Posts Tagged ‘klap gym boet

15
Dec
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #10: ANTON TAYLOR

By SlickTiger 5 Comments
Categories: Killer Posts and Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

Anton5Once in a while a oke come along who is not just a normal oke, he’s not just another chop head who doesn’t unnerstand the meaning of getting MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF and banging hot BELTERS!

This oke, he can be called a LEGEND among men, he can be called the CHOSEN CHARNA. This oke can KILL you with a LOOK, OR he can safe lives by curing any disease – AIDS, TERBUCULOZES, PREGNANCY, ANYTHING – with a flippin’ high five.

This oke walks amongst us, KLAPPING IT, MOERING okes who are kak, BANGING hot BELTERS and being a LEGEND and his name… is ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

The second I checked this oke I INSTANTLY kakked my pants he’s so flippin’ MASSIVE AND RIPPED. Do you think just any oke’s hair grows like that? Fuck boet, come off it man!

When ANTON TAYLOR was a laaitie ous must have put him in RADIOACTIVE waste and shit or sent him from ANOTHER PLANET or bitten him with A SPIDER or something, cause the BUFFNESS of this boychay is OFF THE CHAIN!

And you think it stops there? CHARNA, that’s only where it STARTS!

 

 

FLIPPIN’ WINGS BOET! THAT THE OU CAN ACTUALLY FLY WITH!

I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking and the answer is NO! It’s not flippin’ fair that ONE OKE can naturally grow lightning bolts that point at his cheloger and HAIR WINGS on his back that he can fly around with, but you know what?

Life’s not fair boet. All us ordinary charnas can do is KLAP IT every day and hope to one day be HALF as MASSIVE, RIPPED and BUFF as ANTON TAYLOR.

 

 

I never thought a oke could ever be more buff than PAUL MAIN MAN, but flip ANTON TAYLOR, you are on a DIFFERENT LEVEL from that other ou.

I did some googalising on the interwebs and find out the following stuff about ANTON TAYLOR:

 

  • The explosion in Hirosheema wasn’t actually a plutonic bomb, it was one of ANTON TAYLOR’S PROTEIN BAFFS
  • The TITANIC didn’t sink because it hit a iceberg, ANTON TAYLOR went back in time and punched a hole in it because it was KAK
  • ANTON TAYLOR’S chest hair is what gave God the idea of LIGHTNING
  • The twin towers weren’t hit by a plane, ANTON TAYLOR flew into both of them when he was distracted banging two blonde BELTERS at the same time IN THE AIR
  • If you look directly at ANTON TAYLOR’S handlebars for longer than 6 seconds you go blind
  • ANTON TAYLOR caused the earthquake that destroyed Japan. He chucked his weights on the ground after his 1 000 000 000 000th rep and the resulting tremor moved the TECHNOTRONIC PLATES!
  • God didn’t rest on the seventh day, he gave up because he realised EVERYTHING HE CREATED WAS KAK compared to ANTON TAYLOR

 

Keep KLAPPING IT ma boychay, you are an inspirhation to BUFF CHARNAS the world over!

-ST

04
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #7 – Another Legwarmer Boychie!

By SlickTiger Leave a Comment
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , ,

bodybuilder2As a oke who has become one of the most predigious bloggers in the country, if not the universe, I can choon you straight that if I say something is kief, it becomes a overnight cessation.

When I wrote The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet (or TSTGTKB as the medias calls it), basically the next day millions of boychays and belters from the West Rand to the Western Cape stopped “doing” gym. Nobody says they “do” gym anymore, unless that person is flippin’ dof.

Okes KLAP GYM, BOET! And now, since my interwebs article last week, they do it in lekker retro-pienk moffie socks!

I was doing my fith set of 150kilo benchpress at Wembley Virgin last night, my guns firing like flippin’ twin BAZOOKAS while BELTERS pointed and laughed in disbelieve at how well my new retro-pienk moffie socks worked their circlation magic, when I saw ANOTHER CHARNA with identical moffie socks as mine, only blue!

When the BELTERS saw this oke that was it. They flippin’ nearly fell over they were laughing with so much respect at the MASSIVE weights this oke was EATING.

 

 

“Those are very sexy,” one of the BELTERS asked me, “can I borrow them for my aerobics class?”

“NO!” I flippin’ chooned her, “ARE YOU STUPID?!”

She was definitely stupid. I mean, the music was PUMPING, but I’m pretty sure she called me a ”vacuum” before she walked away with her BELTER friend obviously to find me on Vleisboek and look at the pictures of me and my charnas klapping lekker DOEF DOEF music and rubbing oil on each other to practise for the next WHOSE THE MASSIVEST COMPETITION.

 

 

Anyway, I approached this boychay to introduce myself cause I could check by the way he was inmitating me that I am his hero.

“CHARNA! SlickTiger,” I said.

“Okaay,” he said back, pretending not to know me cos oviously the poor oke was shy.

“Lekker moffie socks boet,” I said.

“Thanks. Are you also in on this thing?” he said.

“Boet, in on it?! I INVENTED IT CHARNA!” I said.

“It’s a cool idea, it’s got a lot of people talking. Did you see what they did to the Jan Van Riebeek statue?” he said.

 

 

“The what?! Boet, I dunno what the flip you’re talking about but all I can say is that with these bad boys on I’m KLAPPING IT STUKKEND! My circlation is FLIPPIN HECTIC! I’m eating weights so MASSIVE, those two BELTERS that just walked past called me a VACUUM!” I said.

“Um…” he said.

“I also can’t believe it hey? I dunno why I didn’t get these flippin’ things YEARS AGO. You go back to your sets charna. If you want a autograph or something I’ll be in the steam room,” I chooned.

It’s amazing how this craze it taking off because of me! I said it before, but I’ll say it again – if you want to seriously experience ANOTHER LEVEL OF BUFFNESS, get some moffie socks TODAY and be an early adapter like me.

KLAP IT, BOET!

-ST

05
Jul
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #3 – Boychay On A Beach (NSFW)

By SlickTiger 7 Comments
Categories: Klapping It
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hazit charnas!

SlickTiger here with more pictures of OKES WHO LIKE TO KLAP IT!

Now I know what you’re probably thinking about the following oke who likes to klap it because trust me, I’m thinking the SAME FLIPPIN’ THING – it’s a bit flippin GAY to pose kaalgat for pictures on a beach, but FUCK OKES!

Can you seriously BLAME this charna?! Check out his flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED QUADS BRU! The oke’s BUFF, so he likes to walk kaalgat on the beach, so what?!

 

 

A oke like that can flippin MOER you with a look ma boychay, a look like the one in this picture.

 

 

A oke like this has 1000% DEDICATION and that’s what I like to see. You won’t find this oke sitting on his bladdy arse eating chips and watching Sewende Laan, no.

This charna is in the gym twice EVERY DAY, eating weights for breakfast, lunch and supper and experimenting with DANGEROUS BOVINE GROWTH HORMONES that seem to have had some kind of funny effect on his pecs…

But none the less, I think we can take our backwards gym cap off to this PROPPER BOYCHAY, this BUFF CHARNA and say BOET! You’ve KLAPPED IT!

Until next time!

-ST

23
May
11

SlickTiger Industries Creates Sickest Nandos Ad Known To Man

By SlickTiger 13 Comments
Categories: TigerTV
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I caught wind of this radass campaign that Nandos are running at the moment where they are shooting a whole bunch of ads that explain the “Dubious History” of their famous peri peri sauce.

They’re posting all the episodes to this site: http://howfarwillyougo.co.za/ and then giving ordinary folks like you and me the opportunity to take a stab at what happens next in the ads.

You can either write in (must be 280 characters or less) or submit a 30 second video entry and if your submission makes the top three in terms of number of votes you win an African holiday to the value of R20k!

I’m not too fussed about the holiday to be perfectly honest, I just wanted to whip out the ol’ Nokia N8 again, wear my underpants on the outside in public and shoot some crazy shit.

Here are the fruits of my labours*. If you dig this, hit http://howfarwillyougo.co.za/ads/episode-1/ and click on “like” (to the right of the video), literally takes 3 seconds.

 

 

You guys fucking rock. Let’s let the Tiger loose on AFRICA bitches! It’s been ages since I’ve had bilharzia!

-ST

*Disclaimer: If my ad makes absolutely no sense, it’s because I shot it before the Nandos one was uploaded onto the site and NOT because I’d smoked too much tik that day.

07
Feb
11

You Gotta Love Models

By SlickTiger 6 Comments
Categories: Satire, Irony And Vitriol
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So Klap Gym Boet! went into the latest FHM which now means there’s an FHM lying around our flat which I can honestly say is the first one that’s done that in about 5 years.

Naturally I find myself gravitating towards it from time to time, mostly when I’m supposed to be doing things that actually require brainpower such as writing a blog post or boiling the kettle.

Instead I veg out on the couch and flip through the pages, marvelling at how large woman’s breasts seem to have become and thanking my lucky stars that I’m a guy and don’t have to compete with those ridiculously over-airbrushed, over-sexed and under-dressed brainless sirens.

 

 

I love the ‘what qualities do you look for in a man?’ question because they always say the same fucking thing.

“Confidence and a great sense of humour are sexy. He must also not be afraid to show his sensitive side. And he must be honest. And he must have a nice six-pack. Hahahaha!”

It’s all the same shit over and over and over again!

South African models are the worst. For the most part they are so fucking boring I’d rather push a fork through my eyeball than read an interview with them.

Take this month’s cover girl Genevieve Morton for example, who answered the following questions in the following ways:

 

  • What do you find attractive in a man? Confidence and a sense of humour
  • What do you do on your days off in New York? Browse the fresh food market with hot, non-alcoholic apple cider
  • You must have had some cool jobs since we last worked together? I spend a lot of time in Dallas working for a department store
  • Do you enjoy jogging in Central Park wearing insanely tight spandex? I got totally lost one day, so haven’t spent too much time there
  • It’s a tough country to stay in shape in, how do you resist Dunkin’ Doughnuts? Actually, when I travel I never eat the nice, tasty foods… because I am scared that I will like it too much and then not to be able to stop myself
  • What exciting career projects are you looking forward to? Finishing my degree

 

And so on and so on and so on and so on.

I’m probably not the best person to gauge these things by, but seriously, what a boring interview!

 

 

The American girls interviewed at least had some pizazz, but I’m sorry, our local girls are a buncha limp noodles. They wouldn’t know a party if it crawled up their leg and blew a bong hit their doe-eyed little faces.

That Powerbalance launch I went to when I met Roxy Louw is a great example. We went to the bar after the interview and I ordered her a tequila. No, tequila was too hectic, she’d had a bad experience (hahaha! Like anyone drinks tequila and has a good experience). So I ordered her a Jagy, no she didn’t want a Jagy either. An Apple Sour? No, not that either.

She ended up doing a shot of red wine. Then her boyfriend arrived, gave her a disapproving look and marched her off to sit in a corner with him for the rest of the night.

You gotta love models because magazines and TVs and a bazillion other forms of mass media bludgeon us with their half naked bodies and perfectly sculpted faces all the time and we sit there like cartoon wolves, tongues lolling from our heads and hearts beating through our chests and then you actually get to meet them and you know what?

The baglady down the street is more interesting.

-ST

20
Sep
10

Tequilas on me!

By SlickTiger 3 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s a fucking done deal guys, thanks to all your support and the endless hours you spent voting, revoting and re-revoting for Klap Gym Boet, it’s cracked the FINAL TWO for the SA Blog Awards!

I found out last night and started bouncing off the walls like a piece of loose shrapnel with J-Rab while the two of us laughed our asses off that a post about KLAPPING GYM could ever get so huge.

 

 

We drank Savannas because that’s all we had. We ate fish and rice for supper in our wooden shed and fantasised about being rich and famous.

But seriously you guys are the best. Without all you crazy fuckers backing me on this, God knows I’d still be banging out these words, drunk and belligerent, to an audience of about twelve people.

Big up to my good friend MJ though, she’s up against the Tiger for Best Post with this gem she put out there last year that gives a detailed overview of how District 9 was marketed on the web. It’s an excellent and well-researched piece of writing and if MJ bags the award on Saturday, I’ll be really stoked that for once, the good guys finished first.

 

 

In other news, you may have noticed that the site’s been a little thin on the posting side of late but truth be told, life, the universe and pretty much everything is scrambling for a piece of me and like I said in last week’s post, I’m bleeding time like nobody’s business right now and there’s only so much of me to go around.

I’m working on creating more of me though, but it’s proving tricky because to do that I need to KLAP 3 SESSIONS OF GYM, SMASH 6 PROTEIN SHAKES, 12 RAW EGGS, 5 STEAKS, 9 CHICKEN BREASTS and 3 INJECTIONS OF DANGEROUS ANABOLIC STEROIDS EVERY DAY!

So guys, tequilas on me this week and wish me luck for Saturday. If I KLAP this one, maybe some kind folks will help me redesign my site for free because let’s be honest, it’s getting a little ropey and I got plans to p1mp it out flippin’ HECTIC charna!

Good times I tell ya. Good times 😉

-ST