would have probably taken at least three hours.
Still though, I can’t tell you how many times I listened to the dial-up tone of my 56k modem in eager anticipation as I trawled the internet for free guitar tabs, walkthroughs for games I was stuck on or dodgey free games sites.
There was just this feeling back then that we weren’t even scratching the surface of what the internet was capable of. It was the Wild West, before the social media revolution, just huge tracts of untamed super-highway.
Anyway, I digest. The real purpose of this piece is to give you guys a little insight into what I’ve learned over the past 15 odd years on the interwebs, specifically when it comes to finding new music and bands because it’s something I think I’ve gotten down to a fine art.
Firstly, I’ll hit you guys with a few of the music site links I hit on a regular basis to stay in touch with what’s going down in the music world.
To any hipster readers out there, lemme just warn you in advance: these sites are totes mainstream ok? If that has you feeling a little awks, just light up a Gauloises, jump on your fixie and go bitch to your friends at the vinyl store about what a philistine SlickTiger is.
Great. Now that that’s out the way, here are my top 6 music sites:
www.spin.com (there is a player on the top of the screen with a sneaky red down arrow. Hit that arrow to stream entire new albums for free)
www.npr.org (hit the “Music†link on this site, then scroll down and hit the “First Listen†link on the right. Again, you can stream a lot of new albums for free here and NPR ALWAYS get the albums before they’re released)
www.texxandthecity.com (and how could I not mention my favourite local music site. Texx is a total badass, this is THE site for local music news)
So that’s pretty much where I get my music fix on the ol’ interwebs.
I tell everyone who wants to get into new bands and music the same thing – as with most things in life, with new music on the interwebs the 80/20 rule applies.
In other words, 80% of what you’ll find on all those sites is a load of horse dung. Even if you give those tracks and albums a few listens, they will remain utterly shite in every way. Do not let that deter you.
I say this because that last 20% will be pure gold. They will be songs and albums that you will listen to for the rest of your life and it won’t be the same old, lame old regurgitated left overs everyone else listens to.
They will be songs and albums that mean something to you and the people you care about and when you play those albums in years to come, they will always remind you of the moment in your life when you discovered them for the first time.
It has been and continues to be a powerful belief of mine that music will save us. No other art form that I’ve come across can capture raw emotion so perfectly and communicate it with such eloquence.
Never give up on finding new music. Never fall into the trap of listening to the same bands hundreds of times over until their music is so familiar it almost means nothing to you.
Move on. Change. Adapt. Leave that old music in the past, where it belongs, and choose a new soundtrack for your life before the audience watching dies of boredom.
So that’s one of the ways I unlock the power of the internet boys and girls, but stay tuned next week because your buddy Slick may or may not have a little competition up his sleeve that will definitely help you unlock the power of the internet as well.
“I swear to god dude, if I hadn’t smoked so much weed in highschool, I’d be a goddamned ROCKET SURGEON or something man…â€
“Huh, huh. Yeah me too bro, me too… You uhh… Done with the bong there man?†Is a conversation millions of stoners have had at some point in their lives.
Scary thing is an epic, nearly 40-year long study has just been concluded that shows without a doubt that if you smoked weed on the reg during your teenage years, it would have had a different and more damaging effect on your brain than your buddy Bonzo, who only started smoking after 18.
Around 5% of the group [that were tested] used cannabis at least once a week in adolescence or were considered dependent on it. Between the age of 13 and 38, when all members of the group were given a range of psychological tests, the IQ of those who had been habitual cannabis users in their youth had dropped by eight points on average.
So what right? Eight points hardly sounds like much. But the article I read goes on to say that 8 points on a scale where the average is 100 can mean moving from being in the 50th to the 29th percentile.
Also, giving it up made hardly any difference. It’s all about how young and tender your brain was when you lit your first 50 joints.
The message here is simple kids. If you aren’t phased by the idea of a life of distinct mediocrity working at the video store, flipping burgers at McDonalds or blogging, then by all means hit that bong.
But if your brain is something you’d prefer to damage as little as possible, maybe hold off from regular marijuana use until after you’re 18, mmmm-kay?
It was a sad moment in TV history when one of the best shows to ever air, Flight Of The Conchords, was cancelled after just two seasons.
Apparently American audiences just didn’t get the show, so they canned it despite the massive cult following it had, which was a gigantic load of bullshit. That show should never have been cancelled, it was pure comedic genius.
The good news though is that Brett and Jemaine have released a new song to raise money for sick children that’s called “Feel Inside (And Stuff Like That)â€. They came up with the lyrics by interviewing a whole bunch of school kids about what should be done to help sick kids. Needless to say, the results are awesome.
Check it:
Beautiful. I dig the way Brett and Jemaine are trying not to can themselves throughout the interviews with the kids, it’s pretty funny to see them break character, makes them even more likeable.
Also dig Jemaine’s badass snor when it cuts to the actual song.
Would be amazing to see a third season of Flight Of The Conchords if for no other reason than to see Murray being a dork again.
It’s insane how much people crave attention these days. I swear, if there was a way to measure humankind’s collective self esteem over the ages, right now it would be in the negative figures.
As a blogger, I guess I’m a fine one to talk though, I mean why do it if not for the attention right?
Sure, you got me there but trust me, what you’re about to see is a whole other level of desperate attention seeking.
Brett Cohen came up with the genius idea of faking that he was a big time celebrity by walking around the streets of New York with an entire entourage of photographers, videographers and managers and wow. People lapped that shit right up.
See the hilarious results below.
I love the way people even go so far as to say they love his movies and think he a great musician.
They don’t give a shit about him in any way, shape or form. All they see are cameras and a guy getting lots of attention and all they think is “ATTENTION!IWANTSOMETOO!HOWCANIGETSOMEIWANTSOME!â€
How about earning that attention by being totally content to live without it?
The coolest people in history are the people that don’t give a shit about being cool.
Ain’t that wonder
Well, that’s all I got for ya today folks, hope you have a killer weekend.
This sure as hell isn’t something you see everyday. My internet travels have brought me to the doorstep of one Mr. Samuel Silva who, to put it mildly, is one talented man.
This 29 year-old uses normal, everyday bic ballpoint pens to create the most incredible art I’ve seen in a very long time, and I don’t say that lightly. His drawings are so richly textured and realistic they almost look like photographs.
Craziest part of this is the fact that the guy isn’t even an artist, he’s a motherflippin’ LAWYER! This is what he does in his spare time with only 8 different coloured bic pens, the badass.
Here are some of my favourites:
And of course, my all-time favourite:
You need to check out this guy’s Deviant Art page – he writes detailed notes about every piece he uploads, it’s really interesting stuff.
Also, you can see his drawings bigger and in more detail, so totally worth the click.
Amazing how much natural talent some people have. This is the work of an old soul, of that there can be no doubt.
I’ve had the pleasure of using the Lumia 900 for about two weeks now, so I’m starting to get to know this phone on a far more intimate level.
I have one or two gripes so far, but before I get into those, I want to focus on one of the things this phone does really well and that’s speed.By which I mean the phone is very fast.
This is a legitimate phone review damnit, not a rave in the 90s.
The Lumia 900 packs a 1.4 GHz Single Core processor which specs-wise doesn’t sound too impressive considering the iPhone 4s has a 1GHz Dual Core processor and the HTC One X has a 1.5 GHz Dual Core processor.
BUT read a few reviews online and most people agree that the experience of using the Lumia 900 is just as fast if not faster than other heavy-weight smartphones on the market.
Web browsing is ridiculously sick. Resickulous. Most 1-5min YouTube clips stream without buffering (provided you’re in an area that has decent 3G coverage) and websites open in a matter of seconds.
I’d recommend downloading the free Twitter and FB apps featured on the Windows Phone Marketplace because not only do they look slick, but also open and update almost instantly.
It was the one thing that used to drive me nuts about the N8 – tweeting from that phone was a total ballache.
Not so with the Lumia 900, which I can see being a potential problem the next time I’m out and I think up a hilariously insightful tweet after my 7th whisky…
So that’s a huge thumbs up for the Lumia 900 – browsing, Facebooking and Tweeting are all quick and painless.
One of the things I’m finding a little frustrating though is taking pics and recording video using the Lumia 900.
As with the Lumia 800, unless you hold the phone dead still when taking pics, they come out blurry almost every time.
The lens is super-sensitive and doesn’t perform well in low light situations. The digital zoom is very clunky and basically decimates your picture quality when you’re fully zoomed in.
If anyone knows a great photo / video app for the Lumia 900 that fixes this problem, lemme know.
I’ll be looking for one as well because I don’t think the hardware is the issue here, it’s packing an 8MP camera with a Carl Zeiss lens so it should be shooting like a dream.
I found the same thing when trying to record sound with the Lumia 900. It doesn’t come with a native sound recording app, so I used OneNote, which comes with Outlook on the Lumia 900.
OneNote allows you to record voice notes but the sound quality sounds like you were speaking into a tin can with a string attached to a second can your neighbour three houses down was holding to his ear.
I downloaded the “Pocket Recorder†app from the Windows Phone Marketplace and magically fixed the problem in less than 5 mins.
So to sum up, I’m still very much into the Lumia 900. She’s sexy, laughs at all my jokes, is seriously low maintenance and moves fast.
If the Lumia 900 were a girl she’d have a mind like a diamond, and you bet your ass, she’d know what’s best.
She’d wear shoes that cut and have eyes that burn like cigarettes
After a vague introduction last week about SlickTiger Industries newest venture, Project Whisky, it’s time for us to officially get this party started.
My goal here is to get you crazy basterds drinking and enjoying whisky as much as I do because it is truly the greatest spirit ever distilled and your life will be all the better for it.
Step one is the right music. You can’t crack open a bottle of Ireland, Scotland, Japan, America, Canada, hell even India’s finest without getting into the right frame of mind. To get you there I’m calling in a favour from my good buddy, Jim Morrison.
Take it away Jimbo!
Are we on the level here? Good. Get nice and comfy because before one single drop of whisky passes our lips, the first thing we gotta do is nail a few of the basics so that the next time you’re at a bar you can melt people’s faces off with your intense whisky knowledge.
Quick disclaimer before I launch into this – my brain is not what it used to be, so even though I’ve done numerous whisky tastings and been half trained as a whisky presenter, some of my “facts†might not be a little wonky.
So feel free to jump in and correct me if I wander off the beaten path
First thing’s first: the spelling
Whisky is spelled both with and without the “eâ€. Without the “e†indicates the whisky is from Scotland or has been distilled and matured according to the Scottish style of whisky-making.
With the “e†indicates the whiskey is either from Ireland or America or has been distilled and matured according to either style of whisky-making.
Never use an “e†when spelling Scottish whisky. The Scottish are a volatile bunch and have been known to kill people for less.
How whisk(e)y is made
Whisky is one of the purest forms of alcohol known to man, fact.
It has the lowest fat content of any alcohol and is made from only three ingredients: water, barley (or a suitable starch) and yeast.
The first step in the whisky-making process involves malting the barley by steeping it in water. This kickstarts the germination process so that sugars are released inside the barley seed.
The germination process is then stopped abruptly by drying out the barley once germination has taken place.
If it’s scotch you’re making you dry out the malted barley by burning peat and letting the thick, rich peat smoke dry the barley.
If it’s Irish whiskey you’re making, you dry the barley with hot air.
This is one of the reasons why Scottish whisky is generally smokier and peatier than Irish whiskey.
After that, the malted barley is ground up into a coarse, grainy flour called “gristâ€.
The grist is mixed with warm water to create a translucent, gloopy substance called “wortâ€. Yeast is added to the wort to start the fermentation process.
The result is a kind of beer with an alcohol percentage of roughly 8%. If it was beer you were making, you’d add hops at this point and after some more fermentation, BADA-BANG!
Distillation
From there, this beer-like substance is put in a massive copper still and boiled. The shape of the still has a massive impact on the flavour of the resulting spirit.
This is because as the beer-like substance boils, the alcohol vapours released condense on the sides of the still only to trickle back down and be turned back into vapour again.
Each time this happens, the resulting vapour is lighter and more pure than it was before until it eventually reaches the top of the still.
See, a CONVERSATION takes place between the alcohol and the copper during this process.
A deep, meaningful one where all the impurities in the alcohol are stripped out by the copper and the alcohol vapours eventually become so light they are able to rise out of the still, condense in the arm at the top and trickle down into…
Another still.
Here the process is repeated to make damn sure the resulting alcohol is pure as the driven snow. If it’s Irish whiskey, the spirit is distilled ANOTHER time, making the total number of times THREE for Irish whiskey.
So yeah, it’s not just Jamieson that’s triple distilled. They were just smart enough to make it their tagline. EVERY Irish whiskey is distilled three times, that’s why Irish whiskey is generally lighter, sweeter and fruitier in character than scotch.
Maturation
At the end of the distillation process, the “new make spirit†which comes out at roughly 60 – 70% strength.
The new make spirit is then matured in 2nd hand oak casks. These casks are typically ex-sherry or ex-bourbon casks, this is important because depending on the cask, it can give the whisky different flavour notes.
Typically sherry casks add to the spiciness of a whisky whereas bourbon casks give the spirit sweeter honey / cinnamon notes.
All whisky has to mature in a barrel for a minimum of 3 years or it cannot legally be sold as whisky (or whiskey).
Some whiskies are matured for a much longer time period, this is what the age statement on a bottle refers to. In other words, if you buy a 12 year-old single malt, it’s spent 12 years maturing in an oak cask.
That’s a motherflippin long time. Think back to what you were doing 12 years ago and if the answer is swimming around in your dad’s balls, you’re way too young to be reading this.
The maturation process gives the whisk(e)y about 85 – 90% of it’s flavour and 100% of its colour.
As a general rule of thumb, the darker a whisk(e)y, the longer it has matured in oak casks for.
And THAT is how whisky is made.
[SFX: Crickets]
In the next instalment we’re going to start your whisky journey by easing you into things with a nice, gentle Irish whiskey that, much like the Irish, is friendly, approachable and up for a good time.
Then we’ll drink scotch, swear loudly at each other and break a chair over that guy’s head.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt though because I love this band and I knew that they could do better. “The next album is going to melt faces†I predicted, “so I’ll just let The Resistance slide for now, nobody’s perfectâ€.
And now here we are, three years down the line with their next album scheduled for release on 1st October and from what I’ve heard thus far, I’m as excited for the new album as I was for my last root canal treatment.
Their Olympic song, “Survival†was utter tripe. The lyrics were weak and the song itself sounded like reheated leftovers from The Resistance.
Of course, people immediately rallied to the band’s side saying they deliberately made the song a watered-down version of what they’re really capable of because if they unleashed their full force writing a song for the Olympics, chances are the masses wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Now their first single, “Madness†has just landed and yeah. Maybe I need to give it a few more listens because right now, this track is doing absolutely nothing for me.
Check it:
I mean Christ. Who wrote this track? U2? Queen? Cause it sure as fuck couldn’t have been Muse, right?
To put this in context, lemme just remind you all of what this band is actually capable of before some smart-ass decided to troll the shit out of this post.
Muse, please, get your shit together.
If the new album has just one track that can hold a flame to that, I’ll be happy, cause right now, the outlook is pretty goddamn bleak.
I’ve banged out a whole buncha what we in the industry call “hard content†this week, so if you don’t mind, I’m just gonna kick back and do very little in this post except regurgitate rad shit.
