Archive for June, 2012


A weekend Playlist To Melt Faces

Face-meltThe weekend is just around the corner yo, so I thought I’d throw together a playlist of some of my favourite tracks to get your blood boiling.

It’s a crazy mix of a lot of stuff from the naughties that you might not have heard before. Nine Black Alps anyone? Scars On Broadway? Ida Maria?

If you haven’t heard any of those bands you need to hear this playlist. Of course I threw in a couple of greats like the Pixies and the Pumpkins in there for good measure too 😉

Gonna try make this a more regular thing, it’s like SlickTiger Radio, just put your headphones on and get ready to mop your face up off the floor.


Weekend Face-Melters from SlickTiger on 8tracks.


Have a killer weekend Party People Winking smile



New Muse Single Sounds Like… Muse

museI mentioned yesterday that Muse were going to debut their new single on BBC Radio One yesterday evening and I’d try get my filthy mitts on it for you guys and thanks to Civilian, it’s a done deal.

No idea why music sites reported that Muse were going to debut the single “Unsustainable” off their new album The 2nd Law, because they debuted “Survivor”.

Get used to hearing this one, it’s been selected as the official song for the 2012 Olympics which is awesome when I think back to the fact that the first Olympics I remember watching was in 1992 and the official song was written by Pavarotti.

The times they are a changin’ boys and girls. Hoo-wee!

So here it is in it’s epic, operatic, face-melting glory. A song for the Olympics. About winning. Fancy that.

There isn’t really a video to go with it yet, but who needs a video when you have an awesome yellow block of Muse / 2012 Olympics co-branding?



So whaddya think party people? It’s no Knights Of Cydonia that’s for damn sure. And the lyrics “Race / Life’s a race / And I’m gonna win / Yes I’m gonna win / I’ll light the fuse / I’ll never lose” are a little weak.

No sign of any dubstep thus far though, so yeah… could be worse I guess…



New Muse Track Drops Today

2008MattBellamyMuseDC230312It’s a big day for Muse fans because at 7.30 this evening (British Central Time), the band is going to premier it’s new single “Unsustainable” on BBC Radio 1.

I’m more than a little anxious to hear what their new material will sound like having watched the trailer video they released for their new album The 2nd Law.

I say this because the trailer seems to suggest the band have decided to go the dub-step route on this album which is a pretty radical departure from, well, everything they’ve released thus far.

I already had issues with their previous album The Resistance which I felt was lacking the brute force of albums like Showbiz, Origin Of Symmetry and Absolution. Sure, there has always been a classical influence to their songwriting, but when you wander off into 10 minute long Chopin-esque interludes you’re going to piss people off.



Still, I’m an eternal optimist and want to believe that the new album is going to melt faces. I’ll try get the new track up here soon as possible so you guys can decide for yourselves.



Are SA Internet Radio Stations Fluffing Their Listenership Figures?

detectivejpgAs a blogger I often find myself reading stats from other sites and wondering how, in the name of all that is holy, they manage to get numbers like that.

It’s a subjective topic at the best of times because if I look at this site, the figures WordPress gives me vs Google Analytics vs Afrigator are all different.

This creates a grey area that I think some bloggers exploit to secure advertising for their blogs, but that’s just my opinion backed up by casual observations and my gut feeling. When it comes to internet radio stations in SA however, the evidence that they’re fluffing their figures is far more compelling…

Enter 32 year old IT Specialist Shaun Dewberry who decided to do some digging when it comes to the listenership figures the stations 2OceansVibe Radio, Ballz Internet Radio and KingfisherFM are publishing (read his report here before you read the rest of this post).

All I can say is what he uncovered was very interesting to say the least.

Among other things, Shaun discovered that the Shoutcast servers that are hosting all three of those stations each have set a maximum limit of listeners that would seem to be substantially  lower than the number of listeners they claim to get.

Here’s a table to illustrate this point:




Ballz Visual Radio 8 500 (calculated from 51 000 between 12 and 6pm)

3 000

Kingfisher FM 26 (calculated from 20 000 in the month of March)


2OceansVibe Radio 60 000 (calculated from nothing. This is the figure 2OceansVibe claims)



In the case of Kingfisher FM, their figures are plausible so from here on in I’ll stop picking on them. Shame.

As for Ballz, sure their hourly figures are higher than their maximum set number of listeners, but we need to account for the fact that listeners tune in and out.

In other words, for them to get 8 500 listeners in an hour that means that every 20 minutes 2 833 listeners need to tune in and out which, though it might sound like a high number, is believable considering that they have some big names like Sasha Martinengo, Darren Scott and a host of scantily clad “Weather Girls” (thanks for the idea 2OceansVibe!) driving listenership.

HOWEVER, for 2Oceansvibe Radio to do the numbers they have published according to their 150 listener limit, it would mean that roughly 16 people would have to tune out and 16 new ones tune in every second for the full hour.

That’s if you listen for one second. If the average listener tunes in for 5 minutes, that figure rockets to 5 000 people tuning in and 5 000 tuning out every 5 minutes or 20 000 people tuning in and out every 20 minutes if you want to compare this figure with Ballz Radio’s modest 2 833 during the same time frame.

Is that fish I smell…?



Of course, all of this is based on the assumption that the maximum possible number of people are listening to these stations all the time. So yeah, in layman’s terms, they are based on your Tiger pal giving these stations the benefit of the doubt.

When Shaun actually tracked the listenership numbers that Shoutcast was reporting over the course of the past week he found that on average, Ballz Radio peaks at about 210 listeners per day and 2OceansVibe peaks at just under 40!


Now before you go grabbing your torches and pitchforks, I’d like to conclude by pointing out two simple facts before I bow out – firstly I am not passing judgement on either of these internet radio stations until they are offered an opportunity to properly address Shaun’s report and provide substantial evidence to support how they got to the numbers they did.

And secondly, phoning Shaun up and bullying him on your show is NOT the way to properly address this issue and to be perfectly honest, just makes you look more guilty.



So yeah, Ballz and 2Oceansvibe, over to you guys.



SlickTiger discovers What They Fed Smelly Cat – Nearly Dies

vlcsnap-45524I tweeted on Saturday that after 15 years I think I have finally figured out what they were feeding “Smelly Cat”.

Yeah, I know. Is that the best I can do? A post about cat shit? Well, I didn’t leave my flat all weekend so it’s pretty much the most exciting thing that happened to me.

See, J-Rab works as a vet nurse so she often brings cats home that she can’t bear to leave in cages all weekend because they are sick, wounded, or in the case of our newest border, pregnant.

It’s a pretty neat arrangement. We get to pretend we have a cat until he or she is better and we’ve become nice and emotionally attached and then the cats get adopted by other people and we spiral into a week-long catless depression.



Substitute the cat for a love-interest and it’s like half of a cheesy rom-com. At first I can’t stand the cat; it’s irritating, it does things that infuriate me and it generally turns my neatly ordered life upside-down.

Then one night, I come home from work feeling down and fed up with life and the cat gingerly climbs up into my lap, looks up at me with its deep, all-knowing green eyes and says, “It’s ok man. I’m here.”

Then it’s all fun and games. Me and the cat pal-ing around the flat, watching TV together, sharing a glass of milk, stalking each other around corners, playing with the string-on-a-stick toy cats just can’t seem to get enough of, passing out together on the couch after too much whisky, good times I tell ya.



Then the cat gets better and we make the tough choice of giving him or her to a better home, one where he isn’t confined to spending his entire life cooped up in a two-bedroom flat, watching the world go by from a second-story window.

We hand him over to the new owners, smiling and making jokes about how much quieter it’s going to be without that little fleabag terrorising our flat at 3 in the morning because he’s spent all day sleeping curled up on his favourite couch in the sun.

We wave goodbye, knowing we’ve done the right thing. Back at home we find the string-on-a-stick toy half under the bed. Two nights later I come home from work and call out to the cat as I walk in the door, force of habit, but obviously nothing calls back.



Pretty sure that’s not going to happen with our newest feline buddy though because to put it bluntly, her shits smell so godawful, hell itself holds it’s breath every time she daintily lifts her tail and squeezes out a brown tube of concentrated evil.

On Saturday J-Rab and I were dividing and conquering – she was at the grocery store and I was handling the washing when it happened.

The litter box is in the spare room, which is coincidentally also where we keep the clothes horse. I’m not wild about the idea of being in the same room as anything taking a shit so I was naturally a little weary when I saw her climb into the litter box and start scratching around.

Next thing I know she assumes the position and proceeds to drop not one, but four largish turds in rapid succession.



I watched in abject horror as the last one squirmed out, my feet glued to the spot by the macabre spectacle of it all which, in retrospect, was definitely the wrong course of action.

What I should have done was gotten the fuck outta there as fast as humanly possible. I should have bolted out the flat, through the front gate and down the street, my slippers slapping furiously against the pavement and my dressing gown flapping in the wind because MY GOD, THE SMELL!

For the next FORTY MINUTES it was like I was living INSIDE a gigantic cat shit. Nowhere in the flat was safe. Eventually I was forced to hold my breath, grab the cat litter, throw the sliding door open, stash the litter box on the far corner of our balcony, throw the sliding door closed, exhale, and turn the ceiling fan on full.

Thanks to that near-death experience I can now say without a moment’s hesitation that the answer to Phoebe from Friends’ song “Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you?” is PILCHARDS!



DO NOT feed your cat pilchards if it shits inside. Seriously, I think a lung might have collapsed as a direct result of inhaling the toxic fumes from that cat’s putrid shit.

In conclusion I can safely say that this could very well be the first foster-cat we’ve taken in that I won’t be sorry to see go.

Not so sure about its kittens though…

Christ, what a softie Winking smile



Unsigned SA Bands, This One’s For You

Plain 500x500 GOTG #247E2E2Having gone to the varsity I did (the kind where you spend four years drunk), the only 100 Club I’d ever heard of involved 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes with no toilet breaks.

Believe it or not, I actually managed to achieve that admirable feat not once, but TWICE during my varsity career, BOOM!

But there’s another 100 Club I want to tell you guys about, it opened in London in 1942, has hosted some of the most influential artists on the PLANET during its 70 year history and is now opening its doors to one lucky unsigned SA band to melt faces there later this year.

Converse is driving this competition through their Facebook page (check it out here). All you have to do to enter the “Get Out Of The Garage” competition is to upload your best original song and a short biography via the Facebook app on the Converse page.



From there, all entries get judged by Zulu Boy, John Savage and Garick Williams, who will then narrow them down to the final 10 after which point it goes to a public vote where SA can vote for their favourites and stand a chance to join your band in p1mped out VIP style for the gig.

What’s rad is they are accepting submissions from every imaginable genre, the only requirement is that you have to be unsigned and you’re in.

Here’s an idea of the crazy bands that take to the stage at the 100 Club. These guys are hilarious, they call themselves Little Roy and they rock Nirvana covers reggae style.



How flippin’ IRIE was that?!

I’ll be tracking this comp as it unfolds, entries close 8th of July and winners will be announced on August 6th 2012.

I’ll also be flying to London to cover the entire event as part of the VIP entourage, how amazing is that shit?!?!?!!?

Ok, that was a lie. But who knows, maybe Converse will find it in their kind hearts and help a Tiger out yo!




Short Story: Vesuvius

volcano13-iceland-lava-aurora_22340_600x450So I tried my hand at another writing exercise, I get them monthly in the All About Writing newsletters, you should hit this link and subscribe as well if you’re an aspiring writer.

The word limit is 250 per story so you have to keep your writing as lean and mean as possible, which is a great exercise in creative limitation.

Oh and I forgot to tell you guys that my last submission won! I got a R200 book voucher that I donated to The Shine Centre, a place where they teach underprivileged grade 2 and 3 kids how to read.

Fingers crossed for this one, though I think they give the prize to a different person each month, so I I’ll just be happy if they publish this one on the news letter.



Henry’s unholy rage boiled with pyroclastic intensity. The veins in his neck grew thick as ropes and his face turned a disconcerting puce as one consonant after the next exploded in a hail of spittle so violent I feared Celine might lose an eye.


Celine gazed up at him with pupils big enough to park a bus inside and burst into a peal of uncontrollable giggles. The Electrolux stood proudly where she’d left it when he walked in on her whimsically vacuuming the flat, naked.

“I uh, umm, I…” was all Celine could manage before a fresh stream of giggles bubbled up. She clutched the couch pillow against her as tears started welling up in her eyes.


“And what, Henry?” I replied calmly, “you hide it in your sock drawer while you try to fob it off to the highest bidder and surprise, surprise your daughter eats it.”

Henry stiffened suddenly, grabbing his chest.

“Are you ok dear?” I asked.

“Fine. Just reflux. But she moves out today, starting with this godawful picture!” he said as he lurched across the room and tore one of her abysmal acrylics off the wall.

He staggered out the room with the painting, breathing in short, sharp gasps only to drop like a sack of anvils in the passage outside.

I smiled at my daughter, my unknowing accomplice, as the eruption I’d been waiting twenty-seven years for finally happened.



Hilarious “Mushroom” Found In China

Mushroom2-1-Oh China, I swear to God it’s borderline adorable how naive you crazy cats can be. You’d think a country that has a population that comprises nearly a third of the entire planet would be a little more savvy.

But no, apparently not.

What you’re about to see is a news report about a large mushroom that was dug up by villagers in a rural part of China.

And sure, at first it might look totally legit. Until you look a little closer at the giant “fleshy” mushroom and realise it seems to have some rather strange-looking “growths” on the one end…



Hahahahaha! So awesome… I love the level of detail they go into when explaining what is clearly NOT a goddamn mushroom!

The news team issued this formal statement after that news piece aired:


An open letter to all netizens and viewers: Hi everyone, one of our news reports which aired last night has made everyone laugh. This incident has been widely followed, shared and commented on. As our reporter was still very young and unwise to the ways of the world, this report has brought great inconvenience to everyone. We’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your criticism and correction. Please forgive our oversight!

You go China! Keep that crazy sheeit comin’!



Okes Who Like To Klap It #16: Moer a oke for Jesus

jesuspunchCharnas. It’s time for us to have a flippin’ SERIOUS talk about religions because up until now I always thought it were about all that turn the other cheek kak and “do onto the other oke what that other oke do onto you” stuffs.

Well ma boychays it turns out all these time, your pel Slicky-T was WRONG!

Religions is not about being a nice oke AT ALL, religions is about getting MASSIVE AND RIPPED and MOERING the other charna STUKKEND until he loves Jesus.

How flippin BUFF is that?! A whole lotta okes in the United State have started a new kind of church where you get in the ring with a oke and flippin’ MOER THE KAK out of him for Jesus.

Check this video if you think I’m talking kak and see for yourselfs:



I mean flip boet! “Can you love kneeing your neighbour in the face AS HARD AS YOU CAN?” Haha! What a flippin kief church!

And all this times I was DRIBBING OKES at H2O because they were CHOONING ME, who knowed I was actually helping them to find Jesus?

Jassis. That’s some LIFE-CHANGING KAK right there.

See you ous in CHURCH.




Desmond And The Tutus New Video (Zim Zala Bim)

ZimzalabimMagicians are badass. Well, maybe not badass, but they’re better than clowns. The only real-life clowns I’ve encountered reek of BO, stale booze and paedophilia.

Magicians are legit though, which is why I dug the new Desmond And The Tutus video for their track “Zim Zala Bim” which, you guessed it, is about a magician.

The video stars the same dude they used in the promo video for the new album, which some people thought was pretty damn funny (this guy) and others thought was basically the worst video they had ever seen. This video is a lot tamer, but the song itself is awesome.



Happy Monday everyone Winking smile