Archive for the 'Klapping It' Category



02
Nov
12

SlickTiger Has Got The Balls To KLAP The daREDevil Race Boet!

IMG_2179-500x0Okes, lemme just tell you one thing straight that are flippin’ important so switch VLEISBOEK and Twitters off for a minute and listen up!

When OKES was crehated, the genius ou what did it was like, “Yussus! This thing what I have crehated is pretty flippin schweet but ja… something’s not quite right…”

And that ou were right. Something was not quite right. And then the ou realised that this crehation of his, even though it was lank kief, was missing a flippin’ VITAL ingredient when it came to KLAPPING IT and looking flippin’ TIT – BALLS!

The SECOND the crehater guy put the balls on, his crehation came to life and INSTANTLY pumped out FIFTY one-arm pushups and then banged two blonde belters without even breaking a sweat ma charn!

That ou, I like to call him OU1, was the original KLAP GYM BOYCHIE, a picture of him what I have found below, and with the help of not only two, but like flippin’ HUNDREDS of blonde belters, he crehated our entire SPIESIES and gave every ou the magical power of BALLS!

 

 

Think about your balls oke! When times are tough and you got no friends because the roids make you keeping wanting to kill the ous because they are always borrowing your spray tan and finishing it, what have you got left?

YOUR BALLS!

When you’re approaching a GODDESS at Avastar Nightclub with a flippin schweet cocktail because you know THE TRICK and she kicks you in the GROIN for asking her and her blonde belter friend if they wanna come back to your place and BANG, what hurts so flippin much you think you’re dying?

YOUR BALLS!

 

 

And ous, when you’re bored in the gym after your fifth set of 220kilo deadlift and you need something to fiddle with while you think of the next set to KLAP what do you always reach for?

YOUR BALLS!

Your balls okes, are LANK IMPORTANT. And this is why I’m wearing nothing but a bright red speedo that makes me look TIT and running with a buncha sweaty, BUFF CHARNAS through the city in Cape Town today as part of the daREDevil Race.

The ous what organise it do it because they flippin’ LOVE men’s balls so much and realise the power they give a oke to KLAP IT and look flippin’ TIT!

 

 

The ous also flippin LOVE your prostrate BOET! And unlike this one time when I was competing in a WHO’S THE MASSIVEST competition and a other oke was like “Jassis Slicky-T! Are you feeling ok boet? Your prostrates flippin huge man!” and I was like, “Um, ja I feel ok hey?” and he was like, “No boet. I’ve got some KY jelly, come to my changeroom oke, lemme just give you a quick test” and I was like “Shot boet!” and then… ja… and then… umm… nevermind…

But ja, like I was saying – unlike that time, these days you can just get your prostrates checked by a simple prick of a needle ma boedie! How schweet is that?!

So here’s the important bit okes. Because I’ve been klapping it so hard this week I’ve left this to the last minutes, but if you have too, it’s all schweet boet, you can register here and be a part of TEAM TIGER:

https://www.quicket.co.za/events/832-2012-daredevil-run/?ie=056c/1AtbFFJ3VMOf9mDCg==

Run the daREDevil Race 2012 with the BUFFEST OKE IN THE LAND and let’s KLAP CANCER right in the flippin’ BALLS, BOET!

See you BUFF CHARNAS there!

-ST

03
Oct
12

Calling All BUFF CHARNAS And SERIOUS BELTERS

70652881LwHvct_phMa charnas, I have to just say that yesterday’s post where I showed you ous how the Champions League Twenty20 Cricket flippin STOLE MY SHIT has gone MASSIVELY virile.

That was the biggest numbers this site has ever done in one day and not one ou, NOT ONE, had a bad thing to say about it because ja. The ous STOLE MY SHIT! Flippin THIEFS!

KLAPPING IT is a INSTITUTION! It’s a flippin RELIGION to ous (WOLFPACK! You BUFF CHARNAS know what I’m talking about). So after gym last night I did a bit of a photo shoot of myself and my flippin BELTER girlfriend so the Twenty20 ous can see what KLAPPING IT is all about.

Check these flippin HIGH QUALITY shots we took in our home studio.

 

 

Here’s another one in case the white pant cricket moffies didn’t get the message the first time round:

 

 

And just to rub home my point:

 

 

After that I had A THOUGHT, which was unusual for me so you better flippin listen carefully.

I know for a FACT that literally millions of MASSIVE AND RIPPED BUFF CHARNAS and SERIOUS BELTERS read this site about ten times A DAY because this site lets me spy on them.

So why don’t you flippin MONSTER okes and BELTER chicks send me your sexy pics that show how you like to KLAP IT to tellthetiger@gmail.com and I’ll IMMEDIATELY put YOU on my site.

It’s time to show those flippin banana eating cricket moffies once AND FOR ALL what KLAPPING IT actually means so that never again will ADVERTISING RATS steal from a interweb oke and think they can get away with it.

-ST

02
Oct
12

The SlickTiger Guide To STEALING A OKE’S SHIT!

Champions_League_T20_LogoOkes, I can tell you one thing flippin’ straight. Not since I klapped too much roids one day when I was a bouncer and broke a oke’s jaw for forgetting his ID in the car have I ever, EVER been so flippin’ ready to tear a oke a new ARSEHOLE.

What has flippin PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH? I’ll tell you what, plaguerism, that’s what.

Plaguerism is a word my lawyer taught me that comes from a time when ous got lank sick and DIED because of a disease spread by RATS THAT WERE COVERED IN KAK.

In this case, the disease that is being spread around is adverts for some flippin chophead moffie sport where ous hit the other ous little red balls around and the rats COVERED IN KAK that are spreading it are the advertising dooses who STOLE IT FROM ME!

Don’t believe me?! Jasis. Do you live under a flippin’ rock?

Here’s what I mean:

 

 

Fuck okes. Well done. What a clever idea for an advertisement campaign. “Klap It”. I mean hell, the ou who came up with that is such a ORIGINAL CHARNA, no one has never used that one before, “Klap It”.

And just when you think it can’t get any flippin worse, I see THIS kak:

 

 

Can you believe those flippin those KAK COVERED RATS could be such a buncha CHOPHEADS that they would PLAGUERISE a oke’s LIVES WORK like that?!

“Klap it Titans”!??! “See you there boet”!??!?!

Whoever made that kak, let me explain something very, VERY flippin’ carefully to you.

THIS is KLAPPING IT:

 

 

THIS is KLAPPING IT:

 

 

And so is this KLAPPING IT:

 

 

Now that you understand that, lemme ask you flippin KAK COVERED RATS a simple question.

Is THIS klapping it?

 

 

What about this?

 

 

And this?!

 

 

I mean these ous must think they’re dealing with a real flippin’ doos if they think they can just steal the BUFFEST CHARNA IN THE LAND’S BUFFEST EXPRESSION AND USE IT FOR THE BIGGEST MOFFIE SPORT TO EVER BE INVENTED!

Please okes, someone tell me this is some kind of big flippin’ joke and tomorrow when I wake up all this kak will be over.

Just so that I can remind anyone who might have forgotten, though yes, the expression might have existed in spoken language before, the oke to put it into writing and flippin CLAIM IT FOR ONCE AND ALL WAS ME, SLICKTIGER.

Don’t believe me? Ok, then how about you read the following:

The SlickTiger Guide to Klapping Gym Boet!
The SlickTiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet Part 2: Know Your Blonde Belter
Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #1
Okes Who Like To Klap It #2 – Extreme Rukby Tackles
Okes Who Like To Klap It #3 – Boychay On A Beach (NSFW)
Okes Who Like To KLAP IT #4 – Wolfpack RFC Vs Durbanville 5
Okes Who Like To Klap It #5 – Paul Main Man
Okes Who Like To Klap It #6: Legwarmer Boychay
Okes Who Like To Klap It #7 – Another Legwarmer Boychie!
Okes Who Like To Klap It #8: Belters In Legwarmers!
Okes Who Like To Klap It #9: Moffie Socks Classes!
Okes Who Like To Klap It #10: ANTON TAYLOR
Okes Who Like To Klap It #11: DASO Poster
Okes Who Like To Klap It #12: Old Spice Charna
Okes Who Like To Klap It #13: Bromance Charnas
Okes Who Like To Klap It #14: Mullet CHarna
Okes Who Like To Klap It #15: Avastar Nightclub Charna
Okes Who Like To Klap It #16: Moer a oke for Jesus
Okes Who Like To Klap It #17: Cameron Van Der Burgh
Okes Who Like To Klap It #19: 4-Man Kanoe Charnas
Okes Who Like To Klap It #20: Right-Handed Tokoloshe Catcher

 

I mean fuck. If writing 21 posts about “Klapping It” doesn’t mean a oke owns that expression then I’ll eat the minivan I benchpressed for my warm up set yesterday.

You show me someone who used the expression “Klapping It” or “Klap It” IN WRITING before the 9th Februaury 2010 when my guide first went virile and I’ll admit I’ve maybe taken too much roids today and am losing it.

Otherwise, I want ous to send this post to EVERYONE THEY KNOW and I want those ous to send it to EVERYONE THEY KNOW AND EVERYONE THEY KNOW AND EVERYONE THEY KNOW.

I want the whole flippin’ world to know that the DOOSES behind the Champions League Cricket Twenty20 are a buncha KAK COVERED RATS who are so flippin’ UNORIGINAL, LAZY and DOFF that they have to steal a ous LIVES WORK to make poor people who don’t know any better think the moffie sport of cricket is actually worth watching.

Ous must know. When you steal the only thing to ever make a ou famous, that ou is gonna come after you and when he finds you, I hope for your flippin’ sake you like hospital food.

BOET.

-ST

03
Aug
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #19: 4-Man Kanoe Charnas

1461337646 Flippin’ HELL, lemme tell you something about our Sefrican Olympics ous, they are KLAPPING IT on a whole other flippin LEVEL this year hey?!

Not since Rhino flippin moered that oke in THE GAUNTLET in season two episode five of MTN Gladiators have a sporting event ever been so flippin’ BUFF!

And then came yesterday’s 4-man kanoe Olympic challenge and all the ous in the gym were like, turn off the music, put up the TV sound and I was like are you flipppin’ stupid?! How I am supposed to stay PUMPED and KLAP my 90 kilo DUMBELL PRESS without that schweet KATY PERRY remix?!?!

But lemme tell you, it only got worser from there. After I gooied my weights in STEROID RAGE, I walked over to the TV to tear it off the flippin wall and break it on a oke’s HEAD and saw the flippin’ DUMBEST KAK IVE EVER SAW!

There was a whole buncha ous in these flippin’ gay yellow 4-man kanoes facing the WRONG FLIPPIN WAY and trying to row them with only ONE FLIPPIN’ PADDLE EACH!

 

 

Okes, I nearly kakked myself laughing. What a bunch of CHOPHEADS.

So anyways, I definitely decided to watch the 4-man backwards kanoe challenge cause when the okes bashed into each other we could all have a lag and go back to the important job of KLAPPING GYM, BOET.

But jassis. They started the challenge and the ous started klapping it faster than Spider up THE WALL in Gladiators season three episode one.

And okes, lemme tell you, straighter 4-man kanoe racing you WILL NEVER SEE. Not even the moffies in their yellow kanoes bashed into the other okes they were like flippin robots how perfectly in time they road!

Then I checked this one oke at the front, I mean the back, I mean the front of the back of the kanoe with the flippin’ BUFFEST TAN of any oke in that race and I knew that 4-man kanoe team were gonna take the gold.

 

 

“That 4-man kanoe team are gonna take the gold,” I chooned the other ous in the gym, straight and this doos was like, ja that would be kief cause they Sefricans, but oke it’s the last 500m and they coming forth.

Well, lemme tell you, that oke’s face wasn’t very good at stopping a 15 kilo DUMBELL PUNCH so ja… he’s in hospital now.

Flippin DOOS deserved it because I was right! That ou with the BUFF TAN and his kanoe buddies KLAPPED THE SHIT outta the other ous in their moffie-yellow kanoes!

The ous in the gym went mad! I never saw Sefricans so proud! I mean flip, even I got so excited I let out a protein baff that put ANOTHER OU in hospital!

 

 

At this rate Sefrica is gonna be the best at the Olympics it’s been in 100 years some oke told me, which I obviously knew was kak because MTN Gladiators only stopped in 2001 which was when they invented Olympics instead, maybe the ou meant 10 years but said it with two 0s by misteak.

I do that sometimes.

Anyway, Sefricans keep KLAPPING IT ma boychays and belters! We’ve all of us never been prouder.

-ST

30
Jul
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #17: Cameron Van Der Burgh

Cameron-van-der-Burgh-08Charnas, ask any flippin oke with half a brain and he’ll tell you straight that when it comes to the most prestigious athletic event in the world, nothing, and I mean NOTHING can beat MTN GLADIATORS!

Lemme tell you, those flippin okes trains sometimes up to five times A WEEK and is capable of taking huge levels of STEROIDS that would kill a normal ou in three seconds.

But of course, as history tells us, back in 1998 the DOOSES in TV land decided to cancel MTN GLADIATORS the first time and charnas were like "What the flip are we gonna watch now?!" And so the TV land dooses invented the Olympics, which are ok, but KAK in comparison to MTN GLADIATORS.

So anyway, I was trying to find the weightlifting ous yesterday when the next thing I knowed there was all these flippin skinny okes in SPEEDOS splashing around like a buncha moffies in the pool and I was like "What the KAK is this?! Not one of these ous knows how to KLAP IT!"

 

 

The reason of course was because none of the ous were SEFRICANS. When eventually a Sefrican ou stood up on his box to jump in the water, I took one look at the pecs on that charna and was like, "Jis-LAAIK! THAT boychay is the buffest IN THE LAND!"

I mean, he was no GRANITE, or WILDEBEEST or even SAHARA (BELTER!), but ja. He was ok. He looked like a nice ou, the kind I wouldn’t mind klapping a few brandy-cokes with and then hugging later.

But anyway, after that I watched this BUFF CHARNA tear through the water like a flippin WATER MISSILE, destroying the other ous in a embarrassing display of flippin’ UNSTOPABLE POWER!

This charna (who has the name of CAMERON VAN DER BURGH) was klapping it so fast that he even swimmed past the YELLOW RECORD LINE, which means he not only came first, but also breaked the flippin’ Olympic record AT THE SAME TIME!

 

 

A ou like that, lemme tell you, is right now as I right this, belting AT LEAST THREE blonde Olympic belters AT THE SAME TIME in the secret Olympic SEX CAMP they have to breed super athletes so that they can bring back MTN GLADIATORS!

Cameron, charna, thank you for klapping that race yesterday boet, you made us proud SEFRICANS that not only can a fellow SEFRICAN KLAP IT ON THAT LEVEL, but also that soon there will be a new breed of athletes that will make the X-MEN look like a buncha hipster moffies who never lifted a weight in their life.

And Cameron, one last thing, if you could please belt a chick who can run very fast that would be schweet. Then that kid will be able to run very fast UNDERWATER, which will be a essential skill in the new version of MTN GLADIATORS I’m thinking of…

Anyway, Cameron you legend, all there is left to say is YOU KLAPPED IT BOET!

Well flippin done!

-ST

19
Jun
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #16: Moer a oke for Jesus

jesuspunchCharnas. It’s time for us to have a flippin’ SERIOUS talk about religions because up until now I always thought it were about all that turn the other cheek kak and “do onto the other oke what that other oke do onto you” stuffs.

Well ma boychays it turns out all these time, your pel Slicky-T was WRONG!

Religions is not about being a nice oke AT ALL, religions is about getting MASSIVE AND RIPPED and MOERING the other charna STUKKEND until he loves Jesus.

How flippin BUFF is that?! A whole lotta okes in the United State have started a new kind of church where you get in the ring with a oke and flippin’ MOER THE KAK out of him for Jesus.

Check this video if you think I’m talking kak and see for yourselfs:

 

 

I mean flip boet! “Can you love kneeing your neighbour in the face AS HARD AS YOU CAN?” Haha! What a flippin kief church!

And all this times I was DRIBBING OKES at H2O because they were CHOONING ME, who knowed I was actually helping them to find Jesus?

Jassis. That’s some LIFE-CHANGING KAK right there.

See you ous in CHURCH.

AMEN!

-ST

04
Jun
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #15: Avastar Nightclub Charna

AvastarOkes, I want you to tell me STRAIGHT when the last time was when you had your mind flippin’ BLOWN by a nightclub experience that was like a Las Vegas THEME-BASED HOTEL?!

Cause what I’m about to show you is gonna make you KAK it’s so flippin’ off the chain!

Remember the first time you walked into Monte Casino and were like, “FLIP BOET! Am I inside or outside?! It’s so flippin’ REALISTIC I can’t tell the difference! Am I in EUROPE?! What the flip is going on?!”

Well ma boychays and belters, now imagine that experience happening again but instead of being in a foreign country, you’re gonna be on the foreign PLANET OF AVATAR!

That’s right. Some GENIUS ous out there have recreahated the 3D experience of Avatar in a nightclub called AVASTAR that’s gonna flippin change Rivonia into the nightclub CAPITAL of South Africa.

 

 

We’re talking FLAME-THROWERS EVERY 10 MINUTES, LCD MACHINES, LOW-FOG CHANDELIERS, OPTICAL-FIBRO CRYSTAL SNOW INTERACTION BAR COUNTERS, THE WORKS MY FRIEND!

And don’t even get me flippin started on the beautiful Avatar works of art all over the club that show blue Avatar BELTERS with lekker big boobs because okes, women in this club are goddesses!

So how do you approach one of these goddess BELTERS to talk to you? Okes, the Avastar Nightclub Charna has your BACK on this one boet! He’s got a trick boychays and if you just watch the video below, he will learn you this VITAL TRICK for free!

What a flippin’ LEGEND!

 

 

Boet, all I can say is I look forward in seeing HIM there at Avastar because a nightclub like that doesn’t come around every day ma boychays, no.

It comes for 6 months at a time, MAXIMUM, so check it out before they close it after the flippin BUFF bouncers at the place take too much juice one night and by mistake kill a oke who asks where the toilet is in a KAK tone of voice.

See you BUFF ous and BELTERS there!

-ST

16
May
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #14: Mullet CHarna

he-manHazit boychays and belters!

Remember sometimes ago when I wrote about how once in awhile a charna comes along who is a boychay who is a insp-HIRATION to other boychays, a oke who is UNAFRAID to flippin become a MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE like the ultimate gym-klapper of all time and my personal hero HE-OKE?

Ja, well that charna, who okes now call THE CHOSEN CHARNA, has done a flippin OFF THE CHAIN video he asked me to put up a few days ago but I forgot because I was in court after this thing that happened at Tiger Tiger where I took too much JUICE and put some okes in hospital.

I mean seriously?! How’s this: this bloody moffie-oke comes up to me and has the flippin’ BALLS to say “Sorry man, have you got a light?”

I mean, what a CHOP! “Seriously oke,” I said to him, “are you chewing a brick or are you looking at me? Either way you gonna LOSE YOUR TEETH!”

But forget that kak. Check out this schweet video, which has all my 3 favourite things: charnas, doof-doof music and H20!

 

 

But wait okes! It get’s better!

If you’re one of the first 50 okes to leave a comment after this post, you’ll get a free, flippin’ MASSIVE-SIZED poster* of that very charna from the video that you can hang on your living room that looks like this:

 

 

BE a charna, GET the belters and be the AWESOMEST OKE YOU CAN BE.

FISTSPLOSION!

-ST

 

*A4 MASSIVE BOET! OTHER LEVEL SHIT CHARNA!

17
Apr
12

Okes Who Like To Klap It #13: Bromance Charnas

alex-romanoff-bromanceHazit ma charnas!

So I was surfing Vleisboek the other day for buff pics of okes I know who klap MMA  when I suddenly found a lekker video that says everything I was trying to say about how without your charnas, you are NOTHING in life.

You’ll NEVER have a oke to spot you for 120kilo benchpress, you’ll NEVER have a charna to help you spray tan that place where your arms can’t reach behind your back and you’ll NEVER have a boychay to tell you, “It’s ok boet, it’s perfectly normal, don’t stress my charna.  It will go back to it’s normal size one day, I promise.”

These ous in this video are flippin’ TIGHT! These ous would MOER ANYONE who messed with their boychays! These ous wouldn’t even THINK TWICE about helping one of their mates who had klapped too many brandy and cokes to undress and get into bed, even if it meant sharing and being the BIG SPOON!

Watch this video and take notes okes. There WILL be a quiz after the end.

 

 

You check that lekker *5 at the end there? Ja. I INVENTED that shit, BEST way to show a oke he’s your mate.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go find a boychay to watch these episodes of Grey’s Atonomy I just downloaded.

Flip I love that show…

-ST

15
Mar
12

BUFF CHARNAS Unite For SA’s First Lumberjack Festival

sexy-male-lumberjackHere on SlickTiger we’ve been known to celebrate some BUFF CHARNAS from time to time.

Ous like PAUL MAIN MAN, who is kak at installing ASDL lines in your office, but great at spading the BELTERS who work there and ANTON TAYLOR, who is a LEGENDARY OKE and also the International Man Of Movember.

But there’s a group of okes who doesn’t feature on this site. A group of okes so BUFF they can saw trees down with their BARE HANDS! Charnas who don’t shave! They just knock the stubble back through their cheeks with a hammer, pull the beard hair out with their teeth and then spit it on the GROUND!

That’s right! I’m talking about the MASSIVE AND RIPPED FEARLESS OKES who risk their lives EVERY DAY to make LAUGH IT OFF T-SHIRTS!

 

 

You think just a ordinary oke can make T-Shirts like that?! Kak man! You gotta be flippin OFF THE CHAIN BUFF to come up with the shirts those okes do and even BUFFER to survive the court cases that kak okes try and sue you with when you upset there brands.

So you better believe when MONSTER OKES like them get together and make a festival, it’s not just gonna be any ordinary kak thing.

Are you sitting down for what I’m gonna tell you? Hey?! Don’t be a chophead, SIDDOWN MAN!

That’s better. Now. What I was saying again? Oh ja…

On the Saturday the 14th April and the Sunday the 15th April you better not have any plans cause for the first time in South Africa EVER, Laugh It Off and STIHL are going to do a LUMBERJACK FESTIVAL at LIEVLAND wine farm (by Stellies) that’s gonna make you KAK YOUR PANTS!

 

 

It’s gonna be everything from fun runs to live music and the BEST PART is the LUMBER GAMES.

There’s gonna be flippin TREE CLIMBING, flippin Stock Saw, flippin’ JACK AND JILL CROSSCUT SAW, flippin LOG HURLING and even flippin AXE THROWING!

You can klap a GIANT TREE SWING, a MONSTER WATER SLIDE, a PEDAL BOAT RACING and the buffest of them all, TREE PLANTING! Because, you know, nature is dying of carbon gasses and needs our help and stuff…

Don’t be a doos and not go to this festival because you’re scared of getting a little flippin splinter or a axe thrown in your head or something.

Put your flippin FLANEGAN shirt on, grow some flippin BALLS and go have a jol.

Every oke who I don’t see there is gonna catch a KLAP from the Tiger, so you’ve been warned! and bring some BELTERS. BELTERS love okes who cut down trees and shit.

Check the invite:

 

 

 

See you TUFF OUS there!

-ST