Archive for October, 2011



17
Oct
11

Real Life Superheroes – What. The. Fuck?

r-REAL-LIFE-SUPER-HERO-large570In a world where superheroes dominate the mass media, it was just a matter of time before ordinary citizens started wearing geeky costumes and walking the streets “fighting crime”.

Actually wait, lemme rephrase that. In America, it was just a matter of time before ordinary citizens started wearing dorky costumer and walking the streets fighting crime.

If you tried that here in South Africa, the bad guys would kill you three times over for that shit. Once for interfering, twice for dressing up like a wanker and the third time because they’d be laughing so hard the first two times, they’d need a third try to get it right.

But in America, according to an article I read on www.reallifesuperheroes.org, there are roughly 200 real-life superheroes patrolling America’s streets, looking like tools and seemingly doing very little except indulging their geeky fantasies, picking up trash and handing out sandwiches to the homeless.

And then there are the Rain City Superheroes, who’ve been getting considerable media attention since their leader, a caped crusader (seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried) called Phoenix Jones made headlines in January this year when he was trying to break up a fight and got kicked in the face while a guy held a gun to his head.

Here’s the news report that did the rounds earlier this year:

 

 

After watching that report when it broke I had a quiet chuckle to myself and carried on with my life, convinced that they next report I’d pick up would either be “Phoenix Jones calls it quits after getting his ass handed to him… again” or “Phoenix Jones stabbed to death by crackheads” and that would be that.

But no, this guy is still out there. Only now he’s landed in a spot of trouble after dousing four people outside a nightclub with pepper spray because he thought they were trying to rough each other up.

According to the police report however, the partygoers were just walking to their car “dancing and having a good time”, as you do. I mean Christ, if I got maced every time I’d had one too many and was dancing around like a drunk asshole, I’d be blind as a mole and my sinuses would have been utterly destroyed by the time I was 19.

But wait, it gets better.

At his hearing, Phoenix Jones dramatically unmasked himself and revealed his true identity as a black dude with the most EPIC afro I’ve seen this side of the early 90s, check it out:

 

 

What a fucking clown. And if that isn’t enough to convince you of the fact that this guy might just be the biggest joke walking the streets of Seattle, you HAVE to read this account of a journalist who followed Phoenix Jones around for a couple of days recently.

It’s a seriously long article, but totally worth it just for the parts about what these “superheroes” actually do, which seems to be a whole lot of nothing.

Apparently this all started back in the 1980s with a guy who calls himself “Master Legend” and believes he has super healing, super speed, was born “wearing a purple veil” and has died three times. Oh, and he also drinks like a bergie, which basically explains everything.

Here’s a video of the guy I dug up for your viewing pleasure. What. A. Chop.

 

 

It’s like Kickass happening in real life, only you’d have to be delusional to think what these people are doing is going to end well.

In South Africa, where crime isn’t something that happens on the news every night, but rather something that happens to our friends, our close family and ourselves, the thought of getting dressed up in spandex and walking the streets, preventing “crime” by asking people nicely to do what you say or you’ll just stand there (seriously, that’s how Phoenix Jones and his crew stopped some dealers from selling on a street corner) is embarrassingly naive.

Sure, I’m all for being vigilant, reporting crime the second you see it and on the extremely rare occasion when the situation calls for it and you know what you’re doing, stepping in and preventing something bad from happening, but walking around dressed like these guys is like painting a gigantic target on your chest and playing “dodge the bullet” at a shooting range.

Mark my words, something very bad will happen to one of these retards sooner or later, but until then, here are some hilarious pictures of them to brighten up your Monday:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve said it before, but I think it bears repeating: humankind has never, ever been this bored.

EVER.

-ST

14
Oct
11

A Snapshot Of The Future

jannah-scifiI purposefully didn’t write a post on Steve Jobs last week because while I recognise the fact that he’s a visionary and has had a MAJOR impact on the way we interact with technology, I felt I didn’t know enough about him to be able to write something which you wouldn’t have already read 1 000 times.

Then I came across this video of a 1 year old girl playing with an iPad and, after that, trying to use a magazine in the same way and it really made me stop and think about what our lives have become.

We’re plugged in, every day, all the time. We’re permanently connected in some way or other, whether it’s through your cell phone or the nearest 3G tower. We consume VAST amounts of information, very little of which sticks in our already crowded minds.

Awhile back I started reading “The Singularity Is Near” by futurist Ray Kurzweil, where he puts forward the notion that within the next 40 years, technology will become so advanced and move at such a rapid pace that it will “appear to rupture the fabric of human history.” In other words, we will seize control of our own evolution.

 

 

It’s based on the principle of nanotechnology and the theory that eventually we will be able to inject nanobots into our blood streams that will reverse and control aging at a cellular level, speed up our thought processes by doubling the amount of neurons in our brains and basically transform us from biological into nonbiological beings.

If you’re into that shit, you gotta read this interview with Kurzweil that Vice Magazine did, it’ll blow your fucking mind: http://www.vice.com/read/ray-kurzweil-800-v16n4

And when that happens, this blog site will become wired into your DNA and these words I’m writing will echo inside your brain like I’m sitting right close to you, shooting the breeze.

Kinda like it is already Winking smile

But yeah, until that glorious day, here’s the video of the baby that thinks a magazine is an iPad:

 

 

Food for thought right there.

Have a killer weekend, I’ll catch you on Monday for more curazy-pops!

-ST

13
Oct
11

Awesome Work Time-Wasters (Part VIII)

Roman_Soldier_03Is that right? VIII – that’s eight hey? What the hell am I going to do when I get past 10, you guys are going to have to help me out after that. Any Roman numeral experts out there? Ten is X right?

Anyway, let’s do a work time-waster shall we? Your boss is gonna fucking LOVE this one Winking smile

Big up to my main man Skatter who sent this through to tellthetiger@gmail.com last week. Following the popularity of CycloManiacs, here’s another cycling game that is sure to get your ass FIRED, BITCH!

It’s called “Canvas Rider” and it goes a little something… like this…

You’re a dude. A stickdude to be precise, and you cruise around doing sweet jumps and trying to complete these rad levels that people draw and upload for you to try out. YOU can even draw the levels. Yeah! You! What do you mean you can’t draw?! That doesn’t fucking matter, I can’t draw and look what I made!

 

 

Yeah. Um. I should probably stick with writing…

So you can play a whole bunch of tracks that people with WAY better drawing skills than me have created, like this one: SNOWY MOUNTAIN SCENE! Fucking impossible to play, but you have to admire the effort this person went to, too crazy!

 

 

That one’s called Chillwind Woods, it’s basically impossible to finish so yeah, if you die about a bajillion times trying to nail it, that’s pretty much par for the course.

If you want something a little easier, but also amazingly well designed, check out Wild West:

 

 

There are a shitload of courses to fuck around on, even this one where you get to ride on boobs! Boobs I tell you!

 

 

Also, you can die in the most spectacular ways. I honestly never knew a stickman could do the things this little feller does when he wipes out. It HURTS to watch him fail and he fails A LOT.

They also change things up a little by adding green triangles, yellow triangles, red dots and all manner of shit that fuck with your gravity and add a whole other dimension to some of the courses.

The challenge here is to finish Wild West though. If you can do that, you’re a better cycler than me my good man and you’ll get the satisfaction of going to sleep tonight KNOWING that, which no one can ever, ever take away from you.

Of course, you’ll lose your job, but it will have been SO worth it.

TOTAL TIME WASTED: At least 5hrs all in all and counting. The beauty of this one is there are so many tracks to play it takes ages to get old
TOTAL ENJOYMENT LEVEL: 73.21%
FINAL VERDICT: Definitely a solid time waster this one. I’d challenge anyone out there to top this bad boy.

-ST

12
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #9: Moffie Socks Classes!

richard_bransonMa boychays (and BELTERS)!

Remember lank long ago when I first spotted a charna wearing retro moffie socks in Wembley Virgin only to spot ANOTHER charna doing the same thing a coupla days later?

And then a coupla days after that, the crave went MENTAL all thanks to me?

Ja, well now the head CEO of the whole of Virgin, my good buddy Richard Brandson (or Dicky-B as I like to call him when we’re on his yot surrounded with BELTERS) has sent me a personal LETTER asking if he can use my idea for Virgin Active!

Here’s the letter he sent:

Hi Slicky-T,

I were reading your absolutely mind-bloggingly great site the other day and came upon a great thought for all my Virgin Active gyms the whole of South Africa over that I belief will be great!

What about if we used your very amazingly clever idea of the “moffie socks” as you call them (here in England (land of the Queen) they are knowed as “legwarmers”) and the superb-human strength they create in a man (or a women) as the bases for an attire new class that guys can do in a Virgin gym!

My marketing department has thought up of the great name which is called “Retro Aerobics” for these new classes, but don’t worry! I have already sent you a check for about $5 000 000 for letting me use this great  idea, well done!

Keep on klapping it and please come back and stay on one of my trpoical island bases again sometime soon but please switch the gas off this time we don’t want another insident like what happened the last time when you burned down the house down and Kate had to save my mom you rascal!

“Kief ma boychie!”

“Klap it Boet!”

Your pal,
Dicky-B

I couldn’t belief my ears when I read that letter?! Hey?! Dicky-B thinks I caused the fire at his house when everyone knows it was flippin KATE who leaved the gas on!

 

 

Anyway, after much debilitation I decided to go to my loyers with this kak as it was clearly MY IDEA about the Retro Aerobics and ME who created the moffie socks crave and discovered their secret powers and I don’t think $5 000 000 is enough payment for such a flippin’ JENIUS IDEA!

But it’s all kief and sorted now. I got TWICE what Dicky offered inishally, $2 500 00! Which just goes to show okes, if you have a dream, don’t sit around like a asshole spraying yourself with a lekker tan all day and getting it on the couch and ruining the kief new vest you got at a Mr Price sale (2 for double the price of one!) and smashing tuna into your face while you watch last nite’s episode of 7nd Laan again in case you missed anything the first time, go out there and KLAP IT BOET!

Now I can proudly say there is a Virgin class named after me and if you don’t belief me, here are pics that proof it!

 

 

 

 

So go klap a Retro Aerobics class TODAY and when they ask you, tell them the INVENTOR of the class, Slicky-T sent you.

Later CHARNAS!

-ST

11
Oct
11

Kids, Always Clean Your Fucking Ears

5876317-antique-closed-for-business-signAt roughly 18h20 on Sunday evening my right ear decided to close for business.

I knew this because all of a sudden all of my internal sounds (ie. breathing, swallowing, my heart beating, etc.) became at least 10 times louder than they usually are.

My first instinct was to grab an ear bud and start ramming it unceremoniously into my ear to try and dislodge what felt like an entire boulder of waxy gunk.

So I jammed an ear bud as far as it would go and listened intently to the squelching sounds that followed before examining the ear bud to confirm my worst suspicions – something had died in there. Something… UNGODLY!

“Hey babe, what you up to?” J-Rab chimed, sneaking up behind me.

“NO! DON’T LOOK AT ME! DON-”

“Don’t look at wh- HOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCKISTHAT?!”

 

 

“IT’S NOTHING! WALK AWAY! WALK AWAAAYYYY!“

“DID THAT COME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING EAR?!”

“Babe, please, let’s just pretend this never happened ok? Everything’s going to be ok, let’s just carry on with our lives and pre-“

“Jesus Slick, clean your fucking ears man, gross!”

“I do clean my ears! …most of the time! But some water must have gotten stuck in there or something and now my ear’s going fucking haywire, it’s like fucking Madame Tussaud’s in there, you gotta fucking help me! You gotta syringe my ear!”

“I don’t have a syringe!”

“Can’t you get one from work?”

“I’ll only be able to get one tomorrow, can you wait that long?”

“I guess I’ll have to…” I said.

Fast forward to last night and what does J-Rab come home with?

 

 

Ear candles. How fucking cool is that? Hollow candles you put in your ear that magically soften all the wax in your ear canal and suck it out.

So yeah, then this happened…

 

 

I’d heard of ear candles before – a buddy of mine had told me he used one once and it was the most intense, amazing thing he had ever felt.

“It’s like you hear the weirdest shit man! I can’t even explain it and then BAM! The candle sucks everything out of your ear, every last little bit of wax and you can hear again y’know? But I mean, really hear every fucking sound like you’ve never heard them before. Everyone should do it at least once in their life.”

So I did it. And absolutely nothing happened.

I mean, I did hear a few cool sounds and thought it might be working, but I burned two candles down in the same ear and they didn’t suck up a goddamned thing.

Luckily J-Rab had managed to get a syringe from work (she’s a vet nurse) which we filled with hot water so we could blast the shit out of my ear canal.

The first two times nothing happened and then, in a violent explosion of hot water and ear gunk, every last smidgen of ear wax my left ear ever produced came loose in one go.

 

 

In nearly 28 years on this planet, that definitely rates right up there in terms of the most satisfying things I’ve ever felt.

Suddenly I could hear again! Everything was clear as a goddamn bell!

But wow… the bathtub where the gunk all landed… I took a picture but I’m scared if I post it every girl who reads this site, and a lot of the guys too, will run screaming, never to return.

So here’s a cute puppy instead:

 

 

Kids, always clean your fucking ears because finding out just how much gunk one ear can produce is not a fun way to spend an evening.

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

-ST

10
Oct
11

Never Take Star Wars This Seriously

star-wars_burlesqueIt’s scary the effect Star Wars has had on us as a species. You could write an entire thesis about the influence Star Wars has had on popular culture but you’ll probably find hundreds of theses like that already exist.

Hats off to George Lucas though. He gave geeks the world over something to obsess over, argue about, dress up as and fantasise about until the end of time.

But I’m sorry, you have to draw the line somewhere. Sure, they were cool movies, but you watch them, enjoy them and get on with your life. You do NOT do any of the things depicted in the images I’m about to show you. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think we’ve seen enough here.

-ST

07
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #8: Belters In Legwarmers!

80s-Leg-WarmersCharnas, you gotta believe me when I choon you that the legwarmer crave that I started has gone flippin’ bonkers and tuff ous from all over the country are sending me pics of EVERYTHING wearing retro moffie socks!

I can’t believe it that it was only a week ago that I started everything with me posting a oke I saw KLAPPING IT in retro moffie socks. Then, hard;y a week later I see another charna KLAPPING IT EVEN HARDER, also in retro moffie socks.

And NOW it’s not just boychays wearing this miracle strength-inhancing leg-KLAPPER, as I discovered during my mid-day PUMP at Virgin Wembley yesterday, it’s BELTERS too!

 

 

Apparently, the magic of the moffie sock works for BELTERS too, encouraging circlation through the entire body, therefore promoting oyxgen to the muscles which maximises not only the BUFFNESS but also the BENDING ABILITY of any BELTER.

But then ous took things to a whole OTHER LEVEL and put moffie socks on inanminate objects like ol’ Jannie Van Riebeek’s statue in KLAPSTAD, thereby making the statue INSTANTLY stand 78% more still than usual and get kakked on by 130% less pidgeons – KLAP IT JANNIE!

 

 

But there’s more okes! On Wensday, one of my good chommies Wit Willie who KLAPS IT with all the the TUFF OUS and BELTERS at Virgin Active Greenpoint (or “The Point” as the kief ous call it) was driving home in his lekker supedup Ford Focus ST with his “Tap Out” bumper sticker when he saw THIS:

 

 

HEY?! HOW FLIPPIN’ BUFF IS THAT GIRAFFE?!

You can check by the lekker definition in the giraffe’s rear leg and his BUFF DELTS, that this charna’s a BEAST in the gym. And I can tell you right now that that BUFFNESS comes from the retro moffie socks the ou is wearing – KLAP IT GIRAFFE!

But lastly okes, there’s one more. For this one I want you charnas and belters out there to just prepare yourselves beforehand for the buffness because it’s OFF THE FLIPPIN’ CHAIN!

My other buddy, Chippy, was doing STREET LUNGES with 20kilo dumbells the other day to give his quads a flippin’ lekker workout when he, out the side of his eye, checked THIS:

 

 

Okes, I’m not joking when I tell you that Chippy told me that the light that shone from that flippin’ streetpost was so flippin MASSIVE AND RIPPED, it was MELTING THE FLIPPIN’ CARS!

Completely mesmernised, Chippy pushed the button you see in the picture and flippin’ BALLS OF GREEN, RED AND ORANGE FIRE shot out of the streetpost and melted a ENTIRE BUILDING down – KLAP IT STREETPOST!

The power of the moffie socks cannot be unnerestimated okes. Those charnas back in the 80s when every oke looked like ARNOLD SHWARZENNEGAR and every BELTER looked like JANE FONDLE knowed secrets of KLAPPING IT we can only dream of.

 

 

If I could go back in time like that movie with the ous in the car that runs on GARBAGE, I’d go back to the the 80s to learn from the masters in my lekker retro moffie socks and come back THE BUFFEST CHARNA IN THE LAND!

All I need is a little irritating oke in a kief red jacket and a mad professor oke who shouts a lot and has kak hair. Anyone know any ous like that…?

KLAP IT CHARNAS!

-ST

06
Oct
11

The Irony Of Esterhuysen

765719829It’s been over a week since Mark Esterhuysen, a former newsreader for 702’s Eyewitness News, released the Hiroshima equivalent of F-bombs during a live news broadcast at 1am on a random Tuesday and catapulted himself to instant internet fame.

In case you missed it, here’s a transcription of what he said, verbatim, right before they cut to a convenient ad break:

Good morning. I’m Mark Esterhuysen. Fuck racism, fuck the pigs who killed Andries Tatane, fuck the AWB, fuck racism. We are all wild animals here, meant to live free. Fuck capitalism, fuck fascism. Fuck this fucking wage slavery graveyard shit. Fuck domestication, fuck Julius Malema, fuck the state. Fuck perpetual economic growth on a finite planet. This is the only fucking planet we have…”

Right after that he proceeded to direct anyone who disagreed with him to his Twitter profile, Facebook page and blog http://markesterhuysen.blogspot.com/.

Can you believe the balls on this guy?! Hahahaha! What a legend! Here’s the original:

 

 

Naturally the first thing I did was to try and find out if anyone at work had hit the guy’s site so I could get the address (I kept misspelling “Esterhuysen”) and was told in no uncertain terms that this guy is COOKED!

FUCK YEAH! I thought. I love crazies!

 

 

But reading his site I soon realised that the poor guy isn’t crazy at all. Misguided, maybe, but outright shit-your-pants-mad? I don’t think so.

His site consists of about 10 posts, at least 5 of which are long, sprawling diatribes about his dissatisfaction with modern civilisation and this desperate need he feels deep down to get as far away from it as humanly possible.

I’d be lying outright if I said I’ve never thought that. In fact, for a long time when I was younger I entertained the idea of falling off the grid completely. Finding some remote desert island somewhere and living out the rest of my days spear fishing, climbing coconut trees and living in an A-frame hut on the beach.

Esterhuysen’s need to get the hell away from it all was calcified by an article he read on the Men’s Health website that was posted in October last year which, to be perfectly frank, stated some pretty obvious facts about how being exposed to the great outdoors is one of the best ways to sharpen the mind and senses and how modern society has all but cut us off from nature completely, to our detriment.

 

 

In fact, all of Esterhuysen’s posts seem to be pretty obvious at face value. Civilisation is tyrannical, agriculture is the root of all human evil, the abhorrent ecocide we are committing on a daily basis isn’t receiving the level of attention it should be, the sooner we go back to the Stone Age way of life, the better.

They’re all arguments I used to believe fervently. It’s a FACT that we are, by all definitions of the word, insane. All of us. Every living person on this planet, because we are systematically destroying the very thing upon which we rely for our existence as a species.

So the guy took a stand for what he believed in. He used the medium of commercial radio to stick it to the man in a 25th Hour inspired tirade, such was the strength of his convictions.

But here’s the kicker – what did his passionate outburst result in?

One Time Airlines recording an Esterhuysen-inspired ad that rips off his F-bombing and turns his entire outcry into a big fucking joke so that they can sell more flights.

 

 

Let’s just pause and reflect on the irony of that.

A guy who is so concerned with the way we’re destroying the planet voices his vehemence on radio only to be made fun of by an airline so that they can sell more flights, burn more jet fuel and stamp their carbon footprint firmly on the face of our planet.

 

 

Esterhuysen may be an ideological fool, but I admire what he did, and if that makes me an ideological fool as well, then so be it.

This weekend, J-Rab and I are going to (finally!) sign up with a recycling service in an effort to try and make some positive change. Sure, it won’t stop cars from driving or planes from flying or BP from fouling up our oceans, but it will make a difference, even if it’s a tiny one.

My old man goes to church on Sundays, which I found pretty bizarre when he first started going because he’s never been religious at all, but he never spoke about it or got all weird and preachy so I just let it be.

After returning one Sunday, he left a pamphlet on the entrance hall table that told the following story:

Two friends were walking along a beach one afternoon when they noticed that the spring tide had washed hundreds of starfish up onto the beach that were drying out in the sun and dying.

As they walked, the one friend randomly picked up starfish and threw them back into the sea.

 

 

Irritated with the futility of this gesture, the other friend eventually snaps.

“There must be a thousand starfish on this beach! Would you just give it a rest, you’re not making a difference!”

To which his buddy simply picks up another starfish, throws it into the sea and says, “I made a difference to that one.”

Mark Esterhuysen might have become the butt of everyone’s jokes, but at least he’s trying to make a difference in some way.

Which is a damn side more than I can say for me.

-ST

05
Oct
11

How To Be A Functioning Alcoholic On Facebook

Drunk_06Before I even start this post, I feel I need to be straight up with you guys and tell you that all of what you’re about to see is shamelessly ripped off Sad And Useless.

Great. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s dive right in to today’s subject matter, disguising your rampant alcoholism on Facebook, something that I know I for one struggle with.

It’s a known fact that the biggest downside of Facebook is that family and work colleagues can all see just how wizasted you got on the weekend by trawling your pics. Well, I’m here to tell you those days are finally OVER.

All you need is a couple of rudimentary photoshop skills and access to a gigantic database of cat images and you too can disguise your debilitating habit and fool everyone into thinking you’re a swell guy.

Confused about what the fuck I’m getting at? Me too! About time we switched to visuals so I can carry on mainlining vodka…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now you know.

-ST

04
Oct
11

Okes Who Like To Klap It #7 – Another Legwarmer Boychie!

bodybuilder2As a oke who has become one of the most predigious bloggers in the country, if not the universe, I can choon you straight that if I say something is kief, it becomes a overnight cessation.

When I wrote The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet (or TSTGTKB as the medias calls it), basically the next day millions of boychays and belters from the West Rand to the Western Cape stopped “doing” gym. Nobody says they “do” gym anymore, unless that person is flippin’ dof.

Okes KLAP GYM, BOET! And now, since my interwebs article last week, they do it in lekker retro-pienk moffie socks!

I was doing my fith set of 150kilo benchpress at Wembley Virgin last night, my guns firing like flippin’ twin BAZOOKAS while BELTERS pointed and laughed in disbelieve at how well my new retro-pienk moffie socks worked their circlation magic, when I saw ANOTHER CHARNA with identical moffie socks as mine, only blue!

When the BELTERS saw this oke that was it. They flippin’ nearly fell over they were laughing with so much respect at the MASSIVE weights this oke was EATING.

 

 

“Those are very sexy,” one of the BELTERS asked me, “can I borrow them for my aerobics class?”

“NO!” I flippin’ chooned her, “ARE YOU STUPID?!”

She was definitely stupid. I mean, the music was PUMPING, but I’m pretty sure she called me a ”vacuum” before she walked away with her BELTER friend obviously to find me on Vleisboek and look at the pictures of me and my charnas klapping lekker DOEF DOEF music and rubbing oil on each other to practise for the next WHOSE THE MASSIVEST COMPETITION.

 

 

Anyway, I approached this boychay to introduce myself cause I could check by the way he was inmitating me that I am his hero.

“CHARNA! SlickTiger,” I said.

“Okaay,” he said back, pretending not to know me cos oviously the poor oke was shy.

“Lekker moffie socks boet,” I said.

“Thanks. Are you also in on this thing?” he said.

“Boet, in on it?! I INVENTED IT CHARNA!” I said.

“It’s a cool idea, it’s got a lot of people talking. Did you see what they did to the Jan Van Riebeek statue?” he said.

 

 

“The what?! Boet, I dunno what the flip you’re talking about but all I can say is that with these bad boys on I’m KLAPPING IT STUKKEND! My circlation is FLIPPIN HECTIC! I’m eating weights so MASSIVE, those two BELTERS that just walked past called me a VACUUM!” I said.

“Um…” he said.

“I also can’t believe it hey? I dunno why I didn’t get these flippin’ things YEARS AGO. You go back to your sets charna. If you want a autograph or something I’ll be in the steam room,” I chooned.

It’s amazing how this craze it taking off because of me! I said it before, but I’ll say it again – if you want to seriously experience ANOTHER LEVEL OF BUFFNESS, get some moffie socks TODAY and be an early adapter like me.

KLAP IT, BOET!

-ST