Archive for January, 2013

31
Jan
13

Feel-Good Short Animation Of The Day

800x600I’ve been watching a lot of short animations and films on the interwebs recently because as a writer, I have a lot of respect for people who have mastered the art of telling a compelling story in a matter of minutes.

Yesterday I tweeted about a short film I watched called “Voice Over” that I thought was rad, but then today I stumbled on this Oscar nominated short film called “Paperman” that you guys HAVE to see.

The first-time director behind this short animation, John Kahrs, uses blended computer-generated and hand-drawn techniques to tell this story and the results speak for themselves.

 

 

I know, I know, I’m a big flippin’ softie, but c’mon that was an awesome piece of story-telling wasn’t it?

Follow him on Twitter (@john_kahrs) if you like this animation and read his Oscar Nominee Questionnaire if you wanna find out more about the guy, he seems like a very cool and humble guy.

I’ll track down some more Oscar nominated shorts and  put them up if you guys like?

Hello…? Guys…?

[SFX: Crickets]

-ST

30
Jan
13

The Secret To Immortality Lies In A Motherflippin’ Jellyfish!

immortal-jellyfish-turritopsis-nutricula-4I don’t usually blog about sciencey / marine biology-ee stuff, but today’s post is an exception folks because I read about this curazy jellyfish that has been classified as “biologically immortal”.

The little sucker in question is no bigger than your pinky nail (4.5mm) which was a bit of an anti-climax for me (I was picturing some gigantic, alien-looking thing taking heavy artillery fire and instantly regenerating).

But then I read about this thing’s life cycle and I was completely dumbstruck. The Turritopsis nutricula (“Turry” to his friends) is able to transform its cells from a mature state back to immaturity after it has matured and mated. In other words, this little asshole is capable of aging backwards.

The following excerpt is stolen directly from Wiki-p-to-the-e:

Turritopsis nutricula, the immortal jellyfish, is a hydrozoan whose medusa, or jellyfish, form can revert to the polyp stage after becoming sexually mature. It is the only known case of a metazoan capable of reverting completely to a sexually immature, colonial stage after having reached sexual maturity as a solitary stage. It does this through the cell development process of transdifferentiation. Cell transdifferentiation is when the jellyfish "alters the differentiated state of the cell and transforms it into a new cell". In this process the medusa of the immortal jellyfish is transformed into the polyps of a new polyp colony. First, the umbrella reverts itself and then the tentacles and mesoglea get resorbed. The reverted medusa then attaches itself to the substrate by the end that had been at the opposite end of the umbrella and starts giving rise to new polyps to form the new colony. Theoretically, this process can go on indefinitely, effectively rendering the jellyfish biologically immortal.

How whack is that?! As a result of this “biological immortality” these little suckers are spreading like wildfire from the Carribean to oceans all over the world. Of course, if they’re eaten by predators or succumb to disease they die, but otherwise they can totes* age backwards after they get laid.

That is some Benjamin Button shit going down right there. Imagine if people were like that?

 

 

Your whole life would build up to the point where you popped your cherry and as soon as that happened you’d wake up younger and younger and younger everyday until you were a um… polyp again?

Scientists are trying to figure out how we can use this to our benefit, but it’s all still pretty wishy washy at the moment. At best, they think it might unlock the secret of immortality, but realistically all it will probably do is improve the quality of our lives in their final stages.

 

 

Personally, I reckon by the time they’ve found a way to apply whatever magic makes these little guys age backwards to us, we would have already found a way to make cells regenerate indefinitely using nano technology.

Either way, look at the pretty jellyfish!

 

 

 

I rest my case.

-ST

*totes is being used entirely in an ironic sense in this article. I do not endorse the way hipster scum have shat all over the King’s English. Abbreviating every word you say and adding an “s” at the end is totes ridic!

29
Jan
13

The Three Types Of iPad Games

iPad-mini-blackI must be one of the biggest dooses on the planet when it comes to owning an iPad.

I mean here you have this super effective tool that can streamline your entire life, it can basically turn you into a super-human with the right combination of apps and what do I use mine for?

Games. Shitloads of games.

Oh, and FlipBoard – that app rocks. But if you had to take those two things off my ipad, all it would be is a very expensive paperweight.

On the odd occasion I take it into meetings and people are like, “What cool apps do you have?” I always flip the cover back on guiltily and bark “NOTHING!” before it’s too late and they realise what a dork I am.

So I’d say I’m pretty well-versed when it comes to iPad games, having played and completed more than I can remember but I’m not sure how much longer that’s going to be the case because I swear to God iPad games are designed to do one thing and one thing only – take your money.

 

 

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, so here’s a breakdown of the 3 different kinds of iPad games out there, listed from the best kind to the worst kind:

1. Free games that are rad and don’t bleed you dry:

These are the best kind of iPad games and the rarest to actually find.

These days, if an iPad game is free you can almost bet your bottom dollar that you will get bent over the table by “in-app purchases” and bombarded with ads for other games by the same publisher until your eyes bleed.

Some examples of rad free games that are challenging to play but not impossible to complete without spending money on in-app purchases are:


ZOMBIE HIGHWAY

 

 

One of the first games I got for my iPad. Sure, you can spend real money on unlocking the weapons but it’s not too tricky to unlock everything in the game if you put in the hours.

The gameplay is pretty straight-forward, you drive down a highway, tilting the iPad to steer and shooting / smashing zombies into the other cars around you as they latch onto your car and try to tip it over.

Also, it has arguably one of the best taglines I’ve read on a game in ages: “Your goal is to survive. But you won’t".


HUNGRY SHARK EVOLUTION

 

 

A game I downloaded over Christmas and immediately got hooked on. Again, the premise here is simple – you’re a shark whose life slowly drains unless you eat EVERYTHING YOU SEE!

As you feed, your shark levels up and gets bigger. Once you’ve hit level 10, the next shark is unlocked. Eating golden fish / turtles / humans gives you coins that you use to increase your speed, bite and boost.

Sure, the game does have a gem system where gems are notoriously difficult to come by but can buy you some cool added stuff in the game, but it’s not essential to buy any of this stuff to complete the game.

Again, this game is just challenging enough that you won’t crack it in under 10 hours but not so much so that it’s impossible to complete without spending real money.

 

 

2. Free games that are rad and DO bleed you dry

“Hey wow, this game looks SICK! And it’s FREE! How motherflippin’ awesome is that?!”

Pretty awesome. Until you’ve been playing the game for a few hours and start to realise that it’s fucking impossible to get anywhere without spending real money!

Here’s the best example that comes to mind…

CLASH OF CLANS

 

 

Clash Of Clans is currently the top grossing game in the iStore because why? Because it’s the sneakiest fucking iPad game you’re ever likely to find.

In the game there are three basic forms of currency: gold, elixir and gems. Gold and elixir you can mine (at a painfully slow rate), but gems you can only get for completing goals and moving random rocks and trees from your map and when you do so, you get them in tiny quantities.

It’s a classic strategy game where you build a village, train up troops and attack other clans. The graphics are pretty awesome and the gameplay is fun so it’s easy to get hooked.

 

 

Here’s the rub though – each time you upgrade one of your buildings / defences in the game, it takes slightly longer that the time before.

At first it’s a small amount of time; maybe 10 / 15 minutes. Even then you’re like “What, 15 real minutes or 15 game minutes?” Yeah, it’s 15 REAL minutes of watching something upgrade. Woo. Hoo.

So you go make yourself a cup of coffee and come back and hey presto it’s done, no biggie.

BUT that 15 minutes soon becomes 30, then an hour, then 12 hours, then 1 day, then 3 days, then I shit you not 4 days to fucking upgrade something!

Of course, you can speed the entire process up to happen instantly IF you spend gems, but to give you an idea, a 3-day upgrade needs about 500 gems to speed up. If you buy a “Pile Of Gems” (the smallest amount you can buy, 500 gems) it costs you $4.99.

So you’ve just paid R45 to upgrade your imaginary gold mine. What. The. Fuck?

Tell me you feel that!

 

 

Games like this are becoming all to frequent, but they’re not the worst kind.

The worst kind is…

3. Games you PAY FOR and that BLEED YOU DRY

The worst kind. You fork out a good $5 for a game thinking, this looks awesome and I’m pretty sure isn’t going to fleece me for every cent I have because, you know, I’ve already paid for it.

Wrong again bucko. That amount you forked out was just a down payment. If you really want to get anywhere in this game you better be ready to fork out some serious cashola.

A prime example is:


THE INFINITY BLADE SERIES

Infinity Blade is not a cheap game. You’re looking at $5.99 to buy the first one and $6.99 for the second and it’s a big download (595MB). But man-o-man is it an awesome game.

The graphics are stunning, the hack-and-slash gameplay is awesome and the enemies scale up in difficulty perfectly as you progress into the game.

Then shit starts slowing down BIG TIME.

The only way you can level up in the game is through the items you carry. The experience points you accumulate when you kill enemies goes into your items until they fill up to the max and you master them.

 

 

Problem is, once something is mastered, any experience points that would have gone into that item are immediately forfeited. In other words, once an item is mastered it immediately becomes almost useless because it can no longer fill up with experience points.

Your only choice is to wait to pick up another unmastered item or buy one using the gold you collect in the game. Of course, the cost of the items in the game far outweighs the amount of gold you pick up so once again, you’re forced to use real life money to buy fake money.

Or you just slowly and painfully collect gold while all your rad items max out and you stop levelling up almost entirely.

iPad game developers need to sort their shit out and stop making games whose only purpose is to extort money from us.

I don’t mind paying even up to $7 or $8 for a game as long as the game is awesome and I don’t get eyeball-raped by ads or made to spend more money because the difficulty level has scaled up from “retardedly simple” to “insanely difficult” after 5 hours of gameplay.

Cool examples of games like these include Kingdom Rush, Machinarium, The Remade Monkey Island Games and Contre Jour.

Other iPad games could learn a thing or two from those titles.

-ST

28
Jan
13

SlickTiger Klaps The Most Seffrican Flight, Has The Jol Of His LIFE!

Lead imageJus-LAAIK have I just flied back form the flippin’ BUFFEST event IN THE LAND or what! How buff am I talking about here?

Boedie, I’m talking about going up to the city of ous who INVENTED klapping gym, I’m talking about staying in a flippin SIX-STAR hotel, klapping flippin buff-it PRAWNS for supper, flippin GAMBLING with a other ou’s money, getting showferred to Lanzeria airport and meeting my pel Jacque Perrow!

THEN I’m talking about KLAPPING the most Seffrican flight to ever be flied, having a lag at Kurt Schoonrad and getting lekker emotional when secret KWAAIER OUS start singing the Seffrican national song 10,000,0000km above land.

This was another level of brand event, a level where you feel flippin SWAK when it’s all over but you carry the memories inside your flippin BRAIN for all of time.

kulula were of course the BUFF OUS who made all the flippin magic happen. Jus those charnas can make a ou lag! I mean HELL, from the time I arrived at the Cape Town airport and met my first charna of the trip, Murray Turner, until the time when I arrive back in Cape Town the day later now with FIVE new pels, I was lagging for THE ENTIRE TIME!

 

 

kulula also know a BELTER from a GROT OTTER, I can tell you that much and they ONLY invited BELTERS on this trip. After I met Murray at the airport I got on the plain to the land of the GYM KLAPPERS and sitting right next to me was BELTER NO.1 of the trip, let’s just call her “The Aeroplain Shouter”.

This chick was on ANOTHER FLIPPIN LEVEL! I was like, “Jus-laaik is this real or have I died and gone to a DREAM!”

Of course, she had nothing on my klap gym BELTER girlfriend J-Rab, you can see lekker pics of her here.

But ja… as per her name, The Aeroplane Shouter’s a bit loud on plains hey? When we took off from Cape Town, the Aeroplane Shouter was having a lekker chat with me and then the aerohostess was like “Hey! You! Flippin shuppud man, I’m trying to read out the safety instructions in case of sudden LOSS OF CABIN PRESSURE, ok?”

 

 

The adventure wasn’t over their! In The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It we arrived and it was all dark and stuff already and rainy and hot and their was crazy traffic and charnas trying to crash into us and ous were like “Is this flippin MORDOR or what?!”

On the bus to Monty Casino Hotal where we stayed is where I met my second charna of the trip, Mr Cape Town who can only make a ou lag hey? Jus-LAAIK, with him and ol’ Slicky-T on the trip we had the belters and other ous flippin KAKKING THEY’RE PANT with laughter the WHOLE TIME.

Schweet thing about this Mr Cape Town ou is he’s like a flippin walking CAR BAR! We land on the other side and the ou’s like “Ive got warm Scottish beer in my bag!” and I’m like “Oke! Marry me!”

 

 

So the next thing I know we’re at the flippin larniest hotal in the land, Monty Casino, klapping BUFF-IT PRAWNS for supper and drinking Scottish beer what tastes like this fruit punch I made one time for a party but had to hide in my cupboard cause ous were drinking it on roids and klapping ous IN THE FACE and smashing they’re teeth in with chairs and kak and then I found it like a year later and was like, flip what’s that smell and so I drunk it and the next thing I remember I was naked in the street flippin RUGBY TACKLING CARS!

At that time, klapping the prawn buff-it was when I met the last two members of TEAM SLICKY-T, THE TEQUILA MONSTER and my charna Kuil from Jus’ Kickin’ It.

THE TEQUILA MONSTER was another one of the BELTERS kulula invited and FLIPPIN’ HELL! This belter from the minute she arrived until when we all were back was just like “WHO WANTS TEQUILA? LETS HAVE TEQUILA! COME HERE, DRINK THIS TEQUILA, DON’T BE A FLIPPIN MOF!”

 

 

So ja, we were the best of pels even though she made me feel like a ou had PUNCHED me in the liver the next day.

Kuil was a bit of a doos in the beginning, but then he gave us all his money to gamble with and we lost it and he was like “whatever, schweet” and I was like, “what a flippin legend!”

 

 

Also, when he rehalized I was THE SlickTiger what writed “Klapping Gym” he gave me this lekker long hug and I was like “Flip Kuil is that a banana in your pocket boet? I’m lekker hungry ou, do you mind if I have it?”

And he was like, “NO! I’m, um. Saving it for later…” Which is fine. A ou’s banana is his banana. NEVER eat that ous banana if he’s saving it for later. Unless, you know, you’ve had a bit of brannewyn en coke and ‘”Careless Whisper” is playing and the ou is passed out on the couch and stuff…

 

 

But ja. Anyway.

The next day we started early and went to Lanzeria airport where their was gumboot dancers, ous flippin JUGGLING soccer balls, photo booths and the best of all, my good buddy JACQUE PERROW rapping his songs before we all got on the most Seffrican flight.

 

 

Only the MOST Seffrican ous could go on this flight and what a collection of Seffrican ous did we see! One-legged bee-keepers from Bloemfontein, nervous Indian okes in circus clothes, the WORKS BOET!

I sat next to this lekker ou of the name of DANIEL who was all quiet in the beginning of the trip while I was klapping my padkos and schmaaking all the flippin SPACE I had around me for my PECS, BICEPS, TRICEPS, LATS, TRAPS and DELTS on kulula’s new planes which are obviously built for ous who like to KLAP IT.

Then the most hectic stuffs happened when we were reached 10,000,0000km above the land. Charnas were like, “Ok ous, let’s sing our national song” and I was like “Flip man, I can’t sing for kak, how embarassing are this going to be?” when my charna Daniel next to me suddenly stood up and started singing the national song in the voice of a angle!

 

 

There were secret flippin CHOIR NINJAS on the plane! About 10 of the ous what sang with lank EMOTION and made ous cry they felt so proud to be Seffrican and stuff.

Not me though. Everyone knows COWBOYS DON’T CRY BOET. My eyes were just watering because of the sour worms oke, jus-LAAIK…

 

 

After that I had a lekker jol with my old pel Jacque Perrow and this pic got taken of us too buff ous looking flippin TUFF!

 

 

The plain took us in a lekker big circle over some of The Land Of Okes Who Invented Klapping It’s most beautiful attractions like Haartebeespoort Dam, Sun City and the Mine Dumps.

This was a flight like no other. Ous were all talking to the other ous, finding out more about each other, sharing there stories and having a lag. It were the only time I can remember charnas being treated like kings and queens of the land just because we were all Seffrican.

kulula are flippin LEGENDS for reminding us that no matter all the bad stuff, we can still laugh, we can still be proud that we come from this land because their is no one else in all the world like us and their never will be.

After we landed, me and my new blogger buddy charnas klapped a beer together at the Lanzeria airport bar and agreed that it had been a amazing 24 hours of SHOUTING ON AEROPLANES, DRINKING SCOTTISH BEER, SMASHING TEQUILA, GAMBLING WITH KUIL’S MONEY, CHILLING WITH JACQUE PERROW, BEING PROUDLY SEFFRICAN ON A FLIPPIN PLAIN, LAGGING UNTIL OUR ABS WERE LEKKER STIFF and BEING TREATED LIKE FLIPPIN KINGS AND QUEENS OF THE LAND!

 

 

To all the kulula ous who made the trip possible, thank you for inviting us to be a part of the most Seffrican flight ever, it was a MASSIVE JOL from start to finish.

To the members of Team Slicky-T, The Aeroplane Shouter, The Tequila Monster, Kuil, Mr Cape Town and Murray thanks for putting up with all my kak for a full 24 hours, you ous deserve a prize or something.

Until next time buff ous and serious belters, keep KLAPPING IT!

-ST

25
Jan
13

Go Home You Are Drunk Friday

go-home-you-are-drunk-14I like “Go home, you are drunk memes”. I mean hell, what’s not to like about them? Up until they hit the interwebs I thought humans were the only things that could get drunk. Turns out I was wrong.

GHYAD memes have taught us that all manner of things including milk, copy machines, cars, planes, trees, houses, you name it, all seem to be hitting the sauce on a regular basis with hilarious results.

So while you sit at your desk, daydreaming of how drunk YOU are going to be getting this weekend, here are a few new GHYAD memes I found in my recent explorations of the interwebs.

Ka-pow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Atta boy Bruce.

But in all seriousness kids, don’t drink and drive.

If anyone needs me, I’ll by flying up to the Big Smoke tonight for the Kulula Most South African flight shindig, more about that next week.

Later Party People.

-ST

24
Jan
13

Were the 90s Really This Bad?!

Techno PoopSometimes on the interwebs you dig up something so cheesy that it goes beyond the limits of being funny because it’s so crap and passes beyond those limits into just being crap.

Remember that video I posted of that rave from 1997? Yeah, that was funny because there were clearly a lot of drugs involved which, when combined with people who clearly can’t handle them, is pretty damn hilarious.

Hollywood hadn’t quite latched onto “the scene” yet though and still thought techno was what all the cool kids were listening to which resulted in this fucking awful scene from the 1996 movie Vibrations.

Brace yourselves. We’re about to head into cybertronic, trance-inducing, inter galactic hardcore neutronic mutilation!

Um… yeah…

 

 

Wow. No wonder people started taking ecstasy and going to raves.

ANYTHING to escape that godawful regurgitated 80s “too hip to be square” shite.

Thing is, that doesn’t sound like the techno I remember at all. 2Unlimited was techno! Haddaway was techno! Fucking Whigfield was… Christ, I don’t know what Whigfield was…

Anyway. Have a great Thursday. Be thankful it’s not the 90s Winking smile

-ST

23
Jan
13

Treefiddy Review: Gerald Clark – Black Water

main-6The Down Lizzo:

Remember near the end of last year when I posted that badass stop-motion video for the track “Black Water” by Gerald Clark and wrote about how badly I needed that album in my life?

Well my prayers were answered pretty much the next day and before I knew it I was knocking back some smoky Double Black and tearing it up to this gritty, gutsy, killer blues album.

Black Water is how the blues were made to be played. It’s honest, unrepentant, wild and free and I loved every minute of it.

Take equal parts of Albert Frost and Dan Patlansky, throw in some Ray La Montagne for good measure and mix it up in a giant, bubbling cauldron of 12-bar blues and you’ve got Gerald Clark.

With a whisky-soaked voice that sounds like it’s straight from the Deep South and an arsenal of soaring, foot-stomping monster blues riffs, Gerald’s packing more than just an ace or two up his sleeve on Black Water, and he ain’t afraid to use ‘em.

 

Sick Tracks:

The album’s title track Black Water really is something else. It’s thumping, driving bass beats reminded me a little of the Kongos track “I’m Only Joking” and creates this perfect, sinister accompaniment to Gerald’s virtuoso slide-guitar.

It’s shit-kicking blues at it’s very best. A song about the bad ways of beautiful women. Sheer poetry I tells ya.

The album’s opening track “It Ain’t You” is a perfect taste of what to expect on the album. It plays out slow and steady as Gerald eases you into a world of unrequited lust, sin, vice, virtue and everything inbetween.

His vocals on “It Ain’t You” are a thing of wonder. He belts them out gritty as a rusted old freight-train on a one-way track to either salvation or damnation. Either way, it’ll get you hooked right from the get-go.

 

 

“Ain’t Going To Heaven” is also a great track. Gerald shifts gears on this one, going for a lighter, livelier, easy-breezy melody. I had a good chuckle at the chorous where Gerald sings “No I ain’t going to heaven / It’s the only place I’ll have to face her”. Hahaha! What a badass.

It’s not all hellfire and dirty, gritty, foot-stomping blues though. Gerald also lays down some sweeter melodies in quieter, more introspective tracks like the instrumental “Late Night Blues” and the light-hearted “Marry Me”, proving beyond a doubt that this man has some serious songwriting chops.

Should You Give A Shit?

Oh hells yeah you should give a shit! Goddamn! You should give two shits! Black Water has it all and whether you’re into heartfelt, badass blues or not, you’ll find a good couple of tracks on this album that will speak to you in one way or another.

To give you a taste of how sick this album is, here’s “Ain’t Going To Heaven” to sink your teeth into.

Dig it:

 

 

Head on down to Gerald’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/geraldjamesclark) to stream more of his tracks or visit www.geraldclark.co.za to order his album.

Final Verdict: 8/10

-ST

22
Jan
13

Movie Review: Django Unchained

DjangoUnchained_TeaserPoster_Print.inddOn Friday last week me and the missus were treated to the premier of Tarantino’s new offering Django Unchained by the kind folks at Oude Meester because their posterboy for the brand, Jamie Foxx, IS Django.

After wining and dining us with a few signature Oude Meester cocktails and some light finger foods, we were ushered into the cinema and given a brief welcome by the Oude Meester p1mp daddy himself, Arthur Lindani.

To the brand’s credit they didn’t dwell on the formalities for too long – we were shown the extended version of the Jamie Foxx Oude Meester commercial (which was shot entirely in Cape Town) and right after that the movie started and wow! We were BLOWN AWAY!

The best way I could describe it is that it felt like we were watching a live performance. The audience was so engaged in the film that the atmosphere in the cinema was alive in a way I haven’t felt in a long, long time.

 

 

This was not your normal cinema experience where the audience sits there slack-jawed, eyes glazed over munching their popcorn while scene after scene floats on by until the end credits when everyone files out in silence.

This was like watching a goddamn play. There was this palpable energy in the cinema that moved with the story. Tarantino had us hook, line and sinker from the first scene to the last and we left the cinema still buzzing even though we were almost completely emotionally spent.

THAT is the mark of a truly excellent film. It strikes every emotional chord in you, keeps you glued to the screen throughout, delivers a satisfying ending and keeps you thinking about it for weeks afterward.

Like almost everyone else I know, I’m a HUGE Tarantino fan and went into Django Unchained with very high expectations.

With the possible exception of Jacky Brown and Death Proof I’ve loved every film Tarantino’s written and / OR directed, my favourites being Reservoir Dogs, True Romance, Pulp Fiction (obvious!), Natural Born Killers (which he co-wrote), Four Rooms, Kill Bill (especially Vol.2) and Inglorious Basterds.

 

 

Like a true master of his craft, Tarantino seems hell-bent to master every genre of filmmaking and he’s doing a pretty bang-up job so far.

He revolutionised the gangster / heist movie with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, gave us two unforgettably cool Kung Fu movies in Kill Bill 1 & 2, tried his hand at European-styled filmmaking with Inglorious Basterds and knocked it out of the park and now with Django Unchained he tackles the spaghetti western genre and delivers one of the best films I’ve seen in a very long time.

Django Unchained is set in 1858 in the Deep South and follows the story of the film’s titular character Django from when he is freed from slavery by Dr King Schultz (played by Christoph Waltz) a bounty hunter posing as a dentist who is on a mission to track down and kill the Brittle Brothers.

Dr. Schultz enlists Django’s help because Django knows what the Brittle Brothers look like as they are the very same people that captured Django and his wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) and sold them into slavery.

 

 

Thus begins an adventure that forges a strong friendship between Django and the good doctor and culminates in the two of them hatching a plan to track down and free Broomhilda from “Candyland” a plantation owned by the maleficent Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio).

It’s a truly epic story and is by far the funniest movie Tarantino’s ever written and directed.

All the best playwrights knew it – humour is the most effective way to make your audience connect with your characters and follow them willingly through the story, and I’d have to say that Tarantino’s use of humour in Django Unchained is one of the films strongest points.

Another is the undeniably high standard of acting in the film. Tarantino has this way of coaxing the best performances out of his actors – he brought Travolta back from the dead, practically made Samuel L. Jackson, turned Uma Thurman into one of the most badass female leads a film’s ever seen and don’t get me started on Christoph Waltz.

“Christoph who?” I hear you ask. Christoph Waltz – the man who played the “Jew Hunter” Hans Landa in Inglorious Basterds.

 

His portrayal of Dr Schultz in Django Unchained is so riveting that I swear to God, if all he does in his next movie is paint a fence for two hours, I’ll be queuing at the cinema for tickets on the opening night.

If he doesn’t get the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor I will hunt down the Academy and take them out one-by-one, bounty-hunter style.

Though his performance stands out, that is not to say that the rest of the cast fade like wilted wallflowers in the background.

Jamie Foxx, the master himself, brings the tough-as-coffin-nails Django to life and though he’s a man of few words, when he speaks, you listen.

Leonardo DiCaprio shows us a character we’ve never seen him play before and thank God for that.

Sure, he’s one of the very best actors in Hollywood but let’s be honest, he honed a certain type of character in The Departed and he’s played the same character type in Blood Diamond, Revolutionary Road, Shutter Island and Inception.

He brings something new to the screen as Calvin Candie. A malevolence that is made all the more chilling by his easy charm and charisma.

 

 

Simply put, DiCaprio looks like he’s finally having fun again in Django. He’s loving every minute of playing the ruthless Calvin Candie and his performance is exceptionally entertaining.

Then there’s good ol’ Samuel L. and the less I say about his performance and character the better because I don’t want to ruin anything for you guys. I was NOT expecting the knock-out performance he delivered – the man practically steals every scene he’s in.

Again, this is a character Samuel L. has never played before but wow, he does it with so much panache, so much meticulous attention to detail that you’d swear he’s been playing this character for the past 20 years.

In a way this review is a little superfluous because you were probably going to see Django Unchained anyway, but if you were umming and ahhing about going to see it at the big screen, you can stop right now.

Get to the movies tonight, buy the biggest drink and popcorn you can (it’s a LONG movie), make sure you make a bathroom stop before it starts and go lose yourself completely in the epic tale that is Django Unchained.

Final verdict: 9/10

-ST

21
Jan
13

Escape Monday: The World’s Most Surreal Man-Made Places (Part un)

main-qimg-659a77b3fa41f35e532ea08347d24a91We continue our journey into the world’s most surreal places this week with a look at some of the crazy shit that we have built over the past few thousand years.

I must say, of all the places listed below, I think I’d heard of maybe three of them which just goes to show how badly I need to get out there into the big bad world and explore a little.

But yeah, unless I win the lottery, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Instead I just write these posts and gaze longingly at pics of amazing places I could be visiting if I ever actually managed to get my shit together.

A guy can dream right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are more of where these came from if you can handle some more wistful staring at your computer screen.

I’ll see if I can get em up at around lunchtime.

Later party People.

-ST

17
Jan
13

Super Slick Design Website

tumblr_mg3fwrPgyV1r46py4o1_1280As you guys have probably noticed because of my “Escape Monday” posts, your Tiger pal isn’t a complete Neanderthal, he does appreciate aesthetic beauty in its myriad forms.

That’s right muthufukkahs! Read that last sentence carefully again: “aesthetic beauty in its myriad forms”. Can you handle the muthufukkin lyrical prowess of that muthufukkin sentence MUTHUFUKKAHS! Aaahhh yeeeaaahhh!

Anyway. I found this pretty cool design website (link follows below) where people can post their work and the work of other inspirational designers. It’s just a really slick collection of amazing design work that I thought you guys might enjoy, especially if you’re a designer yourself.

Dig it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the actual link for that site… iiiiiiissssssssss…

http://awesomeinspiration.net/

BOOM!

-ST