Archive for June, 2010

24
Jun
10

Silencing The Rat

Cave liked to get good and drunk and punch things.

Sometimes it was doors and cupboards, he’d curl his ridiculously long fingers into ridiculously large fists and punch dents into the wood until his knuckles were skinned and bleeding.

Other times he’d let his pent-up rage out on a window or two – we’d all be sitting around at another blurry digs party, making insidious efforts with random girls to get laid and next thing a window would smash somewhere and we knew without even getting up to look that it was Cave throwing another one of his inexplicable drunk tantrums.

23
Jun
10

In Whisky There Is Comfort Still

I had this way of picking up things and drinking them when I was a kid, probably like most kids do. When I was 3, the electrician came at night to fix something or other and my mom offered him a beer, which he drank a sip of and left on the living room table.

I picked that bad boy up and drank the whole thing. Then I jumped up and down in my cot, laughing my ass off for about 2 hours and then I passed out stone cold and woke up feeling fine the next day. There’s Irish in me, not a lot (my grandfather was half English, half Irish), but enough 😉

21
Jun
10

The Last Episode Of Lost

Mention to people that you enjoy watching Lost and you get one of two reactions. The first is a totally dismissive “Oh, yeah, I watched a bit of the first season but then sort of went off it…” and the second is an explosive “HOLYSHITIFUCKINGLOVETHATSHOW!”

 

 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the mark of a cult show. In fact that is the mark of anything that is cult, an audience that is fiercely polarised between people that love whatever it may be to the point of manic obsession and a much larger contingency that are either completely indifferent towards it or think it’s the biggest load of shit they’ve ever seen.

17
Jun
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 8)

Um, yeah.

Unsurprisingly, after the abortion of a reply that was my last ‘Tell The Tiger’, the ol’ gmail address (tellthetiger@gmail.com) has been a little quiet.

Look, in my defence I wrote that last one after participating in a ‘Mass Streak’ right by the Green Point stadium with a bunch of total strangers, which I was understandably nervous about being a part of because a) it was fucking cold and b) the last time I streaked in public was, well, never.

 

 

So I might have been a little under the influence, christ, I’m only human.

14
Jun
10

The SlickTiger Interview On MFM

Stop the motherfucking press motherfuckers! I actually managed to get my dirty paws on the interview that took place last week on Wednesday on MFM (Maties FM, the Stellenbosch University campus station) because literally hundreds of thousands of people emailed, skyped, smsed and shouted at me on busy street corners because they so badly wanted to hear it.

 

So yeah, I did you guys all the favour of painstakingly breaking into the MFM offices in the dead of night and stealing about 3 days worth of back-recordings that I had to listen to, which was like chewing glass, to eventually find this little gem of an interview.

11
Jun
10

Today we are South Africans

I have a love / hate relationship with this country.

It’s the little things that get to me. It’s the way taxis take to our streets with total abandon and a sense of entitlement that infuriates everyone they cut in front of and crash into.

It’s the way, after all this time, after all the fights we’ve fought, snot-nosed political troublemakers can step into the limelight and set us back twenty years every time they shake their fists in the air and bark their angry, idiotic words, inciting hatred and violence.

 

 

09
Jun
10

Congratulations! 1 x Mind-Blowing Orgasm Coming Your Way

If you had to ask me what I believe in, I don’t really know what I’d say. Organised religion seems really contrived and, let’s be honest, is pretty boring and preachy most of the time.

I do think there’s some kind of bigger, karmic system we’re a part of though, which is why I’ve decided to appeal to whatever Gods may be to reward anyone who visits this site today with a mind-blowing orgasm.

 

 

The beauty of a karmic gift of this nature is you can enjoy it by yourself or with (consenting) others, but just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill, make-a-funny-cum-face, roll-over-and-go-to-sleep kind of orgasm.

08
Jun
10

People From Bellville: Stop Driving Up My Arse

I’m not quite sure how else to go about this, I mean seriously, what’s the fucking dealy-o here? Is Bellville populated entirely with proctologists? Why in the name of sweet, six-pound-four-ounce baby Jesus must you guys drive right up my arsehole every fucking day? Why?! WHYTHEFUCK?!

 

 

[With the notable exception of Supa Dan, he’s a legend and he drives just fine.]

At first it was cute, I just thought maybe people in Cape Town were really friendly and were getting up close and personal to come and say hello or something.

‘Look honey,’ I used to say, ‘that man whose parents are cousins has driven up to say hallo! What a friendly chap!’

07
Jun
10

The Son Of Swords

A story, if you will, one of my favourites:

 

The Prince And The Magician

Once upon a time there was a young prince who believed in all things but three. He did not believe in princesses, he did not believe in islands, and he did not believe in God. His father, the king, told him that such things did not exist. As there were no princesses or islands in his father’s domains, and no sign of God, the prince believed his father.

03
Jun
10

Tell Th eTiger )Episode 7)

Ok, I’ll be the frist to admit here taht perhaps I’m nothe soberest I should betp answer people’s fuckng life problesm here, hey, hahahahaaha, yeha, I’m definitely past the point of opertaing heavy machinery but the thing is it;s been awhile yknw? And i kinda feel like i owe it to you guys  , my audience to at least post SOMETHING! I ena fuckskaek the way Iv’e been posting recenty ain’t gonna win me any awards thats fe damn sure!

So yeah, ho aout we just jump inther shallwe? Um, ok, here we gl:

Hi Slick,